"This is the best thing since sliced Jesus!" The Devil said as he wolfed down pumpkin spice pancakes.

I stared at him for a long time, eventually breaking the silence by saying, "What is wrong with you?"

Lucifer looked up with pancake in his mouth. "What?" Bits of pancake exploded out of his mouth and onto his plate.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," I said. "Didn't your mother teach you any manners?"

"I don't have a mother," he said, a single tear trailing down his cheek.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry," I said with genuine sympathy. I didn't realize how untraditional his upbringing was. He wasn't born. He was just created, fully grown. That must have been hell. I actually felt bad for him. It clearly did him no favors.

Lucifer wiped the tear away. "It's ok. I didn't need one. I turned out alright."

"Right," I said, not wanting to point out the many things wrong with that statement.

The waitress walked up to our booth and said, "Coffee refill?"

"Yes, please," I said, pushing my empty cup in her direction.

"Thank you, uh, Doris," Lucifer said, making a point to look at her name tag. Just the thing he joked he would never do.

I wondered how much of that was sincere thanks and how much of it was him just mimicking me to make me think we were bonding until he fucked me over like he had fucked over every other person who thought he was their friend. I would have to keep a close eye on him and try to stay emotionally detached. At least until I'd hopefully won the bet by some miracle. Or in this case, by some tragic accident, killing me before he can.

"You're welcome, hun," she said, pouring coffee for Lucifer and I.

"This is going to sound strange, but where are we?" I asked Doris, the waitress.

"That doesn't sound strange at all," she said. "You're in Nevada. The number one state for people to wake up after a wild night out and end up in. You missed Vegas by a bit, though."

"If we're not in Vegas, then where are we?" I said.

"You're in Beatty, Nevada. You missed the bright lights of Vegas by about two hours, and the skeezy brothels of Pahrump by about an hour. But hey, you're on the way to Death Valley!"

"Oh, great. Death is just the thing I need right now," I said.

"I know hangovers suck, especially when you're not 16 anymore and can bounce right back from a night of drinking, but you shouldn't joke about death like that. It might actually sneak up on you if you're not careful," Doris said.

"I know, but if you knew the night we had, you'd understand. Wait, don't you mean 21?" I said looking up at her from leaning exhaustedly on the table.

"Nope," she said with a straight face. "Why don't you hit me with it? I'm always up for adding new crazy stories to my collection."

"Ok. I got stabbed and so did he," I pointed at Lucifer. "The hospital fixed us up and discharged us, but it was certainly a lot of pain and excitement I didn't need. And the worst thing is, it was my ex-girlfriend that did it."

"Wow! That is a wild night out. It's not particularly extraordinary, especially the ex-girlfriend part, but certainly a new one in my book," she said, taking notes on her notepad. I'm pretty sure that was supposed to be used for customer orders, but who was I to question her use of her own notepad?

"If you want extraordinary, I'll tell you what she stabbed us with. A sword she had lit on fire!" I said.

"Ok, that is extraordinary! Good job. Let me pick my jaw up off the floor real quick." She actually bent down to pick up her imaginary jaw from the floor. She wrote furiously in her notepad, then she leaned in. "Can I see the wounds?"

"Sure," I said. I looked at Lucifer and said, "Lucy, let's show her the wounds." I winked with my opposite eye so she couldn't see it. I expected him to magically put bandages on us or something.

Lucifer casually waved his hand and then lifted up his shirt. There was a burned stitched up vertical stab wound in his abdomen. I lifted my shirt up, and I had a similar wound to show her.

Doris's eye went wide, and she said, "Oh my God!" She reached out as if to touch our wounds and then pulled her hand back. "Those are real! Really real! How are you two even conscious? Did you take anything for the pain? Let me get you two some pies on the house. My daddy always said pie was good for the soul, and stab wounds."

"Did he really say that?" Lucifer said.

"Shut up you. Don't you know not to tease a woman about her jokes?" I said.

"No. No one taught me any manners, remember? I didn't have a mom to do that. Remember?" He said.

"Oh yeah. I forgot," I said.

"He's right, you know. You don't tease women about their jokes. I'm sorry to hear your mother wasn't in your life. That sounds worse than growing up without a father. Your mother is supposed to instill love into your heart. I can't imagine what my life would be like without my mother," she said.

"No, I mean I didn't—" Lucifer started to say.

"How about that pie?" I said, interrupting him. "What flavors do you have?"

"Too many," she said, smiling. "Just name a flavor, and I'll tell you if we have it."

"Ok. I'll go with something simple. You have to have apple pie, right? I mean, what's a collection of pies without apple? That's like selling dress shirts in every color except white," I said.

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"Right, you are, young man. We do have apple. Did you want that by itself or à la mode?"

"À la mode, please," I said, grinning at her.

"Do you have anything spicy?" Lucifer asked.

"You want spicy pie?" She said incredulously.

"Oh. I meant more like pumpkin spicy. Those pancakes were delicious and I can't get enough of this pumpkin spice stuff!"

"Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, we have that. We have pumpkin spice everything right now. Tis the season to be Fall-y," she said.

"I like what you did there," I said, pointing finger guns at her.

"Thank you very much," she said, doing a light curtsy.

I waited for a beat and then said, "Do you know of a bus or taxi service that could take us back to LA? We really did just wake up here without a car or any means of transportation."

"No, sorry. We don't have any taxis out here over even Uber, and the closest charter bus services are hours away in Vegas and I think in Reno too," she said with a worried look on her face. And her face lit up like a light bulb had gone off. "Actually, my cousin Tommy does long distance tow truck services. Maybe he'd give you a ride. For reasonable compensation, of course. I hope you didn't wake up here without your wallet."

"No, I have my wallet," I said, patting my pocket with the money in it. "I actually have cash on me, if that works better."

"If we were in the city, I'd tell you to keep your voice down, unless you want someone to rob you, but out here in this peaceful little town, you're fine. Yeah, cash would probably be preferable. No taxes that way," she said with a wink.

"Of course," I said, laughing. "Well, that sounds great. When do you think we could get that ride? Do we need to wait til later after he's off work or something?"

"No, he sets his own hours. As long as he's not doing a job right now, he can be around in twenty minutes, I'd say. Let me text him and find out," she said. "I'll be right back." She walked into the back, pulling her phone out.

"Good work," Lucifer said. "But we should go to Vegas instead."

"Why? Because it's called 'Sin City'?" I said.

"No. Because that's where the closest subterranean elevator is," he said. "Although her previous mention of brothels does have me a little worked up."

"No. Stop that! Bad Lucifer! We're not delaying saving Lilith and getting the sword back so you can visit a brothel and impregnate all the women there," I said.

"Hey, I'm not a fool! I wrap my tool. I don't want to pay child support," he said.

"Regardless, it's time we don't have to spend," I said.

"Fine. We'll go straight to the elevator. Despite how fun it would be to manipulate your karma ability for financial gain," he said.

"Yes, despite how fun it would be for you to beat the life out of me and exchange my misery and suffering for cash, we need to stay focused," I said. "I do love me a good gamble, but saving the world is far too important and pressing to waste time on that right now."

"Wow. Look at you being responsible. My little man's growing up," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"While I appreciate the encouragement, I feel obligated to say, you're not my real dad and I'll never call you my dad, so stop trying to make me," I said, laughing. Dumb jokes. Sometimes I couldn't help myself.

"Well, Dave, your mother and I have discussed it and we think you should call me Dad from now on," Lucifer said in a sterotypical dad's voice, playing into my joke.

"You two look like you're having fun," Doris said, walking back up to our booth. "Have you been friends long?"

"Oh, yeah. So long. Try last night," Lucifer said.

"Yeah, we actually met at a Halloween party last night. That's how we ended up in Nevada somehow," I said.

"Oh. You know, sometimes chance meetings can lead to the longest friendships," she said. "My cousin Tommy says he can come right now."

"That's great! Minor change in destination. We need to get to Vegas. Apparently, we left some friends there we need to meet up with. But since I did initially say LA was our destination, what if I paid Tommy the same as I would if we were going to LA?" I said.

"Wow! You don't need to do that, but Tommy could really use the money. There really isn't that much towing business in a town of 800 people," she said.

"I understand," I said. "Let Tommy know we're ready now." I got up and dropped $300 on the table. "That's for the food, the coffee, the hospitality, and for saving our asses from being stranded in the middle of nowhere."

Doris picked up the money and said, "Thanks! You do know your food was only $30, right?"

"I know. The rest is your tip. Sorry, I didn't give more," I said. "Actually, here you go. Do something nice for yourself or maybe put it towards your mortgage." I handed her $700 more. I would've given more, but I didn't know what random expenses might come up during our investigation.

"Wow! Thank you!" She said, hugging me. I didn't expect it and I awkwardly patted her back.

"No problem," I said. "I just happened to have the cash on me." Which was true. I didn't have to mention that it technically wasn't mine. Well, I guess it was now, but I had no idea where it came from.

"God bless you," she said.

Lucifer winced at the mention of the word. He stood up from the table as well.

"I'm sure he does," I said. "Thank you."

We walked out of the diner into the hot Nevada weather. We weren't waiting more than a few minutes when a tow truck pulled up and the driver rolled down the window. "Are you fellas, the people I'm picking up?"

"Yes, sir," I said.

He was older, like Doris. They both seemed to be in their 50s. He had salt-and-pepper greying hair, and a well trimmed white beard. He wore a mechanic's jumpsuit with the nametag "Tommy" on it. Lucifer and I squeezed into his truck. There was only one seat, but luckily, it was built to sit three. I handed Tommy $1,500, and his eyes bugged out.

"$1,500 for a two-hour drive? Are you crazy?" He said, shaking the money.

"Nope. Just, generous," I said.

"You got that right," he said, putting the car in drive.

It was a two-hour drive, like he said. We sat without speaking, listening to the radio play oldies the whole way. He dropped us off at a familiar location. It read, "The Last Temptation Casino."

"Well, you fellas have a good day now, you hear?" Tommy said.

"Thanks again," I said.

"We appreciate it," Lucifer said, very lackluster.

Good thing Tommy didn't notice. He just nodded his head, smiled, and drove off into the sunset. Not literally. It was still morning. About 10 am, I would have guessed.

"Meph has a subterranean elevator?" I said.

"Yes. He's one of the few people I can trust to guard one well," he said, straightening his tie. "Man, it was stuffy in there."

"I didn't think it was that bad, but to each their own, I guess," I said, shrugging.

When we walked into the casino, the guards took us up to Mephistopheles' office, but this time they weren't as hostile. They understood we were welcome guests.

Mephistopheles did his turning around in his chair routine again and said, "What brings you back so soon?"

"I'll tell you what brings us back so soon!" I yelled. Then softly, I said, "We need to borrow your elevator."

"Which one?" He said.

"You have others?" I said.

"Let's keep the other elevators need to know," Lucifer said. "We need to use your subterranean elevator."

"Yeah, well, I need to know about these other elevators," I said.

"Shush you. If you're good, I might show them to you sometime," Lucifer said.

"Will this be before or after you kill me?" I said.

"Ugh. Just come on!" Lucifer said.

Mephistopheles pulled out a key ring and opened what looked like a bookcase, but after he unlocked it, he slid it to the side to reveal a service elevator. As far as service elevators go, it was unremarkable other than being bright red. Then he put a key into the panel next to the elevator and turned the key to turn it on and open the door. I looked at the key and then at him suspiciously.

He noticed my look. "Don't worry. The elevator can't be shut down when it's down there. So you won't get trapped."

"But then you can just call the elevator up and shut it down," I said.

"I won't do that. Even if I did somehow do that, there are other subterranean elevators designed to bring people to the surface that can't be shut down from the top," he said, smiling devilishly. Sorry. Demonically. I have to make sure I use the right terminology.

Lucifer stepped inside and said, "Shall we?"

"Sure," I said, stepping inside.

There were only two buttons. 'L' for 'Lobby' and SB for 'Sub-Basement', Lucifer told me. He pressed 'SB'. The doors closed, and we began to descend into the deep recesses of the earth.