When the doors opened to Mephistopheles' office, Steve and I were greeted by Mephistopheles and Lucifer. I was surprised to see him here, but I figured he just forgot to say something to me at the party.

"Lucifer, how can I help you?" I asked.

"I'm going to need that sword you're wearing on your hip there," Lucifer said, pointing at Azrael's sword.

"But I need it to save the world and stuff. Also, it makes a cool crackling sound when I swing it," I said.

"That is true, but the Crown of Corruption and your other abilities should allow you to serve that purpose adequately. It is Azrael's sword and as such, he should have it back," Lucifer said.

"But I needed the sword in the fight against the four or five horsemen. Doesn't that prove that I need to keep it?" I said.

"You'll just have to learn how to survive without it. Steve proved useful in the fight. Maybe you could turn him into a sword," Lucifer said.

"While that sounds hilarious, I doubt Steve has the ability to turn into a sword," I said, looking at Steve, who wasn't there anymore.

He disappeared. And then I looked down. Lying on the floor was a sword made entirely of solidified white light. It was massive. It was more like a claymore or a great sword than a standard sword. "Steve? Is that you?" I said.

"Yeah. I wanted to see if I could do it. Try waving me around," he said.

"Uh, ok," I said, picking up Steve the sword.

I swung the sword a few times. It felt good in my hands. It had heft to it, but nothing overwhelming or too heavy for me to handle. It made a satisfying "Woom" sound every time I swung it.

Although, it did just sound like Steve was making the sound with his mouth rather than it coming from the sword's interaction with the air. It sounded so similar to the sword sounds of a popular piece of media that I could probably get sued for copyright infringement, but I didn't care. It was awesome!

But I had to let it go. I couldn't make Steve stay in this form. It felt cruel. "While I greatly appreciate the effort and you make an excellent sword, I can't have you stay in this form all the time. It feels demeaning."

"Not to me!" Steve said.

"Eh, I don't like it," I said.

"Would you rather see me standing beside you?" Steve said.

"Yeah, I would," I said.

"Well, I can do both," Steve said. I don't know how to describe this well, but Steve came out of the sword. His arm just sprung out of it, then his head and chest, and then his legs, until he was standing next to me while I held a wicked cool sword.

"How did you do that?" I asked.

"Well, there are technically five of me left. One of them stays as a sword—which I'll add he really enjoys—and the rest of me stands beside you. I could split into more of me, but one feels like enough for now."

"I see," I said. "And you're saying he likes being a sword. The one I'm holding right now."

"Yes. Quite a lot, actually. He says he likes the feeling of the wind whooshing around him when you swing him," Steve said.

"Well, what about when he's sheathed?" I asked.

"Try it and I'll tell you what he says," Steve replied.

I removed Azrael's sword from the sheath and handed it to Lucifer, and then put sword Steve into the sheath.

"He says it's nice and cozy in there. He likes it. Kind of like a weighted blanket," he said.

"Nice. Wait, how do you know what a weighted blanket is?" I said.

"Commercials. I saw a bunch of them before I accidentally destroyed most of Vegas," he said.

"I see," I said. "Well, I'm good with this if you are."

"I am, and he is," Steve said.

"Well, it looks like that's settled," Lucifer said. "Azrael gets his sword back, and you don't have to worry about dropping a sword that melts through concrete and accidentally chopping Jon's other leg off."

"How did he lose it in the first place?" I asked.

"I don't know. He's always losing that thing. It ends up in the weirdest places, too. One time it got stuck at an angle in a stone and some kid had to pull it out. And then he became the king of England. It was strange."

"Are you talking about King Arthur?" I asked.

"Oh, you know him?" Lucifer asked.

"Um, I mean, pretty much everyone does," I said, scratching my head.

"Great. That's just great. Azrael should really get in trouble one of these days for doing this so many times, but father always forgives him. You know, father. Always forgiving everybody," Lucifer said, exasperated.

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"Right. He is always doing that. I should really be going though. The Mole People summoned me and Steve as witnesses for the trial of the four or five horsemen," I said.

"Before you go, here's your four-leaf clover," Lucifer said, handing me a laminated four-leaf clover.

"Why is it laminated?" I asked.

"You don't want it to break before you use it," Lucifer said, tapping his temple.

"That's smart, but what do you mean by use it? Doesn't it just give me ambient good luck?"

"That's a common misconception," he said. "Four-leaf clovers have a shelf life. You can either use the good luck little by little over a long period, or you can use it all at once. Personally, with your karmic rebalancing ability, I'd use it all at once for something big."

"Good to know. Thanks. We'll see what ends up happening, I guess," I said, looking at the clover. It was a pretty little thing. "Is it activated passively or actively? Like, do I have to think about using it?"

"It works either way," Lucifer said. "Just depends on how you want to use it."

"Cool. Alright. Now I think I'm actually ready to go," I said, putting the clover in my pocket.

"Ok. Well, good luck," Lucifer said. "I'll see you around, I guess."

"Yeah, I guess so," I said, walking past him.

It was hard knowing I probably wouldn't see Lucifer again for a long time. We'd been through a lot together and with the aid of a time pocket, we had known each other for a very long time. Roughly 10 years, by my calculations.

Raphael and I were the reason he was back in his old position and that he was a relatively normal, functioning person. He had been so damaged by his father's perceived betrayal, and the millennia he spent in Hell.

It was hard to imagine my life without him by my side, constantly bickering and belittling me. You could argue he was a thorn in my side, but I would argue he was a welcome one. The wound created by this parting wouldn't heal for a long time. A single tear ran down my cheek that I quickly wiped away.

"Mephistopheles. If you could ready the subterranean elevator."

"You can just call me Meph, Dave. Now that you're the new Devil and all," Mephistopheles said, getting out his key ring.

"Ok, Meph. You know, I'm technically not even classified as a devil, right?" I said.

"I know, but the ruler of Hell has been called the Devil so long that it just feels fitting," he said, picking out the right key.

"I suppose that's fair, but just know I don't love that title," I said.

"Yes, sir, Mr Devil, sir," Meph said, smiling devilishly.

"Your antagonism is noted. You shall be dealt with appropriately when the time comes," I said, smiling devilishly back.

Meph slid the bookcase back, revealing the elevator. Then he pressed the button to call the elevator, and it immediately opened. "You know I was just kidding, right?"

I stepped into the elevator and turned around. Steve followed suit. "You know I was just kidding too, right?" I said, still smiling as I pressed the button for the sub-basement.

"Of course," Meph laughed nervously as the elevator door closed.

When the door was closed, I said, "Steve, get ready to jump onto the ceiling."

"What? Uh, ok," he said.

The elevator sped down, picking up speed rapidly. I jumped and did a half flip onto the ceiling. Steve tried to do the same, but he landed on his knees by accident.

"When the elevator slows down, we'll drift down to the ground. Do another half flip when that happens but slower," I said.

"Ok," Steve said.

He did a better job of the slow flip when we slowed down, but he still landed on one knee. We were both standing when the elevator opened. Jonathan, or Jon, was standing there waiting for us.

"Good evening, gentlemen. My name is Jonathan, but you may call me Jon. I am here to escort you to the courthouse forthwith," Jon said.

"Yes, sir, Jonathan, sir," I said. "This is my friend Steve. I am acting as his mentor at the moment, since he is technically one day old at this point."

"Surface dwellers sure do grow up quick!" Jon said. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Steve."

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, small furry man," Steve said.

"I am not a man! I am a Mole Man. There is a difference," Jon said, a little upset.

"I am sorry. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mole Man, Jonathan," Steve said.

"That's better," Jon said. "Now let us make haste to the courthouse!"

"Yes, let's do that," I said.

We arrived at the courthouse in record time. When we walked into the courtroom, the five horsemen and Harvey were sitting at a table with their appointed lawyer, Bartholomew, or Bart. Jon directed us to sit in the gallery until called upon, so that's what we did.

A small murmur went through the crowd upon seeing my face again. Judge Tim banged his gavel. "Order! Order! I will have order in this courtroom!" Everyone quieted down. "Thank you."

The case proceeded similarly to my own. The charges were laid out against the five horsemen and Harvey. They were extensive, but they included "attempted apocalypse," "non consensual mind control," "possessing an illegally large weapon," "attempted cannibalism," "criminal negligence in handling deadly disease," and "killing people when they touch you."

Bart tried to do the same thing he had with me, plead guilty for a lighter sentence, but the horsemen and Harvey weren't having it. They decided to represent themselves, which was the first in a series of mistakes they made.

Another mistake was not covering your mouth when coughing or sneezing. "Add another count of criminal negligence to the list," Judge Tim said after Pestilence sneezed for the third time without covering his mouth or nose.

The trial did not go well for them at all. Conquest made a fool of himself on the stand. He kept talking about how many people he's killed and towns he's conquered. War broke every chair he was asked to kneel for the rest of the proceedings. Pestilence got 92 counts of criminal negligence for sneezing.

Famine was held in contempt of court for asking when lunch was too many times. And Death was Death. Nothing seemed to go well for him. I found out later that he'd accidentally killed three people before they had to put him in a hazmat suit to protect others from his death touch.

Eventually, they did the same for Pestilence. You'd think they'd do it before he got 92 counts of criminal negligence, but it wasn't my court. I wasn't going to question how Tim ran it.

None of them took being on the stand seriously. They had to bring out the truth machine to get them to confess to their crimes, but the list was so long that Tim had to pause the trial for meal breaks and even for people to go home and sleep.

After three whole days, we had finished hearing Conquest's confession. We spent the next four days listening to the confessions of the other four horsemen and Harvey. I asked Judge Tim if I could get a recording of Harvey's confession. It contained a long list of co-conspirators that I would need to deal with back in Hell.

Steve and I spent very little time on the stand compared to the five horsemen and Harvey. Our testimony wasn't even that difficult. They just asked us if they attacked us or innocents within our view. The answer was yes most of the time. When it was all said and done, Judge Tim sentenced them to 10,000 years in the molten core of the earth. The horses were allowed to go free.

Steve and I watched the horsemen and Harvey get dunked in the core, and then Judge Tim invited us to lunch. We graciously accepted and spent an hour and a half discussing the trial. There wasn't a lot to discuss compared to how long it was.

The lunch consisted of tubers and roots, mostly. They were well prepared, so I enjoyed it, but I wasn't very hungry. I'd just sat through the longest trial of my life. That said, trials topside had a tendency to last years, so I guess it could have been worse.