Tightly clutching my mask, I turn my head towards the sleeping rose-haired beauty. A long, tired sigh leaves me and I watch her shuffle about a lot. I do not recall her ever moving this much compared to before I died. Why is fairly obvious.

It even seems to take pride in it, chittering louder.

I know she told me that this is something that she needs to get used to, and I cannot blame her. The osibindah are well-deserving of their reputation as vile monsters. Even just acknowledging that fact makes me twitch inwards at foul memories. Small bones, too small for an adult, people eaten whole by body-stealing bugs. Gore splattered walls without end...

Either way, I am not sure what to think of Rose-sweerui's words. Either it's a simple lie to make me feel better. Or, she is honest completely, as there is some credit to the idea that she cares for me. Who would leave behind so much for something like me if they didn't? She did.

My paranoia won't settle down, though. I can't help but feel there is more at play. She claims to love me, not in the way a human sees it, but as how an aelenvari does. This power I ended up with. That's what attracts her, nothing more. You'd think someone nearly killed by it would come to abhor such strength.

Unhooking my cloak and carefully getting up, I take my mask and head on down into the valley proper. I walk back the way I came, stopping short of a tree and spin back around. Again and again. Ha- claw grasping the mask tightly.

If I ever had any confidence issues before about my looks, I most certainly have them now. Even my unassuming features, the kind I know no girl has ever praised behind my back, are better than this. A truly hideous, chittering face. I'm a slobbering monster right now...

How am I even going to look after Rose-sweerui looking like this? The mere act of collecting food, I'll have to do everything cloaked and wrapped up. I can't care for someone if I am constantly having to make sure no one can see what I look like. It'll only take one slip up for it all to go to shit.

Hopefully... This school, this damn place Vapooliar spoke of, can help me. Gods, please!

"For now... I should probably just keep this on at all times." I tell myself, holding the hard-form mask up in the moonlit road. Silence and inaction takes over, my eyes only able to lifelessly stare at the roots of some darkness-warped tree. I shift my jaw about and slip the mask back on. The claw that sets the bands in place lingers there.

My left.

Bringing it out, my right arm comes up as well and I compare the two. To think I was once so angry at having just one arm like this. Now everything is. I growl with growing viciousness, my chitters gnashing away at their jawbone bits.

I want someone to blame. Yet, I do not know how I can blame anyone. To even be alive again is a miracle given to me by the gods. I can never turn my ire onto them, but surely they knew what I was when I died...?

Am I too much of a god-fearing man to consider the idea? Or, too much of a coward to admit where the divine have slipped up? Am I only to blame? None of this would've happened if I refused Iishar's offer!

Rushing up to a tree, I slam my carapaced scalp against it. The tall oak or something snaps around me. As I pull away, splinters and chunks of bark fall from my head. Catching in the gaps of my muscle-lined shell.

Focusing on how it's catching in my bandages, I shift a foot up too, "Am I going to have to try and stay clean from now on...? I get the feeling these will be something to clean alright if I get them too filthy."

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I don't think trying to joke some ease into my system is going to work. The anguish keeps coming back stronger than ever. It always does. A never-ending circle of my predicament, for I am a monster that has the mind of a man.

I... I don't want to be a monster with the mind of a man. I want to be myself. I want to be what I was. I want to be a man with the mind of a man and nothing else!

Nothing else!

"DAMMIT!" I snap, lashing out at a tree.

Its gutted trunk rolls across the blades of grass.

"DAMN IT ALL TO BE LEFT AND ABANDONED BY UNDWOTW!" I swear, charging with all the fury in me towards the nearest mountain. I crash into it, digging into the stone with little effect on my person. My teeth grind against each other, my claws rend more out of the rock.

Turning quiet, I look back the way I came. Collapsing onto my forward pair of knees, I weep quietly. Trying to get rid of my sadness, I crush pebbles in repeated, tight grips. Not even rock feels the same anymore, the spongy feeling my right arm once felt no longer exists.

"I've lost everything and what little I gained when I first turned isn't even possible now..." I lament as I fail to replicate anything I could do in the flower before I died. I stop and look up to where Rose-sweerui is still sleeping. My eyes shift down to my claws and their pebble-grained palms.

Getting back up, slowly, I move over at much the same pace. Left claw clenching over and over again. When I get to her, I find myself to be towering in a way that feels wrong. She's on elevation and I am not even in line with her. The closer I get, the greater the disparity is.

I frown, thinking back to when it was but my right arm that had turned. How I used to be able to use my left arm to solve my problems, even though it was not my best side. It was a human hand. That is all that mattered. Now all I have are six claws.

"Let's... Let me see..." I mutter under my breath as I lean down and reach for her. Grabbing my cloak, I start to move it so it can cover her better. I'm not beside her anymore. My departure left half of her lightly dressed body exposed. She shivers as I secure the makeshift blanket and I clog up.

Maintaining my state, I watch her sleep. Should I back off and leave her for the moment? Wait for daylight to come back? We're in the wild and I am what I am now... Maybe it would be better for her if we went back to the flower, and I went on my way...?

She moves, an arm reaches out of the wrap I put her in and she pats around for something. Me. It disturbs her, and she starts to stir. Her eyes open and she rises sharply and with a twist, she barely misses my looming body.

She screams and scurries back, bulbs alight. I flinch back in turn, my limited control of my strength throwing me into a nearby tree. Clutching onto the broken bark and breaking more off of it, we calm down. Getting down, I plant my feet firmly as she puts herself back into the cloak-blanket.

"Nin!? Was it just you!? I'm sorry!" she apologises without end until I come back into her immediate view. Shaking my head, she stops herself from getting up and we stare at each other. Looking away, I rub one arm.

"I'm sorry..." I say, just in case. I was only trying to make sure she was wrapped up properly.

"Are you alright, my love?" she asks, her bulbs bright enough to catch onto all the debris now decorating me. More than just the tree I was exposed to but a moment before.

I nod.

"I'm sorry if I frightened you. I thought something had happened. I... I didn't know you were having trouble sleeping." she prattles on and I go back to her side to sit down. I can't exactly lie my way out of this. Not a whole lot she can't assume and not be right about.

"I'm the one who woke you, don't apologise... Rose-sweerui." I tell her as she still manages to offer me a hug, even with how on edge she is.

"I couldn't feel anyone at my side and..." she lets out quietly, her thoughts going to mysterious places.

"Try and get more sleep. I'm not tired." I tell her and she shakes her head.

"You should as well, my love. Let's both go back to bed. We have a lot of travelling left to do before we even find a settlement, let alone Suhurlodst. Being tired won't help either of us," she explains, giggling softly at the end as she lazily pulls me down. Moving with her cooing, she takes one of my claws into her hand and her bulbs die off.

She shuffles around, her lack of comfort clear.

"I think it will be better if you sleep on your own in the future." I remark and her hand grip loosens. Though, it stays regardless.

"No... You are my precious love... I will..." she struggles to answer as a yawn reminds her of getting back to sleep. Almost as if to drill the point in, she forces herself closer with an affectionate snuggle.

I shake my head, "Don't worry about it, just get back to sleep."

She says nothing. Gentle snores are all I can get out of her now. Freezing to as close to perfection as I can, I let her find a position that is comfortable for her. And, I acknowledge that I will not be getting to sleep anytime soon. Guess I'll just keep an eye out for any threats. At least one of us can leave our thoughts behind this night.