Siffa couldn't tell if seconds, minutes or hours passed from when she fell to her knees, soaked from head to toe in her and Luna's blood, and Asta spoke again. That heat, that sensation, had been gone in an instant. Like a candle burning its brightest before it goes out, she was left silent and frozen, dead eyes staring at the corpse of her companion yet not registering it for what it was. She couldn't. Her mind wouldn't let her. Because if she understood what had just happened… if she realized what she'd done…
"I'm impressed." She reacted for the first time at Asta's voice, slowly looking up at her. "You're not exactly what I'd call shelf ready, but you show more aptitude than all the others. Now all we need to do is iron out that self-doubt of yours."
Siffa tried to say something, anything, but only a rolling, pathetic grunt left her lips. Asta sighed. She snapped her fingers and in an instant both Sabrina and her barrier vanished completely, leaving the two of them alone. Calmly, completely disregarding Luna's corpse, she walked toward Siffa and knelt in front of her until their eyes met.
"Look… I'll be frank with you."
Like she'd expected, there was no care or warmth in the woman's eyes, but there was no cruelty or coldness either. The black of her eyes were a deep, bottomless well of apathy. Siffa couldn't help but be taken in by them.
"I won't tell you that love or happiness or worthwhile ways to live a life don't exist. They're out there for sure. They just ain't for people like us."
"N-n…h-huh?"
"And sure, many would call me crazy or heartless or worse, but to me there's nothing wrong with that," said Asta. "You and I… we don't need a reason to live. Living is our reason. Surviving just one more day, eating one more meal, getting to feel the bliss of sleep one more night… that's what we fight for. And when someone tries to get in the way of that… well, that's when we feel most alive, don't we? That pounding in your chest, that wonderful heat rushing through your veins, that poisonous, rabid fear urging us to fight until our last breath…" She closed her eyes and smiled at that, as though remembering a fond memory. "What more proof do we need that we are here, flesh and blood glued together by sheer fear and willpower? That's all we are, and that is all we need to be."
Despite the dazed, dissociative state she was in, Siffa held on to every single word Asta spoke as though it were a matter of life or death. She could feel those words worming their way inside of her. They sounded… She… sounded so genuine. For the first time since they'd met, even after what she'd made her do…
It… it makes sense, thought Siffa, a sound almost like a chuckle leaving her lips. Of course. She's… she's right.
She had to be. Every word Asta had said needed to be absolutely true, because if they weren't, if somehow she was wrong, then what Siffa had just done…
Her balled fists slowly uncurled, and she felt every warm drop of blood in the stickiness as her fingers separated. She could barely breathe. And yet, every time she did, she inhaled that putrid, paralyzing scent just under her nose. It dug into her and did something to her insides. She knew, somehow, that if she didn't accept deep in her heart what Asta had just said, then she would shatter into pieces the moment she tried to move or acknowledge the reality in front of her.
"Y-y… yeah." Her voice was so weak even Asta had trouble hearing her, even from that close. "I… I'll do it."
Asta shone her a quick, dispassionate smile.
"I'm very glad to hear that," she said. "I'll make sure to teach you everything I know."
And with that she rose to her feet and dusted off her pants casually before turning toward the door.
"Feel free to take a shower. Just ask one of the guards where you can find the bathroom and a spare change of clothes," she said. "And don't worry, the… remains will be gone by the time you come back. Sabrina will make sure of that."
Siffa couldn't complain. Even if it was Luna she was talking about as though she were garbage… she couldn't say anything. If she did… if she acknowledged it…
"…Okay. Thanks."
She heard her one last time before she left the room.
"Oh, I'll come pick you up in a few hours for training. Make sure to get ready," she said. "Your six months of hell start today."
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Siffa's first hit job came in the day she turned fourteen.
She'd finished her training under Asta's wings a month before the other four kids and their respective instructors, by merit and hard work alone. It'd been easy. There might have been some slight differences between the schoolwork she'd experienced in the convent and the grueling, hellish training she'd been enduring the past few months, but in the end it all came down to the same thing: someone told her what to do and she did it.
It was simple. After all she'd endured before, training until she vomited from exhaustion or being beaten daily until she got used to ignoring the pain were but mild concerns. In the end, she came back to her room every night and had a good night's sleep. She lived to see another day. It was all she could ask for, and Asta was kind enough to provide that for her.
"Target has separated from his group of friends," she whispered to the receiver in her ear. "I'm intercepting now."
Unfortunately, there had been… lapses in her training. Cracks in the facade. Every so often when training, that intoxicating heat would leave her for just a moment and all of the doubt and shame and disgust would rush in like a waterfall, paralyzing her to her core. Asta made sure to… deal with it appropriately every time. She'd done her best to discourage those moments from repeating, though she knew that once a piece of paper had been folded once, it would never fully return to its smooth shape no matter how much you tried to iron it out.
Still, it'd been weeks since the last of those incidents. Asta trusted Siffa to be able to handle this, and besides, it's not like she could put it off forever.
"Understood," said the woman's voice from the other side. "In and out, just like you practiced."
The heavy rain camouflaged Siffa's shadowy outline as she jumped from one roof to the next, her gaze never moving from her target. Below, endless ripples broke through the thin layer of water covering the street. The bright lights of the lampposts and neon signs adorning the bars and clubs were reflected as a blurry smudge, making it look as though she'd fall into a distorted world should she jump down.
Yet all that met her feet as she landed was cold, hard concrete. A splash of water exploded around her, though the sound was muffled by that of the storm. Her target, walking a few feet from her, didn't seem to notice her. Alcohol had probably dimmed his senses. Every Saturday night he came to the same bar to drink with the same group of friends, and every time on his way back home he walked through the same dark, cramped corridor just because it shaved a minute off his route.
Tonight, that laziness would mean his death.
Siffa didn't know the man's name. She didn't even know why she had to kill him, but then again it'd been a long time since she'd bothered to ask any questions. She, above everything, always did as she was told.
"H-huuh? Whaa-'reyou–"
There was a click and the sound of a pocket knife being drawn. Before he could turn around to see the person he'd just realized was behind him, Siffa jumped forward and knelt in an instant, slicing both of his tendons with a swift, powerful slash.
"WH-GHK!"
She rose to her feet and slipped a hand under his arm as he fell back. In one swift movement she pressed her palm against his mouth and turned him around mid-air so that he would fall face-up. The back of his head connected with the wet cement with a heavy thud and she felt as the air left his lungs through the openings between her fingers. In that moment of dazed confusion, she knelt over his chest and placed the knife against his throat, the muscles along her arm tensing in preparation.
But the slash never came. Siffa froze, the heat inside her chest vanishing as though by the sheets of rain falling upon her. Suddenly, she felt very, very cold. Her hands started shaking.
"I-I…"
T-this is wrong… What am I doing!? This isn't… I s-shouldn't…!
That moment of hesitation was enough for the drunk man to realize what was happening. In what must have been pure instinct, he opened his mouth wide and bit her hand. Siffa was used to the pain, but the surprise was enough to make her flinch, her hand retracting the blade from his throat a few inches.
A scream of pain and fury broke through the sound of the rainfall, and suddenly Siffa felt herself being thrown aside by unnatural, desperate strength. She hit her head on the floor and her vision went black for a second. Then she felt something grab hold of her hand. Her grip on the knife had loosened, and in the confused, furious state the man was in he had no trouble taking it from her.
"W-wait!"
Her vision came back, and through the blur and the pain she saw as he rolled toward her, knife raised high into the air, the expression on his face one she'd seen before.
Mom… Luna…
The knife came down and she let out a scream of her own, her body moving by instinct alone. She threw her hand up and a sharp pain shot through her. The man's eyes went wide as Siffa's fingers closed around the blade stabbed through her palm with vice-like strength.
Not here. I won't die here!
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She delivered a swift punch to the man's jaw, and just like that his grip of the knife loosened. Moving faster and more fluidly than she'd ever done before, she pushed him aside and jumped to her knees in a single motion, falling upon him like a Braviary against its prey. A wet pop was heard as she took the knife out of her palm. The man opened his mouth to say something, lips quivering in fear, but she did not give him the opportunity.
One slash, and the man never spoke again.
Five minutes later, the receiver in her ear bleeped.
"Siffa, talk to me. What happened?"
She looked down at her still-bleeding hand, then at the now unmoving eyes of the corpse at her feet. Still set on her. It had taken him a while to bleed out, and she'd been with him for the entirety of it.
"…Target's been eliminated. There were no witnesses."
"Oh. Well, great, make sure to get back in time to the extraction p–"
She didn't wait for Asta to finish before turning the device off. Unfortunately, she was right. Not only did Siffa need to hurry back if she didn't want to be discovered, but the wound on her hand was bleeding quite profusely. She needed to get patched up.
"… At least you got five minutes of my blood, old man."
Taking one last look at the corpse's face, she strangely found herself smiling. The heat had disappeared from her chest, but the cold and anxiety hadn't rushed in to take its place either. She felt… calm. At peace.
"She… was right," she said, a tiny laugh following the end of her sentence. "This is all I can do. This is all I am. Ha… I'm so relieved. Because…"
She looked up, feeling each drop of rain as they fell on her bloodied face.
"…No matter what I do, I feel like mom and Luna will forgive me anyway."
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The next eight years passed as a blur, and that was precisely the reason Siffa thought of them as the happiest years of her life.
Over the course of those eight years she went from a trainee to a junior mercenary to Asta's equal, although the woman still took care of dealing with clients and choosing their next targets, so in the end she was still her boss, which Siffa didn't mind. Yes, she could have easily gone off and made a name for herself in Sinnoh's underground, but for what? More money? More recognition? She had enough for the first, and didn't want anything to do with the second.
Things had turned turbulent soon after her first kill, however, when the new Champion had gone and stopped the war by herself. It wasn't long before the department housing their little project was disbanded. The government officials responsible for creating it were put on trial and eventually thrown behind bars, although Asta and the rest of the instructors, alongside their personal trainees, were savvy enough to see the storm coming and escaped before they could be linked to any crime, escaping back to the shadows of society.
Luckily, it didn't take long for them to engrave themselves in Jubilife's criminal underground. Asta was to thank for that. By tempting many of the town's crime syndicates with their discretion and expertise, she was able to always provide them with enough work to survive while also keeping a close eye on the underground's power structure, never letting any side gain too much of an advantage. And as the syndicates' influences grew, so did Asta' and everyone else's revenue stream.
It only took a few years for them to be able to afford their own base of operations. And while Asta continually complained that it wasn't as luxurious as what the government had been willing to offer, the occasional smile or glint of relief in her eyes were hard to miss.
They were safe. For the first time in her life, Siffa felt a sense of peace and stability in her life, even if said peace had been built atop a pile of corpses.
Some days, when her mind wasn't working properly and that piercing, creeping cold would sneak up on her late into the night, she almost thought… almost hoped…
Maybe, just maybe… she could be happy here.
That hope was, predictably enough, smashed to pieces the day she arrived. The first thing Siffa felt that day upon waking up was the ground shaking. Then, an explosion tore through their base.
"What's going on!?"
The shock in Asta's voice was enough to push Siffa to her feet. Heart beating furiously, she ran out into the underground corridor with her knife drawn and found herself face to face with her mentor. Immediately, the fear fueling that heat inside her grew. She had never, in their almost nine years working together, seen such a look of utter shock on Asta's face.
"W-what's happeni–!"
Another boom was heard, followed by the distant scream of one of Asta's friends. The woman's eyes flew open.
"Sabrina, to me!"
The Gardevoir materialized at her side before she even finished the sentence. Siffa looked up at her with a vain hope in her heart, yet it was smashed to pieces at the sight of the Pokemon's eyes, which were tinted with fear.
N-no… She's never been… Sabrina has always been…
"Talk to me! What's going on!?" demanded Asta. "Who–"
She froze, forming the expression she always did whenever Sabrina was trying to communicate something to her telepathically.
"W… What? How could have someone gotten through the barrier you set up?" she asked, then immediately gasped. "Do you think… dammit, did that Champion finally make her move? Are we being targeted by the Association?" She gulped, then shook her head. "How many trainers are we dealing with?"
Sabrina tilted her head to look at her trainer, and although Siffa couldn't understand what she was saying, the look in her face told her the answer. Both hers and Asta's mouth fell open at the same time.
"O… One?" muttered the latter, tone shaking. "W-what do you mean one? How the fuck could one trainer d–"
The entire corridor shook, vibrations running up Siffa's legs, and a second after the walls around them exploded inwards. She jumped back just in time, enormous pieces of rubble falling on the spot she'd previously been in.
"Asta! H–!"
She wasted no time and jumped forward with her knife drawn, yet her scream was interrupted as she crashed face-first into an invisible psychic barrier. Stumbling back, she blinked away the sudden blurriness in her vision, then looked up.
Her heart leapt to her throat. Two Pokemon, a gigantic Aggron and a Kadabra, were on opposite sides of the psychic barrier Sabrina had put up to protect herself and Asta. The moment they realized their attack had been repelled, they took a step back and wound their arms back, ready to strike again.
"NO!"
Siffa jumped forward desperately, yet once again she was repelled by an invisible wall. She grit her teeth. That damn Kadabra must have put it on to separate them, she had to think of a way to–
"Siffa, what the hell are you still doing here!?"
Asta's irritated scream brought her back to reality. She looked at her confusedly.
"We can take care of these two!" she screamed just as the second set of impacts came, weakening the barrier even further. "Find the trainer commanding these two and kill them! If you can get their Pokeballs–!"
The boom of the barrier shattering drowned out the end of her sentence. Aggron fell forward and tried to close his massive hand around Gardevoir's torso but she slipped through as though she were made of mist and placed a palm gently against the behemoth's chest. He was thrown back against what remained of the wall as though he weighted nothing, the entire building shaking with the impact. However, Sabrina did not have time to celebrate as an instant later Kadabra was upon her.
"GO!" yelled Asta, trying to take refuge behind her Pokemon. "This is an order!"
Siffa didn't need to be told more. Swallowing that cold fear down, she ordered her body to turn around and headed for the end of the corridor, turning right and practically flying up the stairs that led to the ground floor.
That familiar heat began to envelop her again. The grip on her knife became firmer. She wouldn't be as naïve to think there was no reason to fear, but it was precisely that fear which would see her and everyone else through this. As powerful as this trainer might be, they were still only one target, and ever since the night of her first hit, Siffa had never failed again to take her target out. And she wouldn't start now.
She found her at the end of a long hallway which led to the building's lobby, and a single look at her posture and expression was enough to spark the briefest of doubts in her heart.
"Ah… you must be the last one, yes?"
Siffa froze at the sound of her voice. A moment before she'd thought that the girl looked young, but this… She couldn't be older than eighteen! And yet she didn't look worried in the slightest, as though taking out Jubilife's biggest mercenary group by herself were a leisurely stroll through the park.
She grit her teeth. The nerve of this fucking brat…
"I'm terribly sorry fo–"
Siffa produced a small knife and threw it straight at the girl's throat.
"–or… Oh!"
A wave of heat burst through the room and the next thing Siffa saw was a blur of red. A tall, lanky figure appeared in front of the girl and grabbed the knife out of the air with no difficulty, throwing it to the ground and shooting Siffa a glare that would have easily paralyzed a normal person.
"Ah… I guess we're skipping the pleasantries today."
Siffa gulped, taking a step back and reverting to a defensive posture. That Charmeleon would be trouble. But if she could somehow get past her and strike at the girl, then steal her pokeballs, she might be able to–
She felt the presence behind her an instant before hearing the sound of its slithering. Instinctively she slashed behind her, and felt a momentarily sense of relief as her knife cut through that pink body as though it were butter. Unfortunately, said feeling vanished as soon as she realized what the creature behind her was.
D-Ditto!? How'd it sneak up beh–!
It was upon her before she could react. Siffa had encountered some Ditto in her time, but never in her life had she met one that could move and transform so quickly.
Its mass shot forward and coiled around her body mid-transformation, pink turning to purple, and before she could even exhale Siffa's body was pressed on all sides by the slimy, powerful muscles of a massive Arbok. She screamed out, its vice-like grip pushing the air out of her lungs.
She fell to the ground with a deaf thump, completely immobilized. A single second of struggling was enough to tell her that there was no possible way she could escape its grip, yet that did not stop her. She twisted and thrashed and grunted with as much strength as she could muster, although it did little more than annoy her captor.
"As I was saying before, I'm terribly sorry for all the trouble." The girl did a little bow toward her, a sly smile on her face. "I've got nothing against your lot, but… well. I'm afraid the Association's reward for your capture was too tempting to pass up."
Siffa stopped struggling for a moment at the sound of that, her eyes going wide. So Asta had been right. The Champion really had been responsible for this.
"Of course, it's not the money I'm after," she continued. "You see, I'd been thinking of a good way to make my official debut as an Ace trainer, to show myself to the world, and it was then that I saw this particular request posted by none other than the Champion herself. The rest, as they say, is history."
Siffa let out a sound halfway between a grunt and a scoff of contempt. Struggling against her captor, she looked back toward the girl, her expression indescribable.
"You… you won't take us down! There's no way–!"
Patches pressed harder against her and all air left her again, as well as a loud squeak of pain.
"I'm afraid there very much is. As I said, I have nothing against you, but I have to distinguish myself somehow." She placed a hand against her chest, a wide, cold smile stretching across her face. "All of you will serve as kindling for the flame of my legend. Today, all of Sinnoh will know the name of Shadi Dawn, the Queen of Cinders."
Siffa was left without words, the world around her feeling as though it'd gone colder despite the heat emanating from the girl's Charmeleon. There was something… uncannily captivating about the sound of her voice. Siffa had never been one to fear her targets, but now, in this moment, she wasn't sure if she would've been able to take a step toward her even if she didn't have her Pokemon with her.
And, worst of all, the look upon her face showed that she knew that very well. Siffa's was the kind of reaction Shadi probably got a lot of.
"…Well, then. I suppose it's time I finish taking care of business, she said, passing a hand through her ashen hair. "Your friends won't capture themselves, unfortunately."
"Wh–Gh…!" Siffa thrashed back as strongly as she could, a desperate heat rushing through her veins. "Wait! Please! Y-you can't… you…!"
But Shadi paid no mind to her and continued walking toward the hallway.
"STOP, PLEASE!" A dam inside of her broke out, and the words starting pooling out of her mouth before she could even think of what she was saying. There was no pride or dignity in the way she begged, wetness starting to form in her eyes. "T-they're all I…! If you… T-they won't need me anymore! No one's going to need me anymore! Please, I–!"
Shadi stopped, one hand against the door leading inside. She stood there for a few seconds, as though she were considering something, then slowly looked over her shoulder at Siffa.
"… Interesting."
A shiver ran through her entire body. The look on Shadi's face was not one of pity or mercy. It was the kind of expression a Sableye made when it found a particularly shiny stone in the insides of a Carbink it had just torn open. It was the most terrifying look she'd ever been on the other end of. Not even Asta could compare.
"You know what? I think we'll both get more out of this day than we expected," she said. "Patches, Midir, get her out of here, if you could. I'm taking her with me."
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And just like that, the dream ended. There was a flash of darkness followed by the sudden, painful pull of reality snatching them back to consciousness.
Mars and Inyssa awoke at the same time, a choked gasp leaving their lips.