"All aboard!" a member of the train station's staff calls out, the destination having just been clarified. The few people boarding this machine go onto the cars towards the front and give us dirty looks on the way. A small child is hustled along by his mother and the station loses the ambience of the people. The worker approaches us.

"Sir, please board if this is your spiral-train." he insists, our tickets verified beforehand. I nod and look over to the others and it turns out they've already gotten on. Frowning at how Liadanann chose a car further back, I shake my head and move into the one ahead. Putting my claw onto a nearby grab bar, I move my head right and then left.

My gaze lingers on my two friends and moves away when the redder part of the two meets me with only scorn.

I sigh quietly and move closer to the window as the train starts to depart. Briefly, I watch those who work here make sure that the platform is clear and they sit down to rest. The train picks up speed and the building vanishes off into the distance. Blinking a little at how the view changes, my attention is drawn to the magic keeping our sense of gravity normal.

Round and round the high-rising rail, always coiling and doing so without so much as a stutter. Mountains are weaved by and valleys seem like little hops. A city comes into view, one built around a grand lake and filled with all manner of exotic buildings and internal shipping. It seems like there's a festival going on, one dedicated to Oceinater if I was to guess anything.

Not strictly the god of water, but, rather the bodies of it and the life within. A pedantic difference.

There are a lot of activities going out across that lake, races on boats, rowing competitions and various kinds of sailing and chute games. At its core, however, is a show that explicitly would need the presence of water magic users. From here and going this fast in constant rotation, I cannot notice the details clearly enough. I just have to know and an image comes to my head because of it.

The girl in my mind smiles, her hair dripping wet but seemingly as dry as it would be on a clear day. She's dancing, bringing up all the water around her and shaping it into all kinds of obstacles and platforms. Her heart is alive and well, unburdened with any kind of pain. Only, it cannot stop me from feeling it.

My chittering turns harsh and I shake my head.

The delusion vanishes and I take the moment to sit down and collect my thoughts. Another detail about Oceinater comes to mind. Blood. That which the heart pumps so tirelessly is his domain.

The smile comes back to my imagination, only, this time, there is no smile. The teeth it wants to show are kicked in. The skin that surrounds it is cut up and lacerated without end. She is dying in my arms.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Choking on a breath of air for some reason, I start to cough and find myself looking back towards Liadanann. I frown at her red skin and look back to the clean floor of the train. Well, it's not as clean as it used to be, not since my buggish body walked over it. I put my claws together and squeeze.

I'm not doing a very good job of keeping my promise to Lari. I don't think I can, not with how my life is at the moment. She's all I've ever wanted and every time someone else has tried to be dear to me, I have fought them off. Their persistence only causes them pain and I might as well be abusing them to carry on with it.

I'm giving Liadanann false hope...

"I need to make a final decision about this and just let it be. I know what makes her heart like this, don't I?" I ask myself, looking down at the first divine artefact I ever came into possession of. I could throw it away and let the hearts of all those I know figure things out for themselves. Yet, that idea scares me. One of the few things that do these days.

I'm a bug. I cannot ever escape that fact. I'm not sure how much it bothers me these days but I still notice. I help Liadanann at her shop and see the customers unwilling to come in.

I walk into the Gnomon to speak to Inerish and see the trigger fingers tensing up.

I blink, trying to force the tears back into my eyes. Lari's final words come back to haunt me and my fists tighten. Even she was the same, she could not ever love me because of what I am. I came back to life all those years ago but at what cost?

I still skulk the streets at night, avoiding people and crowds. People who have admitted to viewing me in a favourable light still flinch when they see me. I won't even try to scare them intentionally, they just will. All because I am a literal monster.

Osibindah.

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My eyes narrow at a quiet mountain as the train's rotation lets me spot but one of the many small forts guarding the pillars of the line. Bandits, foreign troops and wild animals, they're all but one reason for these kinds of deployments. For a lot of people, though, they can only see these kinds of things as protection against the osibindah. Body-stealing creatures, sinister things that pervert the natural beauty of the women they get their hands on.

All it would take is for one earth shaman to raise his staff and- The door between trains opens up and in comes Baltanthan.

Straightening myself out, I lean against the chair and he sits down across from me. His staff hits the ground harshly and I raise a brow at the tough guy act. He knows full well how this will go down if something does erupt. But, I guess, why wouldn't you want the illusion of safety when near something like me?

"Why did you come?" the young man who technically saved my life asks, his tone bordering on sounding like a demand. I look to the car he came in from and watch Liadanann as she holds one of those boxes closely. She only becomes more protective when her head turns slightly our way. One pointless shuffle later and she's further away.

"To make sure she's safe." I explain, crossing my arms and slouching down with spread-out legs.

"She will be." Baltanthan assures me with a quieter voice and his staff starts to roll around within his grip.

"I intend to see that through myself." I say, triggering some kind of alarm when I let my magic get out of control as a show of force. I shrug the noise off, holding back the forced laugh at how easy it is to trigger. Though, I make a point of keeping my magic under control now. The health & safety notice did make it clear what a strong witch being too reckless with passive magic could do.

If I try hard enough, I can make the whole train lose its connection to the rail. We could go flying and dip into a smashing crash or just go straight for it at top speed. All this metal and cushioning, it would crumple on itself like a foot flattening an empty drinks can. Maybe another time in my life, I would not care if such a thing happened, the world hates me and I hated it just as much in return.

Maybe I still do.

Either way, that is how I saw the world, at least, until she came into my life... My Hopeful Blue. She taught me to smile again, something no one can ever really think they'd forget to do. Then again, no one's ever heard of someone coming back from the dead because God owes them a favour.

I saved Iderim-Ovi, I freed the god of Liadanann's people from his imprisonment beneath that church. Eqkilibral gave me a weighted hand and I lived again. I'm not sure if I should curse His name or bless it. Maybe both, I lean so very heavily in the middle of the scales so I can bend both options inward.

"Look, Nin, I don't want to be on a spiral-train that has a needless tension throughout it the whole time. Find a chance to apologise and smooth things over or-"

"Or head out of view." I finish for him and he holds back on his next set of words. He starts to nod, looking down and then across the car. Steadily, I stand up and let out a heavy breath. Shaking my head, I start to walk the other way.

I hear him sharply get up.

"You're not even going to set aside your pride!?" he snaps in question. I sigh in response at first and look back at him.

"This isn't about my pride. I've done enough to her. I need to figure something out and stick to it." I explain and he doesn't seem to buy it. His weapon leans forward, the slight movement of magic in it until a clear glow appears. However, compared to me and despite its visibility, no alarm is triggered.

He seems to ignore this fact but dismisses the arcane either way with a heavy sigh.

"Well, whatever you're going to figure out, make sure it's the right choice." he warns, his tone mocking midway. My slight glare eases up and I head into the next car. Finding a seat that puts my back facing their way, I sit down. A leg comes up and I fold my arms over my belly.

Closing my eyes, my hot breath seems all the more noticeable and I start to consider what I can. The noise and mechanics of the train become a strange, soothing song and my head starts to spin. I can't get my head to stop spinning everything when I think. There is no master in my skull but it.

The smile I want to see starts to twist, the cheeks breaking away to reveal the smile within. The sound of metal moving starts to manifest as a blade going along a whetstone. Laughter from a car ahead of me turns vile. The only way out of this is to open my eyes, so, I do.

Sighing miserably, I go back to watching the landscape go on by, changing without pause. For a most passing of moments, I catch sight of what appears to be a group of adventuring witches. Nestled up high in the safety of a mountain cave in their little camp. Of all the gods that exist in the Orbital-Halo, I know none of them would disagree with me in saying that they're having a good time.

I start to think back to all of those I have met since leaving Tobaballe, the first time, not when I failed to save it...

Each time, each time without fail something has happened that has torn us apart. Vapooliar never wants to see me again because I am now what ruined her life so dearly. Rose'lhia only needs an excuse to go off to someone else and that is probably what she ended up doing. Vadei and Einervaene vanished when my behaviour became too much for them. And, now, that same behaviour is about to send Liadanann off and my involvement with Inerish is only provoking the issue.

I made a promise to Lari and went about it in the worst way possible. I came stumbling to Liada for emotional support and roped her into something I am not sincere about. For the sake of everyone, I am probably better off going elsewhere. The world has been happy to move away from me, it may be time I do the same for it.

Perhaps I must head to Death itself to firmly make my choice clear.

"It's a sinister thought, really and given that letter I got from you, I may not be being fair. But, Undwote, sometimes, just sometimes, it feels like you're doing this so you can get me again. I am the one who got away, after all." I mutter, standing up and moving to the train car's sealed exit. I provoke the tightly locked door and nothing comes of it. My chittering interrupts and restarts awkwardly.

Flexing a fist at first, I start to shake my head.

"My time will come again." I state, not knowing when. I just know it is coming, though my body is strong, my spirit is breaking down once again. I am not sure I can carry on anymore.