Chapter One Hundred and Twenty-Four - Say Hello to My Not-So-Little Friend

“Oh boy,” I whispered.

There were a lot of things that could go wrong.

Honestly, most of those things had really negative consequences for the mafia people, more than anyone else, but I didn’t want to see my new friend eating people, not even criminals.

And then I had to consider whether or not my friends and I would be caught in the crossfire.

I would have to do my best to keep everything nice and civil!

The problem was, I had no idea what to do. This entire thing would end in disaster. My friends, as awesome as they were, weren’t equipped to deal with this. Awen was a bit shy, and Amaryllis was a bit... a lot rude. She’d make things worse.

I closed my eyes for a moment and asked myself a vital question. What would Abraham do?

I coughed to clear my throat. “Hello Cholondee. You’re just in time, there’s some tea left.”

The dragoness turned her head my way, something that had fedora-wearing goons toppling over themselves to get out of the way. Her long spiney back-sail perked up the same way that my ears did, but cooler. “You have tea?” she asked.

The dragon eyed the still steaming kettle on the little table, the kettle that was smaller than... literally any one of her body parts. “I’m certain Don Grenouille wouldn’t mind fetching a larger kettle. Or maybe a pot.”

“Ah,” the old grenoil said.

“See,” I said. Then, even though it was a little rude, I pointed to some of the goons who flinched back as if my finger were a primed pistol. “You and you. Go put some water to boil. And please do so quickly, leaving a guest waiting is wrong.”

“Ah, you’re under guest rights,” Cholondee asked as she wiggled a claw to get some of the fountain that got caught there out.

“Actually, Don Grenouille didn’t want to extend those,” I said. “He did provide tea!”

“I--I can extend zem!” the Don said, the first time he spoke since Cholondee arrived.

“No, I think we’re fine as we are,” Amaryllis said.

I wasn’t entirely sure what guest rights were, or how they were important, but I had the impression that Don Grenouille had maybe made a bit of a misstep there, and that Amaryllis was really enjoying the fact.

“Huh. Well, whatever. So what’s going on? Did we find the jerks who were messing with my brother’s girlfriend?”

I nodded, then gestured to the very pale Don. “Yeah. These are the ones that messed with Booksie’s shop. They don’t seem all that bad. Though, uh,” I looked to Big Green. “They did ambush and try to kidnap us earlier. I’m not saying they’re evil or anything, but kidnapping is usually a bad thing. Um... depending on the circumstances.”

Awen was a special case, of course. Kidnapping in the name of friendship was alright.

Cholondee eyed the nearest gangster who raised his cane as if that would do anything. “It is around breakfast time,” she said.

“We had breakfast,” I pointed out.

“Second breakfast. I’m hungry. And also a dragon.”

I bit my lower lip. “Wait!”

Cholondee looked my way. So did a bunch of the goons. “We, uh, still have questions for them.”

“Right, right, can’t do that if they’re eaten,” the dragon agreed. “Well, get asking.”

I nodded really fast, turned towards the Don who didn’t look so confident and scary in his wheelchair anymore, and then blanked on what sort of question I could ask.

“Awa,” Awen came to the rescue. “Don Grenouille, do you know a Mister Rainnewt?”

The Don nodded quickly, sunhat bobbing with the motions. “Of course, of course, he’s a distinguished Sylph who came into our employ a week ago. Very sharp.”

I shot Awen a thankful smile. “What kind of work did he do for you? And, um, did he usually ask people like Big Green there to attack girls off the street? Because I really hope that’s not a common occurrence.”

“No, nothing like zat,” the Don said. “Rainnewt... ah, zis isn’t information zat should be aired so openly.”

“So, Cholondee, do you breathe fire, or is your breath something else?” Amaryllis asked.

“Oh, I’m like my mom,” Cholondee said, the pride evident in her voice. “My spit is super corrosive. It’ll melt through metal like fire on snow. But with some magic I can turn it into a sort of misty poison. I’ve killed entire flocks of sheep with it!”

“Of course, information should be shared,” the Don said. “Ah, we were hired by Rainnewt. He needed ze help of some of our better, more experienced members to assist him wiz a few heists. Zey were all simple zings, but carried out very well. He even shared ze profits wiz us. And zen zere was a larger attack on one of ze smaller mansions just a few days ago. We helped him rob and kidnap a diplomat.”

“A diplomat?” Amaryllis asked. “From where?”

“A cervid diplomat. He was here to meet wiz a mixed group from, ah, Deepmarsh and Mattergrove. About the cervid crossing the Deepmarsh border.”

Amaryllis stood a little taller, her brows joining together. “Tell me everything you can about the crime.”

“Ah, I don't know all ze details. Rainnewt asked for ze assistance from a few of our members. All ze harpy and human members we had. Zere was some climbing involved.”

“Oh, world,” Amaryllis muttered. “What about the other heists? Who was targeted?”

The Don looked somewhere between confused and irritated now. You could only spend so much time worried about the dragon in the courtyard, after all. “I don’t know all ze details. Mostly nobles. Mostly from out of ze city.”

“So not just grenoil nobles, then?”

“No, some harpy, some humans. Anyone wiz lots of coin.”

I wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, but a glance at Cholondee showed her paying rapt attention. “This is intriguing, just like in one of my books,” she whispered to me.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

“I guess so,” I said to her. “Um. Do you know where Rainnewt is?” I asked.

Amaryllis snorted. “Probably leagues away. This is quickly turning from an adventure trying to prevent dragons from eating everyone to something a whole lot worse.” She stood up and off of her chair. “We need to go. I have some letters to send. And we should talk to the director of the local Exploration Guild. We need to get news out.”

“We haven’t even figured out how Rainnewt changed species yet,” I said.

“That doesn’t matter. A magic item, some illusion magic, two agents with the same code-name.” Amaryllis waved a wing dismissively. “What matters is fixing the mess they’ve caused before this turns into a full-on war.”

I blinked. “A war?” I asked.

“A war?” Cholondee repeated, far more excited by the idea.

“Obviously. Trying to kidnap me while making it look like the United Republic of the Trenten Flats is to blame, then kidnapping a cervid diplomat trying to clear up the issue, and making it look like either the harpy or humans did it. No doubt he’s been busy causing all sorts of other problems that haven’t surfaced yet because no one is paying any attention. Tensions have been running high between the Sylphs and Harpy for centuries, but other than some skirmishes it’s never broken out into a full-on war.”

“So, what, he’s trying to get Deepmarsh and the Trenten cervid to go to war so that the harpy can’t call on them to help?” I asked. It made sense. If you were going to bully someone--which would be a terrible awful thing to do--then taking their friends out of the equation first just made sense.

Amaryllis waved her wings about in a gesture that could mean anything. “Maybe. I don’t know. It could be for something else. That’s why we need to head out and tell the right people. The more people in charge who are aware that a conspiracy is afoot, the better.”

“Oh, now there are conspiracies,” Cholondee said. “This is exciting.” She reached out and grabbed a nearby grenoil with the tip of her claws. The man started squirming and screaming.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Mid-entertainment snack,” Cholondee said.

“No, no!” I waved my arms around. “If you eat them all you’ll, uh.”

“Not be hungry?”

I blanked for a good long moment. Then an idea struck me like one of Amaryllis’ lightning bolts. “If you start eating the goons, they’ll never respect you as their leader.”

Cholondee paused. The goons paused. Even the one in her claws stopped screaming.

“Th-think about it! There’s a bunch of things going on, the Morepoles are going to be in a whole heap of trouble, and they totally owe you for messing with your brother’s maybe-girlfriend’s shop. So you can take them over. The Don can teach you how to run the mafia, and you can turn it into a much better, nicer organization. No more rackets and stealing and such.”

“That sounds like a lot of work,” Cholondee said.

“I mean, it kind of is, but look at the slums. You could make them way better, and then they’d all really appreciate you. And, um, that’s worth more than a lot of gold, isn’t it?”

I could see that I was almost onto her, but not quite.

“And think of the hats! No, wait, that’s a bit silly. I mean, you would look really good in a cool hat, but that’s not a reason to take over the mafia.” I waved my hand around as if beating away a bad smell. “Think of the opportunity to, to... improve others. And command all of these people that just need a bright, strong leader like you. When people ask them ‘what are you’ it won’t just be ‘I’m a grenoil’ it’ll be ‘I’m a grenoil that works for the best dragon.’”

Cholondee was nodding really slowly. “I like it,” she said. “I could become the queen of the... what’s this place called?” she asked the Don.

“Ze Scumways?”

“Oh, yuck. No, we’d need to rename it to something better.”

I sighed. She wasn’t going to eat anyone. That was great. Now she was just going to be the dragon queen of the underworld. Which...

Amaryllis was staring at me with a very flat expression. “Have I told you that you’re an idiot today?”

“I think so?”

“Ah, then perhaps moron? Fool? Halfwit? I’m also partial to dunce.”

I tried a smile. “At least no one died?”

“So, how does this mafia thing work?” Cholondee asked. “When do we kidnap princesses and take the nobles’ gold?”

I tried not to crumble. “It’s more complicated than that,” I said. “You know what. You should work with Booksie. She’s nice. Real nice. And she can teach you all there is to know about, uh, this stuff. I’m sure people would respect you a lot more if they thought of you as a protector and friend than as a greedy dragon.”

“I can be a protector. And also a dragon,” Cholondee said. “Yes. This seems fun. I also get to play dress-up with all of these little people, right? I think their uniforms are drab and boring.”

“Sure,” I said. “Just... please take your time. You’re a dragon, you should do your best to be the best, and the best wouldn’t eat anyone. In fact, I’m sure that none of the other Dons eat their goons, right?” I asked the last while looking to Don Grenouille. Or maybe it was now former Don Grenouille.

“Zat’s right.”

“Aww,” Cholondee said. “Wait, does that mean I’m now Don Cholondee?”

“Yes,” I said.

The dragon grinned, some of the goons fainted. “I should tell my brother!” She raised her wings high above, then took off with a burst of wind that threw our tea table aside.

The goons I’d sent to fetch a pot of boiling water walked back just in time to see the dragon leaving.

There was a nice, long moment of quiet after that.

“Right, well,” I said. “I think our business here is done.” I smoothed down the front of my skirts, then bowed to Don Grenouille. “Thanks for having us, and thanks for the tea. We’ll be going now.”

I grabbed my friends and moved the heck out of the courtyard. Surprisingly, no one tried to stop us.

***