I started aiming at specific spots on the ground to see if I could reliably hit those spots as I fell out of the sky. I would only have a brief moment to do this before they retaliated. Right now, they just thought I was uselessly smashing bugs that continued to spawn from Pestilence. In reality, I was practicing my aim for when I eventually started targeting the horsemen themselves.

Once I felt my aim was on point, I drew Azrael's sword and pointed it in front of me. I aimed directly for Pestilence. I hit Pestilence at terminal velocity. The sword pierced his body, but my body squashed him into a mess of skin, bodily fluids, and limbs going in directions they shouldn't. I got up and pulled my sword free.

All the insects instantly stopped moving. I looked down at Pestilence's crumpled and destroyed body with pity. I know they were agents of the apocalypse, destined to bring destruction to the earth and everyone on it, but they were people, too. I didn't like doing that to another person. But I had no time for remorse.

"No! Pestilence!" Conquest screamed. He ran to Pestilence's side and wept. He wiped away his tears and stood up, aiming his bow at me. "I will avenge you, brother."

I ran at Conquest to engage him in close quarters combat. At a distance, he was dangerous, but up close, he was vulnerable. I swiped at him. He dodged and twisted away, creating a small amount of distance between us. In the moment that I wound up for another strike, Conquest loaded two arrows onto his bow and fired them.

They pierced both my legs. I tried to run closer, but I no longer had control of my legs. He did. I stood still as he loaded two more arrows. I chucked Azrael's sword at Conquest, hoping to hit him, but he deftly dodged out of the way and let his two arrows loose.

They pierced my arms and took control of them, too. Now I couldn't move my body at all, except to flex my sexy abs and move my head around. I could hear War and Steve's battle continuing in the background. The loud clashes of War's heavy metal sword against Steve's light sword were deafening.

Conquest confidently walked up to me, knowing I couldn't move. He wielded his bow like a melee weapon and beat me with it. He hit me in the face, then the stomach, he even hit me in my no no zone. The gall of this man. "You're only delaying the inevitable. The world will be destroyed by us one day. Why do you care if it's now or later?"

I struggled against his control. "Because it isn't supposed to be now."

"Come on. You can come up with something better than that," he encouraged.

"I don't want humanity to die. Think about those people's lives," I said unconvincingly.

He tilted my head up with the end of his bow and looked deep into my eyes. It almost felt like we were about to make out. Then he started talking. "Tell me the real reason you fight so hard to save the world from our wrath? As I said, we are destined to destroy the world eventually. Why is now so important to you?"

I let my head drop. "Because my ex-girlfriend lives on it. We're still close. I can't let you destroy the world with her still in it."

Conquest spoke softly. "I see. You still harbor human attachments. How quaint. I myself had human attachments before I was chosen by destiny. Her name was Adelaide. She was my queen. I loved her very much. But destiny had other plans. I was away, conquering a nearby kingdom, when she became deathly ill."

"I didn't know. I had no way of knowing. They sent a messenger on horseback, but he was killed before he arrived to deliver his message. I continued conquering the kingdom until I ruled over the lands. When I returned, she was already gone. How I would have liked to spend her last days with her. But she was taken away from me."

"And then, after I died, after I had conquered every kingdom that could feasibly be reached on horseback, an angel came to me. He said I had a purpose. My purpose was to bring about the end of the world. And if I did that, I would see my Adelaide in Heaven. Since then I have been stuck in Limbo wandering endlessly."

"I want to go home. I want to see my wife. It's been so long, I've forgotten her face. I don't even remember what she looks like anymore. Please, whoever you are, please, give up, and let me see my wife once more."

"My name is Dave. I am the administrator of Hell. And while that is a tragic story, I will not allow you to slaughter billions of people to reunite with the one you love," I snarled.

"Billions? Billions? What do you mean, billions? There are billions of people on earth?" He said, shocked. His jaw dropped wide open and his eyes bugged out.

"Yes. Why, what did you think it was?" I said.

"Millions at most. I have to kill billions of people to see my love again? That is obscene! How dare that angel ask me to do such a thing!" He said. He fell to his knees. He stayed like that for a few minutes before standing back up. "No matter. I will kill whoever I need to get back to Adelaide. Starting with you, Dave."

"Hold on. What was the name of this angel you spoke to?" Something about his story wasn't adding up to me. Why would an angel promise he'd get to heaven by murdering people? That doesn't sound very angelic, regardless of whether it was supposed to happen or not.

"He said his name was Morningstar," Conquest said. "Why?"

Oh no. That was Lucifer's last name. Lucifer Morningstar. "You've been tricked by the Devil. Morningstar is short for Lucifer Morningstar. He's the Devil. Or he was the Devil when he visited you. I bet you he was playing a trick."

"When he said you would "see Adelaide in Heaven," he didn't mean you were going to heaven too. He'd probably just show you an image of her in Heaven, and then torture your soul for all eternity."

"That can't be!" Conquest said. "It mustn't!"

"Didn't you think it was weird that a demon was the one who woke you guys up?" I said, trying but failing to point at Harvey.

Conquest got a confused look on his face. "That's a demon? I thought he was just an ugly angel."

"I am not an ugly angel!" Harvey yelled.

"See?" I said.

"Oh no. What have I done?" Conquest said. "Wait, a second. What did you say your job was, Dave?"

"Administrator of Hell. Well, new administrator of Hell. Lucifer was the old one," I said.

"How am I supposed to trust the administrator of Hell that he isn't trying to trick me all over again? You Hellions may have tricked me once, but I won't let you trick me again!" Conquest nocked an arrow on his bow and aimed it at my head.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"No, wait! I'm a good administrator of Hell! I'm not trying to lead anyone astray or anything like that. They just needed someone to watch over the demons and sinners already in hell to make sure they didn't get up to anything bad. I swear!" I pleaded.

I wasn't pleading for my sake. I was pleading for his. I didn't want to kill these guys if I didn't have to.

"A good administrator of Hell? Next you'll tell me the tooth fairy is evil. That she's stealing my teeth for some nefarious purpose," he scoffed.

"Well…" I joked.

"No! No more of your tricks! No more of your lies! I will kill you and then torture this one to find a way to see my Adelaide." He looked at Harvey.

"What? Why me?" He said. When he saw Conquest wasn't going to be convinced by the innocent act, he said, "I'm getting out of here!"

Conquest shot him with an arrow. "You're not going anywhere!"

Harvey's eyes showed white, and he didn't move from his spot.

"Now it's your turn." Conquest aimed his bow at my head again.

"You're really not going to back down?" I said.

"No. Not to you, Dave," Conquest said.

"Ok," I sighed. I teleported Conquest thousands of feet into the air. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to kill him, but there was nothing I could do.

As he fell, I noticed a large gathering of coyotes coming over the ridgeline and into the crater on top of Black Mountain. They all had white eyes and arrows in them. I was alarmed at first until I remembered the control would probably vanish the moment Conquest hit the ground.

I still couldn't move, and the coyotes were getting closer. And closer. They ran at me with their teeth bared. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be afraid, but these weren't normal circumstances. Since they were under his control, they might do magic damage, which could actually kill me.

The coyotes latched onto my arms and legs and began ripping and tearing at my flesh. They absolutely ruined the sleeves of my favorite shirt, but that wasn't as bad as the knife wounds it had sustained last night. Hopefully, I could get that conjuring ability Lucifer had soon, so I could conjure a new one.

I wondered what was taking Conquest so long to fall. How high had I thrown him? Then I remembered. Oh, right. I could throw myself, too. So I did. I teleported myself high into the air with the coyotes still attached, but they quickly lost their grip and fell off.

I landed in a heap, but I was unharmed by the fall. The coyotes were what did damage to me. Then Conquest hit the ground seconds later. All the controlled coyotes fell limp.

I got up and looked over at Conquest's body. "I'm sorry. I wish I could have saved you from yourself. I suppose I'll see you down below."

I looked over at Famine, Death, and War—who was still fighting Steve. I casually teleported all of them high into the air as well. I didn't want this to become my primary method of fighting, but it would be stupid not to use it now that I knew I could do it.

Then I noticed Harvey trying to get away again. "Oh no, you don't," I said, grabbing him by the head. "You're staying with me."

Death landed in a pile of bones. Famine was sucking up at the air as he came down, slowing his fall, so he landed safely on the ground. War had stabbed the air and was slicing through the fabric of space to slow his fall. He landed with a hard thud, but no worse for wear.

I watched as the massive tear in space healed itself. I felt offended somehow that he had done that. It just looked wrong. Then Death slowly began to reassemble himself, until he looked like Death again, literally and figuratively. Well, I guess that didn't work. I'd have to use other tactics.

Famine seemed like the weakest at this moment, so I ran up to him. Death got in the way and tried to swipe at me. I dodged out of the way and cut him in half. I avoided touching any part of his body with mine and moved on to Famine.

Famine opened his mouth wide and sucked me. He started pulling the life force from my body, but my body regenerated its life force just as quickly. By the time I got to him, he was big and buff again. He tried to grab the sword, but it burned his hands.

He pulled them away in pain, and I used that opportunity to cut his head off. It plopped on the ground with a look of fear on its face. So much carnage. So much death. And all of it just to save the world.

"No!" Steve yelled.

I turned around and saw in slow motion Death's hand flying toward my face. He must have ripped it off and thrown it at me. Then I felt Steve push me out of the way. The skeletal hand hit Steve. It passed through Steve, but it took a body with it.

Similar to how the two halves of Steve's body fell away from him when I cut him in half, another body fell away from him when Death's hand hit him. Death had killed another Steve. Now there were only five of him left. I guess Death's touch was an instant kill.

Steve's eyes filled with bright light and he said, "How dare you kill one of my brothers. Ahhh!!!" Steve screamed, light burst out of his body, and the ground cracked and shook.

Cracks formed on the ground. The ground shuddered and dropped down. Large sections of earth fell away and plummeted below until a bright orange-red light made its way up out of the darkness. I looked down to see lava bubbling up far below us.

More sections of ground fell away and dropped into the lava. Since I was pretty sure I couldn't kill Death, no matter what I did to him, I saw an easy opportunity to get rid of him in the lava below. I took my sword and flipped his hand over the edge.

Then I ran over to Death's body that was starting to put itself back together and smacked it with the flat edge of the sword towards the ledge. He slid along the ground and scrambled to stop himself from going over the edge. His hand caught on the edge and he hung there.

He looked up at me as I walked over. "Don't do it," he pleaded.

"I'm sorry, but you killed Steve. You just don't do that," I said, using the sword to pry his hand off the edge of the cliff. He fell into the orange-red light below.

"Noooo!!!!" he yelled as he fell. "Petunia!"

What? Petunia? That must have been the person or maybe dog that he traded his soul for with Lucifer. Huh. Everyone had a different story, I guess.

War swiped kicked at me from behind, but I dodged it just in time. "Who did you trade your soul for?" I said.

"My son, Kevin. Morningstar said I'd see him in Heaven too. Just like he did with Conquest. Was it truly a trick?" He said. He sounded choked up, like he was crying, but I couldn't see his face.

"Yes. I'm afraid it was. Why do you still fight?" I said, as I rolled out of the way of another massive sword swipe.

"I'm a warrior. I must be defeated in battle. I know you can do it. So just do it," he said.

"If that is what you want," I said, looking at him. Then I looked over his shoulder and made a confused face. "What's that?" I pointed.

War turned his head to see what I was pointing at. "What? I see nothing."

I pushed him as hard as I could. He tumbled over the edge, and I almost fell over with him, but I was able to stop myself in time.

"Damn it! Not like this!" War said, his voice fading as he plunged into the lava.

I looked around at the crumbling ground and noticed movement. Conquest's body. It was getting up. Huh. I guess they were immortal. They couldn't be killed permanently. I looked over at Pestilence and he was getting up, too. Then I looked at Famine, but he was still laying on the floor with his head chopped off. Maybe it took a while to activate.

I teleported behind Conquest before he could get all the way back up and kicked him in the ass. He tumbled down the slope and into the lava below. "How dare you kick my buttocks!"

"Sorry!" I said.

Then I did the same to Pestilence. "Ow, my bum!" He said, falling off the cliff.

"I bet you don't know where you're going!" I yelled.

Then I teleported to Famine's lifeless body. I grabbed his head and pulled his eyes open. "Hey, you. Before I drop you into a volcano, what did you trade your soul for?"

His eyes focused on me and he said, "Pizza. Infinite pizza."

"That tracks," I said, and threw his head over the edge. Then I did the same with his body.

Still holding Harvey, I said, "You're going in there too, buddy." Like a terrible person, I broke his wings with my hands and then threw him into the lava.

"But my plans!" Harvey yelled.

You may wonder why I threw them in the lava as a solution and you may not. You may think, the lava will kill them right? Wrong. It won't kill them, but it will send them to some friends of mine, who might imprison them in the molten core of the earth for eternity.

If I couldn't kill them, and I couldn't imprison them myself, better to give them to people who could. The ground trembled and shook, threatening to fall into the lava at any moment.

I went back to Steve who was laying exhausted on the ground. I grabbed him and said, "Steve! We gotta go! This place is falling apart!"

"I'm over here!" Steve's voice said. It wasn't coming from his body though. I looked up and saw Steve standing on the edge of the crater, in relative safety. Then I looked down and realized this was the body that Death had killed. Not Steve's living body.

"Oh," I said. "Right." I walked over to Steve, away from the danger zone. "So? What do you want to do next?"

"You said something about eating? I assume I drank that 'fruity drink' you gave me. Can we go eat something now?" He said with a smile.

"You really are a simple guy, aren't you?" I said, smiling with him.

"Is that a bad thing?" he asked.

"No. No, it's not," I laughed. "How about pizza?"

"I don't know what that is, but anything sounds better than nothing right now," he said.

And that's what we did. We got pizza. And it was delicious.