"I heard you were looking for me?" Steve said, again.

"You heard that, huh?" I said. "You must have really good hearing."

"I must," Steve said, emotionless.

"I just want you to stop hurting people, man. Is that too much to ask?" I said.

"Tell them to stop attacking me and I will. I understand that I'm causing a lot of destruction, but I can't control my strength. Every time I try to defend myself, an explosion happens," he said, looking down at his hands.

"How about this?" I said. "I'll teach you a little bit about pleasuring yourself, and you promise to control your powers depending on the threat, of course." I put my hand out to shake.

Steve kind of just looked at it and then at me and then at it and then at me again. "If you're trying to attack me, you have to actually move your hand toward me."

"No, Steve. I'm trying to shake your hand. It's something people do when they greet each other but also when they're agreeing to a deal," I said.

"Oh. How am I supposed to promise to control my powers if I don't know I can do that?" he said.

"The deal will actually help you do that," I said. I winked at him and smiled. "Trust me."

"Is there something wrong with your eye?" he said.

"I have a lot to teach you about being a human, albeit a very powerful one. Now, do you want my help or not?" I said, still holding my hand out.

"I suppose it couldn't hurt to have help," he said. He grabbed my hand and looked at me. "Now, what do we do?"

"Move your hand up and down gently, like this," I said, demonstrating the movement.

He slowly shook my hand, and I felt a bit of magic flow through us. Good. Now, as long as I help up my end of the bargain, he would be able to control his powers. Now, I had to teach someone who was one day old how to pleasure himself. Where would I begin?

"Steve. Have you eaten or drank anything yet?" I said.

"No. What's that?" He said.

"It's where you put stuff in your mouth and swallow it," I said.

"What like this?" he said, grabbing one of those small square napkins they put under drinks off the pile and stuffed it in his mouth. He made a pained face as he tried to swallow it, but it was far too dry.

"No! Stop that! Take that out!" I said.

"Are you telling me what to—" he coughed as the napkin began to choke him. I grabbed it out of his mouth without thinking and threw it on the ground.

"Sometimes Steve, it's ok for people to tell you what to do. Especially if they're trying to save your life, like I just did," I said.

Steve looked at me with this guilty look on his face. "You saved my life? Oh, Dave, thank you!"

"No problem, buddy. Just don't put random things in your mouth anymore, ok?" I said, putting my arm around his shoulder. I was pretty sure he was invincible and that napkin wouldn't have done any lasting harm to him, but if it got me on his good side, I wouldn't say anything.

I suddenly noticed how quiet it was in the bar. I looked around and saw the crowds of fedora wearing mobsters giving us a wide berth and staring at Steve like they'd seen a ghost. They must have seen the news broadcast. That or they saw him appear out of nowhere. Either one of those would have freaked me out a day ago.

"Steve, you have got a lot to learn. Tony, can you make my friend a virgin Piña Colada?" I said. I didn't want to give Steve alcohol when he was essentially mentally a child. He might not have to wait a full 21 years since he was essentially fully grown, but at least a few weeks or months would probably be wise. I didn't want to instantly turn him into an alcoholic.

Tony looked at Steve in fear and said, "He's not going to destroy the bar and turn us all into paste, is he?"

"Not if you get him a Piña Colada," I said.

"Ok! Coming right up!" he said. "I sure hope I have the ingredients to make one." He said that mostly to himself.

He started pulling things out of the fridge and moving things around. "Pineapple, pineapple. Where is that pineapple?" Tony walked toward the back and opened the door into the kitchen. He yelled, "Jerry! You still got that pineapple I told you to throw out?"

"What do you think, Boss?" Jerry said.

"Why I oughta kick your ass! Now is not the time for wise ass jokes! The guy from the news is here!" he said.

"Tom Banks?" Jerry said.

"No, not Tom Banks, you idiot! The guy who blew up Las Vegas!" Tony said.

"Oh! Shit! Yeah, sure Boss, I got the pineapple. Don't be mad I didn't throw it out. I was going to, but I got distracted," he said.

"I'm not mad. I'm glad you didn't. Give it to me," Tony said. Jerry handed him a pineapple. "Now go to the store and get all the ingredients you need to make more Piña Coladas."

"What, like right now? It's 10 pm. Most grocery stores are closed," he said.

"Then go to the one that isn't! You can go to Shawlmart for all I care! Just get those ingredients! Actually, get the ingredients to make every fruity drink that exists!" Tony said.

"You got it, Boss." Jerry left out the back. I heard a car start and peel out of the parking lot behind the bar.

Tony came back and made a whole pitcher of Piña Coladas for Steve and then poured one out into a delicate glass and put a tiny umbrella and a straw in it, as well as a pineapple wedge on the side. I immediately took the umbrella and straw out. "Sorry, Tony, we don't want him trying to eat those and choking on them, too."

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I handed the drink to Steve and said, "Drink this. Don't eat the glass. It's just supposed to hold the liquid. And do it slow. It's cold."

"Drink it slow. Don't eat the glass. Got it," Steve said and took a sip. "This is amazing!" Steve looked at the pineapple wedge. "Can I eat this?"

"I'm glad you like it, Steve. Yes you can eat it but only the yellow part. Now Tony and I are going to talk for a minute. Can you hang out here by yourself for a moment?" I said.

"Yes, Dave. I'm not a child," he said, like a child. He grabbed the pineapple wedge and put the whole thing in his mouth and chewed. I could hear him destroying even the outside part with his powerful teeth and jaw muscles. I guess that was fine, then.

"Sure you're not," I said, smiling. Then I grabbed Tony and dragged him farther down the bar.

"Tony, relax. It'll be fine," I said, trying to calm the old mob boss bartender down.

"Sure, sure. Of course it is," Tony said, not convinced. He tried to act calm, though, which was exactly what I wanted him to do.

"This is still good, right? What was wrong with the pineapple?" I said, concerned.

"Oh, nothing. It was just a little dry, is all. He shouldn't notice a thing. I'm just a bit of a perfectionist, if you know what I'm saying?" Tony said nervously. He didn't seem like he was lying, though. Just nervous.

"I'm starting to see that," I said. I leaned over to Tony and whispered, "Even though we're not 'members', I want you to treat this man real nice, because he could end us all in an instant. Possibly even me."

"I see," he said. "So what is he? Like a demon or something? Why are his eyes glowing? And why does it sound like multiple people when he talks?"

"No, nothing like that. He's the antichrist. Well, he's technically 6 antichrists sharing the same body right now," I said.

"The antichrist?" Tony yelled.

I put my hand over his mouth and said, "Not so loud. You could get us all killed, you moron."

"Ok, ok, I'm cool," Tony said, clearly not being cool.

"He's harmless unless provoked," I said.

"Ok, good. I can handle this. I just gotta make a quick announcement to the fellas. Is that alright?" Tony said, deferring to me.

"Yes, that's fine. As long as it's nothing that will offend Steve," I said.

"It shouldn't," he said.

"Good. Now go," I said, shooing him away.

He hurried over to the crowded group of mobsters and yelled, "This is our new friend, Steve! You know, from the news broadcast about Las Vegas? He just wants to have a good time and everything will be alright. Just nobody be rough with him, alright?"

"Yes, Boss," all of them said at the same time.

"Oh, and that other guy is cool, too. I don't know what his name is," Tony said.

"It's Dave!" I said.

"Dave! Yeah, Dave, is cool, so don't mess with him either," Tony said. "This is going to sound crazy, but apparently he's invincible or something. I shot him and the bullets bounced off. Try to stab him if you don't believe me! Just not Steve."

"Yes, Boss," they said more enthusiastically. They grinned as they all pulled out knives of various makes and sizes.

The mobsters then formed an orderly line and stabbed me one at a time. Every time, the knife would stop and not penetrate. One time a guy was using a rather thin knife, and it broke like he was trying to stab a concrete wall.

"Hey, you broke my knife!" he complained.

"I'm sorry, but you tried to stab me! I don't have any money to reimburse you," I said, shrugging.

"Yeah, I guess that's true. I'm gonna go cry now cuz my favorite knife is broken," he said, leaving.

The line of stabbings continued while I drank a virgin Piña Colada that I poured for myself out of the pitcher Tony made. It was actually really good. He was a talented bartender for someone who was clearly not a bartender and was actually a mob boss. I could see what he meant about the perfectionism though. He seemed like the kind of guy who went out of his way to be the best at everything.

Once the boys had all stabbed me, they went back to what they were doing and started talking and drinking and having fun again. I went back over to Steve to see how he was doing. He was just finishing his first drink. He must have taken my advice about drinking slowly.

"How are you doing, Steve?" I said, putting my hand on his shoulder again.

"I'm great! This is fantastic! I'm experiencing so much pleasure and I didn't have to kill anyone to do it. Can we do this all the time?" Steve said.

"Something you'll learn Steve, is that you can't pleasure yourself all the time. You have to take breaks so you don't go too far with it, and you also will realize that it's pleasurable to pleasure others as well. Thinking about other people and not just yourself is one of the greatest joys like can bring," I said.

"Is joy like pleasure?" He said, putting his glass down.

"Joy is a form of pleasure, yes, Steve," I said.

"Oh good! Then that sounds great! Can we do that too?" Steve said.

"Yes, we can do that too, but we have to be patient. Things take time and work to set up, which can be unpleasurable. Sometimes we have to do unpleasurable things to get to do pleasurable things. Does that make sense, Steve?" I said.

"Like how I had to hurt all those people to get you to make a fruity drink for me?" he asked, innocently.

"Not exactly," I said, frowning. "What's a good example? Oh, I know. Sometimes no one else is around to create pleasure for us, like Tony did. So sometimes we have to make our own fruity drinks, or pizza, or spaghetti, or whatever you want to eat or drink. Making those things can be unpleasurable, but they allow us to eat or drink them, when they're done, which is a pleasurable thing," I said.

"Do unpleasurable things always lead to pleasurable things?" Steve asked as he poured more Piña Colada into his glass.

A bright flash of light shot through the windows and door of the bar. The windows were large and no one was standing around them so I could easily see outside. Four men on horseback were standing in the middle of the street. They were flanked by a familiar purple imp named Harvey. Uh oh. This looked like trouble.

It was obvious who they were. They were the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Since the antichrist plot didn't work out for him, Harvey must have figured out how to summon the four horsemen as a Plan B. I was hoping this one worked out for him as well as the last one. Meaning, not well at all.

"No. They often don't, but that leads to a much more complex discussion that it looks like we don't have time for right now," I said.

"Why not?" Steve said. Then his gaze followed mine. "Is it because of those people with that guy who tried to order me around earlier?"

"Yes. It is," I said.

"Why? What's wrong with them?" Steve said. "Don't they want to experience pleasure, too?"

"They do. The only problem is that for them, the only thing that pleasures them is killing people," I said.

"That's awful!" Steve said. "I hated killing people. Think about all the future pleasure they lost out on!"

"I know, Steve. I know. I feel the same way as you do," I said. "This is going to be your first lesson in doing unpleasurable things to get to pleasurable things. These men want to kill everyone on earth. If we let them, then there will be no one left alive. That means no more pleasure, Steve."

"But if we stop them, pleasure gets to continue for everyone, including you and me. So what do you say, Steve? Are you willing to help me stop these people from pleasuring themselves with the lives of everyone on earth?"

"Normally I'm not one for doing unpleasurable things, but the way these people derive pleasure disgusts me. I want to get rid of them. They don't belong on this planet with everyone else who are just trying to have fun," he said.

"That's the spirit, Steve!" I said.

The four horsemen and Harvey started walking toward the bar. They must have known we were inside. I couldn't figure out how they knew until I spotted a Channel 2 news van outside the bar and the news lady from earlier talking into a camera. Oh crap, she led them right to us. I guess that was better than having them attack random people first. I'd try to remember to thank the news woman later, if there was a later.

"Steve, let's meet them outside. We don't want our new friends in the bar to get hurt," I said. I walked outside the bar into the street.

"Ok, Dave," Steve said, following me outside.

Harvey flew up to us. "Well, well, well. Fancy meeting you here," he said.

"Cut the shit, Harvey! You knew we were here," I said, crossing my arms.

"Whoa! What's with the hostility, Dave? We just came to kill you so you couldn't stop the end of the world. Is that so wrong?" Harvey said.

"Uh, yeah. It is," I said.

"Well, too bad! Get 'em, boys!" Harvey pointed at me and Steve.

The four horsemen approached.