Margaret came out of the Fortress of Bureaucracy a few seconds after I teleported in front of it. She looked around and said, "Did the Devil drop you off?"

"You could say that," I said cryptically.

I wanted to have a genuine, relaxed date with Margaret to get to know her without having the pressure of me being her new boss's boss's boss's boss's boss.

"How are we getting to this cafe?" I asked.

"We could walk, but let's take the subway. Walking would take forever," she said.

"Ok," I said.

We walked a block to the subway station and went down the stairs. There were what appeared to be homeless demons talking to themselves, a three-man band playing what sounded like a cross between classical and metal music in public, and one guy doing street magic, but his name was probably something like Christopher Demon. It was basically a normal subway.

When we got on the train, there was a guy talking to his own reflection, someone walking up and down the aisle asking for change, and someone loudly professing their demonic religious views that I didn't understand.

"This is just like a normal NYC subway," I said.

"Yeah, Hell always tends to exaggerate the negative aspects of life on earth, but you can't really get much worse than a NYC subway, so it stayed basically the same," she said.

"That seems kind of unfair to demons," I said. "I wonder if the Devil could do something about that."

"It's not that big of a deal. You get used to it," Margaret said. "The Devil thinks that demons enduring suffering allows us to better understand how to extend that suffering onto the human souls."

"That doesn't really make sense," I said. "Couldn't you just get good at torturing souls by, you know, torturing souls?"

"That's what I think, but no one listens to me. I'm just an administrative assistant," she said, shrugging.

"What if you weren't just an administrative assistant?" I asked.

"I'd make a lot of changes, but why bother with that mental exercise when it'll never happen? I'm only sixty years old. I'm very young for a demon, and the birth rates have been declining, so it's unlikely I'll get bumped up anytime soon. Why think about it now, when it won't happen for another two hundred years, if it does happen?" she said.

Damn. That was rough. I felt sorry for her. If only she had more agency in her life. Sure, I could change all that for her without even having to snap my fingers, but that would change our relationship dynamic drastically. We might even have to stop dating.

Not that we were really even dating yet, since this was our first date and it hadn't even started yet. But I was tired of relationships not working out. I wanted this one to work. I needed a partner down here, especially if I was going to last long term, at least mentally.

I'd consider hiring her as my assistant director or something. So far, she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, but I guess I'd have to wait for the date to really find that out.

When we got off the train, we found the same situation as before: a three-person band, a street magician, and people staring into their phones, trying really hard to ignore everything that was going on around them. If I hadn't verified the band and magician were different people, I would've sworn we hadn't left the last station.

After we had left the underground, we walked a few blocks to the place. It had a big red neon "IRS" sign above the door. We walked inside and were immediately addressed by the host.

"Two?" She held two index fingers up instead of just two fingers on the same hand. She looked at me strangely, and then her eyes went wide and her eyebrows shot up.

"Yes," Margaret said.

"Yes, sir. I mean, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. If you could follow me this way," she said.

She was a short demon woman wearing a black button shirt and black slacks. She sat us in a booth in the corner of the restaurant. She gave me an almost imperceptible nod. She apparently knew who I was.

I looked around the restaurant and everyone there was looking right at me. They all nodded slightly and then went back to whatever they were doing. My God. Apparently, everyone had heard the news about the new administrator. Everyone except Margaret somehow.

"I think everyone's looking at us because they think you're a demon in human form. No demons stay in human form when they're not on earth. And no humans walk around in the administrative district unless they've escaped from the rings of Hell," she said.

"If I'm such an oddity, why did you want to go on a date?" I asked. I was curious. The more she explained, the less it made sense for her to date me. She was on a date with someone who not only stuck out like a sore thumb but also looked like an escaped convict.

"I like different. I thought you might have a different perspective or way of doing things than every demon man I've ever met," she said, smiling a small smile.

"Do I live up to the hype?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, you haven't set anything on fire or tried to show off how masculine you are yet, so I'd say yes," she said, still smiling at me like I was the only person in the room.

Margaret was a demon. I didn't know what type of demon, if there even were such a thing as types. She had smooth red skin, small red horns, and a red arrowed tail peeking out of her tan pantsuit.

She was in good shape, like she worked out, but I couldn't imagine how she had time to do that with a bureaucratic job. Maybe she was one of those religious exercisers who worked out every morning but barely fit it into her morning routine.

"I have to ask something, though. How come you aren't drooling all over me? Any normal human would barely be able to speak in my presence. Or they'd try to rip their clothes off or rip my clothes off," she said.

"Why is that?" I said, looking at the menu.

Every menu item had some sort of reference either to Hell or the IRS in its name. There was a Deviled Egg Sandwich, a Seven Deadly Sins Club Sandwich, a Damned Good BLT, Form 1040 Fries, and The Audit Special, to name just a few of the many items that were on the menu.

"Because I'm a succubus," she said.

I was taking a sip of water when she said this. I almost spit the water out of my mouth in surprise. "You're a what?"

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"A succubus. You know, a sex demon," she said.

"I know what a succubus is. I just thought you'd be more…" I trailed.

"Sexual?" she asked.

"I know this is probably offensive, but yes. Just assume I'm an ignorant human and please don't hate me for it. I'm here to learn," I said.

"I'm not offended," she said. "I have a thicker skin than that."

"So are all succubi like yourself? Understated sexually, I mean," I said.

"No. Most of my family very much represents the stereotype. They all dress inappropriately sexy, even in formal settings, and travel to earth frequently to prey on humans," she said, looking into the distance.

"This is probably too personal of a question to ask so early, but if we, uh, enter a relationship, so to speak, would you automatically prey on me or is it something you can turn on and off?" I asked.

"It is a little early for that question, but I understand the need to ask it," she said. "No. It is something I can turn on and off, but if things get really spicy, it can turn on by itself sometimes. Not that it would hurt you much. The sex would just feel exponentially better in the moment, but you'd feel exhausted afterwards."

"I'm not saying I'm excited by that prospect, but I wouldn't say no to a relationship with someone as nice as you seem to be over it," I said, still looking at the menu. "I think I'll have the BLT. You?"

"Good choice. I always get the Deviled Egg Sandwich. It is to die for," she said. "Also, smooth move tucking relationship talk under food talk." She giggled.

"That's what I'm known for. They call me 'Smooth Dave' on earth," I said, making a goofy 'smooth' looking face at her.

She giggled again. "Do they really?"

"Nope. No one calls me that," I laughed. "To answer your previous question, which I so smoothly avoided, I have an ability I got from Mephistopheles that allows me to get karmic boons if my luck has been bad lately. I used it when I was succumbing to your charms, and suddenly it went away and I could see you as a whole ass person again."

"You tricked not only the Devil, but Mephistopheles, the king of deals?" She sounded impressed.

"Yeah. I did. Maybe I'm smoother than I think," I said.

"Maybe you are. Interesting. So you're immune to my charms. I wonder what else you have up your sleeves," she said.

"You'll just have to wait and find out," I said.

The waitress came up to our table. "Hi, my name is Nimby. I'll be your server today. Uh, sir, you don't have to maintain human form here. You can change back. It's ok. We're all demons here."

"I'm actually not a demon. I'm a human. A living one," I said.

"Wait, then how are you here right now?" she asked. Then realization dawned on her face. "Oh! OH! I see. Carry on, sir. Sorry to bother you. So have you two decided what you'd like to order?"

We put in our orders, and Nimby took the menus. She nodded at me and winked. Man, literally everyone except Margaret knew about me. What was the deal? I still wanted to keep the facade up a little longer, though. I really wanted to get to know what she was like before she found out who I was and everything changed.

"What was that about?" Margaret asked.

"What was what about?" I asked, avoiding the question.

"The whole 'Oh! OH!' thing? What was she realizing? Is there something you're not telling me?" Margaret said, putting her hands on her hips.

"Ok, ok. Yes, there is something I'm keeping a secret, but I really don't want it to get between us, before we even get to know each other properly. Can we please not discuss it until after the meal? Please? I promise it's nothing bad or harmful to you in any way," I said.

She breathed in deep and sighed. "With this many red flags, I would normally call a date off completely, but you seem genuine, so I'll give you just this one time to keep a secret from me. But only until the end of the meal, and after that, you are always honest and upfront with me."

"I promise," I said. "So big question. Have you ever thought about having kids?"

"Wow! Ok. You skipped right past icebreaker and split the iceberg. Um, yeah I have. I'm open to kids, but I'm not racing towards it," she said.

"That's fair. I'm kind of in the same boat. I've always wondered what it would be like to be a father, but I still don't want to give up my freedom just yet," I said.

"I get that," she said. "Since you asked a question, I get to ask one now."

"Shoot," I said.

She made a finger gun at me and said, "Pew! Pew!"

"Oh, my God. That is adorable and also incredibly lame," I said.

"Hey! We don't say that word down here," she said, looking around.

A few people were staring at us, but as soon as I gazed back at them, they looked down at their food.

"Ah, I see. My apologies. It's going to take a while to get used to living down here," I said.

"What do you mean? You're going to 'live' down here now? I thought you were just visiting," she said.

"Uh, yeah. That's part of the big thing. How about this? I'll tell you a little, but I'll leave the rest until afterwards. Are you amenable to that?" I said.

"Sure," she said. "Now you're making it sound less like a bad thing and more like juicy gossip! Gimme, gimme! Spill the tea!"

"I'll spill the tea," I laughed. She was genuinely funny, on top of being cute. The longer we talked, the more I realized I was in deep shit. She was exactly my type. "So I'm moving down here to fill a job position that has been made vacant recently."

"What? How does that work? I didn't know a human could live down here, let alone work down here," she said.

"I'm really not sure how it works. You'll have to ask the people who offered me the job," I said.

"Who would that be?" she asked, leaning forward in her seat.

I pointed up.

"Earth?" she asked, looking confused.

"Higher," I said.

"Purgatory?" she asked, looking more confused.

"Higher," I said.

"No way. Heaven?" she asked, shocked.

"Yes," I said.

"Why? How?" she asked.

"Why? Because I was the most qualified person they could find. And how? They were very persuasive. They offered me a ton of benefits, but the one that enticed me the most was the fact that I'd be able to date you. Without taking the job, I'd be stuck on earth with no way to get to you," I said.

"That's so sweet, but we barely know each other," she said.

"I know. I'm not saying I'm ready to get married or anything. I just know if I didn't at least try, I would always wonder what could have been, and I don't want to live my life in regret," I said, shrugging.

"I suppose that's fair, but that's another word we don't say down here," she said.

"What? Marriage? Why?" I asked.

"It's holy. You know the phrase 'Holy Matrimony'? We don't allow holy things down here. The farthest we take things is a lifelong partner," she whispered.

"Isn't that the same thing?" I asked.

"Not to the big guy, it isn't," she said.

"I see. Well, that may change soon," I said.

"Why?" she asked.

"Let's just say I have the big guy's ear," I said. And all of his other parts, too, because I was the big guy now.

"Oh, right, because you had a bet with him, right? I thought he would have hard feelings after losing," she said.

"No hard feelings. We're basically best friends now. It feels like we've known each other for years," I said, because we had.

"Huh. Ok. I'm not complaining. I don't know why, but I was really excited about this date. I have a good feeling about this one," she said, winking at me.

I winked back. The food arrived, and we began eating. I would say it was divine, but that was probably blasphemy down here. So let's just say it was infernal, but in a good way. The Damned Good BLT was damn good as advertised!

I was really curious what kind of strange and otherworldly sodas they had down here, but the only thing weird about their sodas was that they had both of the competing brands, unlike earth restaurants that only ever carried one.

As we were eating and commenting on the food, and having a generally good time, a group of men and women who were dressed similarly to police officers came into the restaurant. They had a very 1990s police officer vibe, except their clothing was black and red.

I saw them talking to the host, and the host pointed at our booth. Uh oh. It looked like trouble. Trouble I could probably get out of either through authority or force, but I would have to reveal my identity, and I wasn't ready to do that yet.

The police officers walked angrily and ominously up to our booth. "We got a report of an escaped damned soul at the IRS. Do you care to explain what you're doing here, sir?" The officer looked at Margaret. "He's not holding you hostage, is he, ma'am?"

"No, no! Not at all! He's my date! He works here now! Explain it to them, Dave!" she said in a panic.

"Hold on a sec. Did you say this man was Dave? As in Dave Daverson? As in Beauregard David Daverson?" the officer asked shakily.

"I think so?" she said.

The officer gulped and looked at me.

"Yes, unfortunately for me and for you, I am Beauregard David Daverson. Is there anything I can help you with, officers? Because if not, I would very much like to continue my date with this lovely young lady here," I said.

All the officers bowed deeply and said, "Yes, sir. No, sir. Please have a wonderful evening."

The officers left the way they came. Margaret looked at me with a shocked look on her face, mixed with a slight smile. "Ok, you have to tell me what that was about. 'Yes, sir. No, sir?' You're not just working here. You have a position of authority! What are you? A duke of Hell?"

"Not exactly," I said, sighing. "I suppose I've kept it secret long enough. I'm the new Devil."

Margaret's jaw dropped open, and she said, "What?"