Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen - Momma

Lawlyhoumad

Desired Quality: Someone who is nice to her children and who shows her all due respect.

Dream: To see her babies grow up big and strong and to one day grow large enough to eat the world.

I coughed into a closed fist, then, while grabbing the edges of my skirt, dipped into a curtsy before the majestic green mommy dragon before me. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, your, uh, dragonnessness,” I said.

If Miss Lawlyoumad wanted to be respected then it was the least I could do. I was in her home, after all. Also, she was a very large dragon.

“Oh, aren’t they just so precious,” Lawlyhoumad said, I peeked to the side and saw my friends dipping in their own curtseys and bows, with Amaryllis’ being particularly ornate as she fluffed out her feathers in a big fan. “Oh I’m so proud of you Rhawrexdee, your first princess. And she’s a virgin! The retinue is nice, I suppose. One of the trade offs of caring for a princess of course.” The dragoness tittered, a sound like boulders merrily rolling down a hill. “Oh, I have just the room to lock them all up in!”

I looked up like a rabbit that heard a hawk’s cry. “What?” I asked.

Lawlyhoumad turned her gaze onto me, then her eyes focused properly and her head pulled back. “A Riftwalker!” She turned to her son. “Sweetie, what did I say about bringing that sort home?”

“Not to?” the large blue dragon said. He sounded like he was half his original size. Not that that wasn’t still big. “But mom, you’re the one that made me come here.”

“Hmpf, talking back to your mom like that. And in front of guests no less.” She shook her head before refocusing on me. “What do you want, little Riftwalker?”

I shifted in place. I hadn’t expected to be put on the spot like that. “Uh. Just to be with my friends, I guess. And to make more friends, of course!”

She eyed me suspiciously for a while, then leaned in close. That is, her head stopped a dozen paces ahead of me, but I still had to crane my neck to meet her eyes. “You’d better not be here to cause trouble for me and mine, understood?”

“Yes ma’am!” I said. “I promise! We just got together with Rhawrexdee ‘cause he needed a bit of help, and I thought he could use some friends!” Also, I didn’t want him eating a town, but that was besides the point.

Lawlyhoumad turned to her son. “Oh, sweetie, what sort of trouble did you get yourself into that you needed the help of these little ones?”

Rhawrexdee pouted. It wasn’t a nice look on a dragon, their cheeks were too flappy and their lips a bit too thin, so his pout ended up looking like a dog smiling. Still, it got the message across. “We came to an understanding, that’s all.”

“What sort of understanding?” Lawlyhoumad asked. She laid down, one forelimb crossing over the other.

Rhawrexdee patted the ground. “Well, you know how I always wanted more than just a normal harem of slave princesses?”

The mother dragon rolled her eyes. “Yes yes, one of those ideas that got in your head from those silly books.”

“They’re not silly. And besides, it’s completely possible. I found this Riftwalker, and this princess, and Booksie here. And... the other one who made my hat and vest.”

“I do like the vest. It’s quite fetching. You look very handsome in it, just like that cheating pile of filth father of yours did when we first met.”

Rhawrexdee nodded as if the last part of that hadn’t been said. “Thank you. I think I like the idea of wearing some clothes to accentuate my features. But that’s besides the point. I found this lot and got them to agree to teach me the art of wooing princesses.”

“Mmm.” Lawlyhoumad said. “And which one is Booksie?” she asked with a purr.

Rhawrexdee tensed. “She’s just one of the ones with the ears,” he said. “She’s not important.”

“Oh, sweet child of mine, I’m a mother, not some ignorant golem. You can’t hide these sorts of things from me.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Rhawrexdee said.

I winced. Going on the defensive like that was as good as admitting guilt. I started moving towards my friends and our stuff, just in case things turned for the worse.

“It’s not the Riftwalker, is it? The last time a dragon and one of those fell for each other we ended up with half-dragons, and I don’t think we need that kind of fiasco, not in my family.”

“No mother, it’s not the Riftwalker... or any of the others.”

“So you won’t mind me nibbling at them a little?” Lawlyhoumad started to reach a claw in our direction. My eyes went wide as I saw it coming. Not only was it huge, it was fast, far faster than something of that size had any right to be.

“No!” Rhawrexdee barked.

His mom stopped mid-reach, then pulled her claws back. The self-satisfied grin she wore said volumes.

“Oh, fine! But it was only the one date. And a bit of a flight. Nothing more.”

“Oh, my poor little boy.” The dragoness hopped to her feet and I had to scramble to stay on mine as the floor trembled. Then she lumbered over to her son and crashed into him neck first before she started rubbing her head against the back of his. “You poor little thing,” she said over the screech of the spikes on the back of his head doing a lot of nothing to the scales over her neck.

“Moooom,” Rhawrexdee whined. “I’m a hundred years old, not ten. This is embarrassing.”

“You might be a hundred, but you’re still my baby boy, and I don’t want to see your heart broken. What will happen when the bun dies? These little ones only live half a century or so before they go ripe and stop tasting as fresh.”

Stolen novel; please report.

“We’ll figure it out,” Rhawrexdee said. “I can give her half-killed meals for her to level up with, and, and we only went on the one date, it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Did you promise to go on some quest in order to win her over?” she asked. Rhawrexdee’s long quiet had the mother dragon sighing.

“I just agreed to help her regain her hoard. She collects books! She had an entire hoard, right down in Port Royal.”

“Well, at least you’d only be a glide away from your dear mommy,” Lawlyhoumad muttered.

“Mom,” Rhawrexdee said.

“Oh, come now, this isn’t so bad is it? Little ones like that girl of yours love it when big strong men show off their feminine side.”

“Mom!”

I giggled, then noticed the tension escaping from my friends. I’d sorta forgotten that they couldn’t make out the conversation above. Even Booksie looked a bit frightened, so the dragons probably weren’t talking in that ancient language and were talking in pure dragon. “I think we’re going to be okay,” I said. “Lawlyhoumad seems like a very nice lady.”

“Oh, I am,” the dragoness said.

“Awa, she speaks common,” Awen said. “Um, hello, lady Lawlyhoumad,” Awen said with a curtsy. “I’m Awen Bristlecone. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Any relation to that rat bastard, no good, filthy pile of filth Abraham Bristlecone?” Lawlyhoumad asked. Her voice had wavered between kindly and downright wrathful.

“Awa... no?” Awen said.

“Good. In that case you’re welcome in my home little one. My daughter might try to kidnap you if you make such nice clothes. A Wyrmgineer... hrm.”

“Awa, I’d rather not be kidnapped by her. I’m, um, being kidnapped already.”

“I’m sure,” Lawlyhoumad said. “And who are you others?”

Amaryllis bowed. “I’m Amaryllis Albatross, of the clan Albatross, lady dragon,” she said.

“Ohh, the family that makes those delicious ships?”

Amaryllis twitched. “That’s us,” she said.

“Adorable! And what about you, the one with the cute ears?”

“I’m Booksie, lady dragon,” Booksie said. “I’m just a simple book store owner from Port Royal. Or, I used to be.”

“So humble. Ohh, and you share a hobby with my little Rawr-i-kins. I can just imagine you reading him to sleep.”

Booksie flushed and looked away. “I’m not sure about, um, that, lady dragon. We’re just friends.”

“Yes I’m sure,” Lawlyhoumad dismissed. She turned to me. “And you’re Broccoli Bunch, the Riftwalker.”

“I’m more than just that, I think,” I said. “I’d much rather be Broccoli Bunch the friend!”

The dragoness huffed. “We’ll see. Now. What’s this about Port Royal? Someone stole from my little Rhawr’s girl?”

I snuck a peek at Rhawrexdee, but he was looking on in interest without reacting, it was obvious that he was missing out on this part of the conversation. Meanwhile, Booksie was blushing up to the tips of her long ears, though she seemed to be composed otherwise. “I might have been robbed, I suppose that’s one way of putting it, lady dragon,” Booksie said. “My shop, where I sold my books from, was taken from me by some thugs. I was about to give up on ever winning it back when Broccoli and her friends showed up and agreed to help me, then we met your son and, ah.”

“And the rest is history. Yes, that does sound like Rhawr to play the part of the knight.” She shook her head. “Well, there’s no helping it. We’ll see about finding a nice place for you girls for the night, then we’ll rain terror and fire down upon Port Royal until those thugs show up to apologize or everyone is dead.”

“Ah,” I said. “Um. I was thinking, if your dragoness doesn’t mind, that maybe we could use a more... focused strike? Maybe... talk to the bad guys before burning everything?”

“That doesn’t sound nearly as amusing. And besides, the nobles have been belligerent lately. The daily tribute of sheep has been lacklustre of late. You know, sheep are important for keeping your teeth nice and shiny.”

I frowned up at the dragon. “But what about all the nice, innocent people?” I asked.

She moved her wing joints up and down. “What of them? I’m sure we can nibble on a few as they run out of the fire.”

That... that was not cool. “Dragons aren’t supposed to be like that,” I said.

She blinked. “Pardon me, little Riftwalker, but I think I would be a little better at determining what a dragon is and isn’t like than you.”

I shook my head. “Not if you’re going around hurting people that don’t deserve it. Dragons are supposed to be the coolest, most beautiful creatures ever, all magic and might and power. You’re supposed to be loyal friends and great protectors, the people everyone smaller than you look up to for wise guidance and protection. But burning down people just because it makes your job easier, that’s just lazy.”

“You walk a fine line, calling me lazy in my own home,” she warned.

I frowned right back. “I’m not the sort of person that can stand by and let injustice happen,” I said. “Even if that means being a little rude to a huge dragon in her own home.”

Lawlyhoumad stared, then she let out a long, rumbling laugh. “Oh, I had forgotten how annoying Riftwalkers are. Fine, I suppose we could do things the dull way. Eating the thugs should be enough to remind the little frogs who’s boss. And besides, I like the idea of being seen as a glorious guardian queen.”

I suspected that she might have misunderstood something along the way, but if it made it easier to convince her not to eat people, then I was all for it.

“Now, come along. It’s time for food and you really ought to meet my daughter. She’s far too much of a recluse.”