I was unable to accept the truth before me; my brother was gone.
Death never gives warning. Even when a loved one passes peacefully in their sleep, we always wish that we could've had just a little more time with them.
As someone who had ended so many lives, I knew this. Or… I thought I did.
In reality, the brunt of my biggest fear becoming reality was strong enough to smash any semblance of logic within me to pieces. I refused to move past the anger I felt at his death. Because if I did, if for one moment I tried to make peace with what had happened, then it wouldn't be different from accepting it.
And so, I searched for an alternative.
A way to bring him back.
----------------------------------------
Inyssa couldn't remember the last time she sat on a swing, hands tightly closed against the rusty chains holding her up, the feeling of her feet hovering above the ground a strange, yet comforting one.
The park was empty, not a soul to be seen. A blanket of snow covered every inch of the ground and the rest of the playground equipment, giving the surface a beautiful, peaceful sheen that reminded her of days long gone, looking outside the window for the first year's snowfall.
A deaf thump was heard behind her as the seesaw was pushed to the other extreme by the harsh wind. She felt it a second after. Like a giant blowing against her back, trying to push her away from its property, and yet she remained still, sitting. The tips of her nose and ears had turned red minutes ago, but that was just fine. The cold didn't affect her much.
She breathed out, though maybe it was more of a sigh. Mist escaped her lips in curls.
"I can do this," she said to no one, looking down at her lap. "It'll work this time."
"Confidence is key," said Uxie. "I believe in you, Inyssa."
She let go of the chains and grabbed the book resting on her lap with glove-covered hands. It felt heavier. Gulping was the only thing she could do for a few seconds, her throat too dry to allow her to say much.
It had worked with Pyxis. And back in the library, the first time she'd touched this book. It seemed pretty clear now that if she wanted to read the memories of an object or person, then physical contact was needed, skin to skin. She doubted that knowledge would have helped her the few times she'd tried this before, but at least now she was sure of it; a step in the right direction. She had to make her powers work on this book. No more excuses, no more weakness, no more of her being the worst fucking legendary hero of all time.
The secret behind Team Galactic's plan as well as those of the creature controlling Shadi were in the torn pages of this book. She had to retrieve that information no matter what.
"Alright… here I go."
She took her gloves off with a mix of clumsiness and nervousness, the white tips turning pink merely seconds after she removed them. No time to stall. Taking in a deep breath, Inyssa placed both hands over the cover and forced her eyes to spark with Uxie's power.
A crackle of energy ran from her fingers up throughout the rest of her body, flaring up at the center of her scar. She let out a grunt, teeth grit in pain. The uncomfortable feeling of her senses being enhanced to their limits hit her like a punch to the face, the already bothersome cold turning almost torturous.
Luckily, the sensation disappeared as fast as it had appeared. Inyssa felt herself free of the bounds of her body, the mists and mirrors of her own mind unfolding before her.
Images flashed in front of her. Black words on white, pages being turned, the chilling sound of paper being ripped, the touch of skin against leather. It all rushed into her at once, overwhelming. She frowned and tried to concentrate on a singular memory, no matter which, just to start.
The rush of images and sensations slowed to a crawl, and for a few seconds she could focus on… something. Something she hadn't seen before. A vague, blurry image of a barely-lit room, a fair-skinned blonde woman sitting on the floor, furiously scribbling into the pages of the book, a sparkle of excitement in her stormy eyes.
Inyssa would have gasped if she could. The woman looked almost identical to Cynthia, only shorter and with a more prominent nose and a slightly darker shade of hair. The features of her face were much harsher, too, to a point where Inyssa could have sworn she'd seen this woman before. But…
"Snowpoint temple, then?" The woman spoke to no one, her bushy eyebrows joining over the bridge of her nose. "Bloody hell. Gonna have to ask pops for some winter clothes but I guess I have no choice."
Realization came to her. It was less rough and raspy, true, but there was no mistaking who that voice belonged to.
C-Carolina?
The woman closed the book shut, seemingly unaware of Inyssa's presence.
Then the memory vanished, like a fresh painting being dropped into water, all its color and shape leaving in trails of wisps. Inyssa felt herself back inside her own mind, the shade of the book still on her hands and a look of bewilderment on her non-existent face.
I-it worked! Again! She tried to laugh, though no sound came out of her form-less lips. Okay… okay. So Carolina was the author. That doesn't help me much, but it's a start. Now, one more time. Give me something juicier, book!
She focused all of her attention on the book, the gold of her eyes sparking vigorously. Another rush of power flowed from her toward the object, a shining coat of light covering both of them.
And then nothing happened. The smile slowly fell of her misty face with every second that passed, the landscape around her unchanged.
Come on…
Once again she forced all the power she could muster into the book, and once again nothing came to her. No spark, no images. Nothing.
What the fuck!? she yelled at no one. It just worked, didn't it? I didn't do anything differently!
Again and again she tried, the gold in her eyes glowing so powerfully now that their light cut through even the thickest parts of the mists, and yet it wasn't enough. The book remained still and dead. It didn't even feel like she was holding it anymore, as though something were blocking the mental connection between her and it.
Oh my god, fuck these fucking powers! Aaggh! She let out a deep groan, letting her shoulders fall. What am I doing wrong? I thought–
A sudden chill shook her to her core, the mists around her pulsing like a heartbeat. She froze, holding her breath. It was a familiar feeling, one that was usually followed by…
Yep, there it was. Eyes on her back. Steeling herself, Inyssa looked over her shoulder and found that shadow-hemmed figure standing behind her, its cold gaze drilling into her.
You…
The figure cocked its head to the side, almost curious. Anger rose from Inyssa's stomach like steam from a kettle, instantly burning away any fear she felt toward the creature.
What are you!? she bellowed, the white room shaking to the boom of her voice. What do you want with me!?
No response came. The figure kept staring, never blinking, never moving a single inch, as though it could do this all day. Well, Inyssa didn't have all day. And she was very determined to let this shadowy asshole know that.
I'm not scared of you anymore, she stated. I've gotten through scarier stuff than you. Hell, I fought a murderbug and got hit by fucking lightning, you think you can take me on!?
There was a small gesture. A quirk of the eyebrow, like the figure was questioning her claims.
Uxie told me… it told me you're only a figment of my mind, so there's no reason for me to be scared of you. In fact, you should be scared of me! She tried her best to sound confident, cocky, even. You're a part of my mind and I'm fucking packing with mind powers. I could just get rid of you, you know?
Whatever emotion was displayed on the few inches of faces visible on the shadowy figure, fear it was not.
So you better… you better stop doing whatever it is you're doing to hamper my powers, alright?
At that, the figure looked up, focusing its attention on the myriad of glowing mirrors cutting through the mists, some of them broken and with jagged edges which left pale scars on the air as they moved. Its eye narrowed.
"That's…"
Inyssa felt a chill at the sound of that voice. It had no discernible tone, not even a cadence, as though only the words themselves were being transmitted into her mind, but still she felt it so familiar.
"That's not it…"
What isn't it? she asked, all bravado gone from her voice. What… what do you want from me?
It turned toward her so sharply that Inyssa squared up her shoulders in panic, the sudden weight of that pale green in her eye too chilling for her to bear.
"Truth," it said, matter of factly. "It… it's the only…"
Its voice fizzled in and out and the way it lifted its one visible hand to its throat, fingers curling into a fist, made it seem as though it were having a lot of trouble muttering those words alone.
"Truth…" it repeated. "Speak… the truth."
To say Inyssa was taken aback would have been putting it lightly. The way it spoke, the irritation and desperation in what little expression it showed… was it telling the truth? This thing… was it really trying to help her?
What… kind of truth?
Its gaze bore into her with an intensity that rivaled that of a blizzard, and just like that every ounce of determination and bravery Inyssa had previously shown vanished like a paper Growlithe in said blizzard. When it spoke, there was a sudden force in its voice.
"Truth," it said once more, the word booming inside of Inyssa's head. "The… hardest one. The most painful… to speak."
A sudden memory came to Inyssa. One she hadn't realized was there until now, since it had originated from her dreams. A long walk back from school. The cold from the hail making her recent wounds sore. A Barry that clearly wasn't Barry grabbing her arm and speaking to her with such contempt in his voice.
"You've never been strong. But you could be, if you learn to face the truth."
That was you, Inyssa realized, looking up at the figure. You're the one behind all these dreams.
It didn't reply, but it didn't need to. Something about the way it looked at her was response enough.
You've… been trying to get this across to me all this time? she asked. The trick to getting my powers to work… The secret behind my hazy memories… This truth you're talking about…
There had been a second dream after that one, hadn't it? Back in that cabin, before they'd gone out and gotten ambushed by Team Galactic, Inyssa remembered accidentally falling asleep and seeing…
Seeing…
Even though physical sensations eluded her in this form, she could have sworn she felt a cold pit in her stomach, filling her with sudden unease. That young Niss, carrying that pill bottle…
The world changed around her. Mists danced and coalesced into a vortex of colors around her, distorting her mind like a projector against a white wall, showing an empty, snowy street being walked by a single young girl. Showing a scene that Inyssa couldn't possibly have wanted to look at less.
This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
I… I don't want to look at this, she said, almost stuttering.
The figure said nothing. Heavy pants and grunts were heard as the young Inyssa came into view, and the real one let out a sound she wasn't proud of.
I remember this, she said, pitch rising. This isn't one of the memories I'm missing; I remember this clear as fucking day! I don't need to see it again!
The figure stared into her, its gaze as impassive as ever.
"I'm not the one showing you this."
Inyssa tried to mutter a response, but nothing but a mutter came out.
"Truths," it said, once more. "Painful ones. Speak them. Practice."
I-I…
Slowly, every part of her trying to stop her, Inyssa looked over her shoulder and toward the unfolding memory once more.
The young her had barely walked a few steps in that time. Then again, that was understandable considering the sorry state she was in, clothes torn in multiple places and bruises covering her from tip to toe. Warm blood ran down her broken nose. Ash black hair fell over her face in disheveled tufts, their shadow hiding the green of her eyes. She walked with a limp, teeth clenched in pain.
Hers was the look of someone who'd gotten seven bells beaten out of her, which happened to be the case.
Connie's sister was not a merciful woman.
Young Inyssa kept on walking, no sound leaving her mouth other than the occasional grunt of pain, the resigned look on her face spelling out how much she knew she deserved the state she was in. Or maybe it wasn't clear at all, under the blood and bruises. Maybe she simply knew because she'd been in the spot not too long ago.
The more she looked, the more she began to feel it. The pain, the soreness, the numb cold spreading all throughout her body, whispering dark thoughts into her ear. Each step made her ankles sink into the growing blanket of snow, making her advance more difficult. The muscles on her legs burned with the effort, but she barely felt that. Barely felt anything, as a matter of fact. All she was aware of was the deep, crushing weight on her shoulders and eyelids, urging her to let go, urging her to be swallowed by the hail and be done with all this.
It would certainly be what she deserved.
And yet, she kept going. The dark streets of Twinleaf made way as she slowly but surely made her way back to her own neighborhood, not a single soul to be seen around. That, too, was to be expected. Everyone knew you had to be inside before nightfall during winter. It was common sense, the kind even Pokemon took to heart.
A Murkrow's screech greeted the girl as she turned the corner, her and Barry's house now visible at the end of the street. Only one showed signs of life inside.
For the first time since getting up after her beating, she stopped. A mistake, as the very act of walking was the only thing keeping her consciousness and the horrific pain covering every inch of her body from overtaking her. A tiny sob left her cracked lips, swallowed by the roar of the hail. Eyes narrowed, vision blurry, she tried her best to ignore everything and focused on the street ahead.
Tall, leafless trees grew in rows in front of the houses, small banks of snow gathering in between the branches. A single light post stood at her right glowing with a blurry, fragmented gold sheen, the snowflakes falling around it looking like raindrops of pure gold, their dance wild and mesmerizing. For a second, Inyssa forgot about everything. Then, as she finally forced herself to look away, her gaze fell onto the only other discernible light source around.
"B-Barry…"
The name left her lips without her realizing, and just like that she began to walk again, headed toward Barry's house. The pain was worse now, but she didn't let that stop her. That light coming out of the windows, that warm, calming light… They could help, couldn't they? Help with this pain, help with the dark thoughts so eagerly trying to swallow her like the falling snow around her…
Barry, Sarah, even Palmer… they were always good at that. They always jumped to help her without a second thought because they cared about her, because…
Because they pitied her.
She grit her teeth, swallowing that thought down. Help. She just… she just needed a little help was all. A few bandages and bags with ice, maybe some painkillers, a comfortable bed and a warm meal… When had she last eaten something? Yesterday morning? She could smell a warm and delicious meal being made inside that kitchen. Her stomach grumbled and she had to stop herself from drooling.
Yeah, she just needed a bit of help. Just…
"P-please…" Her voice came out broken and desperate. "Someone… H-help…"
The door was right there. A few more steps, a stretch of her arm and she would…
Light blinded her as she walked in front of one of the windows, forcing her to stop and squint. Right, they were probably there in the lobby, so…
Barry was there. He sat at the foot of the sofa with his legs crossed, distractedly doodling on a piece of paper in front of him as he stared at the T.V. screen hanging from the other wall. Palmer was behind him sprawled across the sofa. Eyes barely open, he let out a big yawn and scratched his nose, one of his arms falling on top of Barry's head.
"Agh! What'd you do that for!?" the boy's muffled voice came through the other side of the window.
"Ah… sorry boy, must've missed you there." Palmer lazily blinked a couple times. "Long day at work y'see… I'll probably head to bed after dinner tonight."
"But daaaaad! You told me you'd teach me all about dragon types after dinner today!"
"…Did I?" The man frowned, tilting his head slightly. "Ah, cripes. I'm sorry, son, I'm afraid it might have to wait until tomorrow. Stopping a rampaging Hippowdon really takes the wind out of my sails… Still, I've heard you've been learning plenty on your own. Sarah told me all about how well you're doing in trainer school."
Barry's eyes almost sparkled at that, his body turning so quickly that he became a blur.
"Yeah! I can't wait to show you all I learned dad!" He smiled up at the man, hands curled into fists. "It's gonna blow your socks off!"
Sarah's voice burst from the kitchen, startling Inyssa and the two inside. "Lower the volume there, you two! Barry, be a good son and help me bring everything to the table, will you?"
Neither of them noticed her as they jumped to their feet with almost equal levels of excitement, staring hungrily at the table in the other room. She saw them no more as they disappeared past the sill of the room.
The hushed sounds of jovial conversation, along with those of eating, made its way to Inyssa. She didn't move to the door. Her hands rested on the frame of the window, a thin yet growing layer of snow beginning to cover her head and shoulders.
Part of her wished she could be jealous. Spiteful, even. But as she kept looking onto the empty lobby, ears slowly tuning out of the distant conversation, she realized that all she felt was a peaceful, dispassionate sense of realization.
Barry, Sarah and Palmer were happy. You could see it in their eyes, in the way they talked and interacted with others. They were good people. Nuggets of gold buried in the world's trash, somehow managing to shine through despite it all.
Inyssa looked over her shoulder, toward her own house. Would her mother be asleep already? Probably. Despite Sarah's earnest efforts to help her, Johanna had been unable to separate herself from the substance she loved so much, to everyone's displeasure. That's all she was good for, it seemed. Even with so much love and support being thrown her way, the woman's basest urges managed to win time after time, proving without a shadow of a doubt that she was nothing but a failure, a burden on everyone around her. Someone who didn't deserve the help she got. Someone who, all things considered, would have been better off not existing.
And, as Inyssa finally turned around, the light of the Paladino household bathing her back, she realized that she was very much the same.
Shadi was the only good one of us, thought the girl, an empty smile forming on her lips. She must've realized that, which is why she left us.
It was so clear… how had it taken her so long to see it? A cold, somber sense of peace flooded her for the first time since she could remember, and just like that it felt as though all of the pieces had fallen into place.
She was cursed. A wretched child who had inherited her mother's disposition. Why else would she be such a terrible person? Why else would she push away everyone around her, especially those few who'd made an effort to help her when she clearly didn't deserve it? Because deep down, she knew the truth.
The world would be better off without h–
The real Inyssa took a step back, every inch of her formless body shaking as she took what felt like a deep breath, eyes closing strongly.
T-too close, she thought, breathing harshly. I… I got too close. It was l-like I was feeling it for a second time…
Behind her, young Inyssa began walking toward her house, a disturbing look of determination on her face. She couldn't find the gall to follow her. What happened next was so burned into her memory that she knew she couldn't live through it a second time, not even in the state she was in now.
"Truth," spoke a voice behind her. "You run from it."
It took a few moments to gather the composure to answer.
What truth? she asked, tone bitter. Back then I thought I'd found the truth too. I'm not interested in being that arrogant again.
"You'll never try again, then?" There was a hint of mockery in the shadowy figure's voice. "Coward."
Inyssa would've bitten her lip if she could. However, before she could think of a scathing response, there was a sharp sound and a sudden light hit her as the door behind her flew wide open.
Wha–?
Barry stepped through, an annoyed look on his face and a small bag of trash hanging from his right hand. He shook his head, unaware of their presence.
"Take the trash out before dinner." He mimicked Sarah's voice, taking a step out from under the doorsill. "You won't get desserts otherwise, blah blah bl–"
His voice trailed off when he looked down, noticing the small footprints leading from the other side of the street to his door, and then to Inyssa's house.
"Huh?" He blinked a couple times. "Did Niss…?"
There were a few seconds of silence, after which a hint of worry formed in the crease of his eyebrows, his legs and feet starting to stim nervously.
"Niss…"
Letting the trash bag fall at his side, he took off toward Inyssa's house, a grim look on his face. The real Inyssa stood behind.
…How can I see this? It's not part of my memories.
The figure offered no reply, as usual. Then again, the question itself wasn't much more than a poor attempt at dodging the issue at hand. That one eye's gaze was still drilling into her back, eagerly awaiting her response.
Congrats, she thought. You made me relive the worst moment of my life just to teach me a lesson. Happy?
"No," replied the figure. "Not the worst. Not at all."
Then why?
"Because," it said. "Truth."
You just said this isn't the most painful truth! she argued. What's the fucking point then? Why don't we jump straight to that one?
"Too much. It will break you."
She couldn't help but chuckle, the sheer shittiness of the situation too much for her not to react to in some form. God she wished her body was corporeal now. That way she could punch the shadowy figure in the nose.
This is a practice round, then? A nice exercise, yeah, just me admitting that I…
The rest of the words couldn't come out. Inyssa swore, despising her own weakness, hating even more that this shadowy asshole was forcing her to acknowledge it.
And yet… it was right, wasn't it? If the way to master her powers was to recover her repressed memories, and if that involved her admitting the most painful truths she could think of, then this was a natural step in the process. Nothing more.
I…
She choked on the words one last time before she finally managed to push them out, the tail-end of them scraping her non-existent throat like a thorn being forcefully taken out.
I tried to kill myself when I was sixteen, she said. Pill overdose. Barry found me unconscious on my bathroom and he and Sarah and Palmer took me to the hospital. If it weren't for him, I'd be dead right now.
There was no rush of power. No crack of lightning or burst of light, only a soft whimper as the memory began to bleed out around her, shadows and colors puffing into the familiar mist of her mind. Just like it was before. Neither she nor the shadowy figure spoke for what felt like an entire minute.
The confession hadn't made her feel better. Though it probably wasn't meant to; no one enjoyed going to the dentist or getting a limb amputated but as long as the alternative was worse you could grit your teeth and tell yourself it was for the better. She wasn't sure that was true. But then again, what the fuck did she know?
She was grateful at least that she couldn't cry in this form. She'd done that enough already.
What truth could be more painful than that? she finally asked, her tone slightly more composed. I guess that's the whole point, huh. I gotta find out.
"Good start," said the figure. As Inyssa turned to look at it, she noticed that the shadows forming most of its body looked less… compact, in a way. As though part of it had been cleared away. "One more to go. Figure it out on your own."
Inyssa sneered. You know how badly I want to punch you in the face, right?
"I know." She could have sworn she heard a smile in its voice. "Now… Book."
Book? But I… She looked down, finding the object still on her hands. It didn't work before.
"Truth," it said once more. "Not painful enough. But close. At least…"
Its voice went all garbled just then, like a recorder suddenly malfunctioning. It seemed it couldn't speak freely still.
Inyssa looked down at the book with apprehension, definitely not wanting a repeat of what just happened but too curious not to try. After a moment to gather her wits, she summoned Uxie's power. Crackles of gold burst to life behind her eyes, sending a rush of energy throughout her misty form.
This time, the memory was different. She wasn't transported to a different place; instead, thousands of words flashed across her eyes with such speed that no normal person could have possibly caught what each sentence said before it disappeared.
Luckily, being Uxie's chosen hero ensured that she was anything but.
"What is this sea of chaos that existed before Arceus came to be? Where is the Hall of Origin located? What are these seventeen shards? And most importantly, what is the nature of the connection between the Lake Trio and Dialga and Palkia? I can't help but wonder… what if their existence isn't a simple coincidence?
"The possibility is haunting, but if the combined might of Mesprit, Azelf and Uxie is capable of somehow controlling the Creation Duo, forcing them to do their bidding… the thought sends shivers down my spine. Dialga and Palkia are ancient. Some might say they don't even possess physical form as they are the very manifestations of space and time, and as such would be impossible to tame. But the lake siblings… they are very much real. They exist in the flesh. And most importantly, their behavior and personalities are not much unlike our own, which worries me.
"We humans are so easy to manipulate, after all.
"I can't afford to waste any time. There is much investigating to do, and if my theory proves to be true… Then for the first time in the history of our clan of Lorekeepers, information might need to be destroyed.
"To hell with tradition. I don't care what my elders say; some knowledge is better left forgotten."
The endless rush of words stopped, and immediately Inyssa felt herself being pulled back to her body, sensation returning to her with a jolt.
A sharp breath sent a gulp of freezing air down her throat, which only served to make her cough even more. Her muscles ached with the cold. The park remained as still and deserted as ever, snow falling even more vigorously now, the pile under her now reaching her ankles.
She took a deep breath, cheeks a deep red, and looked down at the book still resting on her lap.
So that's it. My hunch was right after all. A knot formed in her stomach; this might have been the first time she was so horrified of being right. Too bad I couldn't get the memories of the other pages that were ripped off, though…
"Inyssa?"
She almost jumped at the sound of Uxie's voice.
"Oh… hey." She swallowed. "I'm fine. Got some information out of the book. Team Galactic's true plans, if I'm right."
"Ah…. I see, that's very good news." There was a short pause. "Er, are you… alright, Inyssa?"
She raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"All those minutes you spent inside your mind, I was unable to accompany you for some reason. Additionally…" It hesitated for a moment. "You began… crying, halfway through."
Reflexively, she brought her hand to her cheek and cursed under her breath as she felt the wetness running down the corner of her eyes.
So much for that.
"Did you… have another encounter with that shadow-hemmed figure?"
"Fucking… ace detective right here." She wiped the wetness of her face, looking away from Uxie. "Yeah, I did. But it's fine, I bested them and I got part of what we wanted, so you don't have to worry."
"…I see."
Ah, wonderful awkward silences. If Inyssa had a penny for every time she'd caused one due to her inability to interact with others then maybe she'd finally be able to afford a therapist unfortunate enough to help her with that.
"Oh, and I believe your device beeped a few minutes before."
Nice save.
She did have a notification on her Poketch; a message from Candice, it seemed. Frowning, Inyssa pressed on the screen and read it.
I would appreciate it if you could make it back soon. You have a very insistent visitor.
Please hurry.
Inyssa let out a sigh, her shoulders seeming to deflate from cold and exhaustion alone.
What was it now?