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Deathrow's March
Chapter 16: The Memory

Chapter 16: The Memory

Fumes… purple fumes wrap around my senses, ticking my very soul with questions. An unguided yet direct desire to question who I am and what I am doing here deep in the vivid fumes. I do not know why I walk here. The colours make sense to me – like it is a puzzle I finished years ago. Even now, this way of thinking does not befit a statue very much at all. There is something… freeing about this place. I want to walk around it more. Take it in. Experience everything here. The fumes are calling me like this is home. A home that is dangerous yet inviting. A home that is treacherous yet enthralling. There is something here that remind me of… a blurry memory. A memory covered in a dense purple mist – a mist that is being blow away by something cold pushing against my skin. A blast of force being blown by an unseen entity. Wind – oh how I have missed this sensation. My metallic skin blocks such sensations from reaching my soul but here I feel free. I feel human, although I am obviously no such thing – I am a statue. A statue. Statue.

“STATUE!”

Chaz voice is loud. Bad screams, not good scream at all. Bad is bad. Must stop bad. Eyes blurry, must blink a few times… ah Chaz. Face is red. Lots of water on face. Water look like bad water from bad scream. I am sore. Sore… pain is odd feeling. Bad feeling – no, not bad. It is… it is feeling. Not good, not bad. I pat Chaz head. Chaz hug arm. Chaz make me warm. Pain go away. Looking around, ground is not moving but forest is. Long tree thing is like bed but hard and bumpy and I lie on it now. Chaz sit next to me. There is… Sam? A Sam is pulling me. Sam… name seem right but make me feel sad.

“Is that mum and dad and house helpers? Is Sam okay pulling?”

Chaz look at Statue with scrunchy face that mean confusion.

“Sam? What is that?”

I point to Sam.

“That is Sam.” I am most sure of my answer. When it feel right, I never wrong.

“Sam? The horses name? No, it is Hazel – the same colour as his mane.”

Hazel? How dull… dull? How can name be dull? It no need to be sharp. Hazel no knife. But Hazel is dull. Weird. Statue think weird thing now and then.

“I was… I was so worried, Statue. You fell and hit the ground so hard – I was worried you died! But there is not a scratch on you? Please… don’t do that to me again. Please!” Chaz hug Statue head. Statue happy. Statue no move too much sore. Chaz breathing slow down. Chaz sleep on Statue head.

Statue happy good.

Sam met a most bloody end.

Forgiveness redeems.

Statue cannot see – the light is being blocked by Chaz. Statue cannot sleep, but there is something about this silence… this darkness… BUMP!

Chaz get up fast. Wood thing hit something and we bounce. Chaz hop up and run down and talk. Statue cannot see what happening. Something on Statue chest – it Chaz. Sitting.

Chaz shout “I am home, come find me!”

Chaz look at me. Chaz eyes look different. In deep and high and everything in between voice, Chaz speak but lips no move.

“Welcome back! Oh, how I have missed you.”

Statue is confused. There is bump. Statue groan and sit up. Statue see big door. Familiar door. Statue look around, there is no forest. No trees. The tree thing I was sitting on… is different. I am sitting down on something wooden. I am still holding Savra, my blade. Blade? The floor is black… completely black like the big room. The same colour, but with no light. Where am I? I look down – no metal. There is a weird fleshly colour, like Chaz. And mum. And dad. And house helpers. What am I? Have I been turned into a Chaz? A person? I still hold Savra. The blade is still a haunting black, and yet it no longer blends in with the rest of my form. What is going on? The clopping is familiar. Hazel – no… Sam?! Sam is there in her old beauty. Still alive somehow. Did I not kill her? Wait, have I killed something before? I can’t remember. I remembered a victim, but does a victim mean I killed something? No, being good made me feel so warm. It made me feel incredible. It made me feel safe. I pull back on the reigns and stop Sam.

I walk over to her, fast. She turns and looks at me, old and a little tired. How long have we been traveling? What is going on? I remember… faces like silhouettes – I hear their pleads for mercy, to be reunited with their loved ones – to escape a horrible fate. A horrible fate that I… that I am the sole cause of. The faces… those faces… they are mum and dad and the house keepers and Chaz. I killed them. I created bad. I created evil. I scream. Bad scream. The worst scream. I open my eyes and there is the door, right in front of me.

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“A shame to see you going so soon, Fa Fumerunner. I was really enjoying your journey through Langnet’s road. We shall meet again, shortly.”

Chaz… Chaz’s voice. It haunts me. I remember now. I am Fa Fumerunner. I am a killer now cursed. I remember that family… they were interested in the fumes and hired me. Chaz clutched a small doll of a statue holding a knife. They also had a grandpa with them. They wanted to see the landscapes. Chaz was cute but I had thought was a little annoying at the time – never letting go of the doll no matter where we went or what we did. Climbing a steep hill? Would hold the doll with one hand and climb with the other. I led them to fumes that paralyzed the family. I tied them up. Chaz kept going on about the statue so I… dunked Chaz in molten metal with the statue doll. With statue… with… with me. I was statue. I am statue. No… no this is all wrong. This has to be a mistake. It all just happened. There is no way I am about to enter the plane of potential. The parents and grandparent – they screamed so horribly and I made them watch everything. I… I kept the parents tied up and put Chaz, now a dead statue, in front of them and let them starve to death without being able to look away. They died together. The grandpa managed to get out of his binds and attacked me with a climbing hook. I ducked, snatched it from his grasp and cut it deeply though his calf. I tortured him for attacking me. I tore hair off. I pulled fingernails out. I did… I did everything the monster couple who idolized me did. I… they were me. I… no… I… This must all be a mistake. I am Statue. I get warm fuzzies from Chaz. We will be together forever. This is bad dream. This is nightmare. I am home! It is just through this door. There will be Mum and Dad and house helpers with amazingly good food and Chaz right next to me.

I open the door and walk through.

People come up with weapons drawn. They take Sam and the cart in a burst of movement.

“Welcome to the plane of potential. Now don’t try any funny business and follow us to your cell, Fa Fumerunner.”

Stunned. I feel nothing. I see nothing. All of that, a figment of my imagination? A vision the Watcher showed me? It was so real – I could feel, taste – experience everything! Everything was before me like a moving image. How could I… That happiness. I have now seen the blinding light that is love – compared to that, how can I be anything but darkness? How can I be anything but oblivion – devoid of good. Fuck, I promised myself to move on but how can I now? What can I do now? I wanted Savra gone. I want this fucking knife gone. I don’t want to have the ability to harm another soul again. The guards approach me. I lift Savra and look at her. The guards stop and point their weapons at me.

“Put the knife down. We know what you can do with it and will kill you if you so dare and move another muscle.”

“Kill me, huh? That would be nice. No, I don’t want that. I have another request.”

The guards look at me., perturbed. Their distrust of my every word is evident. The one who was speaking to me – who must be the head guard – glares at me. I slowly reach forward with Savra. I can see beads of sweat running down the faces of some guards. There are crossbows and muskets pointed in my direction. Trigger fingers are itching and ready to fire, just waiting for this guard's word.

“This is the place where people create dreg weapons like this knife, Savra. Correct?”

The guard nods.

“Then there must be those who can melt such a weapon away, correct?”

The guard nods again, his face softening ever so slightly at the realization of what I am insinuating.

“Can you please destroy this blade? Melt it down. Turn it into coins or something, I care not. If you don’t want money made from Dreg that's tasted so much blood, then melt it away and put it in a vault or drop it into the middle of an ocean. I care not. This blade has caused such pain. So much agony. Such evil. Please, destroy it.” I drop Savra. My fist does not open. I drop Savra. There is no noise. The blade has not fallen. I. DROP. SAVRA. NOTHING.

“CUT MY FUCKING HAND OFF OR PRY THIS KNIFE FROM MY GRASP. I DO NOT WANT HER ANYMORE!”

“Then drop the knife. We will not come any closer while you are alive. Wol’zarath knows what you are plotting here.”

“I AM NOT PLOTTING ANYTHING! I. JUST. WANT. TO. BE. RID. OF. SAVRA!” DROP THE FUCKING KNIFE, FA! I… I can’t. Letting go of Savra is impossible. It is like my body is viscerally trying to keep her in my grasp. Fuck this. Is this deja vu? Fuck, the last time I did this, I ended up being trapped inside the body of a statue. No… I was turned into a statue, a statue that tasted warmth and love that I can only dream about. Sensations so beautiful that words cannot even attempt to emulate a single percentage of the sheer bliss I enjoyed. If that is my fate, I shall gladly accept it. I punch myself. Hard. I do it again. And again. And again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. The guards are all stunned. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Blood. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. The captain runs forward, trying to stop me. I stumble back. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Darkness. Again. Again. Again. Clattering. Again. Again. Again. Many footsteps. Again. Again. Again. Tears. Again. Again. I will find you, Chaz. Again. Again. Again. I will reunite with you. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Nothingness. Again. Darkness. Again. Oblivion.

I am strong yet my mind is weak and frail,

I swear to honor Chaz’s memory,

I swear to do good and evil derail,

I will no longer be lives treachery.

Savra will be destroyed and I will grow,

I will find and return to Chaz’s home,

The cave I will return to Chaz I owe,

Help I will give – goodness will make me roam.

Statue is still alive and well my best friend,

Statue wants to be hugging you again,

Warm fuzzies you gave me – this is no end,

Good will be done no matter where or when.

Statue will be all amazingly good!

I’d take everything bad back if I could.