The first thing Inyssa felt when waking up was heat envelop her body like a mantle of flames. She blinked a few times, her brain still trying to groggily welcome her back to reality. She took a few short breaths as the world formed around her.

Was she... laying down? Covered in something. Multiple things, soft and fuzzy. A slight movement of her head revealed them to be blankets, which made sense as far as her still waking mind was concerned. There was also something on top of her head. Wet and heavy.

She tried to move her arm to touch whatever it was, and that's when the pain came. Sharp, pulsing agony traveling from her spine to her forehead, accompanied by a horrible heat that blocked her throat and made her unable to breathe for a few seconds. Scared, she decided to lay still for almost a minute before attempting to move again. This time it was less painful, though not by much. Slowly she shifted her body and tried to position her head sideways to what she assumed was a room.

Assumed, because it was pretty fucking dark, either that or her eyes hadn't adjusted to it yet. There was a window on the other side of the room, from which the light of the moon fell and failed to illuminate much.

She didn't need to be the genius she believed herself to be to realize she was probably in Veilstone's Pokemon center. The beds and the stale air from the room felt familiar enough, after all. The fever and weakness clinging to her body, not so much.

What did I...

Memories came rushing back then, and Inyssa was pretty sure she'd rather have the physical pain instead.

Images flashed through her mind accompanied by wild, flaring throbs as if something were trying to burst from her head. Dark clouds above. A thunder struck tree. An arc of flame going towards her, behind which two frenzied, red eyes stared at her with such contempt.

"Enma..."

The word clawed itself out from her throat, coming out as broken and faint as her body felt. She stared at the darkness for what seemed like an eternity, slowly remembering every detail of what had happened to get her where she was. Enma going berserk and attacking her, Steven's evolution, Barry's arms carrying her…

She shifted her body sideways, biting her lip hard to ignore the pain that came with every movement, and as her eyes adjusted to the darkness she noticed her belt full of Pokeballs laying across the bedside table at her left. Desperately she clawed at the air with one hand, missing at first. A second, more careful swing landed her fingers on top of what she knew was Enma's ball.

The weight of it was enough to know it was empty.

Inyssa stared at the red and white of the ball for an entire minute, dry lips slightly parted and her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She closed her eyes and unconsciously tried to retreat to the safest part of her mind, where realization wouldn't find her. Where she could be oblivious and not have to face the reality presenting itself in front of her, baring its teeth and claws and ready to tear her to shreds.

She failed. Her veins turned to spikes from the inside out as a sob got caught in her throat. Everything became blurry. The air around her was heavy and hot. Too hot, burning her throat and lungs.

Stop, please…

Biting her lower lip hard, she threw her head back into the pillow and fought the incoming panic attack with the small ounce of strength she had left. Her heart turned into a molten piece of rock inside her chest, weighing her down and making her unable to get off the bed no matter how much her weak arms tried.

Her eyes veered left, only barely being able to see her Pokeballs at the edge of her sight. Would the rest of her Pokemon be there? Why would they? If Enma abandoned her what reason would they have to stay? If she couldn't even train a single Pokemon, if she couldn't even…

Like the legs of an Ariados, her fingers clawed desperately up her chest, gripping it tight, her breathing fast and erratic. Air wasn't enough anymore, and her limbs felt weaker and weaker with every second that passed. The pointy bits on the spikes inside her veins grew larger, tearing her apart from the inside.

Remember Sarah's advice, a remote part of her mind told her. Visualize your current situation and be realistic about it.

She swallowed hard and did her best to think past the fog clouding her mind. She was safe, she was in a Pokemon Center. At worst she'd caught a fever and…

And Enma abandoned her. Her first Pokemon left her because he knew what a pathetic, awful person and trainer she was and…

Focus!

She stabbed her palms with her nails and dove harder into the safe part of her mind. Her Pokemon loved her. All of them had jumped to protect her from Enma because they loved her and…

Pity. That's all that was. Pity for their arrogant, stupid trainer who couldn't handle the least bit of tragedy before she broke down in front of them. Weak and brittle, the exact opposite of what a true Champion should be.

Open their Pokeballs. They're still here with you.

She curled into a ball under her sheets. She didn't want to, she was too scared. Her lungs burned and her head throbbed with so much pain she had trouble even forming coherent thoughts. If she was gonna die there…

Barry.

The name shone a light inside her mind, allowed her to barely get the sheets off her. A gust of cold air hit her and filled her lungs for what felt like the first time.

Barry brought me here. Barry helped me.

She nodded against her body's wishes and closed her eyes, grabbing onto the side of the bed with as much strength as possible. She forced herself to take slow, deliberate breaths despite feeling like she'd suffocate.

I can do this.

The assault on her senses lasted for almost five more minutes, though they felt like hours to Inyssa. Once the heat and pain went away and her heart returned to normal she collapsed on the bed, covered in sweat and unable to move a muscle. She felt dull and empty, but at least not about to die anymore.

Through the aftermath her mind tried to pick up the pieces of her. Carefully put them back together again, making sure they wouldn't fall off and become even more broken than they already were.

With enormous effort she got the rest of the sheets off her body and landed her feet on the ground. The pieces didn't quite feel like they fit correctly, she thought. Something was wrong.

It was as if she were existing just a little bit to the left.

Nothing walking around the room couldn't solve, she told herself.

Her legs weren't happy with suddenly having to support her whole weight, insignificant though it was. She raised both arms to the side in an attempt to gain some balance as she leaned back and forth. Her head felt too light, as if it were full of helium, and her limbs had the consistency of jelly as far as she could tell. As usual, her body betrayed her at every opportunity it got. It really was amazing, just how much a person could fucking hate that which they were made of. Every time she looked herself in the mirror, every time she felt that stab of pain or dizziness after doing the most minimal of physical activities she wanted to dig into her own skin and muscle and throw every piece of her body she could find across the room. It was so...

Stop, she told herself. Focus. What do I do now?

The wooden floor creaked beneath her feet as her mind tried not very hard to come up with an answer while it focused her sight on her socks.

Huh, I still have my clothes on.

Clothes which were covered in sweat, she realized. She could feel it running down her neck to her back, pleasantly cold compared to the furnace that was her skin.

A shower would be a nice way to start I guess.

So get into the shower she did, throwing her clothes on the bathroom's floor and turning the faucet as far as it would go. The sound of the water splattering against the ceramic floor made for some nice background noise as she simply stood under it.

A faint pain flared through her skin as hot clashed against hot, though not enough to make her move or turn the temperature down. Her hair lost form as it stuck to her scalp, eventually covering her eyes and turning everything dark. She let it happen, even though her nose was starting to get itchy.

Her eyes were dull and faded, and her body moved almost automatically.

"Enma's gone."

Her tone couldn't have been more plain if she tried. Her lips formed those words sloppily and threw them out to die under the endless assault of the droplets of water.

She repeated them again in her mind. No emotion other than cold acceptance came out to react to them. Once more, and nothing. One last time just to make sure.

Absolutely nothing. Her chest felt cold and empty, and the scolding water did very little to fix that. She sighed and threw her head backwards, only realizing she should've closed her eyes after a few drops fell on them.

Enma was gone. He abandoned her, ran into the night after attacking her and the rest of her Pokemon while in a frenzy. He was gone.

She nodded with every sentence, forcing herself to process them fully. She accepted them, turned them into an immovable truth inside her heart. It was a heavy truth, perhaps heavier than she could handle.

What are you going to do now? Are you going to let this break you?

A memory resurfaced on her mind. She was a couple years younger, kneeling in front of her mother's bed as Johanna turned away from her, covered to her nose in sheets and disregarding every one of her pleas. Inyssa was hungry. She was crying. She was begging her to move, to do anything besides stay collapsed there surrounded by empty bottles and wistful sobs, whispering her missing daughter's name under her breath.

Inyssa curled her fingers into fists with enough force to make her muscles protest painfully. A small ember of fury escaped from the fog covering her body and traveled through her veins, giving her enough strength to lift her head and stand up straight.

With deliberate fingers she moved the tufts of hair that were covering her face, revealing a pair of burning green eyes.

"I am not like her…" she said to the empty room.

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She would not turn into an empty husk like her mother had back then. She was stronger than that, stronger than anything the world could throw at her. Stronger than Shadi, stronger than her father and Enma and everyone who decided to turn their backs on her.

Are you really?

She drove her fist into the pink tiles of the wall, regretting it two seconds after her knuckles met with the hardness of ceramic. Cursing under her breath, she shook her head and decided to get the damn shower over with before she ended up hurting herself any further.

The cold air which hit her as she stepped out was pleasant enough that she simply stood there for a couple minutes, breathing in and out methodically with her eyes closed and head thrown back. Her body was more grounded in reality now, as far as she could tell, and her head didn't feel like it would start flying out like it had before.

On top of the second bedside table she found another set of clothes ready, probably put there by the local nurse. Clean, dark denims and a white turtleneck shirt which smelled like lavender. She took the fabric to her nose and inhaled deeply, the scent putting a minuscule smile on her lips.

After dressing herself she simply stood in the middle of the room, wiggling her feet while she leaned back and forth. Nothing of interest could be seen other than her coat, hat and scarf being slowly dried on top of the heater.

That dissociation feeling caught up with her again, and before she knew it a few minutes had passed with her doing absolutely nothing but staring at a wall. She was so lost in thought that she almost jumped out of her skin when someone opened the door.

She turned around so fast her sight blurred. Even then, it was hard to mistake the person for anyone else.

"Barry?"

The boy froze on his tracks, hands slightly raised at his side and a look of worry over his face. Inyssa couldn't help but notice the red on his nose.

"Hey, Niss…" he whispered, shoulders stiff. "I heard something and I… uh…"

She had to think her way through the clogged up gears in her brain to decipher the reason for the boy's flustered behavior. Once she realized she couldn't help but let out a weak laugh that sent ripples of pain through her body.

"Wow Barry, walking into a girl's room without knocking? And here I thought you were a gentleman."

A nervous smile was all he could offer. "If that's what you thought then you clearly weren't paying attention."

Inyssa laughed. Then, with clear difficulty, she walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, patting the space next to her with her right hand. Barry got the message and followed after a few seconds, eyes full of concern still set on her.

They sat next to each other in silence for a few heartbeats, until Barry gathered enough courage to speak up.

"How are you feeling?"

She scowled at his question, a speck of frustration coming to life inside her. She opened her mouth to reply, but stopped herself.

It's not his fault.

"I feel like shit." She shrugged, eyes fixated on the floor. "Probably look like shit too."

"Well, it's dark so I kinda can't see anything."

A single, dry chuckle escaped her lips. She felt the weight of his body shift next to her as he crossed his legs and bowed his head in embarrassment.

"Thanks for saving my ass back there."

His eyes gained a bit of their usual brightness, and his lips slightly curved upwards. Inyssa liked that. She forgot how much she missed his stupid smile and how out of place he looked without it. Like a painting without color.

"It wasn't just me," he answered, pointing at the belt on top of the table. "All our Pokemon helped too. Yours were super worried and when we made it here it took an hour to convince them that they should get some sleep."

Inyssa raised a hand to both scratch her cheek and try to hide the fact that her lips were quivering.

"Looks like I got them worried for no reason, like the dumbass I am."

She sighed, feeling the remnants of the determination she'd found in the shower disappearing as the night swallowed them.

After a few moments of silence she decided to ask what was on her mind. "How long was I out?"

"Uh… like eight hours I think. The nurse said it was a mix of the fever and the exhaustion catching up to you."

"Right…"

Another silence. Thicker than the last one, and quite a bit heavier too if her dropped shoulders had anything to say about it. Though perhaps it was just her tiredness wanting her to get her ass to bed again.

The boy opened his mouth and closed it about three times, as if there was a knot of words inside his throat that he wasn't quite able to unravel. She gave him all the time he needed and eventually he stammered his way to what he wanted to say, avoiding Inyssa's gaze.

"I… today while you were sleeping, I went around and..." He gulped, fingers playing with each other. "Well, anyway, the nurse and the Gym leader said they'd do everything they can to find Enma."

Hearing his name come from someone else's mouth hurt a lot more than she expected, though she did a good job of hiding it from him.

"You met the Gym leader already?"

"Y-yeah, she's pretty cool. She actually said she wanted to talk to us. Once we recover, obviously."

She tried to process that piece of information and swiftly realized she couldn't force herself to give a shit. The premise of a Gym battle seemed so sour now, so empty. Barry was quick to catch on to her lack of enthusiasm and reacted accordingly by hitting her with his stupid, worrying beady eyes which she couldn't meet. Not yet anyway.

Not until she said what she wanted to say.

"Barry… I think there's something wrong with me."

At the very least she got some enjoyment from the befuddlement on his face as her words caught him off guard.

"What… do you mean?"

That's a good question. What do you mean?

She Hrumphed as she raised her legs up to the edge of the bed and hugged her knees. Her answer was stuck somewhere between her heart and her throat and it took her some time to forcefully get it out.

"It just keeps happening," she whimpered to the space between her knees. "No matter what I do… people keep leaving me."

Barry's shoulders dropped as he realized what she was implying.

"Niss…"

"I mean, it can't be a coincidence anymore, right?" she argued to no one. "I'm not a scientist but I'm pretty sure that when so many points of data start piling up it's time you come up with a hypothesis."

She felt a pair of narrowed eyes on her. "I… don't know about that last thing you said, but none of what happened is your fault, Niss."

"Right, it just so happens that everyone who gets close to me leaves eventually."

A warm hand fell on her shoulder, startling her. Her fingers closed even more strongly against the fabric of her jeans.

"I'm not gonna leave you."

A sardonic chuckle was her response.

"Thanks, but I don't believe you."

She regretted her words the moment she said them. A slight movement of her head to the right put into view Barry's darkened expression, and she didn't need a light shining on it to realize her friend was hurt.

"I'm sorry…" She hid her face once more in shame. "See? That's just what I do, I treat people like shit and they get tired of me."

"That's not true!" Barry replied adamantly, his hand still grabbing onto her shoulder. "You've always been good to me and you're smart and funny and kind! You're a good person, Niss."

Another bitter laugh, this time mixed in with something that might've been a sob. She wasn't sure and didn't want to find out either.

"A good person. I'm a good person…" she repeated, the words not making any sense to her. "Was I a good person when I left home after yelling at my mom? Was I a good person when I acted like a spoiled brat in front of Roark because things didn't go my way for once?"

"That's not…" Barry gulped as he tried to think of what he wanted to say. "That doesn't mean that…"

"How about that time I didn't give a shit about the blown up bridge because I wanted to get to Eterna fast?" she interrupted, raising her head and setting her eyes on him. "Or when I got my Pokemon killed because I wanted to play the hero? And don't forget all those times I treated Metchi like shit because I didn't trust her even though she's probably doing more to fight Team Galactic than the both of us!"

The moment those screams left her mouth so did the small flame of anger that brought them to life. Inyssa laughed weakly and let her head fall on top of her knees. She didn't care about waking up anyone or about the clear signs of worry on Barry's face. None of that would make any difference.

Another sigh lost, hidden in the folds of her jean. Another couple of tears she wouldn't let anyone see.

"What the fuck was I thinking?" she asked no one, pressing her forehead against her legs. "I look back and all I see is more and more evidence than I'm... horrible. The way I treat people... my mom, you, Lucas, Percy and Reiko… how did I get them to spend more than a few minutes with me? How can they fucking stand me after everything I did?"

She felt Barry's weight leaving the bed, his feet making the wooden floor creak under them. She didn't dare to look up; it was probably just him getting tired of having to be submitted to hearing her stupidity. No one could blame him.

A pair of hands landed on top of her knees.

"Niss, listen to me."

Her eyes, quite a bit braver than her, accompanied her head as she lifted it up. She could make up Barry's face a few inches from hers. His expression was unreadable, which was unusual for him.

"Everyone makes mistakes, us more than most people." He tried to form a smile, though it died halfway through. "But you're forgetting about all the good things. Back in Floaroma you did save Katie and her dad, didn't you?"

"I only wanted recognition." She spat that excuse almost automatically.

Barry laughed. "We both know that's not true, but fine. How about the promise you made to Roark? That you would help him get his city back once you become the Champion. Or how about when you inspired Lucas to start his own journey?"

His arms slowly got to work on unraveling the knot that had become her body, starting by lowering her legs to the ground and untangling her arms. She hadn't realized until then how painful that posture was.

"You adopted Shadi and Bret after they were abandoned," he continued, tone sweet and gentle. "You helped Steven recover his confidence and never stopped believing in him. And I don't need to tell you that you're an amazing and inspiring trainer because both Gardenia and Fantina already did that for me."

He grabbed her hands and lowered them to the edge of the bed, where their fingers met. Inyssa found herself unable to say anything, too taken aback by her friend's words.

"You're strong, Niss." His eyes seemed to beam as he said those words. "That's what everyone realizes as soon as they meet you, because it's the most obvious thing in the world. And yeah, you might have some things to learn from what you did, but who doesn't? You're still the coolest person I know."

Inyssa swallowed hard in a vain attempt to drown the embarrassing sound stuck in her throat. Though she could do very little about the tears falling down her cheeks, especially when she didn't dare move her fingers from under his. Nothing in the world could convince her to do that.

"Look at me, needing you to lift my spirits." She shook her head shamefully. "If I'm gonna break down every time something bad happens..."

"Then I'll be right here for you," Barry interrupted, tone hopeful. "It's okay to hurt, Niss. There's nothing wrong with needing help from a friend once in a while."

She leaned her head forward and let a few strands of hair cover her eyes. A pale, crooked smile appeared in her lips.

"God, what the fuck did I ever do to deserve you?"

No need to see him to know his expression brightened. She wasn't sure she could sustain the weight of another one of his stupid smiles without her heart turning to mush.

"I'm just doing my job." He shrugged. "And since I'm so good according to you that means you gotta believe what I'm saying about you being great."

She narrowed her eyes in confusion before her friend's strange logic, unknowingly being forced to submit to it.

"Can't argue with that, I guess."

Barry clapped both hands, a huge grin on his face, "Great, that settles it then! Let it be known that Inyssa Dawn is the coolest person ever and my most beloved friend!"

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, let's not get too crazy here…"

"And, since you're unfortunately still recovering from a fever..." he continued, completely ignoring her, "that means that I'm the leader until you get better, and I get to decide what we do from now on!"

"Is that so?" She raised one eyebrow at him, trying to contain a smile. "Then tell me oh fearless leader, what are your orders for the day?"

The boy stood up to his full height and lifted his chin, as if he were about to give a very important speech.

"First of all…" he began, his voice booming and exaggerated, "we're gonna have to rest. The storm left us both pretty weak and we've been going through our journey too fast already. I say we go to visit the Gym leader later and ask her why she wanted to see us, but we don't challenge her until after we're well and healthy."

She nodded weakly. As much as her spirit was willing she knew her body wouldn't allow her to continue at the same pace as the previous weeks. The Gym would have to wait.

Barry raised one finger and continued. "Second, we play lots of video games and eat lots of ice cream! That's an order!"

She extended her palm and put it next to her forehead, imitating a military salute.

"Aye aye, cap'n."

They looked at each other with serious expressions for a few heartbeats, before breaking into an uncontrollable, high pitched laughter that echoed all through the room and made her belly hurt.

The nurse is so going to scold us for the noise.

"That's all, soldier." Barry performed a mocking bow, chuckles still escaping his lips. "You can go back to bed now. I'm sure you can't wait to be sleeping again."

She had to admit to herself he was right. Not even eight hours unconscious could get rid of the exhaustion that covered her like a thick blanket.

With lazy movements, she got up from the bed and stood in front of Barry, who towered over her just a bit more than she expected.

Has he always been this tall?

"Thanks for… everything" She put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it tightly. "In the morning I'll make sure to buy you a nice breakfast for your trouble, you big…"

She barely had time to react as Barry grabbed the hand on top of his shoulder and pulled her close, trapping her in a hug. Her face was now between his neck and collarbone and she felt her friend's arms closing around her back.

He landed his chin on top of her head before sending a whisper her way.

"Sleep well and take care, okay?" His voice was deep and serious. "Both me and your Pokemon want you to get better."

She cursed internally as she realized he had her arms trapped under his, which prevented her from getting rid of the thing leaking from her eyes to the collar of his shirt. Yet another thing she had to ruin. Barry didn't seem to mind however, since he continued speaking.

"And please, believe what I told you earlier. You're the most important person to me, Niss. There's a reason for that."

Her throat turned painful as it tried to contain a sob. And as she looked up towards Barry's eyes something became clear in the deepest part of her mind. A truth that by all means she should've accepted a long time ago.

She swallowed that truth down, which landed someplace behind her rib cage and promptly decided it would be a good place for it to live from now on.