"You've nothing to fear, I can easily have them arrested and thrown into a cage for the night." Inerish giggles darkly as she looks around at the just-gasped room. Tightening my grip on my hat and mask, I shake my head and slowly take them off. Meeting the eyes of the room, I find myself lingering on an obvious military man, one who has chosen to go to dinner with various medals on his chest. Magic pumps through my eyes, enhancing my vision and the details of the bronze, silver, gold and ribbons become clear.
Guareroisncer's Honour to the Realm, Defender of the Valleys and the blatant in meaning Killer of Beasts.
A man who has made his career as a soldier of Thrurstradtur-Suhurlodst defending the land from monsters like me. Well, monsters I unfortunately happen to share the same appearance with. They all knew what I am, I've been in the news since my first year at the Suhurlodst Academy, before I met Lari. Yet, to actually see it with their own eyes, to have it confirmed beyond just words that I am what I am.
"It's fine, Inerish, no need to worry." I tell her, leaning in and having a closer look at the modest hill of batters and doughs, fruits and vegetables and sauces. Rather than picking up the menu to check its contents over, I reach first for a pancake and put what appears to be a sausage inside of it. Carefully and mindfully of the place I am at, I eat the food extra carefully. Inerish starts to laugh.
She sighs her amusement, shaking her head and looking away to sip her drink, "You really are something."
"You should see me when I tried to call you on the communicator." I huff, flexing the three chunky digits of my right arm. For all the things that changed that night I was sent off of the Vightorhian, it's my claws that continue to bother me the most. My loss of humanity is shown so well with them, the vanished dexterity... The obvious meaning behind such strong, stiff blades.
These are for rending people apart, brutalising them. Not dining in fancy restaurants or writing songs at the top of a hotel. I really do not know what I am supposed to be, what I am supposed to do. Even when Lari was alive, all she could do was distract me from it.
Inerish leans forward, her hands coming together while her back stiffens professionally upright, "You are an interesting conundrum, Nin Urtuan."
"Blame the gods." I snort, not sure if they really can be blamed. My run-in with the osibindah did happen before I died, after all. But could they have brought me back as I was...?
"With all the reports I get, that is the only thing I can see being involved." she tries to smile at but she still finds a curved index resting below her nose.
"The mask and hat are the best ideas I've ever had." I say, moving to grab them so I can hold them close and she stops me.
"No, let these people see who you are. Let them know." she insists and I cock a brow as best as I can.
"They're uncomfortable, and I am in turn." I whisper quietly, my mind ever clearer not what it has been these past five years.
"It is time you moved beyond this fear, Nin. As the Dark Crow, you have earned that right. No one is watching you with a wanton desire to pull the trigger anymore." she starts to say and an uncomfortable feeling comes to my chest.
"I know, I know the guns are gone, they've been gone for a-"
"I will ensure it." she sternly says, her hand squeezing my claw. I nod, lowering my hat and mask grabbing claw and releasing them.
I smack my mouth about, chittering some forced delight.
"Food is nice." I say, looking into her eyes.
"I sure hope so, I'm paying a fair bit for it even with all the money I have to throw about!" she exclaims, breaking out of her sternness to giggle with eager excitement. Flexing one hand closer while the other flexes near her mouth, she goes for something different to what I did. With the careful application of her dark-fire magic, she snaps open a shell of some kind, the meat on the inside breathing delicious steam.
"What was that you just ate?" I question, having never seen an animal like that.
"A deep-river clam. It's good." she answers, reaching for another which she opens up the same way. Only, this time, its shell is used as a scoop for some kind of sauce and she closes it back up. One quick shake and it's back open, ready to be eaten.
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My closest claw awkwardly lingers over their section on the platter, dexterous doubts freezing me up.
"Can I have a hand...?" I sheepishly ask, the thought of dropping it frightening me.
She huffs, "Sure, now, palm."
The clam drops into it and I bring it towards my mouth before popping it in. Crunch. A bitter, shardy taste covers my tongue like a weird, juicy-cored nut and my eyes move with uncertainty. This is certainly a flavour, I think I'll stick to how she eats it.
"You are quick to gain wisdom!" she giggles, leaning forward with a cloth to wipe away the bits of shell sliding out of my mostly bottomless mouth.
"Not like that." I go, disgusted by the flavour of the shell more so than by it being improper. She passes on the cloth and I finish up with the cleaning, a brief thought passing through my head. Should I pay someone to make me a false bottom jaw?
"Well, lucky for you, the rest of what is on this platter can be eaten entirely without having to worry about anything like that." Inerish assures me as she assembles a small pancake wrap of her own. A smile flashes at me before she bites into it with a gentle, satisfied moan.
"That's good, now, uh, about why I am actually here... We've sort of not talked about it at all." I explain and her final bite stops. She puts the pancake down, wipes her fingers and covers her face.
"Please. Let a good moment last, will you?" she exasperates and I look down towards my wrapped-up thighs. Rubbing a claw on one of them, I test the tightness until my middlest digit starts to tap the leg.
"This is why I want to talk to you... To someone and then to find work." I explain quietly, stopping any small movements so I can simply frown.
Inerish sighs and moves the platter away a little, her hand rising to stop a waiter who's been looking a bit too much at us, "She means that much to you."
"Lari does... Did... Yeah. Yeah, she did. Larishazza Sl'Ayiysab, my..." I say, stopping just short of the nickname I have for her. My Hopeful Blue.
"Have you considered that there might not be any advice that can be offered? Things like this take time, it's one of those things you just have to grow numb to." she explains, edging close to it being under her breath.
"How can I ever grow numb to the love I feel for the woman who saved my life? I understand that you were doing your jobs, I know what I am. I can look at that man other there and that one, I can see the medals on their chest and I have the scars and memories to know what people think of what I am... How can I just forget her? Grow numb? The stress of Smiling Jhurack was getting to you, Inerish, your work was suffering and it is clear to me that it has changed you, even now and-"
Her magic ignites and a wall of it surrounds us. The click of her heels catches my attention and soon, my head rests against her toned belly. Looking down as a hand caresses the side of my head, a tear slips into one of the cracks of my shell. I gulp with a shiver and move away from her as she drops down a little to make our eyes meet.
Her bright, saddened ones opposing my leakers.
"You're right, the stress of Smiling Jhurack was getting to me. I lost faith in my abilities and that still hasn't come back to me. The government I am charged to protect is something I have only contempt for nowadays. I could go home back to the wars of the land that my blood comes from and will spill upon. But, I won't, I will stay here as Grandguard. Because even though I was turning malicious towards you, I hated you, really. I had to put my hopes into you and all you did was fail until... You didn't. You won and that feather around your neck is proof of that." she tells me.
Her head leans in closer until her forehead is on my snout.
"Though you might not grasp it, I have come to depend on you more than you can imagine even with a lack of continued involvement. This Larishazza sounds like a wonderful woman, it is a shame what happened to her. She was your hero and heroes help us see the best in ourselves, they help us carry on through the inspiration they give us. But, that's the thing, you won't ever just have one hero. Mourn her, but don't stay tied down to her, find others." she explains, moving away with a slight bit of red to her face that sticks out even against the amethyst light.
"She wanted the exact same for me... She wanted me to go and find those that I have lost and bring them all back together." I tell Inerish as she offers me my hat.
"Take as long as you need to get there, painful as my experience was, you understand that better than anyone else I know, Dark Crow. You have the patience, you just need to not be so urgent about it." she explains as I put on the hat, tilting it down to hide my currently disturbed eyes. The one thing about me that is still the same as when I was but a man.
"I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused you..." I mutter, nervously clicking the back of my mouth as her hand rises towards her magic. I look up a little, just enough to see her mouth.
"Don't worry about it, I may not work with you anymore to protect Thrurstradutr, but I love the chance to help you." she explains, smiling. With a wave, her magic vanishes and she digs back in without a thought given to what she's just done. Despite all of the noise coming our way now that the barrier is gone.
Nodding, I set aside my concerns for the moment and shuffle my chair in closer. Reaching over the immense plate, I pull it in closer to me so it's a more even distance between us. Finding a smirk to send back her way, she matches it with a scowl that passes away so a giggle can come out. Using the sharp tip of one of my claws, I pick up a piece of cut meat that way and drop it into my mouth.
I don't let it show, but, her words are not something I can digest as easily as this food. She's right unequivocally, though, it will take time, a very long time. I cannot promise Liada that when I next see her all will be sorted but I can promise that eventually, I will be there for her like she wants me to be. On Lari's deathbed, I swore to bring them all back so we can all smile together once again. My word shall not find itself so easily lacking in value, there will be no recession of the trust people can put in it.
Especially when one of them used the last of their strength to put all the hope they could into my future. My Hopeful Blue of all people. Don't worry, Lari, you can trust me, I promised you.