Crunching under my feet, years of natural erosion move and shift away or into a more compact state. While not as active as it was on the way here, my cloak is still alive with movement. My left claw hops between sizeable outcrops with a wet-tuned smack each time until I find an end to this pathway. Stepping close to its edge, I look out across the landscape.

This still ongoing rainstorm is hiding the moons and rather amusingly, it tells me it's not the middle of the year. Nothing as obscuring as this would be around in the full period of Jhrarda the Mighty. The lack of lunar light makes it hard to tell what I can expect, even with magic enhancing my vision as best as it can. Forming a ball in my hand, I cast it out and the minuscule effort at least gives me some outlines.

In the darkness, nominally normal-looking trees come across as thick, serrated spikes or balls of dangerous yarn. Though I am used to great heights and rapidly moving through them, the mountainsides and their shadowed faces are queasy to look at. I shouldn't be in danger even if I run a mountaintop through, but, the feeling's here in my gut. Looking up a little, I spot what is clearly the outline of a valley, such a small amount of my spell-light making it clear.

Taking one step forward, rocks break loose and I land higher up the mountain. Fully exposed to the elements, I get comfortable in my slippery crevice and dig my clawtips in. I am going to fly, I will fly, for the sake of that memory, I am going to come back to Thrurstradtur soaring! And I will do it alone.

I sigh as my mind makes a point of giving me that unwanted, firm reminder of Lari's departure. The last time I tried to fly has all the components this night has, only, the woman I love is not here to show me how it's done. She's not here to stop me from plunging into the darkness below, towards the mind-warped shadows. Rising to my full height, one claw wraps itself into my cloak to keep it restrained, at least, for now.

My body leans forward into the demands of gravity and my magic comes to life. Facing the wind and black shapes, little spells light and dim as my velocity increases. The sloping ground grows closer and my claws move away from my sides. Circles erupt from my palms and I face them towards the nearly disturbed rock.

Stone blasts apart.

Feet first, up into the sky, I quickly arc back down towards the ground with a tremor. Leaping away much the same, more explosions start to follow and my long jumps make easy work of the valley width. Spell after spell, I build and conserve what speed I can until I let myself fall again. Something starts to build up in front of me, out of the air in a surprisingly lax moment.

This cone-ish shape shrinks and falters, vanishing back into the sky from whence it came. A wall becomes clear, no, the ground. Flipping around, I impact deep into the rock, stressing my legs to their limits as shards and greater fling up. Making the earthly wound worse, the sky becomes my destination and I try to feel out for anything I can.

With a wet, harmless smack, I hit the next mountain and rest within its cut. Sighing as I push myself out of the dribbling debris, I climb up to its top and stand on its compacted, snowy peak. Cracking some of the ice away, I perch out towards the wide plateau I can barely make out. If I can just fly that distance, landing doesn't matter, I just need to fly across this gap...

Leaning back into the motions, magic fills out my legs and immediately, all I hear of the mountain's fate is its falling apart head. Swinging my arms about and shifting some magic around, arcane fire shoots out like the exhaust of an airship. Nothing comes of it. My feet land in the desecrated mud rather than on the rock of that plateau.

Bitterly snapping my jaws, I walk up and out of my hole and spot a tall tree. Throwing my strong arm back, I am near-instantly reeled in and mid-fling, I am going to another. Shooting between the trees, my haste comes back to me and I switch to the mountains. With a blur of movement, I claw a spell into a mountain, cutting its face open while my feet run destruction across another.

Growling, my legs pick up the pace and my strides explode into something grander. The air follows suit and I soar. Yet, as I start to feel as if I have accomplished what I want to do, I figure out I need to swing again. The loudest roar of frustration I can spit out shakes my mask.

Swinging across the valley again and again, I arc up onto a mountain peak, I leap from it and flail in the air. Smashing down, I force my way back into the sky. Putting magic on my feet, I try once again to find inspiration from the machines of this country. It's not enough, nothing I've done so far has been!

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"What am I doing wrong? I have the power, there's no way I am not stronger than Larishazza now... Einervaene I know I've beaten and she can still fly-" I start to rant before a flash of lightning strikes only across the visions of my mind's making. Of course, the clouds... Do I need to involve them, maybe? Einervaene's been able to fly since I met her and she always went up into them.

Crouching down with closed fists, I close my eyes and focus on my arcane power. Feeling it out and how it behaves, it begins to warp in a peculiar fashion as if it's swirling around my body. The air around me is much the same, a curtain separating the world from my body. My legs spring.

Followed by the crack in the air, I reach up as much as I can, magic trailing behind me. Its light details the sky and I come short. Hitting the ground for only a moment, I go back up. Again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again!

Again...

Falling without a care, my body limply swings under the forces acting against me. First, a mountain strikes me and I roll down it with dangerous negligence. Tree branches whip my limbs and head and spin me out of control. Mud squelches all consumingly like a thick wave trying to crest over.

With a sigh, I pick myself up and brush the lingering clumps of thickened earth off. Clenching my fists, my greater body trembling with frustrated fury, I stop. Nodding slowly, I get my magic back in order and look up one final mountain. Comparatively, it's a smooth-skinned thing.

"One more time, this one will be the last one... The night's gone on long enough." I quietly mutter before putting my claw tips into the rock and pulling up. Finding my footing, I hop from position to position until I find myself back in the barely brighter sky. My palms find the hips and I slowly turn towards the flattest face. Am I doing this right?

I mean, obviously not... But...

"I don't get it, I really don't get it." I say for the sake of getting something out as I hold a muddied palm out towards the pelting rain. Each one is like me, really, each landing is as graceful as a simple weighty drop. Something breaks and another follows suit. Pointlessly, I flick my claw dry and just barely, I can make out the golden glow of Thrurstradtur.

I should be heading back now, one final try in the direction of where I will whimper myself to sleep. Gently, I step forward and fall into the Wind-Mountain's embrace, head bent as forwardly up as it can be. The distance between the current mountain and me tightens, inching ever closer to the point of a single scrape. I strike the ground with a punch and force my way out of my descent and back into a crouching leap.

One final mountain's wounds follow after me and I desperately reach for the sky, the distance far lesser than before. However, even like this, gravity still snaps its jaws shut and I fall into the darkness below. Quiet tears leave my eyes as the emptiness of my claw strikes me as all the more noticeable. Falling into the mud as if I had been struck, I hold back the tears.

"Are you joking? Why can't I...? Lari wanted me to fly... WHY CAN'T I FLY!?" I go, striking the grassy ground with one claw while the other finds my face. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I can't figure it out and Lari just won't leave my head. That night I told her 'I love you,' it's as real to me now as it was then. Breathlessly, I stumble up to my feet, nearly collapsing again.

My claw clenches tight and it keeps flexing open, hoping to find her hand to hold...

"I can't even ask you for help." I say with a hollow tone of voice. For once, my mouth stops chittering and I feel the cold night for what it is. Slumping my shoulders, I begin the long trek back to Liada's place. My foot squishes the grass, forcing past it and going into the sloppy mud.

Crushing a bit of bark to stop myself slipping, a sincere laugh echoes in my head. It's her laugh, the kind of laughs she'd let out when we played in the mud of her making. She would call herself a mud-skater and dance in wide, easy-going arcs, enjoying life and all its simplicities. Even on miserable days, she managed to beam that smile, she always managed to find a reason to smile.

I don't want to be more like her, I just want her, I want her in my arms. Alive and well, making noise. I don't want Einervaene, she can stay in her homeland if that's where she's buggered off to. Rose'lhia can stay in her flower the same as Vadei can stay wrapped up in her home village. Liada's shop bell won't announce my return and Inerish won't hear another call from me and...

"The only one I want is you, Lari and I cannot have you. You died," I fall to my knees, magic building up, "You're dead because of my failure..."

Fire.

"DAMN THIS CRUEL PLANET YOU LEFT AROUND GODS! IF THIS IS ALL THAT REMAINS THEN I WANT NO PART OF IT!" I howl with all I can as every flicker of magic explodes out of me with the force to lay waste to the entire Civil Mountains and their land I once called home. If this whole damn world lacked magic like Tobaballe did... My anger would leave me alone in the void of a shattered planet. Even the gods would hate me, just like everywhere I have been does!

Scooping up a slob of mud, grass-topping and nut-filling and all. I chuck it away. Snorting skyward, my body starts to turn still as my magic makes itself scarce. Getting back up, I jump only a metre and nothing breaks, all that happens is a puddle splashing.

Trudging along, I focus on getting back home, staying true only to my inconsistency. I want to do good by Lari's word but what she wants is not what I want to happen. Me and her, it will never happen, it was never going to happen. And, yet.

"I have to try, keep on trying and maybe it will all make sense. Give it time and I will move past her... Her smile will blur in my head until I cannot even remember it. Memories are fickle like that, only the idea of them remains." I melancholic. bringing forth a drop of magic to light my way. It flickers much like a real candle, only kept alive by the focus that goes into its life.

I guess I am much the same.