The oddest thing about waking up for Shadi was not the searing pain in her gut, nor the shard-like memories digging into the back of her eyes, reminding her of all that had happened. No, it was the surprise. At being alive, for one thing. But also… at how disgustingly empty she felt.
Not even a speck of Darkrai's or Giratina's power ran through her veins, no shadows pooling around her body, no visions of entropy and decay, tempting her. She didn't need to check to know her inner Stigma was gone. It was the only explanation. After all… she had slept just now, hadn't she? This was what waking up felt like. She'd forgotten how… peaceful it felt. Regardless of the pain, it was…
"Hgh…huh?
And the second oddest thing about waking up, as she discovered just then, was that there was a person standing next to her bed, looking down at her with eyes brimming with hatred.
It took her a long moment for her brain to process it was Candice, and even longer for that stab of panic to jolt her fully awake. A feeling of danger washed over her. She tried raising her arm, for what purpose she didn't know, but something cold and metallic kept her wrist in place.
Her eyes went wide, and it took her another embarrassingly long moment for her mind and her eyes to work in tandem. A… hospital room, was it? It was cold and empty, save for a small stand with a lamp on top, as well as the bed she was currently handcuffed to. She blinked, but her vision was hazy, her thoughts slow and muddy. Drugs? She looked to the other side of the bed, toward the IV dripping some kind of liquid into her veins. Painkillers? That made the most sense. The pain in her stomach thrummed painfully, but it wasn't as intense as she'd been expecting.
Then again… she hadn't expected this.
Her mind felt both slow and buzzing with memories and sensations. The sight of those Pokeball halves falling to the ground, the sound of her own screaming in her ears, the feeling of something long and sharp going through her stomach…
Shadi pushed all those thoughts to the back of her mind with body-shaking effort, and glanced up toward the silent Candice, meeting her hateful glare with a weak one of her own.
"A-are…"
Her voice was hoarse, weak. Trickles of pain stabbed her throat from how dry it was.
"Are y-you… here to kill me?"
The young Gym leader's expression tightened, and her face paled even more with fury, if that was even possible. Her eyes were like a blizzard.
"Oh, I would love to."
Shadi tried to swallow, but it felt like forcing sand down her throat. "I… w-wasn't asking you. Come on… tell them to come out. They came here with you, d-didn't they?"
Actual confusion crossed Candice's face for a moment, easing her anger. But it was only until she realized what Shadi was implying, and the storm behind her eyes returned in full force. Shadi frowned. Why had that made her angrier?
"W… well?" she asked, resigned. "Darkrai always… told me in excruciating d-detail how he'd torture me once he h…had the chance. And Cresselia must want a piece of me too. Ha…" Only a single exhale of laughter, scraping the inside of her throat. "I… made a stupid promise to Niss, but I c-can't… deny them their revenge either. They… deserve it. I deserve it. So tell them to go on and get this over w–."
She trailed off, her weak smile freezing halfway through being formed as she said those words, ready to accept her death. Her wordless pledge to Niss was the only reason she had to go on, but that wasn't enough to deny Darkrai and Cresselia's right for retribution. And yet…
She was still alive, and Candice was crying. A thin trail of tears running down her otherwise taut face, her whole body shaking almost imperceptibly with anger. It took her until then to realize that she hadn't actually felt the two legends' presences yet.
"…Where are they?" she asked, voice thin.
Candice's hands balled into fists. It was clear she could barely stop herself from attacking Shadi.
"They're dead," she spat out, disgust like venom dripping from her words. "Because of you. They sacrificed themselves so all of you could come back."
Shadi shot up, forgetting in her surprise that she was handcuffed to the bed, though the tug of metal against her wrist barely distracted her. She looked at Candice with wide, unbelieving eyes.
"What? H-how? That doesn't make any sense, w-we… the portal…"
Her voice filled with disbelief, her mind trying to wrack itself through the cloud of hot haze slowing it down, trying to think of how that could be possible. She didn't know what happened after she lost consciousness, but still… it couldn't be. The portal was open, wasn't it? Mars couldn't have possibly kept the others busy for long enough to have it close again. Unless Riley had–
Riley… that sword… the Griseous Orb!
An electric current of thoughts ran through her mind, connecting the dots, and suddenly she knew. She knew why Darkrai and Cresselia had to die for them to escape.
Her mouth fell open, and the oddest sensation wracked through her body, like icy strings sticking to her heart and lungs and stomach and pulling at them, making her feel nauseous. Was it sadness? Horror? Shadi couldn't tell. It'd been so long since she'd felt any of that…
It wasn't good. That's as much as she could discern.
"…S-shit…"
Candice grit her teeth. "Why are you even pretending you care? You've never had that much consideration for anyone."
But Shadi was barely listening. This was bad. In the hazy, sluggish state her mind was in, it had given her only two possibilities from what she remembered of those sharp, painful moments before losing consciousness. Either try to meet Niss halfway and make good on her promise, or let Darkrai and Cresselia take revenge on her. Now neither of them were an option, and panic was starting to swell up inside her.
"I-I…"
She had always thought of it as a game in her head. A rationalization born from necessity, but one that showed that some part of her actually cared to make the distinction. Shadi didn't care about people she didn't know, she had no qualms admitting that. And out of the people she did know, only Niss had ever…
But Pokemon were different. They'd never hurt her. They'd accepted her for who she was, without judgment. Taking on Giratina's power had barely required rationalization. It was a mutually-beneficial relationship, and she was actually doing some good by bonding with it. Her imprisonment of Cresselia and forceful control of Darkrai, however, were harder to justify. They were immortal, she told herself. Candice wouldn't let Cresselia die, and she wasn't hurting Darkrai per se, just using his power without his consent. At the end of the day, it was just an unlikely alliance, an unfortunate necessity.
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.
Or so she told herself. Just another one of the many rationalizations she'd wrapped herself in to protect against the truth. In all honesty, back when she'd first taken control of Darkrai, a part of her had hoped… naively, that the two of them would grow closer despite the circumstances. Of course, that did not happen. Darkrai's hatred never faded, his lashing shadows plaguing her every moment of rest, her every blink. And deservedly so. She'd taken his other half away from him; there was no way he would ever take her side.
It had always saddened her, so deep down she wouldn't ever acknowledge it, until now. But it was too late. The only two she genuinely regretted hurting other than Niss, and they were…
"A… are they really g-gone?"
A part of Shadi scoffed derisively and growled at her to get a grip, but it didn't make it through the fog in her brain and into her mouth in time. Candice looked about as disgusted as that part of her felt.
"…Not entirely. They'll be reborn in Newmoon and Fullmoon island eventually, but…" She stopped herself, frowning and shaking her head. "No, why am I telling you this? You don't deserve to know. You're the reason this all happened!"
Control slipping from her for a moment, she took a sudden step forward and balled her fists, danger sparking behind her eyes. Shadi swallowed unconsciously.
"Are… you going to kill me?" she asked before her brain processed the words. "In lieu of them?"
Candice's eyes narrowed into thin, hateful slits.
"You're not worth the trouble. I'm not losing my job and future just to kill you," she said. "Besides… I wouldn't want to deny you the chance to sit behind bars for the rest of your life. Yes, that's a good reaction. I'm sure you knew… did you really think there was a chance of you walking free after all this was over? No, you'll rot in prison, and you'll deserve every second of it. I'll make sure of it, even if I have to fight tooth and nail for it."
And she gave Shadi an icy, self-satisfied smile that could have easily rivaled one of her own. She felt her heart sink at her words, but not as badly as she expected. Candice was right… she did know, of course. It was the only way all this could end. And in truth, she didn't care about it, not right now, not as much as…
"C-could…?"
The words once again left her lips before her brain could stop them, and this time they weren't addressed at Candice or anyone else. They were just spoken into the air, her colorless grey eyes staring at nothing. Empty.
"Could I… go to Newmoon and Fullmoon islands, before I'm…?"
"Gh…!"
Candice's nostrils flared, and for a moment her arm twitched, as though she really would lunge forward and wrap her fingers around Shadi's neck. But she stopped herself at the last moment, picking up on the sound of steps approaching from the hallway outside the room. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply, and steeled herself. And when she opened them again, that same cold smile was pasted onto her lips, cruel as winter itself.
"…I heard what happened, you know," she whispered. "And in case there was any doubt in your mind… it's true. She really did kill your Pokemon. Every single one of them. I checked with the League, and they told me they'd already been disposed of."
And she turned around, glancing over her shoulder one last time to see that wonderful glint of something breaking behind Shadi's eyes.
"I thought you'd like to know. Goodbye, Shadi."
Shadi laid there on the bed, wide-eyed and pale as a sheet of paper, as Candice walked away and opened the door, just as someone else was coming into the room.
"…Sorry."
"O-oh, no, it's fine, I…"
But Candice was already gone down the hallway. Only the other person remained, standing under the sill of the door. She frowned, then shook her head and stepped inside, closing the door behind her. In the state she was in, it took Shadi a second to realize who it was.
Johanna.
The lines on Shadi's face grew sharp, pupils dilating as a flood of anger exploded from her stomach outward through her veins. Pulsing, venomous. It burned away the fogginess in her mind, shocking her wide awake. Like an old friend it welcomed her, hovering over her body like a shadow and gripping at the back of her neck with sharp, icy fingers. She tried to breathe in, but air wouldn't enter her lungs. All of a sudden she felt herself a few inches back from where her body was.
The woman didn't notice. Of course she didn't. She clutched at her chest and took a tentative step forward, wetness forming in her eyes, lips curling into a relieved smile.
"Shadi… oh, Shad–"
Shadi lunged forward, for the third time in less than five minutes forgetting that she was handcuffed to the bed. She heard a weak creak this time, pain flooding her, but she didn't care. She just glanced back to the cold metal tugging at her wrist, and exhaled furiously out of her nose.
"Leave," she spat, practically growling.
"I-Shadi, I'm… s-sorry, I'm–"
"LEAVE!" Shadi screamed, her hoarse voice distorting the sound into something feral, like the roar of a Pokemon. "J-just fuck–wh-what the fuck a-are you doing here!? Y-you're–I'm… f-fuck off, leave me alone!"
There was no coherence to her words, just spitting, venomous anger. Johanna watched in horror as Shadi continuously struggled against her constraints, the chains of the cuffs relaxing for a second only to go taut the next as she pulled against them. The clanking and creaking sounded like someone dragging nails against a chalkboard.
"S-stop… Shadi, you're hurting yourself," Johanna whispered, hand raising to her mouth. "I'm sorry, I-I didn't know you'd… I k-know you must be angry, but…"
"SHUT UP!"
Shadi screamed. There was no sarcasm, no clever, hurtful comments aimed like a knife at her mother's heart. Just anger and hurt, pouring out of her like a volley of arrows. Had she been in any better state, she might have been able to control herself. She thought she was better than this, better than the shadow of anger gripping at her neck, whispering into her ear.
Hate her! HatehatehatehateHATE!
She was wrong. Shadi was a young girl again, powerless and broken, anger as hot as the sun prickling and scratching at every pore in her skin, as though wanting to peel it off.
Johanna steeled herself just enough to withstand her scream, and took another daring step forward. Shadi's eyes widened even more, and all she could see was the image of her fingers wrapped around her mother's throat, nails digging in, strong.
"I'm sorry," Johanna repeated, lower lip shaking. "Shadi, I am so… so sorry. I know how horrible it must have been…"
Torture. It was torture, having to listen to her, unable to escape or even move, her only hand trapped against the side of the bed. Shadi started hyperventilating. She wanted her gone. She wanted herself gone. Fire and glass ran under her skin, through her veins, making her limbs shake. She wanted to tear her or Johanna's flesh with her own fingernails, whatever came first.
She had forgotten. How had she forgotten? All this time, buried so deep… but there was nothing holding her hatred back anymore. Shadi felt like she'd always been this angry, like she would always be this angry, for however long she lived. Her mind wasn't the one telling her that. It wasn't in control anymore.
"L-leave!" she repeated, her voice getting weaker. She was getting dizzy. "S-stop talking, just leave! LeaveleaveLEAVE!"
She pronounced every word with a tug against the handcuffs, whose creaking was starting to exacerbate. So were the nasty sounds of its metal against the flesh and bone of her wrist. The edge was starting to dig into her skin, pale trickles of blood tinting the metal.
"P-please, Shadi, I'm…"
"Your fault! It's y-your fucking fault!" Shadi bellowed, tugging at the cuff with even more strength. "You knew!"
"I-I…"
Johanna shrank into herself, fear and pain clear across her face, across the lines of tears running down her cheeks. The creaking of metal was almost unbearable now. Getting louder, sharper. Starting to crack.
"You knew! You all knew! B-but you never gave a shit, and now you're… y-you wanna pretend…GHK.!" Shadi coughed and spluttered through every word, her vision going hazy, anger and exhaustion sapping at her strength. And yet she kept tugging, breaking the skin of her wrist. "I-I hurt her, b-but you were complicit! Y-you could've done something! It's your fault too! I hate you, I HATE YOU!"
Her voice breaking, she keeled down as much as she could, arm dangling taut behind her, and broke down into a series of painful coughs. Blood dripped from her wrist down to the bed. The chain of the cuffs was cracked, almost broken.
Johanna watched all this, and once again did nothing except cry. Shadi despised her. The very sight of her made her sick.
"Shadi…"
The woman swallowed, and after a moment of silence finally spoke with a voice cracked by grief.
"I didn't… I n-never wanted this to happen…"
Something inside of Shadi broke with a sharp shattering sound. It was only a second later, when the vertigo and pain hit her, and the sight in front of her changed, that she realized the sound had come from the chain on the cuffs breaking. She'd jumped out of the bed. She was running toward her mother, barely aware of her actions.
"S-SHADI!"
She was barely aware of what happened afterwards. There was the sound of the door opening, and two pairs of footsteps rushing toward her. Strong hands grabbing at her arm and torso, trying to subdue her. The screaming and gnashing coming from herself, scratching the inside of her throat raw. The weight of those hands pressing her against the bed, extending her arm, holding it in place.
And then, the sharpness of a needle, and the blood in her veins being replaced with liquid lead. Strength leaving her. Her vision turning hazy, eyelids starting to close.
"H…h-hate you…"
The last thing she remembered seeing was Johanna's crying, distraught face, hands clamping over her mouth in horror. She tried to scream, tried to say something, but only a few disjointed words made it out before she lost consciousness.
"Hate y-you… for as l…ong… as I l…"
Shadi slept for the second time in three years, and dreamed of blissful stillness and silence.