About ten minutes had passed since Priss declared war on The Escallion and Captain Kastel had made a call for all available personnel to report to the top deck for a rousing pre-battle speech. I thought it was kind of dumb, but managing morale is one of the most important parts of being a leader. Even my mother had needed to give some pep talks here and there to keep everyone chipper and motivated.

Sherri and I were standing side by side on a raised platform at the ship’s bow. Captain Kastel was to our left. In front of us, standing and kneeling, was the bulk of the ship’s crew. The men in front, who I assumed were the boarding party, were dressed in any mix of breastplates, pauldrons, kneepads, greaves, helmets, or whatever else they could find lying around to protect themselves. Their weapons were a similarly haphazard assortment. Some were brandishing swords or maces, others flipping axes in their hands, and a few had heaved hand ballistae over their shoulders. One man, the huge one that had shouted at me about being a maid the previous day, was carrying a big rusty anchor on a chain. Behind them was the ballistae crew, and at the back was everyone else. I could see Doctor Heize’s glasses glinting in the sun, but I ignored him when he waved at me. I’d seen him around the ship a few times since he’d treated me, but we hadn’t spoken since then. Off on the side of the deck, scanning over the trees of Dolsten Island with a telescope, was Ufie. Most of the crew, at least eighty percent, were wearing blue armbands with DVAS stitched into the side.

Above us all, mounted on a mast that extended from the control tower, waved a proud, albeit hastily made, flag with a crude drawing of my head on it. Beneath the drawing of my face were the words “Glory be to Darnini!” written in bright red.

“Do you think they’ll make me a flag too?” asked Sherri from the corner of her mouth.

“Maybe after you get your own fanclub going,” I said with a grin. She pouted and knocked against me playfully.

Captain Kastel cleared his throat and grabbed hold of a silver metal pipe that jutted from the deck in front of him. It had “For the captain’s use only” etched into the side. He took a deep breath and said, “As I’m sure you fine men and women have heard, we of The Escallion have been issued a challenge! That alone would be reason enough to fight, but our foe, Priscillanna Isalina Delomia Afinsheer, Heiress to the Afinsheer Trading Company, has done something that we may never forgive!” The gruff timbre of his voice echoed through the whole ship.

I nudged Sherri and asked, “Did you know she was an heiress?”

She shook her head and whispered, “No, but that explains her attitude.”

I nodded in agreement.

“She, in her hysterical rage, has besmirched the name of our fair stewardess, our beloved Darnini! For that reason, we must crush her under our boot!” continued Captain Kastel. I almost fell over in disbelief, but Sherri caught me deftly. “As the president and founder of the Darni Voker Adoration Society, I declare this a war for our very beliefs! For that which is closet for our hearts! Glory be to Darnini!” He raised his fist to the sky. “Glory be to Darnini!”

This time I did fall over. “You founded DVAS!?” I barked as I rose to my feet. The captain turned to me with a wide smile, then faced the crowd again and cheered a second time.

I wanted to punch him in the jaw, but suddenly a chorus of “Glory be to Darnini!” erupted from the crowd. I froze and scanned over them. Some were waving little flags with my face drawn on them and others had put on bandanas that read “Darnini Forever!”. In the back right corner I could see Doctor Heize with his arms crossed. He and a few others wearing green headbands turned away from the rest and huddled together.

“Darnini!” shouted one of the sailors, a foppish man with a curly moustache. “Please smile at me!”

A man to his left, short and muscular, pushed him and barked, “How dare you ask Darnini for such a thing! What makes you so special as to get a smile?”

“If that guy’s getting a smile, I want one too!” came a raspy voice from somewhere in the crowd.

“Forget smiles, I want her to call me a knucklehead!” shouted a tall, axe-wielding, man in the front.

“You’re all a bunch of louses,” announced a short bald man in the back. To my surprise, it was the cook. He grinned and held his arms out. “If anyone here is getting smiled at, it’s me! I’ve been working with Darnini since day one!”

“Its only day three!” I shouted.

The cook smiled ear to ear and said, “See, she even knows how long we’ve been working together!"

I stomped my foot and pointed at the crowd. “Will you barnaclebrains knock it off!? I’m not gonna smile ever again if you keep this up! How about you use all that energy you’re putting towards being stupid to fight instead!”

Silence. Not a single sound from anyone on the deck. I crossed my arms and scanned the crowd. Looks like they’d finally got it through their skulls that they were being a bunch of nautical numbskulls! The moments before a battle are the time to be messing around!

Then I heard an exaggerated sniff come from my left.

I looked up and saw Captain Kastel with tears in his eyes. He was holding his cap in front of his bare chest and wiping his nose. “Lads and lasses,” he said between sniffles, “This. This right here! This Is our Darnini! This is why we adore her!” He raised his fist to the air again. “Glory be to Darnini!”

“Glory be to Darnini!” echoed the crew rabidly. “Glory be to Darnini! Glory be to Darnini!”

I staggered backwards, wide-eyed, and grit my teeth as the reality of my situation sunk in. No matter what I said to them, no matter how upset I got, they’d just get more energetic. It’s like they were vampires feeding off of my frustration! I clenched my fists and held them in front of my face. Fine! If they wanted me to be their mascot, I’d be the best mascot they’d ever seen!

I stepped forward powerfully and drew Bravesreign, then held it high over my head. The puffy shoulders of my dress whipped in the wind as I thrust it into the platform and leaned against it. “Okay then you mooks, if that’s how you’re going to be, I’ll play along! How about this, I’ll cook everyone’s dinner tomorrow if you can get Priss to surrender! Actually, you know what? I’ll sing and dance for you on stage too! Would you like that?”

The sailors were silent again, then exploded in whoops and howls. They clapped their hands together and jumped up and down like excited children. One of them thrashed around so hard his eyes went blank and he fell over where he stood.

Sherri leaned in with her finger at her chin. “Are you sure about this? You still don’t know how to cook, do you?”

“That’s the kicker!” I said. “They want the full Darni Voker experience, so I’ll give it to them! Besides, Priss would never surrender. She’s got way too much pride for that.”

“I wish someone wanted the full Sherri Hanefeltz experience . . .” she said. She kicked her foot and pouted.

Was she jealous? Of me? Of the fact that I had a feverishly fervent fanbase going ballistic right in front of us? I put my hand over my mouth and stifled a giggle. “Maybe you should become a stewardess too.”

She gasped like she’d had a revelation, then grabbed my hands. Her eyes were twinkling like stars. “Do you think I’d be good at it? I worked as a waitress for a weekend one time, and being a stewardess isn’t that different, right? Imagine, my own fan club . . .”

Captain Kastel cleared his throat loudly, obviously trying to grab our attention. He was holding his cap in his hands and had an expression like a sad puppy. Not the kind of look you’d expect from a grizzled captain. “Excuse my interruption, girls, but does that— dinner offer— apply to me as well?”

I frowned at him. “What do you think? You’re part of the crew, aren’t you”

He put his cap back on his head and grabbed hold of the speaking pipe. “This is Kastel, bring me my sword, if you can. I’m much better at commanding when I wear it! What? Its hanging behind my chair in the bridge! Huh? Why don’t I—? I’m at the bow! What do you mean you didn’t notice? Why would I contact you like this if I was on the bridge! Look up from the pipes every once in a while, Jedda! By Loros’ Light, I ought to—”

“Everyone hit the deck! Projectiles incoming!” shouted Ufie from the side. She dove to the ground and curled into a little ball.

CRUNCH SHWOOM SHWOOM CRUNCH

Four massive bolts flew across the waves. Two of them struck the control tower and burst out the other side in a spray of giant splinters.

“We’re under attack!” yelled Captain Kastel. “Everyone to level one battle stations! Non-combatants to their cabins! Boarding parties report to the rear hanger! This is a code red, I repeat, a code red! Glory be to Darnini!”

“Glory be to Darnini!” echoed the crew.

There was an explosion of action as everyone ran to their stations. Men swarmed the stairwells leading to the lower decks and were jumping over each other trying to beat the rush. Even Doctor Heize was climbing over the mound. I could hear the clattering of metal as the flaps on the sides of the ship swung open one after another. The ship’s four sail-wings retracted to half-size close to the ship. As they moved, I saw the red of The Klazmitz peek around the lip of the Island.

“All hands to level one battle stations! I repeat, all hands to level one battle stations! Non-combatants, please remain in your cabins! This is not a drill!” echoed Jedda’s voice.

“I’m going on ahead!” called Ufie as she bolted for the control tower.

“What are we supposed to do? Do we return to our cabins?” asked Sherri. I don’t know why she asked though, as she’d already drawn her bow on reflex.

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“And miss out on the action? Not a chance!” I said.

The captain put his hands on our shoulders and said, “You two are on the bridge with me! We’re going to make that Afinsheer girl understand that The Escallion isn’t just for show!”

The three of us sprinted to the superstructure, bobbing and weaving through the buzzing sailors as they rushed about, and dashed up the stairwell to the bridge. There were two clean holes in the superstructure’s walls where the bolts had pierced it, but thankfully they’d both missed the stairs by a good few feet.

Captain Kastel burst into the bridge and shouted, “Jedda! Ufie! Give me the damage and situation reports!” He grabbed a short, broad-bladed sword from the wall and attached it to his belt. As he did so, Ufie motioned for us to join her at her table. She was probably trying to shuffle us out of the way while they worked.

“They’ve swung around Dolsten island, increased speed, and have opened fire, sir!” said Ufie.

“Light structure damage to the superstructure! We’ll be within firing range in t-minus ten seconds!” announced Jedda.

“Excellent!” said Captain Kastel. “They beat us to the punch, but we’ll punch them back twice as hard!”

“Your orders, sir?” asked Jedda.

“My orders?” said Captain Kastel. “Hit them with everything we’ve got! Tell Olfrey to clear the center of the deck, we’re raising all four great ballistae!”

“Understood, sir!” said Jedda with a raised thumb and a grin. That was the first time I’d seen her earnestly smile since coming aboard. “This is the bridge, raise all four great ballistae immediately! Train them on . . . Ufie, what’s the bearing?”

“Three-hundred and five degrees relative, distance— ninteen-hundred yards!” said Ufie. She was moving a little bronze protractor across the map and jotting notes on a piece of paper.

Jedda repeated the order into the pipes and got to work coordinating the ship’s operations.

“What do you want us to do?” asked Sherri.

The captain turned to us and smiled. There was an intense flame in his eyes that I hadn’t seen since he’d told his story about the Prism Palace. “Just watch the show, girls! We’ll make its one you never forget!”

An ominous mechanical clicking came from below, and Sherri and I rushed to the bridge’s huge panoramic window to see what it was. The top deck slid apart right down the middle, and from below rose four titanic ballistae, each with two humongous bolts ready to fire. There were crews of men shouting at each other, pulling ropes, and hauling bolts that looked like worker ants next to the ballistae’s bulk. All four ballistae swung to the left, then ratcheted up to the sky.

“All great ballistae primed and ready, sir!” said Jedda.

I turned and watched as Captain Kastel drew his sword and shouted, “Fire!” at the top of his lungs.

KA-THUNK KA-THUNK KA-THUNK KA-THUNK

The whole ship groaned and lurched to the side as all four ballistae fired one after the other. Sherri and I faced the window and squealed with excitement, then pressed our faces against the glass to watch the bolts fly. All eight bolts, each three times the size of Bravesreign, pierced through a low-flying cloud, dispersing it in an instant, then disappeared in the glare of the sun. Down below, the men immediately got to work retightening the bowstrings and heaving the bolts up to reload.

“Spotter four reports three direct hits!” called Jedda. “Two in the hull, one on the deck! Two were deflected by invoked barriers and three missed completely!”

“Serves you right, Priss!” I cheered. “Let’s launch some more at her!”

“This is no time to celebrate,” said Captain Kastel gravely. “They’re sure to retaliate two-fold now that they know we’re packing our own heat!” He turned to Jedda and held out his arm. All hands, brace for enemy counterattack! Tell carpentry squads one and two to be on standby outside firing deck P!”

“Aye aye, captain!” said Jedda.

It was so odd seeing Captain Kastel act like a real captain, though I suppose you don’t end up being one without having the skills for it. We spent the next while watching excitedly as the four ballistae on deck fired volley after volley at The Kalztmitz, then yelped and ducked as its bolts closed in and pierced the ship in retaliation. Most of the captain, Jedda, and Ufie’s nautical talk flew over my head, but I caught some bits and pieces.

Apparently, boarding party one’s boat had capsized right after leaving the hanger, party two had to return due to forgetting their grappling hooks, and party three had gotten trampled in the pre-battle rush. The port side firing deck, which is where the smaller, shorter-range ballistae on the left side of the boat were, ate two bolts right in the middle, one of the men’s cabins had a giant bolt lodged in it, and they’d somehow landed four of them in auxiliary storeroom two. That was the one where the anglers kept the fish. On the flip side, we’d managed to destroy one of their great ballistae, tear their front two sails, and punch a couple of gaping holes in their hull. Ufie even took the time to tell me that Priss was running around screaming and waving her axe like a maniac on The Klazmitz’s top deck.

“They’re not very accurate, are they?” asked Sherri. She covered her mouth as a deep yawn escaped her lungs, then lazily traced the path of a few more bolts that all flew over the ship.

“I’d rather they be lousy shots than deadeyes,” I said. The battle had been going on for about forty minutes, and there hadn’t been any major developments in the last twenty. I let out a yawn of my own and turned to Captain Kastel, who was drinking a cup of spiced tea that Ufie had prepared. “So how do we win? I’m sure we can’t keep lobbing bolts forever.”

“I see you two are as bored as I am,” he said with an understanding nod. “I was expecting them to come right at us like a charging bull, to attempt to board and toss us overboard like a pair of worn boots, but it seems that Afinsheer girl is afraid to damage that gilded goliath of a ship!” He took a long sip of his tea and rose from his chair. He walked up next to Nard, who hadn’t said a word during the whole battle, and said, “Let’s make this battle a little more interesting! Nard, extend the wings to full, then flatten the port side. I want to speed ahead and whirl around to port so we can use THAT!”

She smiled and opened her mouth to say something, but then Jedda leapt from her seat and shouted, “You really want to use THAT? We haven’t even tested it yet! For all we know it could turn the ship into a pile of flotsam!”

“Yeah, didn’t the shipwright say it was a stupid addition anyway?” added Ufie. “I don’t feel like swimming back to Balistag . . .”

Captain Kastel took another long, slurpy sip of his tea. “I understand your concerns, but its risk I’m willing to take! Doubly so if it means victory! That Afinsheer girl dared trifle with our Darnini, and for that she must pay!” he with a toothy grin. “Besides, there’s a dinner on the line!” Jedda threw a pencil at him, but he dodged it skillfully.

“Fine, but I’m not sharing a life raft with you when we sink!” she said. She sat down at her station and disappeared into her pipes. “Chief Olfrey, we’re going to use THAT. Yes— I know we haven’t— I just told the captain that— don’t get fussy with me! It’s the captain’s orders, understand? What? Just make it work, that’s an order!”

Sherri and I looked at each other, then both asked, “What is— THAT?”

“Oh ho, I’m glad you asked!” said Captain Kastel.

“Oh boy, here we go . . .” grumbled Ufie.

“Direct your attention to the ship’s bow, that’s the front part Darnini, and watch in wonder!” said Captain Kastel. He walked up next to us and pointed to the left side of the ship’s bow with his teacup. “Jedda, tell Olfrey to hurry it up!”

I followed his cup, then noticed something shine from the corner of my eye. “Hey, what’s that over there?” I asked.

Sherri looked intently over the waves and cried, “Ah, it’s another bolt! It’s coming straight at us!”

Straight at us? Right where we were standing? There was no time to think. I drew Bravesreign from my back and raised it to defend, then felt something tackle me from the side.

“Get down, you two!” ordered Captain Kastel as he dove on top of Sherri and me both. I grabbed hold of Sherri as I fell, then grunted as the three of us slammed against the wooden floor.

CRASH

The bridge’s left wall exploded in a spray of warped wood as a huge iron bolt burst through it. I couldn’t tell if I was screaming or if it was Sherri, but one of us screamed so loud my ears rang afterwards. The bolt whizzed overhead and crunched the floor of the bridge as it landed. We lay there for a moment, stunned by the sudden destruction, then all rose to our feet shakily. The sea breeze wafted in through the gaping hole, and I could hear the worried calls of the men on the deck below.

I was the first one to dare inspect the bolt. It’d come to rest just left of Jedda’s pipe station and half of it was hanging out of the bridge. My legs were shaking like crazy, but I sheathed Bravesreign and shambled across the bridge anyway. As I approached, I noticed a bundle of paper tied to its back end. I still felt a little dazed from the impact, but I managed to undo the complicated knots binding the bundle and unfurl it just fine.

“What does it say?” asked Jedda. She’d taken cover under her desk and came crawling cautiously.

“Uh, let me see . . .” I said. It was a letter on fancy stationery, the kind of thing you need to go out of your way to get custom-made. At the top were the initials P.I.D.A. in flowery script. I started reading it aloud.

“Attention Darni Voker and all associated misfits. I, Priscillanna Isalina Delomia Afinsheer, sole daughter of Beatrica Palidus Marvonka Afinsheer and Crellnis Obaldo Enfilian Afinsheer, sole heiress to the Afinsheer Trading Company, formally issue a declaration of— surrender!” I turned to face the captain and Sherri. “She surrenders!”

Everyone cheered, but then another part of the letter unfolded from the bottom.

“Oh wait, there’s more. . . a lot more,” I said with a bit of annoyance in my voice.

“The decision surrender comes after much frustration, deliberation, consternation on the part of both myself and my associates. Were it my choice alone, I would order your vessel be rammed and shot full of so many holes that Loros herself couldn’t put it back together, but I digress. I have been advised that any further aggressive action may compromise the stability and continued function of The Klazmitz, and with it the assuredness of my own safety. As heiress to the most prominent trading company in all of southern Zaftia, most elegant and sophisticated girl to grace Loros’ light, and the future winner of our race, I cannot allow myself to be injured here! Know, Darni Voker, that I am coming for you! I will reach the Prism Palace before you do, and when I do, I will laugh! I will laugh with such unfettered jubilance that even the hermits in the northernmost mountains of Kruzmig will hear it and cower! ‘Oh, how can one girl be so gleeful’ they will cry, ‘How beautiful and resplendent she must be!’ they will whisper. Prepare yourself for humiliation, Darni Voker, because that is all that awaits you! Okay, that should be suffice. Now put my initials at the top and fire it right at their bridge. Wait, are you still writing? Tuet you buffoon, when I said to transcribe my every word I didn’t mean—”

I stopped mid-sentence, as there was nothing else after that. Just a streak of ink like the writer had been pushed from his chair by an enraged beast. I tossed the letter away and looked through the hole in the left wall. Even without a telescope I could see that The Klazmitz was turning away and retreating.

“Gya ha ha ha! Another flawless victory for The Escallion! I hereby declare it The Battle of Dolsten Island!” bellowed Captain Kastel. He threw his head back and laughed at the ceiling. “How many victories does that make, six, seven?”

“Eight, sir,” said Jedda. She turned to her pipes. “Olfrey, cancel that previous order. The battle is over, so there’s no need for— THAT— anymore.”

“And what a shame it is! I was hoping to show the girls, but alas. Maybe next time . . .” Captain Kastel walked up next to me and patted me on the back. “Looks like we kicked that Afinsheer girl’s keister so thoroughly that she turned tail and skittered off like a skink in sand! How are you feeling about your first naval battle?”

“I wish I’d gotten to fight something with Bravesreign,” I said absentmindedly. It was a pretty entertaining battle, at least at the beginning when it was all novel and new, but I still preferred clashing blades with my foes in person. Firing waves of ballista bolts across the ocean was way too roundabout and detached for my tastes.

“Always itching for action, huh? Gya ha ha ha! I wouldn’t expect anything less!” He patted me on the back again, this time so hard I stumbled forward. “I know you’re gonna be too tired to do it today, so I’m looking forward to having that Darnini-prepared dinner tomorrow!”

I tensed up all over. That’s right, Priss had just surrendered! I grit my teeth. What was I even going to make? What could I make? The entirety of my cooking knowledge was chopping vegetables while camping, and I’d only done that once! I clutched the sides of my head and shook it side to side slowly. What was I going to do? Wait, Sherri! Sherri could cook! I turned to her and held out my arms expectantly. She’d never leave me out to dry!

She looked away and crossed her arms. “You brought this on yourself, Darnini!” she said with sharp eyes. A quick snicker broke her stern façade, but she put back on the second she saw me frowning at her.

“Yeah, can’t wait to eat your grub, Darnini!” said Ufie.

“Oh, you’re making dinner? Good luck,” added Jedda.

Nard shot me a thumbs-up and said, “Good luck,” so softly I could barely hear her.

“We’ll be expecting the best, Darnini!” said Captain Kastel with another pat on my back.

I sniffed and hung my head. Maybe it would have been better if Priss had just sunk the whole ship after all!