I took a deep breath, raring to start talking to my new potential friends. I had so many things to say. Entire days of pent up talking ready to be unleashed. Instead, all that escaped my lips was a breathy giggle. I flushed, coughed into my closed fist, and tried again.

“Hello! My name is Broccoli Bunch and I want to be your friend. Welcome to this forest, do you come here often? What’s it like being a frog person? Wait, no, was that racist? Specieist? I’m sorry I’ve never met someone who wasn’t human before and I don’t know how to act around you so if I’m accidentally rude please tell me and I’ll try to fix it!”

I slapped a hand over my mouth and tried to think of ways to not embarrass myself any further when the frog-person--the grenoil?--with the more articulate armour spoke out. “Hail, human,” he said while raising an empty palm my way.

“Do all humans speak zat much?” the other grenoil said.

The ranger shook his head. “Shush, Donat.” Focusing back on me, he nodded his head and made a gesture with both arms that I couldn’t decipher. “We weren’t expecting to see a friendly face, human. What brings you to zese dark woods?”

“I’m lost,” I said, a little sheepishly. “I kind of just ended up here and I’ve been following this road to try and find people for a couple of days now. Then I found you, so I guess that plan worked out!”

“Indeed,” the ranger agreed.

“So is it just the two of you? Not that there’s anything wrong with there being just two of you. I’m all alone and that’s... well it’s alright, I guess. But what I mean to ask is, are there even more people around here? A town or a city or a big gathering place of people? I have some things I’d like to sell, and I want to learn more about this place. And I want to eat something that isn’t honey. Oh, and I want to make even more friends.”

The ranger raised one webbed hand and I stopped. I might have been talking a lot. “You can come back to our camp with us,” he said. “Zere are others there zat might want to take a look at you.”

“We’re going to bring it back with us?” the fencer asked.

“What are our other options? Let it leave and perhaps jeopardize ze expedition?” Ranger said before shaking his big wide head. His hood didn’t move much with the motions, which was a little strange.

“Donat, get behind it. I’ll take ze lead,” the Ranger said.

“Oh, I’m being escorted!” I said. “So, do these woods belong to your people? Was I trespassing? I’m sorry if that’s the case.”

So, the younger-looking grenoil was called Donat. I waved at him then started walking down the path which they had done a good job of clearing of brush. It was still uneven, with roots poking through the cobbles and making the large flat stones sit all crookedy across the path.

“Zese woods belong to no kingdom,” the ranger said. “None that still stands. Now please be quiet, we don’t need to attract trouble.”

“But I only found you two because you were talking so loud,” I said.

“Exactly.”

I adjusted my gambeson and coat and tried to make myself presentable, then fired off a few small cleaning spells to make sure I was nice and neat. The ranger and Donat didn’t seem to notice, or if they did they didn’t mind.

Maybe I could help them clean up later too, their boots were all muddy and there was a certain smell to them that kind of hinted that they needed a bath. Not that I would say that to anyone, it was very rude.

We started walking and I was about to introduce myself when Donat started talking. “So, uh, ze human, it’s a man human, right?”

“No, you idiot, it’s a female,” the ranger said. “Did you hatch yesterday. Look at ze lumps on its chest.”

“I zought zose were muscles,” Donat said.

I looked down at my chest, then back around to stare at Donat.

“Ah, chests are taboo with humans, right?”

The ranger sighed. “Just with ze female humans. Zey compete with each other to see who has ze biggest because it helps zem attract mates. Zey don’t croon at each other. Well, some do, but it’s not ze same.”

“Weird.” Donat was tilting his head from one side to the other, his entire upper body following the motion since he didn’t really have much of a neck. “Why are zey taboo?” he asked me.

“It’s because... they just are.” I crossed my arms and tried to find something to say to defend myself, and my chest, while the ranger ahead of me called out.

“Oi zere! We’re back.”

I looked ahead of the Ranger and felt my grin growing huge. There were more frog-people! Some were sitting around a little clearing along the edge of the road while one of them was setting up a tent. Most were around a small campfire on which a cauldron was hanging off a rack. The wind shifted, and with it came the mouth-watering smell of some sort of stew.

One of the frog people was skinning a small critter off to one side. It looked icky, but the thought of eating some fresh meat pushed that aside for now.

Donat raced ahead, arm gesturing back in my direction. “Emeric, Arianne, we found a human!” he said.

The entire group gathered before me, with only the ranger staying behind me instead of joining the others. I smiled and took them all in.

The ranger and Donat I knew already, both in leather armour over perfectly usable clothes. Among the frog people I was now meeting were two that I suspected might be girl frogs. Frogettes? They were slimmer, with smoother skin and faces that weren’t quite as wide, though they seemed taller than the boy frogs. One had armour similar to the ranger, but with articulated metal gauntlets and a shirt made of fine scales.

The other was wearing thick cloth robes made of a deep blue material that were open at the front, revealing plain clothes underneath. She had a staff, but was just holding it by her side with familiar ease.

A wizard? A wizard!

The other two were boy frogs. One in more leather and steel gear, with two swords held by his hips, and the other had strange armour made of overlapping plates over his shoulders and hips, with a helmet that had a sort of U-shaped crest at the front. A samurai frog! All of them except for Donat had bandoleers, kind of like mine but with medals and pins on them.

I bowed to the group. “Hello!” I said catching a few of them off guard. “My name is Broccoli Bunch, let’s be friends!”

“Oh, swamp-gas, she speaks our tongue,” the younger looking frog-girl said.

The samurai turned a glare onto him. “You did not question it before bringing it here?” he asked, voice gruff and no-nonsense. Donat, who I was realizing seemed rather young looking compared to all the rest, backed up a step.

“I’m a she, actually,” I said. “And Donat did talk about my chest a lot.”

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

One of the frogs, the one with the two swords, made a croaking noise that was similar to a snort.

The samurai shook his head. “Donat, your being here is a privilege. It’s not too late to fetch someone else to carry through a dungeon.” I noticed that he pronounced every word very carefully, enunciated every syllable just so.

“I’m ze one at fault here,” the ranger said. “I chose to bring ze human to ze camp.”

The samurai glared over at the ranger, then huffed. “Very well. Tie it up. Search through its things.”

“Eh?” I asked. “I’m sorry mister samurai, but tying people up is not a good way of making friends. I’d even argue that it’s counter productive.”

“Cease your yammering,” the samurai said.

I took a small step back. There was something pressing against me, a sort of weight that was trying to drag me down and... and I wasn’t going to let this mean samurai frog talk down to me like that. It’s not how things worked. “No.”

The samurai was about to turn away when I spoke. He whipped around to stare at me as if I had said something incomprehensible. Then one of the others, the one with the two swords, started chuckling.

I crossed my arms. “Mister samurai, if you’re not going to be nice then that’s your prerogative. You won’t make many friends that way, but I won’t tell you how to live your life. But telling me to be quiet and threatening to tie me up won’t intimidate me. I don’t abide by bullies.”

Now three of the others were holding back chuckles and the one with the two swords was openly laughing. “Do you know who I am?” The samurai said.

“No? How would I, you haven’t introduced yourselves. I’m Broccoli, by the way. In case you didn’t hear.” I waved at the others and some of them waved back. There were some mixed reactions. Donat seemed nervous of the samurai still, the ranger didn’t seem to care either way. The one with two swords waved back and grinned, as did the non-wizard girl frog. The wizard and the others were looking longingly back at the fire and at the stew set next to it.

“I am--” the samurai began.

“Hey, can I have some stew? I have some things I could trade.”

“Oh, what sort of zings?” the one with two swords said.

“Ah, honey? I’ve got, oh I’ve got two bottles of wine that I found.” I said, remembering the two bottles I was still carrying with me. “And I have a bunch of herbs. If one of you is an alchemist you might be interested in those. I could make some tea?”

“Wine would be nice,” the ranger said.

“We will not get drunk on the job!” the samurai roared.

“Two bottles shared between seven won’t be enough to get anyone drunk, except maybe ze tadpole,” the ranger said.

“Hey!” Donat protested.

The group broke up, most moving to the logs around the little fire pit while the non-wizard girl stirred the stew and then poked the brazier with a stick. Donat was pointed to the unmade tents with instructions not to poke his own eyes out. I guess being the youngest in the group wasn’t fun, but maybe he had to learn how to put up the tent.

These frog people weren’t humans, but they seemed cultured and nice enough. Their clothes had a professional look to them and were tailored to fit their non-human proportions, so they had to come from a place with tailor-frogs, which meant a larger community out there.

“This is highly unprofessional!” the samurai said.

“Oh, stuff it, Leo,” the twin-sword frog said. He gestured to a log not too far off to the side. “Sit, friend, and be welcome at our fire. As long as you cause no harm, none shall befall you.”

I mentally ‘ohhed’ at how cool that greeting sounded even as I took off my backpack and set it on the ground next to me. “Thank you for sharing your fire. It’s been forever since I’ve seen anyone. Meeting people who are friendly is really nice.”

“I can imagine,” he said. “You said you were Broccoli Bunch, yes?” At my nod, he smiled then patted a webbed hand against his chest. “I am Emeric. Ze fine wizard here is Arianne. You met Pierre, our ranger and scout. Ze young lady across from you is Valeria. Our friend at ze tents who likes your chest is Donat, and ze grumpy one is Leo.”

“My name is Leonard Chand’nuit,” the samurai said. He shifted the hilt of his big sword around and crouched down on a log next to Emeric. “I will be keeping an eye on you, human. Know that I will not allow you to interfere with this party’s business.”

“Okay,” I said. My mind was reeling trying to keep all the names straight. “It’s a pleasure to meet you all. I might have a hard time with all of your names. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Hey, it’s no problem,” the frog girl across from me, Valerie said.

I fired off a few inspects on each of them in a hurry.

A relaxed Sword-Dancer, (level ??)

That was Emeric, of course. His class sounded really neat.

An amused Marsh Wizard, (level ??)

Arianne, whose full lips were curled up in a slight smile.

A hungry Fencer, (level ??)

That was Valerie, who was eyeing the stew the way a wolf might eye a steak.

And then I used Insight on Leonard.

A frigid Samurai of the Moonless Night, (Level ???)

Three question marks. Did that mean he was even stronger than all the others? That sort of made sense. He certainly felt that he deserved more respect. Maybe being a higher level earned people more honour and such by default? It was... sort of fair. More so than respecting someone because they were rich or born with the right family name.

“Ah, you’re all very strong,” I said as I rooted around my bag and pulled out one of the wine bottles I had. I didn’t know anything about wine, but I hoped that it was good. It had been aging for quite some time.

I handed the bottle to Arianne, my hand brushing against hers for just a moment. It was moist and kind of slippery, which was a weird but not uncomfortable feeling.

“Would you mind if we Observed you?” Emeric asked. “Just as a precaution.”

I froze. “Is that like using Insight?” I asked.

The wizard next to me laughed, it was a strange, gurgle-y sound. “Insight is a variation of Observe and Inspect, yes,” she said. “It’s a bit of a faux-pas to use zat sort of skill on someone without permission.”

“Oh no,” I said before pressing my hands over my face. “I’m so sorry!”

Emeric laughed it off, but Leonard next to him narrowed his eyes with suspicion. “It’s nothing,” Emeric said.

Arianne looked at me, and then her eyes widened. “She’s a Cinnamon Bun, level four,” she said.

That earned me a bunch of looks. “Is that bad?” I asked.

“How are you still alive?” Valerie asked.

I had the impression that I was going to have to do some explaining.

***