Cinnamon Bun - Bonus Story: In Which Broccoli Scares Some Children

“I wanna play pirates,” Lana whined.

Ray scoffed, hands on his hips and nose turned up, just the way his dad did. “You always want to play pirates,” he said.

“Well, we have to play something,” she grumbled.

He shook his head at her and looked around for a moment before turning back to her and saying, "We could play explorers and bandits."

"No," Lana blurted out immediately. The last time they played explorers and bandits, Ray got so mad when someone didn't do as expected that he punched her in the stomach. His mom had grounded him for two weeks because of it. She was still sulking over it.

Themoid grunted and tugged at his beard. It wasn't a very long one, only reaching to his sternum, but he was really proud of it.

"What about wizards?" He asked after another minute of them all sitting around thinking.

“How do you play wizards?” Lana asked. Her long ears twitched though, which meant she was at least a little interested.

Ray grinned. “It’s easy! We need staffs, and cloaks, and then we go around and find bad guys and cast spells at them.”

“I don’t know any spells,” Lana grumped.

“I’ll teach you!”

A few minutes later, the trio were rushing through the Storm Tower with blankets tied around their necks and long sticks in hand. Themoid had opted to use a metal pole because ‘If’n I’m gonna be a wizard then I’m gonna be a proper dwarfish one.’

The only spells Ray knew were really simple things that his mom had shown him, and most took a lot of concentration to cast. Stuff like light balls and a spell to light candles (that his mom made him promise he wouldn’t use to light the house on fire) and a few others. When it came time to teach Lana though, he showed her his most useless spell of all.

“Hrrng wah!” Lana said as she cast her spell. Her face went red to the tip of her ears and she looked like she was on the verge of pooping herself. Still, the spell came out as a fizzly ball that wobbled ahead and splattered against some scuffs on one of the walls. “I did it!” Lana cheered as the stain lessened a little.

“Wow,” Ray said. He made sure to inject enough sarcasm that even Lana would catch on. “What a powerful wizard you are.”

“Hey!” Lana shot back. She pointed her wand (A rolling pin without the roller) right at him. “You take that back!”

“Okay. I won’t say you’re powerful then,” he said before grinning. “You’re super weak.”

Lana cast ‘rolling pin’ on his head next, and Ray ran away laughing while rubbing at the spot she’d hit him on.

Their fun and games came to an abrupt end though, when they rounded a corner and came upon another group of kids.

Thimmy, Thocks, and their leader and Ray’s rival, Becky.

“Oh no,” Themoid said from just behind Ray. Lana caught up too, and in a show of solidarity, came to stand behind him too... after poking him in the small of the ribs with the end of her rolling-pin-wand.

“Well, well,” Becky said. She crossed her arms and turned her nose up at them. “Look what crawled out of the sewer pipes.”

Becky was a year older than Ray and wouldn’t let him forget how much more mature and cool that made her. She also lived a block above the housing area where Ray, Lana and Themoid lived. They shouldn’t have gone up the stairs to this floor of the tower, he realized too late. But this was the floor with the most open spaces (where the adults wouldn’t yell at them to get out of the way).

He glared at her, then unleashed his best, highest level (Rank C already!) skill at her... Identify.

Rebekah Fireroot

Schoolyard tough

Beetle crusher

He gulped. His identify gave people titles that told him about them, and Becky had gotten a new one since the last time he’d looked.

Thimmy Rockcore

Smart as Rocks

Thock Rockcore

The Braided

Homegrown Tinkerer

“At least the sewer pipes are warm,” Ray said. He opened his mouth, then hesitated. He wasn’t sure how to end that insult.

“So you did come from the sewers?” Becky said. She grinned. “That explains the smell, right boys?”

Her two companions nodded, and they both made a show of covering their mouths with their beards, even Thocks, whose beard was all braided up on account of her being a girl and all.

“That’s not true!” Lana shouted back. “If there was a stink I’d clean it up because I’m the great cleaning wizard... Lana... uh... Lanarious the Great!”

“That’s a lame name,” Thock said.

“You’re a lame name,” Lana fired back.

That was one point for their side, and it wasn’t even Ray who’d gotten it. He resisted the urge to grumble. It didn’t WORD an elf to grumble. “What were you even doing, Becky?” he asked.

“I should ask you that,” Becky said. “We were going to play pirates.”

He scoffed. “That’s boring. We have a much better game than that.”

“Oh yeah?” she asked. “Does it involve stealing people’s dirty towels?”

He glared. “These are wizard’s cloaks! We’re wizards. And you guys are bandits!” He raised his staff (a stick he’d gotten from outside the tower last fall) and cast his best spell across the gap between their groups. It was a Water Gathering spell he’d learned that pulled water out of the air. He’d figured out how to twist that mana just right to turn it into a big spray.

...

Well, in reality, he hadn’t figured out how to cast the spell without it being a spray, but he was still working on it.

Becky gasped as she was sprinkled with lukewarm water. “Oh, it’s on! Come on, we’re gonna beat them till their beards fall off!”

“Yeah!” Thimmy and Thocks cheered.

“Oh, look Amaryllis! There’s little elf and dwarf kids, and they’re playing together!”

Both sides paused mid-charge (Ray was pretty much out of mana, so he was going to resort to the wizardly tactic of bashing things with his stick) and turned to stare at a group of newcomers.

He gulped.

These weren’t locals, he knew that right away. The group had five members, and he didn’t recognize a single one.

At the back was a strange man with beige fur instead of skin. He looked a little like a cat, and had a bow in a sheath over his shoulder and a strange hat on with holes on the top for his long, cat-like ears.

Calamity Danger

Crackshot

Big game hunter

Dragon-like monster stalker

Blahajist

Nine Lives

Friend of the Great Plains

He blinked. He hadn’t seen so many titles except on the few times he used his skill on some guards or explorers. That guy had to be some sort of hunter!

He glanced at the next one at the back, a shorter woman (he was almost as tall!) in a red uniform. She had wings! Big semi-translucent things that made her look like a fairy. They fluttered a little as she looked over Ray and his friends (and also Becky) with a look that didn’t seem very impressed.

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Caprica Sylph

Stowaway Princess

Military Mind

Bastion Hearted

Expert Manipulator

Aspiring Sugar Mommy

Knightly Mannered

Highborn Bastion of the People

Secret Softy

A princess? No, no, sometimes his skill was a little bit wrong about some stuff. It could exaggerate a little.

He turned his attention to what might have been an elf... but no, she was too short, and she moved a hand up to hook her blonde hair behind an ear that was notably not pointed.

Awen Bristlecone

Bunnygirl Admirer

Willingly Kidnapped Princess

Mad Tinkerer

Airship Repairer

Stammering Mess

Dragonmaker

Lesbiam

Les bien

Lessbien

Useless

What was up with her titles. And what was a... he squinted. Whatever that was. He’d ask his mom later, he decided. He also wondered why anyone would keep someone around if they were useless, that was strange.

He turned to one of the other members, probably the strangest looking in the whole bunch.

“Ray, look, it’s a bird!” Lana said while pointing her wand at the strange person.

She was a bird. With white wings and a bunch of feathers for hair, and she didn’t look impressed at all.

Amaryllis Albatross

Tsundere Princess

Airship Magnate

Skyborn

Reluctant Advisor

Magical Prodigy

A-Rank Mage

Huffer

Dungeon Explorer

Thunderously Opinionated

He blinked. Explorer? Then he noticed the pin clasp to the front of her leather jacket. She was a member of the Explorations Guild! That made a lot more sense now. No wonder the whole group looked so strong.

“Hello!” the one at the front said. She was smiling big and wide, and Ray felt his attention gravitating towards her, then he felt his cheeks warming up. She had a smile that made his heart constrict, and when she gave them all a little wave he felt his tummy doing strange things. It was like looking at a bucketfull of kittens but as a person.

He shook it off and really looked at her. She was taller, with big ears, one of which looked a big droopy, and a blue armoured dress with a cuirass over it. Maybe Themoid would know more about her armour, he was into that kind of thing.

Broccoli Bunch

Slime Genocider

Battle Bun

Dangerously Adorable

The Cleanser

Airship Captain

Skypriveteer

Dignity Destroyer

Strange Traveler

S-ranked Mage

Explorer of the Unknown

Befriender of the Eldritch

Dragon Friend

Root Ripper

Ray felt his heart skip a beat, but for an entirely different reason. Nevermind that this girl was kind of cute (he’d think on that later, dangit!) she was one of the most dangerous people he’d ever seen. What kind of horrible things would someone have to do to get so many titles?

“Hi miss!” Lana said. “I like your ears!”

Broccoli grinned. “Thank you! I like your ears too!” She pulled her hair back to reveal... human ears? Then she wiggled them with her fingers. “Only half of mine are pointy though.”

“Ohh, cool!”

“See Amaryllis, I’m cool!”

“Hmm, yes, you can impress children, congratulations, that’s a high bar for you.” the harpy lady said.

Broccoli squatted down in front of them. “Hey little guys and girls. Were you playing?”

“Yeah!” Lana said, and Thimmy and Thock nodded along. “We’re playing wizards.”

“Oh, that’s cool!” Broccoli said. “Show me your magic, I want to see!”

Lana nodded, then focused hard and cast a spell at the ground between them. The weak magic sputtered out and barely succeeded in erasing a scuff from the floor.

Ray and Becky both chuckled.

“Was that cleaning magic?” Becky asked. “Wow, lame.”

“Hey now,” Broccoli said.

For some reason the group of explorers, bun-aside, though that was hilarious.

“Cleaning magic isn’t so bad! It’s actually pretty great,” Broccoli said.

“Yes, do try to convince literal children that your magic is great, we’ll wait,” Amaryllis said.

“Awa, it’s okay, Broccoli, I think your magic is... useful,” Awen said.

Broccoli pouted, and Ray found his tummy doing flips again. “Fine. Hey, little girl, want to see what you can really do with Cleaning magic?”

“Okay?” Lana said.

Broccoli grinned, then her eyes narrowed and she concentrated really hard. Ray wasn’t sure what was going through her head for a moment as her ears drooped and she focused on something they couldn’t see.

Then, with a rush of magic that he felt pushing through and past him, the bun unleashed a powerful spell.

He felt his skin tingling, and when he blinked, he saw that the entire room sparkled. Literally. The lights were brighter--probably because the glass around the flames looked brand new--and the tiles on the ground looked almost new. Even the air tasted different. More sharp, fresh, and without the faint lingering odour of that came from so many people living in one huge building.

“Whoa!” Lana said.

“See, I’m cool!”

Calamity, the catguy, grinned. “Are we going to spend the rest of the day entertaining kids?” he asked. “Because I have this neat trick where I shoot a coin out of the air at twenty paces.”

“No, we will not be doing that,” Amaryllis said. “If you’re done wasting mana and saving the Storm Tower’s cleaning budget, maybe we should move on.”

“Ah, right, just one thing,” Broccoli said. She turned back to Ray and his friends. “Hey, guys, would you mind catsitting for me? One of my best friends, Orange, is just sitting on our airship doing nothing, and I imagine she’d love to have some company. What do you say?”

Ray thought that sounded pretty fun. He liked cats as much as anyone, and the others seemed to think that was a good idea.

So Broccoli channeled some magic, and out of thin air, a cat appeared. It stayed in the air, floating there like cats shouldn’t. “This is Orange! Please take good care of her for me, please!”

Orange didn’t seem to be a very happy cat. She turned and stared at the lot of them and looked very unimpressed.

Orange Bunch

The Watcher

Grand Admiral of Sylphfree

Mousebane

The Ratkiller

Broccoli’s Master

Owner of the Beaver Cleaver

Heart of a Tiger

The Naptaker

Clive’s Friend

The Milkdrinker

Extremely Pettable

Ray gulped and watched as Lana took hold of the floating cat and snuggled it close. The others started petting it, which the cat endured with stoic, unwavering pride.

He just stood aside and watched as the explorers said their goodbyes and wandered off.

What kind of madpeople had they just run into?

***