“Reindeer?” Kyrion asked while dressed in a large red felt suit with matching pants. A noticeable bump protruded from his stomach like he had spent the prior day stuffing himself full of sweets. Atop his head was a red hat to hide his red hair, while white horns protruded from atop his head. Around his neck appeared to be a white scarf that seemed to be resting as it sagged downward like a beard.
A platoon of deer attached to red convertibles via straps had bells and lights attached to their antlers. Their expressions were resolute.
A short man in a similar suit, only green, answered. Getting closer would reveal that while the one in green was 5’2, the man in red was well over 6’8.
“You expect us to get to every child on this godforsaken planet and give them a toy as well as a blank card. The reindeer can only do so much. Care to tell me why you needed me to finance 180 convertibles?”
“They look better than pickup trucks? And are slightly cheaper.”
“You don’t need them to drive! We could have raided some junkyards for the bodies.”
“At least I didn’t ask you for helicopters.” Kyrion looked away to a man with white hair surrounded by various computers. Where he didn’t have
The unasked question was answered. “The communication jammers are active. They will only work to slow the spread of information. Should you spend more time than intended dropping off the gifts, word can spread, and the hunt will begin.”
“How about names, have all the gits been labeled with addresses and such. Yes, we have managed to gather census data and birth records for all children. Although details in less documented countries will be a bit messy. We have numbers and names for most, but you will need to use your judgment.”
“I guess even your organization can only do so much.”
“The Janitors are everywhere, but that doesn’t mean they can gather all of that information with only a few days to work. Had we an entire year to do this, we could have figured out who was naughty and who was nice.”
“Why would… Oh right. The song. Well that doesn’t matter.”
“Moving on. Your sister has prepared all your food-based gear. Bacon-wrapped honey ham and bell toys with…” The man lowered his voice for the last word. “catnip.”
Ander perked up from across the room as though he had heard something he shouldn’t have.
Kyrion watched his friend and sighed. “Right.”
“So you know, when we leave this world, I suspect it may take a while to get back, but once you do, it will feel as though you hadn’t been gone as long. Time seems to be slower here.”
“I’m still going. We need eyes on this new world before we can evacuate the families of my coworkers. Now go, Santa has a busy night after all.”
Kyrion sighed, “New world? My world isn’t new.”
“How old is your universe?”
“Older than yours via time dilation. Probably.” Kyrion didn’t know that answer and didn’t have a convenient being of unimaginable knowledge close at hand.
“Hey, we have modern plumbing. Well, seemingly modern. They may not be as fragile but they get the job done.”
“Well that’s good to know.”
“Actually…I may need to kidnap a few more engineers and maybe a plumber.” Kyrion had begun walking away.
Kyrion eventually arrived at his “sleigh,” where a mutant fire buck with a blue, glowing nose and very muscular limbs was ready to lead them through the skies.
Tending to this convertible was a thin woman with short red hair, a small scar across her nose, and emerald eyes. She was also wearing a green felt uniform, and her expression was vacant.
“You’re also suited up. Is the bacon ham, really going to work on the dogs?”
“Listen Dwen. I’m not scared of dogs. This is just an offering for my inconvenience.” And a snack, just in case, was something he didn’t say.
Dwen shook her head, reading Kyrion’s mind through his facial expressions.
“First stop, New Zealand and Japan while there’s still light out. We’ll drop when the clock strikes seven.”
“You want to start while people are awake?” Dwen stopped and raised an eyebrow.
“It adds to the mystique and saves time. The continent will take a bit of time as we trace out the spell.”
“What about being discreet?”
“Well, I just figured out that America is last on my stops. They will know I’m coming by then. I may be able to catch Russia by surprise but chances are everyone with a shotgun will be ready and waiting for a trespasser in red.”
“The governments should know not to get involved. As breaking the treaty results in a loss of protection granted by the Janitors.”
Kyrion entered his “sleigh,” grabbed onto the reins, and relaxed. Soon, he would bring everyone gifts before he could go home in a rather spectacular fashion.
“Hohoho!” Kyrion laughed a jolly laugh, signaling the start of this bizarre Christmas Eve.
----------------------------------------
Kyrion rode into the darkening sky above a coastal city. He only had one stop here, well, one main stop. He had chosen a children’s hospital in the northern city to be his first anchor on the island.
The Janitors had already scheduled some of these visits as charity from a wealthy and eccentric billionaire. Santa Claus would visit hospitals, drop off toys for all the residents, and leave. That was the real reason he was dropping early. It also had the side benefit of letting him set part of his array in a secure location. Nobody in their right mind would attack a children’s hospital on Christmas, and if they did, well, they’d find out what type of safeguards Kyrion liked to put in place around his patients.
His reindeer-led convertible stopped a hundred feet above his location, and from there, he jumped from the car. Kyrion jumped into the setting sky, landing atop the building with a silent tap. From there, he sent his senses into the building to the reception, where he casually popped into a room full of people moving about.
The people seemed to ignore him for the most part as the signals from every camera fizzled briefly.
“Interesting.” Kyrion walked about to a large green pine tree with various decorations and depictions of him. Well, of Santa Klaus, er Claus.
He then bent down under the tree and began depositing his gifts with the names of every current patient here and a few blanks for any that may have been rushed here recently. With the packed gifts in place, he pulled out a red, soft, lazy man recliner and sat back.
“Ahhh! My first break in 363 days. Ho Ho ho!” Kyroion patted his visibly gigantic stomach and laughed.
Silence filled the room as Kyrion drew attention like a black hole-absorbed light. First, there was quiet, and then the screams began.
After the surprise faded, and wonder bloomed, Kyrion leaned forward. “Santa has decided to make a few public stops this year. So I want you all to be good kids and line up.”
The wonder faded into confusion as they looked closer at his beard.
“Isn’t Santa Claus supposed to have a beard?” Asked an observant ten-year-old.
Kyrion took out a pair of seemingly wooden Coke bottle glasses and squinted. “George, Georgie, the Mrs. told me that beards tend to make me look old.”
“You know my name?” George stepped back in surprise, bumping into another kid in line.
“I know the names of every kid on earth. It’s my job. Also, please be careful.” Kyrion smiled a toothy smile with perfect white teeth, which only insinuated his unnaturally emerald eyes.
“But everyone knows Santa isn’t real.” Blurted a fourteen-year-old with his right arm in a sling.
“Leo, right. You’re the one who broke his arm in a rugby game.”
“How do you know that?”
“Santa knows alot.”
“But…”
A brave toddler walked out of the line and towards Kyrion. Their mother scooped up the toddler a few feet away from him.
“Ah, Amelia, you’re lively today. I’m sure you’re ready for your presents as this line is moving too slowly. I assume you’re first.” Kyrion held his right hand towards a tree as a pink box with a red bow flew into his open hand. The name Amelia could be seen on a tag attached to the gift.
The girl reached out for her gift with two hands as her mother reluctantly led her forward.
A light flashed as Amelia took the gift, distracting most in the room, and Kyrion took the opportunity to send a strand of life mana into her ears, repairing them and restoring their connection to her brain.
Amelia immediately covered her ears in confusion, her gift falling to the floor.
With hands, swift than wind, Kyrion caught the gift and replaced it in Amelia’s mother’s arms.
“Now then. Who’s next?” Kyrion said in a soft tone so as not to agitate the toddler.
Amelia was soon carried away to be examined as her holding her ears like that was strange.
The next to arrive was a kid in a wheelchair who had been at the front of the line. The boy was being pushed by his father.
“Now, then. Jack, right?”
“Jack, is my name, yes.” Jack nervously looked down.
“I see. Jack, were you good this year?” Kyion reached back to the gifts and began to pull a strand of mana he had attached to the gift. He then pooled D.E. into Jack’s spine to slowly repair it as the boy was being wheeled closer.
“Yes, sir.”
“Manners too. Say Jack, humor me. I want you to pick up your gift without being pushed any further?” Kyrion held Jack’s gift forward.
Jack’s father spoke up, clearly holding back outrage. “What?”
“Just one step.” Kyrion stated.
“But he can’t walk. He’s paralyzed.”
“Is he? Or was he?” Kyrion asked.
Jack squeezed his legs as he looked down, and tears began to form. Then his eyes widened, but the tears kept going.
“I’ll let y’all in on a secret. I’m sharing a bit of Christmas magic with everyone today.” Kyrion passed the blue box to Jack’s father and smiled.
“Thank you.” Jack muttered.
“Have a jolly christmas.” Kyrion waited for them to leave before the next one came.
Thus began the fastest thirty minutes of his life. Kyrion would pass a gift, do some healing, and move on. While he was quick, the patients could have been more efficient. As he gave his last gift, Kyrion stood up, bowed, and jumped into the air before vanishing.
“Merry Christmas!” Kyrion yelled from above the city. Fireworks shot out of his trunk, creating a rather ornate pattern before dissipating. The sleigh continued forward at high speed, going through the night sky. He had four more drops in this county.
----------------------------------------
The first house Kyrion entered had a strange dog, a small and mean dog. Or so he seemed to think. It was staring at him with unblinking eyes, and for a long moment, Kyrion thought it would bark.
Kyrion hadn’t met any dogs with glowing white eyes and rigid features. Nor had he known anyone who didn’t breathe or avoid making noise.
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
Opening his senses, Kyrion couldn’t find a heartbeat, although in its stomach was some core.
“It’s a toy.” Kyrion sighed before turning around to see another man in a red tank top and shorts holding a cookie.
“Who was that?” The man looked around, confused.
Kyrion didn’t move as he felt someone’s gaze push against his natural stealth field.
The man pulled a bottle out of an ice chest, popped it open, and walked away.
As Kyrion stood motionless, the gaze faded briefly as the cat walked between his legs, rubbing against Kyrion’s felt pants leg.
Kyrion took out a small ball with a dash of catnip within and rolled it. The soft jiggling sign caught its attention while the smell held it.
In that opening, Kyion slipped the presents underneath the tree and planted an array mark underneath the floorboards. From there, he followed the smell of cooked meat, arriving at a stone pit where various meats and vegetables, mostly meats, were cooking.
Kyrion had rarely seen so much food in one place on this planet; as he looked about, he noticed many people had come down here. He still had three houses, and that copycat ate his cookies. He could spare some time for a light snack.
Kyrion’s right foot moved forward unconsciously as he approached a man who was drunk and sitting by himself on a long table seat.
Kyrion poked his right eye and shivered briefly. He then approached the resting man and sat down. “Ey, Teo. Been a while.”
Teo slowly blinked as he turned towards Kyrion. “Who are you?”
“It’s the suit. It’s me, Henry, the friend from Wolford you invited to this…”
“Henry? I thought you weren’t coming to the Hangi. Something about it not being a propper...”
“Barbie? Yeah, I decided that a student such as I should be more open.”
“You? Open?”
Kyrion gasped as he used his resources to pry into Henry’s life. “Fine, I heard that I could drink all I want and party like there’s no tomorrow.”
As it turned out, Henry was comatose after getting into a car accident on his way from the airport to his hotel. It was recent enough that Teo hadn’t been made aware, and there were plenty of stories where spirits of dead or comatose friends and family paid visits. Kyrion also looked nothing like Henry; none of the others here had met him. This was a big party with quite a few friends of friends present.
“Is the Hangi ready?” Kyrion asked.
“Thought you were just drinking?”
“I am not trying to kill my liver tonight. I intend to delay my suffering.” Kyrion said as an aura of relaxation oozed off of him.
“Get a plate and get in line. Think I’ll rest my eyes a bit.” Teo yawned.
“You do that.” Kyrion slipped off. Summoning a plate from his domain, he proceeded to walk about, taking food from the pit undetected while showing much more restraint than he had had in years. Part of him wanted to swan dive into the pit of food and stuff it all into his domain. Nonmagical heat didn’t bother him in the slightest, and it all smelled delicious.
With two plates in hand, Kyrion flickered between his sleigh and the hospital where Henry was being kept.
The young man was in a full body cast and covered in stitches underneath on top of being comatose.
With a wave of his hand, the stitches vanished, but they were aptly closed before the wounds could think of opening. From there, he realigned his bones to the optimal formation and realigned his muscle structure into a more efficient pattern. From there, he increased the strength of said muscles and bones to a degree where they could handle the magic he would force into him. Henry was about to become a mage whether he wanted to or not, as that was the minimum requirement for the next step.
With Henry’s body prepared to be a vessel, Kyrion bit his finger and let a drop of blood fall onto Henry’s face. The bead of red flowed into his left eye and brain, enhancing Henry’s mental capacity greatly and giving him access to this world’s magic by creating pathways through his nervous system.
“Finally to fuse the mind and body with the soul.” Kyrion let a sliver of D.E flow into Henry, which resulted in a violent wake-up as his last moments awake caused him to jerk to the side.
Henry broke through his cast with an uncontrolled force and stood in his newly enhanced body, confused. A plate of food appeared to be the only other thing in the room as he looked about in confusion.
----------------------------------------
In three more hops, he had finished his array for New Zealand and stood in his sleigh, currently moving towards Japan as the spell finished, and every child in that nation would wake up with a gift just for them as well as a tool to protect them from what’s to come.
Kyrion’s stop in Tokyo wasn’t as straightforward. Ander was busy purchasing things for the trip back to that country, specifically Swordum model kits, training swords, and other educational tools. While he hadn’t fought many giant robots here, he knew building them was possible. Afterward, Ander would pick up cookbooks, seeds, and tools.
Kyrion, on the other hand, was busy sitting atop a hospital, letting his mana fill the building and heal everyone inside. Had he been present, he could have been picky on how his healing worked. But he couldn’t get around as quickly here as few agreed to sign off on this public event.
Still, the miracles would happen, and toys would be widespread. Just because Kyrion was locked out didn’t mean he couldn’t go in. A locked door was just a minor inconvenience for him, after all. He hopped into the air and teleported to the following location.
“Just a minor inconvenience,” Kyrion muttered as he teleported outside a large family compound. It appeared to be a large family compound; there were two kids there but far too many adults for his liking. They, too, were stationed about as though on guard for something. Or someone.
“Seems someone’s been naughty.” Kyrion shook his head as he walked up to the gate and scowled. There was magic here, no matter how faint.
“Very naughty.” Kyrion sighed as he walked through the front gate and was soon surrounded by a group of black-clad figures with throwing blades prepped for throwing as soon as he entered the boundary. While directly in front of him was a woman wielding a katana, her body emitting spectral samurai armor.
“What is a demon like you doing in our realm?” The woman asked in a way to gain his full attention.
“I am Santa Claus. I am no mere demon. Ho-ho-ho! I come bearing presents and good cheer.” Kyrion held his sides and laughed.
“Santa Claus isn’t real.”
“That hurts and I’m under time constraints. So, let me drop off my gifts and I’ll be on my way. How can you even sense me?”
“Family technique.”
“Fair enough.” Kyrion relaxed his body, making himself an easy target to the untrained eye.
To the trained eye, however, it was as though his body was blurring as he slowly shifted from foot to foot, using his body and weight to move the air around him. From there, he used raw mana to create an invisible and silent wind funnel.
“Aren’t you cocky for a trespasser?”
“Please, how long do you think I’ve been doing this?” Kyrion stood tall.
“Sources say this is the first and last year.” The woman stated stoically.
“Oh? So either your source isn’t high up, or is playing more than one side. You see, after this year, I’ll be cemented in the hearts of billions. You’re only delaying the inevitable.”
“You’re insane.”
“No, I’m Santa Claus.” Kyrion stopped pressing the earth he had eroded into dust into the ground and cast a silent transmutation, turning it into reflective glitter.
“He’s attacking!” The woman charged forward as the warriors lurking in the shadows threw a combination of shuriken and kunai.
The thrown weapons were swept into the wind and carried, turning the funnel into a blender of spinning blades and glitter.
“Tsk Tsk. Naughty ninjas get coal.” Kyrion stomped his foot into the ground, leaving his array mark embedded in the earth a good ways down.
“What?” One of the ninjas said in surprise before noting that he had been covered in a flammable soot.
“You lose.” Kyrion held his pointer finger up, where a small white flame had gathered.
“What are you after?”
“Little Hiro wanted a sword and Yuki wanted a new doll. My people worked hard this year, making these toys. So I’m dropping them off. I’m sure you’d rather they have a house when they woke up.”
“So the great Santa Claus is making threats now.”
“Just an observation. I can wreck a city block by accident. You haven’t seen me when I’m hungry for blood. Besides, I’m already done.” The vortex faded, revealing one of the ninja standing in his position talking, yet not in control of their own body. The ninja fell forward moments later, leaving the others to wonder when he swapped.
“When did Santa Claus take levels in the assassin class?” Asked one ninja.
“I mean. It makes sense in hindsight. How else would he be able to get into every house undetected. He was playing with us the whole time. I say we check the house for signs of a breach.” Said a talkative ninja.
“Kiryu, I never took you for the insightful type. Keep that up, and you may make Jonin at one point.” The woman slid her sword into her sheath and casually approached him.
“That would be a dream come true.”
“You were already a Jonin.”
The woman then swiped her sword across Kiryu’s torso, resulting in a pop of a balloon containing flour mixed with a laxative that can seep in through the air and skin, hitting everyone there. While they may not realize they were poisoned now, it would get them eventually. It was the least Kyrion could do for their hospitality.
Standing atop another roof, Kyrion ensured his gifts would be found only by their owners before moving on to a safer target.
----------------------------------------
The following hours, they had been rough. Bullets and missiles had shot him. Stepped on landmines, redirected two tactical nukes, toppled a corrupt dictator, and placed a group of awakened penguins in charge of the country. Most importantly, he procured large amounts of food and trinkets.
He was on the run from the Carabinieri after fixing a national landmark. What earth mage in their right mind would leave a tower on such a poor foundation without working to fix it? He thought he was doing them a favor, yet here he was, running about in his Santa suit with people with weapons giving chase.
“Stop! We just want to question you!”
“I don have time for an irragation!” Kyrion did not stop; he had been shot at for less tonight, and he had no time for their unreasonable questions. Everything had been getting a bit hazy since he downed four bottles of grape juice in one sitting. It was pretty expensive as well, costing most of his pocket money. How people could afford to drink the grape juice was beyond him.
“He’s drunk!” The local law enforcement continued to give chase.
“Nos tats improbubles. Bubbles…No Imz Saten Kalws.” Kyrion said as he leaped to a rooftop. His regeneration was off as it seemed wonky as it tried to heal injuries in his brain. His brain wasn’t injured; if it were, he would need to fix it manually to avoid memory erasure.
“How in the?” One of the local law enforcement pulled out a gun.
“Sewing your true colors now.” Kyrion flipped the officer two birds as he jumped down a chimney to deliver his presents.
Two kids watched as a drunk Santa Claus walked out of their lit chimney with gifts in hand, his body covered in flames.
“Yous suppose to be in beds.”
“It’s seven pm…”
“Oh. I’m early…Do you happen to have cookies and milk?” Kyrion bent down and held out the gift like a bribe.
“Uhhh…”
There was a knock at the door.
“Ah, the fuzz!” Kyrion sleds the gifts across the floor under the tree before stabbing his foot into the ground and teleporting back to the North Pole for the final stretch.
From there, he rested for a few hours and let the sun set in his acquired timezone. This allowed him to sober up a bit as he realized that he had gotten strong. Apparently, the wine he had consumed held traces of ancient magic that grew in power. Meaning he had been drinking wine, not grape juice, magical wine, as regular alcohol shouldn’t have bothered him one bit.
“Always another complication,” Kyrion said as his nap ended, and he turned to the news stations.
The news anchors worldwide seemed to be talking about various miracles in hospitals worldwide and reports of a man in red walking around. A picture of Kyrion eating borscht in Russia had been leaked, along with a picture of him eating pasta at a restaurant in Italy, one of many that caught him eating. A majority of the pictures had been at hospitals, however. Each hospital reported many terminal patients bouncing back as well as permanent afflictions being healed. Kyrion’s skin color, eyes, and scarf in place of a beard made his appearance quite distinct.
“Huh, I look good on camera.” Kyrion removed the weighted vest around his torso and removed his hat, revealing his red hair. From there, he tied a white headband across his forehead and sighed. Santa was now in his second form as he was moving onto the western hemisphere shortly.
His stint in Italy was a treat for his hard work, as he enjoyed pasta and food. Africa had been a rough continent with quite a few regions with children who hadn’t been in his Janitor’s system. This left his array more open than necessary, meaning a few gifts would probably be left out there for people to find much later.
As the sun set, the western hemisphere, Kyrion, got back to the grind, dropping into Canada, followed by Mexico, moving into South America, and then cleaning up the surrounding islands. His arrays in the U.S. had been placed much sooner as he had a lot of time there beforehand. This led to quite a few people jumping in surprise as gifts appeared out of nowhere with no signs of Santa Claus in the States outside of some stealthy hospital visits.
As midnight hit in California, an array of magic covering the world shot into the sky as the last gifts were delivered and the gathered Christmas cheer worldwide began to build. From there, a continent rose from the depths of the ocean. It rose further, eventually floating above the ocean’s surface and moving into the sky, where a sleigh of red descended onto it.
----------------------------------------
Ander lay exhausted on the ground as the advanced squad stood atop the teleporter meant to allow travel between his homeworld and this one. So long as they had a navigator and someone with the necessary Divine Essence. In other words, someone like Kyrion had the proper talent.
Kyrio rubbed his stomach. “I haven’t felt this full ever.”
“Don’t worry. You’ll burn several calories with this technique.” Said a white stoat sitting in the center of the inactive teleportation circle.
“It still baffles me. A technique that requires two or more spatial mages to work, and even then, both need access to D.E.”
“A spatial mage works on a four-dimensional plane. Yes, you can go up and down left and right, but you can also shift into a place beyond the physical or into your personal universe. You aren’t strong enough to do this alone, nor are you as knowledgeable. We are essentially squaring our domains and opening up a portal into the multiverse. Without a Dimensional Navigator, you would likely wind up in space, in a universe with no life and no way to get out. Due to the minimal amount of power required.”
“Four squared is sixteen. There is no way we’re looking at things in that tier.”
“The peak of my understanding is in the sixth dimension. What I mean is that we will be using power that only belongs to a sovereign, and I will be the one in control of the trip. Your mind and soul won’t be harmed on this trip. Although you may get a taste of power, currently well beyond your station. Now follow my instructions. Open your portal and close your eyes. You are not yet ready to comprehend the forces at work.”
“What are you going on about?” Kyrion asked as he closed his eyes and created an inactive portal into his domain.
A second portal was born above Kyrion, and the others were inactive. The two portals collided and shifted, surrounding everyone present in a white light as they were taken out of one universe and brought to another.
The power Kyrion felt was familiar yet odd; it was as though the portals had been inverted and reality shifted; they had entered an area beyond the universe he had known and had been carried to another as though he were but a child. Which he was.
His eyes were open through no decision of his own, and Kyrion came face to face with an odd image. Something with a head the shape of a dodecahedron with an eye on each face looked down at him with each of its eyes as feathery birdlike wings flapped behind it while connected to a ring like his chakrams, yet the wings did not connect to its back. Countless disembodied hands moved about countless screens as the entity he observed chronicled every last detail on each screen, occasionally throwing something into a screen or taking something out, while rare. In one instance, he saw a fist slam into the screen, shattering it before a new one replaced it instantly. Kyrion was then tossed into the fourth screen from the left.
Kyrion then blinked as he looked to his side and saw Lin, his expression softening as his mind adjusted to his vessel. He didn’t know what was missing, but he knew it didn’t matter compared to the sense of serenity. He felt as though all was as it was supposed to be.