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Chapter 153: Burdened

Metchi somehow knew Inyssa was about to wake up, seconds before she did. There was a sudden itch behind her eyes. A burst of presence, of ethereal heat, as though she could feel the girl's consciousness return to her shortly before she opened her eyes and let out a shocked gasp.

"Inyssa!" Uxie yelped.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," whispered Metchi, reclined on her own bed across from Inyssa's. "Had a nice nap?"

For a while, Inyssa simply lay on her back and stared at the ceiling with eyes wide and flaring gold, her breathing labored. There was something distant about her expression. As though a part of her hadn't fully returned. It took a couple of minutes, one breath at a time, for her body to relax and for the golden glow to disappear from her eyes, returning them to their usual bright green.

Though not as bright as usual, Metchi couldn't help but realize.

Inyssa blinked a few times, looked at the spot where Uxie's disembodied mirage must have been, then looked at Metchi and then finally out the window from their room.

"… It's night."

"Yeah, I meant it more as a figure of speech."

The girl let out a long, dreary sigh and closed her eyes, letting her head rest against the pillow. She looked exhausted, despite how much she'd slept.

"Inyssa, are you…" Uxie hesitated for a moment. "Are you feeling alright?"

"How long was I out for?"

Nice deflection.

"Twenty-four hours, almost exactly on the dot," said Metchi. "You missed the whole trip to Solaceon. Not that it was… very thrilling or scenic or anything, what with the gigantic wall of burning smoke covering most of the length of Mt. Coronet and all."

Inyssa placed her palms over her eyes and let out a long, irritated grunt.

"But hey, at least it wasn't hard to carry you all the way here to the Pokemon Center. Told the nurse you had a bad encounter with a Budew who was a little too trigger-happy with its Sleep Powder," continued Metchi. "Looks like you being fun-sized finally came in handy, eh?"

There was no reply. It was a struggle, but with as much effort as she could muster, Inyssa pushed herself up so that her back would be resting against the frame of the bed. Then she sat there for a few seconds, breathing in and out like it'd taken all the energy out of her.

"Sorry," she finally said, voice hoarse. "You had to drag me all the way here… to a Pokemon Center, even though you were the one to suggest we try to avoid them. Just… sorry. This is my fault."

Metchi raised an eyebrow. She looked to the side and somehow felt like she exchanged a worried glance with Uxie, despite it being both invisible and also never opening its eyes.

"Y'know, I was expecting one of your witty retorts to my 'fun-sized' comment, not an apology."

Inyssa chuckled, though there wasn't much effort behind it. "Sorry… kinda running on fumes here. I'm afraid I'm not feeling very witty at the m–" She stopped, scrunched up her nose and then placed both hands against her eyelids, rubbing them strongly. "Agh… god, feels like the back of my head got hit by a truck."

"Yeah, well, I think I have an idea why."

Before Inyssa could shoot her a sour glare, Uxie spoke out.

"I'm afraid such the price to pay for severely overexerting yourself during your encounter with Mars." Its tone sounded harsh, but Metchi could make out a subtle begrudging respect under all that. "Though I admit, the fault lies partly with me. The power that began overflowing from within you was so much greater than you were accustomed to that the last thing I expected was for you to not only try to use it all, but also demand more."

Metchi chuckled. "You probably should have. I haven't known her for long but even I know she's the kind to pull some insane shit like that."

"Her wild, crazed determination never ceases to amaze me, that's for sure."

Inyssa raised her hand and looked at it, a dazed look on her face.

"What… happened to Mars?"

"Dunno. I just… left her there," shrugged Metchi. "Whatever you did to her, you really fucked her up. Congrats."

"…Yeah." Inyssa closed her eyes tightly. "How heroic of me, to mentally torture someone just because I hate her. Synn's got nothing on me."

There was a pause, and both Metchi and Uxie shot the girl a worried look.

"Inyssa?"

"Er… you know that she's killed a lot of people just for shits and giggles, right?" asked Metchi. "Like… a lot of people. Ever since she joined Team Galactic from what I he–"

"She's been killing long before that, actually," Inyssa interrupted her. "Long, long before."

"Wh–?" Metchi opened her mouth, but then realization dawned on her. "Oh…"

"Oh, dear."

"You did the thing, didn't you? Same as with that random cook last night whose whole life story you told me." Metchi sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. "So what, you sympathize with Mars now?"

"It's not that. I…"

Once again, Inyssa grabbed the side of her head and cringed, a spark of gold flashing across her eyes. The look upon her face was sour and miserable.

"Is this… what it's like for Shockeyes? What it'll be like for me for the rest of my life?" She sounded as though she were speaking to no one, her tone fearful. "I guess it makes sense now. No wonder most of the ones recorded in legend ended up as either empathless assholes or extreme pacifists. You either hide from the guilt or try to pretend it's not there, huh?"

"I'm… not sure I understand."

Inyssa shook her head and looked up at Uxie, then at Metchi. "You're right. I did see Mars' life. Almost all of it. And no, obviously nothing justifies what she's done, but knowing what she's been through… I can't say I or anyone else would've ended up differently. That's why I…"

One of her hands unconsciously moved to clutch at her chest, her face scrunching up ever so slightly as though she'd swallowed something foul. Metchi wasn't sure, but she thought she noticed some wetness in her eyes.

"I wasn't trying to teach her a lesson; I just wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to confront the ugliest parts of her mind, like I was forced to in order to stop Shadi. Having someone to take out all my anger and frustrations on felt… good. Really, really good," she admitted, her voice shaking at the end. "But now, knowing what I know… it feels like I did exactly what Shadi would've done. It makes me want to throw up."

Metchi swallowed, her throat suddenly feeling dry. "H-hey…"

"Inyssa…"

"And the worst part is… I'm scared that it might happen again." She let out a tiny laugh, completely devoid of humor. "I'm sure many would give their right hand for this. The ability to instantly know the events and experiences that shaped a person into who they are… to be able to empathize with anyone so easily… it sounds incredible. But then…" She swallowed, lips pursing. "Does that mean I can never hate or be angry at someone without that anger turning into guilt? I… already have enough trouble managing myself as is. I've b-been trying so hard to get better. To only let anger get the better of me if it's justified, but now I d-don't know if it'll ever be so again."

She let out another chuckle, the hand clutching at her chest moving up to rub against her eyelid.

"Is that… how it's going to be for me from now on? God, just the thought of it terrifies me." She shook her head, a wavy smile forming on her lips. "Heh. What does that say about me?"

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No one said anything for a while. It seemed not even Uxie was sure of how to respond.

Then, Metchi laughed. It was a short, sardonic laugh that had no place considering what she'd just heard, which is exactly the reason it shocked Inyssa out of her dazed state, forcing her to look up at the woman with brow furrowed.

"What's so funny?"

Metchi simply shook her head and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her lap, looking at Inyssa as though she'd heard the funniest thing in the world.

"Sorry, sorry, it's just… damn," she said. "You're a real piece of work, Niss. Anyone ever tell you that?"

"Er…"

"You might be the only person on the planet who'd get unwillingly thrown into such a shit situation and still come out thinking you're the bad guy," she explained, shaking her head slowly, a smile on her face. "Seriously, it's like you're desperate to cling to any excuse you can to diminish yourself."

Inyssa reeled at her comment. She tried to stammer at response but couldn't seem to find the words.

"T-that doesn't mean I–"

"I'm not trying to diss you or anything. I know it's not your fault," Metchi added. "It's the fault of whoever taught you to make yourself worthwhile to others over, like, being happy and stuff. And while me being a betting girl has nothing to do with this, I think I know who I'd put all my chips on if I had to."

That shut Inyssa up pretty quickly, though it also made it so she looked ten times more sickly and nauseous than before.

"…Look," said Metchi, letting out a sigh. "I ain't one to over think things or second-guess myself, so I don't think I can ever be in your shoes. And I'm not one for emotional heart to heart talks, either. They make me uncomfortable. But… I feel like I owe you this at least, for roping you into all this."

Inyssa shook her head. "You didn't…"

"You don't gotta defend me. I know what I did," smiled Metchi. "You ain't the only one with guilt. I'm pretty sure if I hadn't told you so much about Team Galactic when we met near Hearthome, things would've been different for you and Barry. Maybe not better, but different."

"I-it wouldn't have changed anything," muttered Inyssa, frowning. "Barry already had Mesprit inside him back then, and Team Galactic would've tried to abduct me anyway, which means…" She swallowed, words failing her for a moment. "I w-would've still bonded with Uxie and escaped by… b-by…"

She wasn't able to get the last of that out, but Metchi didn't need her to. She'd been told what had happened back then, even if Inyssa didn't remember it fully. If she was still carrying so much guilt over that…

"That just proves my point, y'know. That you still feel so bad for whatever you did there," said Metchi, irritation creeping into her voice. "They fucking kidnapped you and were planning to erase your memories, for Mew's sake! Then they kidnapped you again near Snowpoint, and you were still willing to solve things by talking them out. It was only because they pushed you to your limit that you ended up fighting your way out of there. And oh, don't even get me started on Mars. She kills your Pokemon the first time you meet her, she beats the shit out of you and tries to kill you the second, and you're supposed to not react the way you did when she shows herself again and has the fucking gall to suggest we all work together?" She spat out a derisive chuckle. "You said you have problems with anger, so how come you're so empathetic with the people who actually deserve that anger? How come you can give them the benefit of the doubt, but not yourself!?"

"I-I…" Inyssa stared at Metchi slack-jawed, lost for words. "W-well…"

"You and Barry are eighteen. You're still fucking kids." There was a real, heavy heat behind Metchi's voice as she said that. "You should be having a blast on your journey, making friends, enemies and questionable moral and romantic decisions all over the place. The fact that it was you putting your life on the line instead of the adults that should've been doing so in the first place proves Team Galactic's point that this region's priorities are completely fucked, but it's not like they were much different since they're the ones that endangered your lives in the first place!"

"That's…" Inyssa swallowed, gathering herself for a moment. "We weren't forced to do any of that. We did it because we wanted to, 'cause… it's what someone who aspires to be the Champion should d–"

"No! It's not!" Metchi spat out, the sudden force in her voice, startling Inyssa. "Thinking like that is why I hate this fucking region. It's why I hate your legends and your heroes and your bitch of a sister. Listen to me…" She leaned forward even more, the look upon her face one that Inyssa couldn't help but shiver at. "Your worth is not determined by how useful you can be to other people, especially when those in power have full control over who gets or doesn't get to be considered useful. Shit like that leads to the divide between trainers and civilians y'all have today. It leads to groups like Team Galactic cropping up. It leads to stupid kids like you throwing yourselves at a bunch of useless struggles and suffering just 'cause you think it'll prove your worth! How can you not see how pointless it all is!?"

It seemed neither Inyssa nor Uxie had expected her outburst, as evidenced by the long, tense silence that followed soon after she finished screaming. It took Metchi a few seconds to realize just how heated she'd gotten. Great. Just what she needed to prove her point.

However, Inyssa hadn't tried to rebuke her or… well, say anything yet. She'd looked away from Metchi as soon as she'd finished speaking, and was now staring at her socks as though they were the most interesting thing in the world, her expression impossible to read.

"…Shit. Sorry." Metchi leaned back, running a hand through her hair and sighing. "Didn't mean to get so worked up about it. It's just… something that kinda hits close to home. And… I'm not great at giving pep talks or cheering people up, so you can chalk it up to that too."

Realizing that it was probably time to give the poor girl some space, after screaming at her like a lunatic, Metchi stood up and did a bit of stretching before saying her last thoughts.

"Anyway… that's about the gist of it. I think it's okay to feel bad over all that stuff you did, but you shouldn't feel responsible for it when your hand was forced like that. Same thing with your powers. You weren't given a choice on the matter; of course you'd be scared of them. Especially with all the other shit you have to worry about…" She shook her head, spitting a mouthful of air. "Besides… when you have the time, take those insane high standards you have for yourself and try applying them to people you like or respect. It'll let you know real quick just how unnecessarily hard you're being on yourself."

"I… must agree with her assessment." Uxie finally spoke, warmth and appreciation in its tone. "Additionally, regarding that particular ability… I believe time and training will help you control it, so incidents like the one from last night do not repeat again. I am confident that you can control it, Inyssa."

"Yeah, see?" said Metchi, forming a smile. "Things can only go up from here."

Again, Inyssa said nothing. She continued to sit there, perfectly still, staring at nothing. However, the effect their words had on her wasn't something she could fully hide, as evidenced by the slight shake of her hands over her lap and the subtle wetness that had begun forming in her eyes.

Yeah, thought Metchi, I better give her some space for this.

"Anyway… just give it some thought, yeah? Imma go get us some grub and let you like… fix yourself and go to the bathroom and drink some water," said Metchi, palms falling on her hips. "You probably need it after a whole day of sleeping."

She had her hand on the doorknob when Inyssa spoke again. Her voice was so quiet and devoid of strength that she barely heard it, despite the silence in the room.

"Metchi…"

She looked over her shoulder. "Hm?"

"I'm not gonna use my powers on you. I don't think it'd even work since you were once bonded to Azelf. But… I want to know more about you, if that's okay. About what brought you here to Sinnoh… and what made you rebel against Team Galactic."

Metchi's brow went up for a moment, but she was quick to hide it, a smirk curving up her lips.

"Man, what did I just tell you?" She turned around, placing her hands on her hips. "Are you looking for even more people to feel sorry for over yourself?"

"N-no, that's not it. I just…"

But she couldn't seem to find the words, so she was left stammering for a few moments.

"Well, sorry to disappoint you, but my past ain't got nothing on yours. Mine's just your run-of-the-mill sob story, so boring and cliché you'll probably feel sorry you asked." She winked at her. "So I'll save you that disappointment. Trust me, it's for your own good."

Inyssa pursed her lips and looked down, but Metchi said nothing more. The girl really needed to start worrying about herself over anything else, and besides, it's not like she was lying. Her own past really was as uninteresting as they came.

"Sorry," said Inyssa. "I just… wanted to know why you're here, fighting. I want to know why you care so much."

"Oh… that's it? Why didn't you ask that first?" asked Metchi, surprised. So this was what it was all about? "That one's simple, really."

"I-is it?"

Metchi nodded. "Remember what I told you back on the road to Hearhtome?"

"That… my dream was stupid and that the world was cold and uncaring?" replied Inyssa, doubtful.

"That's the one!" winked Metchi. "That's my reason, at least."

"I… I don't…"

"The world is shit and full of terrible people who'll take advantage of you until you have nothing left, and then they'll throw you in the garbage like you're a used tissue. But, unlike what they want you to think, that ain't natural." She flashed Inyssa a quick, warm smile as she said that. "It's only like that 'cause the people with the most power and influence do everything they can to keep it that way. Works to their advantage, y'see. And you know what those people want more than anything? What helps them out the most? For us to stop caring.

"They want us cold and apathetic. We're reminded over and over of how horrible, how low humanity can get, so we'll think that's just how things are and give up on caring. But… well, I've never been good at going with the flow." She shrugged nonchalantly. "Spite ain't probably the best reason to care, but it's the one I have, so I'll keep at it. I'm gonna keep caring until it gets me killed, and hopefully when that happens I can at least go down with the thought that I did everything I could to make a difference."

Inyssa didn't say anything for what felt like a whole minute, although she never looked away from Metchi. She looked like she was… processing what she'd heard. And having a hard time at it, by the looks of it.

Well, doesn't surprise me considering her background, thought Metchi. I probably went a bit overboard there, I shouldn't hav–

"T-thank you."

Metchi blinked a few times, then looked down at the girl like she'd heard wrong.

"Come on, there's no need for th–"

"I mean it," said Inyssa, looking straight at her. Some of the color in her eyes had returned. "Thanks, Metchi. And… sorry, for all those things I said to you that time near Hearthome. You didn't deserve that."

She was left without words for a lot longer than she felt comfortable admitting, though thankfully she managed to gather herself again. She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck.

"Man, you kids and your emotional honesty… grumpy old fucks like us just can't compete." She looked down at Inyssa and shone her a smile. "Fine, fine, I'll accept your stupid thanks and apology. Now, can I finally go get us some grub? I might've not been passed out for a whole day but I'm a big girl and I need my calories too."

Inyssa shone a smile back to her. It wasn't big or particularly noticeable, but she figured it was more than she would've been able to just a few minutes ago. That was enough for Metchi.

"Yeah, sounds good," she said. "I could really go for a burger right now."

"Now that's the spirit."