We walked out of the rift, and it closed behind us. Lucifer threw himself dramatically to the ground and cried out. "Father!"

I half expected a deep booming voice to go, "Yes, my son?" But that didn't happen.

"Father! I'm sorry! I was wrong to question you and to think I was smarter and better than you and more handsome," he said. Lucifer cried into the ground for several minutes.

I walked up to Lucifer and put my hand on his shoulder. "I don't think you have to cry that long."

"But I want to cry!" he said, shrugging off my hand. He sobbed into his hands for another ten minutes, and then a blinding light came down from the sky.

"My son. That is enough. You needn't cry any longer. Come back home and we shall discuss your future," a deep booming voice said. I wondered if that was God or simply an angel speaking for Him. He didn't seem the type to make public appearances. Especially not in Hell.

"Yes, father," Lucifer replied. "But I have no wings to fly."

"I shall return them to you on the condition that you come straight to me. Skip past the front desk," the voice said. "I shall warn them in advance."

"Thank you, father," Lucifer said. A concentrated beam of light hit Lucifer and he groaned. He didn't scream, but he was in pain. He ripped his shirt and suit jacket off and threw them to the ground. On his back were vestigial wings beginning to grow in.

They quickly grew and spurted from his back and extended out into the full form I was used to seeing from Raphael, but they were larger and grander somehow. They glowed with subtle white light. I was seeing something momentous. The greatest angel to ever live was getting back his wings. He stretched and retracted them to get the feel for them again, and then took off into the sky. He flew into the light that was coming down from the Heavens and disappeared.

"So now wha—" I began to say to Raphael, but when I looked to my right, he wasn't there. Not because he left, but because I did. I was sitting across a table from the same angel who had summoned me the first time.

He was giving me a peculiar look. He was smiling in an admiring way, but his eyes were narrowed like he was inspecting me. Trying to see what he had missed the first time. At least he was smiling. The time before, he had been frowning and not in a very welcoming way. This time, it was more like he was curious about me. Wanted to understand me, but didn't want to do it the normal way, by just talking to me.

"Are you going to stare at me all day, or are you going to say something?" I asked, a little bewildered.

"I will stop, since it seems to be bothering you, but I hope it makes you feel better to know that I'm not scrutinizing you because I dislike you. I'm scrutinizing you because I was wrong about you before. I thought you had failed, but you had merely taken the first step toward success," he said.

"Now, we must talk. There are some logistics that need to be discussed, but first I must congratulate you on achieving something even God himself could not. Getting Lucifer to come home. You see, God had not banished him as he thinks. God simply wanted to give him a time out, so to speak. A moment to clear his head and think about what he had done."

"But days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, months turned into years, and years turned into centuries, and centuries turned into millennia. He never pulled himself out of time out. He chose to stay in it, thinking that was where he belonged. God has long since forgiven him for his transgression. God regretted the time out moments after he had delivered it, but Lucifer did not seek to reconcile."

"You see, divine law required Lucifer to want forgiveness in order for him to receive it. Forgiveness is not a one-way street. Someone can forgive another in their mind, but it does not take hold and achieve an effect until the recipient desires to receive it."

"You cannot simply forgive someone who thinks they have done nothing wrong. It merely deflects off of them and usually makes them angrier and more convinced they are right than before. So God waited and waited and waited, but Lucifer never came. Only through you has the prodigal son returned. But herein lies the problem."

"What problem is that?" I asked. I was a smart person. I knew that, but I didn't know what he was referring to. I was missing something.

"Up until recently, Lucifer has ruled over Hell. Now, he has re-ascended to Heaven. Who shall run Hell in his absence? Hell does not run itself. I can assure you of that. Without Lucifer, Hell will devolve into chaos. Demons will fall out of line, souls will escape, and apocalyptic scenarios may come to pass," he said, drumming his fingers on the table.

Oh no. Now I understood the problem, and I also understood how they wanted to solve it. They wanted me to take over Hell. I was trying to earn my way out of Hell, not rule over it.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no! It's not happening! I refuse! You can't make me do it, and even if you can, I won't," I said.

"You haven't even heard my proposal. Although, it's not my proposal really. It's God's proposal. You would defy the will of God?" he said. "I'm disappointed. I thought you had potential, but I guess I was wrong.

"First off, I didn't say that. Second, don't you dare try to use my pride against me. I'm self aware enough to see manipulation when I see it, and I thought you angels were above that," I said.

"Angels aren't above manipulation, but they are bad at it. It doesn't come naturally to them, like it does to me. That is what I do here in Heaven. They needed someone who had skill at it, unlike those bumbling buffoons. Don't get me wrong. They are good people. But they're too stiff. Too rigid. Afraid to get their hands dirty for the greater good. That's where I come in," he said, smiling with his teeth showing for the first time. Their sharp points glinted in the light.

"If you're not an angel, then are you a demon?" I asked. This was curious. I never thought Heaven would employ a demon. I figured they would be strictly against that.

"Not technically no. I am half-demon, half-angel. The virtue of an angel, but the skills of a demon," he said. I saw a flicker behind him and after looking closer, I noticed a white spaded tail waving in the air. I didn't see it before because it blended in with the white room.

"Interesting. And I don't say that often," I said. "While I'm aware that revealing something secret about yourself is also a manipulation technique to get me to trust you more, I don't necessarily think you mean to do me harm. So you may continue," I said.

"Thank you," he said, steepling his short, thin fingers. "While I am using manipulation tactics, I'm not doing it out of malice. It is simply in my nature to talk this way. The pure angels find it irritating. I don't fit in well. And while I know that you know that revealing my life's difficulties is another manipulation tactic, I implore you to listen to what I have to say."

"You shouldn't assume all forms of manipulation are bad. I would argue that therapy is a form of manipulation, but you've just seen the good that it can do. I would also argue that you shouldn't shy away from using manipulation yourself. It is an excellent tool. Especially when dealing with beings as insubordinate as demons. Pure demons, I mean. While I have been known to avoid my duties at times, I have never displayed the pure malice and hatred of authority and order as pure demons do."

He had made some decent points. Maybe I would need manipulation in my future. Especially, after he's convinced me my best option is to take the position as ruler of Hell. I was no fool. He wouldn't be offering this to me if he thought I wasn't the right person for the job, and he wouldn't be offering this to me if he thought I couldn't be convinced.

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

"Let's say I do take over as administrator of Hell. What do I get in return? You have to acknowledge that this isn't a win-win scenario for me. It's a win-lose. Heaven wins, I lose. I'm not taking the job a good salary and benefits, if you know what I mean," I said.

"If by that you mean monetary compensation, health insurance, and retirement planning, then yes, I do know what you mean," he said, tapping the tips of his fingers together.

"Yes, that is what I mean. That said, I require more than just those things to convince me. Offer me something I want that I don't know I want yet," I said, leaning forward over the table slightly.

"Power, unlimited energy, free room and board, a castle that you can build and reshape however you want to whatever size and scale that you want, a budget, a staff, servants, butlers, women, paid time off. The list goes on for a long time, but you get the picture. This is the contract with an exhaustive list of compensation and benefits, as well as Heaven's requirements of you in so far as it pertains to your role as Administrator of Hell," he said.

He pulled out a massive stack of papers from under the table and slapped them in front of me. I looked under the table to see where he got it from, but there was nothing there to rest the contract on. He seemingly pulled it from thin air. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Divine magic seemed to be able to conjure nearly anything.

I began to look over the contract. Normally I would skip this stuff, but this could dictate my daily existence for an eternity potentially. Although he did mention retirement, so it couldn't be forever. Just a really long time. The list of benefits was extensive. I couldn't possibly list them all here. So instead, I will bring them up as they become relevant or important.

Although, were a few minor benefits that really caught my eye in their specificity and their implications. "The ability to date and pursue a relationship with Margaret Blackscorn," "access to Heaven, Hell, Paradise, and Purgatory," "guest privileges," and "vacation time in Heaven," stood out to me.

With these combined benefits, Margaret and I could not only date but also vacation in Heaven together. We wouldn't have to be miserable in Hell forever. We could have brief moments of happiness in Heaven. Although Margaret seemed to be fine with the environment in Hell. It was me who was bothered by it.

There were also some other cool things, like supernatural powers and true immortality. True immortality not being full invincibility, but the inability to age and the ability to come back to life after dying.

It stated that the average time required to re-compile my body was between 14 and 24 hours. Which removed the fear of death, but it didn't remove the possibility of failing to stop the apocalypse. If I died and the apocalypse happened while I was re-compiling, it was still the end of the world, regardless of me being alive or not.

So in the end, I would still fear dying, but not because of the death part. Because of the time delay. And to make things worse, the contract stipulated that if I failed to stop an early apocalypse, or any other mission I may be assigned, all benefits and retirement would be forfeit.

That 'any other mission I may be assigned' part worried me. What if they gave me an impossible task? I'd still have to succeed in my mission regardless of whether it was possible or not, or I would lose all privileges, rights, and benefits.

On top of that, it stipulated that I wouldn't be relieved of my position or the tools I needed to do the job upon failure. I would simply no longer be compensated in any way for my job. Similar to how Lucifer was treated before he redeemed himself.

Well, that sucked. I guess I better not fail then. It also stated that upon acceptance of the job, I would be resurrected and given powers to attempt to stop the currently looming antichrist apocalypse. They didn't state if the powers given would be enough, so I assumed they wouldn't be and figured I would need all the help I could get.

This meant that if I wanted to survive in any real sense, I had to take the job. Since I already made my wish granted by Lucifer, I would likely be sent back to Hell unpunished but not elevated to Purgatory or Heaven. So I'd just be a soul wandering Hell for all eternity. Deep down, before I even looked at the contract, I knew I would end up having to take the job.

Oh well. I guess it wasn't all bad. I'd get paid time off in Heaven, which the contract stipulated would take place outside of normal time, so I wouldn't end up missing an apocalypse somehow while I was gone, or Hell's bureaucracy wouldn't fall apart.

The detailed list of stipulations covered all of my immediate questions, worries, and concerns, so I guess I was satisfied. I knew things would come up I hadn't thought about and the job would be even harder than I expected it to be, but versus an eternity of being homeless in Hell, I knew it was the better option.

"Ok, I'll take it. Where do I sign? I don't have to sign in my own blood, do I?" I said.

"No, only Hell makes people do that. Heaven just attaches the contract to your soul, so that you are forced to adhere to its rules," he said.

"That sounds worse somehow," I said.

"It's not," he said.

"I don't believe you, but I guess it doesn't matter because I'm still going to sign anyway," I said.

"You are correct," he said. He handed me a pen and said, "Sign here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. Oh and here, as well as here. And then initial here, here, and here."

I did as he said and signed every spot he pointed out as well as initialed the places I was supposed to. He took the pen and put it in his pocket, then he took the contract and placed it somewhere under the table, but when I looked, it was gone. Typical.

"Well, Dave, it's been nice working with you. We'll probably be seeing each other again, so in light of that eventuality, my name is Keir," Keir said.

He stuck out his hand over the table and I shook it awkwardly. "I would same my name is Dave, Keir, but you already know that. It was interesting to meet you," I said.

"That's very direct and honest. We'll see how that works out in Hell," he said.

When I blinked and opened my eyes, I was in front of Lucifer and a giant, blinding light.

"Hey, you," I said. I pointed to the light while putting my hand in front of my eyes. "Is that God?"

"It is," he said. "My father in all his glory."

"He just looks like bright light to me. I can't see anything," I said.

"You're not ready to see him, Dave. But you will one day. You will," Lucifer said, putting his around my shoulder. "I assume Keir gave you the rundown?"

"Yeah. So I'm your replacement?" I said.

"Yeah. Seems fitting, doesn't it?" he said.

"How so?" I said.

"I don't know. You just seem like the right person for the job. You're good, but you're not too good. You're smart, you're relatively charming, and you always seem to succeed at everything you try to do. Eventually," he said. "You're not as charming as me, of course, but no one is except my father, and Jesus, of course. The heavenly spirit is kind of just there. The word charm doesn't apply to how it operates."

"Right," I said. "You're complimenting me, but I can tell you're not doing it to manipulate me like Keir, so I'll accept it."

"Yeah, Keir is like that. He tries to be sincere, but he never comes off that way. That's just part of his nature," Lucifer said. "He's not a bad guy, though. He does his job, and he does it well. And everything turns out for the best. That's all you can really ask for."

"I suppose that's true. Well, either way, it's been nice knowing you, Lucifer. Good luck with your new role. Old role? Good luck in your newly reacquired role. That's it," I said, smiling and offering my hand to shake.

Lucifer took it and shook, but he looked slightly confused. "What do you mean? I'm coming back with you. Didn't Keir tell you?"

"No, he didn't, and it wasn't in the contract," I said.

"It wouldn't be in the contract, because my father just floated it to me as an idea. He thinks it would be a good idea if I trained you to take over my position, rather than throwing you to the metaphorical wolves. Which are demons in this case. Which are actually worse than wolves," he said.

"So you would be my guardian angel, essentially?" I said.

"Essentially, yeah," he said.

"Hmm. I like it," I said. "Can I talk to God?"

"Sure. He's rather brief and concise, so you can't really pal around with him like you do me. He's not that kind of guy. But you can talk to him. Jesus surprisingly isn't just hanging around much, so you can't say hi to him. He spends most of his time appearing to people on pieces of toast," Lucifer said.

"What?" I said.

"I'm just kidding. He spends most of his time visiting people in heaven and on earth and spreading his love. Not in a gross way. In a heavenly way. Or a 'holy' way, you might even say," he said, laughing and looking at God.

A deep booming voice laughed a hearty laugh. I didn't understand the joke.

"Right," I said. I turned to the bright light still covering my eyes. It was like trying to look directly into the sun, but worse somehow. "Well, sir, your holiness. I appreciate you, even if I don't understand you at times. They say you work in mysterious ways though, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised there. So thanks for godding your godliness and stuff."

"Dave. Thank you for your service. You will be rewarded for your sacrifice. Know that I love you and will always be with you, wherever you are," He said.

"Even in the bathroom?" I said. I couldn't resist making the joke. I joke when I'm nervous and God made me really nervous. Although, I guess I shouldn't be more nervous standing in front of God than being anywhere else, because he could see everything.

"No," He said. No laugh or awkward explanation. Just no. Perfectly, Godly.

"Ok, well, are you going to send me off, or do I step into a portal or some—" I said, but was cut off.

Suddenly, I was in my apartment, but not in my body. I floated around for a while and watched a detective look everything over. It took me a while to figure it out, but I realized I was supposed to go back into my body. So that's what I did. And then the detective lost his mind. Three gunshots rang out in my apartment.