Chapter Four Hundred and Forty - Modern Draconic Monetary Theory

“Introducing, her royal eminence, queen of ze shadows, ze light, and all ze shades in between. Ze great warlizard, ze eater of people who don’t pay zeir fines on time and who talk during plays, Daughter of Port Royal, Queen of ze underground, Mistress of Mystique, Sovereign of Secrecy, and Wielder of Wisdom. Ze Guardian of Gold, ze Doyenne of Diamonds, and ze Tyrant of Treasures. Defender of ze downtrodden, punisher of perpetrators, and ze undying flame in ze heart of ze abyss. Slayer of sirens, wrangler of rogues, and ze bane of bandits. Ze elegant empress whose roar silences zunder, whose gaze can pierce zrough ze zickest of fogs, and whose very presence commands respect, awe, and a wee bit of terror. Ze unyielding, ze unparalleled, ze unmatched – behold, ze great Cholondee!”

The grenoil announcing Cholondee took a few deep breaths. It looked like he’d tired himself out going on and on like that, and now he was panting atop a small milkcrate off to one side, arms splayed out towards the still-lounging Cholondee.

“What’s a doyenne?” I asked.

Cholondee raised her head from her mound of shiny things. “A doyenne is the title for a woman who is the greatest in her field,” she explained.

“Oh, that makes sense,” I said with a nod. “Thanks! I don’t think I’d ever heard that one before.”

“It’s Grenoil,” Cholondee explained, which really only made sense, seeing as how this was a majority-grenoil city. She turned towards the announcer grenoil. “You forgot a part.”

“Oh?” they asked before they stumbled off of their box and bowed low. “Forgive us, great Cholondee! Zhis one... doesn’t know which one he forgot?”

Cholondee sniffed. “You forgot to mention that I’m a dragon.”

“Ah.”

Cholondee turned her head our way, then squinted a little. “Oh, it’s you. Broccoli and her bunch.”

“Yup!” I said. “You recognize Amaryllis and Awen, and this is Calamity! He’s technically the newest member of the crew, but he’s been with us for a while.”

“Isn’t that Caprica?” Calamity asked. “She joined after me, nya?”

I hummed, tapping my chin. “I guess she did. It feels weird because we knew her for a while before. I’m sorry!”

“I’m not taking offence,” Calamity said.

Cholondee’s head snaked closer. “Now that you’re done sorting through yourselves, will you tell me why you’re here?”

Grinning, I bounced on the balls of my feet a bit before answering. “We came for a few reasons. First, to thank you for the help the other day. I was wondering if there was anything you’d like as a gift?”

Cholondee blinked. “Yes, I would like a gift,” she said. A long tongue slipped out between her lips. “If you’re wondering what sorts of things I like, consider gold, jewellery, meat, or fine teas.”

“Oh, I had the Tea Making skill until recently. It got gobbled up and turned into another skill, so I’d love an opportunity to test out my tea making skills now! We could have a little party. I’m sure we can find some cakes and pastries. They do make pastries with meat in them, right?”

“They do?” Cholondee asked. “What an intriguing concept. Yes, I’d accept that as a gift. When would this tea party happen?”

“What about tomorrow?” I asked. Calamity and Awen would be on their little adventure, but otherwise I didn’t think I had anything planned for the next day.

“Tomorrow is acceptable. I look forward to it,” Cholondee said. She sounded exceptionally smug.

I heard Amaryllis sigh next to me. “We’re going to need to visit every butcher in the city for this, aren’t we? So much for keeping to a budget.”

“Was that all you came here for?” Cholondee asked.

I shook my head. “No, no, that’s not it. But the rest is... a little more sensitive. Uhm do you think we could talk in private?”

Chlondee blinked at me. “I am a dragon,” she said. “I don’t fit into private little rooms. But if you need privacy....” She turned to one of the grenoil rogues nearby. “Give us space.”

The grenoil didn’t hesitate to clear the yard. I wasn’t sure if I could trust that none of them would be listening in from afar, but if they did, they’d be running the risk of annoying their boss, and maybe of being eaten? I was really hoping that Cholondee didn’t make a habit of eating her workers. That sounded like the kind of thing that unions were started to prevent.

“Thank you,” I said.

“You’re welcome,” Cholondee said. “And I’m a dragon.”

“Uh... yes, you are,” I agreed. “Anyway... I don’t know how to break this to you. Um. Are you invested in your brother’s wedding, much?”

“I am!” Cholondee said. She perked up and her tail thwumped down onto her pile of goodies. “Once my brother is married, he will be too busy with honeymoons and married life to strengthen himself more. My rulership of Port Royal’s underworld is helping me gather a great big hoard and I am making many allies. Soon I’ll be much stronger than Rhawrexdee ever was. Then he will be the little sibling!”

“Is that how it works?” I asked.

Cholondee shrugged her wings. “Why shouldn’t it be?”

“Well, if you say so,” I said. “Do you like Booksie?”

“Hmm, yes. She’s good company. She knows many books, and is learning how to be a good little dragon herself. I don’t like her the way Rhawr does. If the wedding doesn’t work out, then maybe I’ll let her be one of my chief minions. She can be my bookkeeper.”

“Wow, that sounds like quite the compliment,” I said.

“It is!” Cholondee said. “It’s not everyone that a dragon would trust to keep an eye on their hoard of non-liquid assets.”

Amaryllis perked up at that. “Non-liquid assets?”

“Gold is good. But gold depreciates and appreciates in value over time in unpredictable ways. Real-estate, bonds, and ownership of companies is a lot more reliably profitable. I am a smart dragon, and I understand that. Old dragons don’t. They already have hoards to sit upon. But if I want to retire, then I’ll want the greatest of hoards. That means making shrewd investments, and then burning down the competition.”

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Booksie’s helping you with that?” I asked.

“Yes! She’s quite skilled with numbers and writing them in the little squares of a ledger book. And she knows history well too, which makes predicting the future a lot easier. Besides, it’s nice to have someone who can understand and appreciate the more complex facets of hoarding. My brother’s hoard might be big, but it’s a cluttered mess with no finesse. I hope she’ll help him clean up his act!”

I nodded, mulling over what Cholondee had shared. “So, the wedding is important to you because it keeps Rhawrexdee preoccupied. But you also value Booksie’s assistance and company. Got it! I’m happy you get along well with Booksie. You’re going to be sisters soon, after all.”

“Sisters?”

“Sisters-in-law, at least,” I said.

“Ah,” Cholondee said. “Yes, I suppose that some cultures do that. Dragons don’t usually see things in quite that way, but I suppose... hmm, a sister. I wouldn’t mind a little sister. So, does that answer your questions about my investment in her wedding?”

I took a deep breath. “Ah, that’s not quite why we’re here. We’re here because there might be a hiccup with the wedding. And we might need your help.”

She leaned in, hot breath washing over me. “Go on.”

“There’s this guy called Rainnewt. He’s basically... uh, a bad guy. And we think he’s planning on ruining Rhawrexdee’s and Booksie’s wedding.”

“‘Ruining’ is putting it lightly,” Amaryllis said. “We discovered that he intended to smuggle Snowlander weapons into Port Royal. He’s the same man who tried to assassinate the king of Sylphfree, who kidnapped a number of harpy nobles, and who has caused what is no doubt a great deal of trouble elsewhere that we haven’t been able to stop.”

Cholondee’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve heard of him,” she said.

“You... have?” I asked. No one we talked to had known about him before. He was always some shadowy do-badder causing trouble because no one knew about him.

“Yes. He came to my mother some time ago. He asked her how much it would cost for her to do things for him. He offered heaps of gold and a hoard of promises for her help.”

“Her help doing what, exactly?” Amaryllis asked.

Cholondee’s eyes glinted. “To unleash death and destruction across the world. I think he wanted her to torch the cervid capital, then crush the cities of the Harpy Mountains as well. He said that once everyone was cowed, she could rule over them herself as queen of everything.”

A shiver ran down my spine. If Rainnewt was trying to recruit dragons into his schemes, then they were probably a lot more complicated than I’d envisioned.

“Your mother refused?” Awen asked.

Cholondee snorted. “Please. If my mom wanted to be queen of everything, she wouldn’t need some pesky little man to do anything for her. She’d just fly out and take over whatever she wants herself.”

“Ah, yes, of course,” Amaryllis said. “This is clearly not just about the wedding then. It’s possible that he’s trying to get a bit of revenge on your mother for refusing to help him back then. Is she going to be in attendance?”

“Of course. She’s Rhawrexdee’s mom too, you know. And also a dragon.” Cholondee rested back onto her heap of silverware and jewels. “But I don’t think we need to worry. Nothing can hurt my mother.”

“It would still cause quite the scene,” I said.

Cholondee nodded. “Are you suggesting a more proactive approach to dealing with this fool who isn’t a dragon?”

“Uh, actually, yeah. That’s why we came. We talked to Mathilde already, the leader of the Exploration Guild. She agreed to get some more security at the wedding, and she’ll start looking for people that might be working with Rainnewt.”

“That old guild? It’s nothing but ancient fossils that my mother hasn’t bothered blowing away.”

“Well, they want to help, so I wouldn’t say no to that,” I said. “The sylph embassy is also going to help, probably! That’s two groups in Port Royal already. We thought that maybe you could help us too? You have people looking after Booksie already, right?”

“Hmm, yes. I told some of my people that it would be bad if something happened to Booksie. I think they’re looking after her now. But this is more than just keeping idiots away.”

“So you’ll help us?” I asked.

Cholondee’s tail twitched. “If you pay me.”

I blinked. “Huh?”

“I accept gold. Only gold.”

I looked at my friends, then back at the dragon. I thought she was onboard with helping us, but this seemed like a big reversal of that. “I... uh, guess we could?”

Amaryllis huffed a ‘stop talking Broccoli’ kind of huff. “You know, this will hurt you, right?” Amaryllis asked.

“How? I am a dragon.”

“If Rainnewt is able to act in your city, through your underground, then doesn’t that challenge your authority? Besides, if you allow Rainnewt to do what he wants, then it’ll destabilise the balance of power. There’s a reason most nations try very hard to keep to the status quo with their policing forces. It makes things very predictable. Unpredictability is bad for the market.”

Cholondee hummed. “I suppose. I’ll have to talk to my advisors about it. Maybe Booksie will want to come for tea tomorrow? We could talk about it then.”

“Okay!” I said. I was sure we could convince Cholondee to help. She seemed like someone who would be a good friend, or at least a good neighbour. “So, lunch tomorrow?” That gave me a whole day to come up with convincing arguments!

***