I inched forward slowly, carefully, as silently as could be, until I was standing right behind the spear-toting golem. I didn’t like having to resort to an ambush, but without a proper weapon it was my only viable option. I raised my wooden tray high over my head and drew my arms back in preparation for the mightiest strike of its life.

“Yaaaaaa!” I shouted.

THWACK

I swung the tray forward and smashed it against the golem’s stone skull as hard as I could. The board snapped in half and tumbled through the air like a windswept leaf, then clattered against the ground and skidded to a halt. The golem turned her head to look at it, and a second later spun on her heel to face me, her spear held at her side.

“Intruders must not escape,” she said flatly.

“You red-headed rube! I told you that wouldn’t work!” called Priss from behind.

“I couldn’t be sure until I tried!” I shouted. “And don’t call me a rube!”

I turned tail and retreated just as the golem thrust her spear at my chest. If it hadn’t been for my armor’s runic aura, she might have skewered me right then and there, but thankfully her follow-up attack was instantaneously repelled a mere inch before plunging into my back. I dashed down the narrow stone hallway and dove around a righthand corner that Priss was hiding behind. She extended her hand to help me up, but instead of taking it I swept her leg and sent her falling down on her hands and knees.

“W-What do you think you’re doing!?” she cried.

“Beating this golem!” I said quickly. I scrambled further down the side corridor and turned back around so I was facing Priss from behind. “Stay down, I’m going to vault over you!”

“Vault over me? Are you insane?” she said.

CLINK CLINK CLINK

The golem’s hard footsteps echoed past as it stomped its way towards us. I’d have to beat it right then and there unless Priss and I wanted to end up as a pair of girl-kebabs. I sprinted at her as fast as I could, then held my arms out in front of myself.

“Make sure to keep your head down!” I said.

“Stop telling me what to do!” said Priss. She lowered her head and tensed all over.

The golem rounded the corner and raised her spear defensively. Too bad it wouldn’t be any help! I jumped and vaulted over her like an award-winning acrobat, then twisted around so my feet were trained directly on the golem’s face.

“Darni— Dropkick!” I shouted.

CRASH

My heels connected with the golem’s nose and crushed her head against the wall behind her, snapping her stone neck instantly. She fell to the ground, motionless, and an instant later I flopped down on top of her. I scrambled to my feet and grabbed hold of her spear. We’d have to disarm her before she got back up to fight back. It wouldn’t hurt having a weapon of our own either.

I yanked on the spear’s shaft as hard as I could, but the golem’s unfeeling fingers refused to budge even an inch. I had half a mind to snap the dumb thing, but what use was a spear without its length? A spearhead by itself may as well be an awkward knife. I kicked at the golem’s hand’s one last time, then saw Priss from the corner of my eye. She was holding the golem’s dented head like the big rock it was and winding up for a mighty bash.

“Stand clear!” she ordered.

I released the spear and stepped back as she obliterated the golem’s hands with a single strike. The spear jolted through the air, and I caught hold of it right before its chipped head severed Priss’ right hair drill off. All it took was a stylish twirl to test its weight and it was mine to thrust as I pleased.

“Well, that’s one down,” I said. I kicked the golem’s shin lightly. “Wonder how many more we’ll have to break to get out of here.”

“Hopefully not many,” said Priss. “I don’t think I could stand being used as a springboard a second time.” She raised the golem’s head in front of herself and frowned. “Tell us where our arms reside! If you refuse, I’ll reduce your face to a little more than a memory!”

“I don’t think it’s going to tell you just because you ask,” I said.

“I can’t be sure until I try,” she said mockingly. As punishment for her sass, I knocked the top of her head with my new spear.

The golem looked at Priss with its one unbroken eye, then said, “Prisoners need not arms. Unneeded arms must be stored. Arms must be stored above,” in its monotone.

“Ha! It worked! I bet you feel embarrassed right now, Darni Voker!” cackled Priss. She stuck her tongue out and deftly intercepted my second punishment whack by using the golem’s head as a shield. Too bad for her I’d anticipated as much! The second she let her guard down I kicked her lightly in the rear at just an angle that she’d blame it on the golem. “Ouch! You rude, rude facsimile of a woman! I have half a mind to—”

CLINK CLINK CLINK

The footsteps of multiple golems bounced down the hall and made us freeze in place. Taking one down was hard enough, but a whole squad? Not happening! I grabbed Priss by the wrist and dragged her down the hall until she got it through her head what was going on and ran on her own. There, behind where the spear golem had been guarding, was a thin stone staircase leading to the tower’s next floor.

“Hey, ask the golem how many floors this place has!” I shouted as I ran.

“I command you! Tell me how many floors comprise this tower!” said Priss.

“Prisoners need not—” said the golem. It probably said more, but that’s all I caught before Priss angrily tossed it away, never to be seen by either of us again.

We spent the next while climbing staircases, wandering around the tower’s identical stone hallways, and passing by an endless number of empty cells. Occasionally we’d encounter another patrolling golem, but we quickly learned it was best to fight them as little as we could get away with. Our weapons (my spear and a shiny bronze axe that Priss had happily looted from our second victim) could do a number on a foe made of flesh, but against the golem’s rock-hard bodies we may as well have been swinging twigs around. If we wanted to do some real damage, we’d need something bigger, something stronger, something like Bravesreign!

After the third floor I got bored, and after the sixth I got annoyed. What was the point of having a whole tower of just prison cells? Who was Nestemed even planning on jailing? Her golems? It’s not like she was getting a lot of other visitors! And for that matter, why did she have so many golems patrolling the place? From what I’d seen the only other inmates in the whole place were a few skeletons so old they’d turn to dust if you looked at them too hard. I’m sure those golems could be put to better use somewhere else! Somewhere not in our way!

We kept ascending and scouring the tower, never finding anything of note the whole time, until we finally reached a thin door slab at the top of a short staircase. I heaved it open, then covered my eyes as a gust of salty sea air blew against my face. When I lowered my and looked around, I felt a mix of contended relief and crushing disappointment. We’d reached the top of the tower, but we hadn’t stumbled across our weapons on the way there.

“Is that fresh air I smell?” asked Priss. She pushed me aside and rushed out onto the tower’s roof. I stepped out as well and closed the door slab so we wouldn’t be followed.

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The roof was dominated by a dense, overgrown garden that ringed a smaller, thinner tower that extended up into the huge stone mass above the palace. This central tower looked to only have one actual floor, as everything above that was completely solid and grooved like a titanic screw. Circling the whole area was a wall formed of simple columns and wide arches. I took a few steps forward and took a deep breath of the fresh air. You quickly forget what it feels like when you’ve been stuck in a tight maze for a few hours.

A broad path with lots of little side paths led from where we were standing directly to the screw-tower’s main entrance. I assume the side paths cut through the garden for if someone wanted to take a leisurely stroll, but who in their right mind would want to go for a walk on top of a prison? I walked up next to Priss, who was crouching at the side of the walkway staring at the plants, and set my hands on my hips.

“What are you doing?” I asked. “Did you forget that our weapons are right in front of us.” I pointed at the screw-tower a few times for emphasis. “The weapons we can use to get out of here and save the others!?”

“Cease your blabbering, Darni Voker,” she said absentmindedly. She reached out towards a large leafy fern, then withdrew her hand right as a thorny tendril lashed at her fingers. “Just as I thought! This is no ordinary garden!” She stood up and nodded to herself confidently. “It’s likely they’ve planted a few variants of the Poswil Lasher between the less threatening plants to prevent intrepid escapees like ourselves from rearming themselves. We employ a similar strategy to protect our tropical spicehouses from would-be thieves.” She turned to me with a stern expression. “Whatever you do, do not disturb the fauna.”

“Aren’t they just plants?” I asked. It’s not like they’re going to stand up and swing a sword at us.”

Priss gave me another one of those how are you so stupid kind of looks. “Let me put it simply so you’ll understand it, Darni Voker. These plants are not to be trifled with. Any unwitting ne’er-do-well that crosses them will end up so thoroughly battered that they’ll need to crawl home!”

“Good thing we’re not some random goons then,” I said. I twirled my spear over my head and struck an amazing pose. “Any plant that comes my way is getting met with one of these!”

SCHWING

I swung my spear and sliced a big leaf off of a fern next to Priss. The leaf flopped against the ground, and in response an ominous slithering came from the underbrush.

“Now you’ve done it . . .” said Priss. She hopped back and raised her axe. “Be careful not to let them grab your ankles!”

WOOSH

Several thin green tendrils shot from the overgrowth and cracked like whips against my runic aura. I staggered back, then whirled around as another set burst from the other side. I swung my spear and severed a few of them, but that only caused more to come from every direction.

“Why are there so many of these things!?” I shouted. I jumped, ducked, and danced around like an idiot as I did my best to avoid the botanical onslaught.

“You would know if you’d been listening!” snapped Priss. She swung her little axe and sliced a thick tendril down the middle. “They’re called Poswil Lashers and are incredibly aggressive unless you give off a specific scent, but sadly we’re lacking for perfume!”

“Then lets hurry up and get to the tower!” I said. I raised my spear and grimaced as a tendril the size of my arm wrapped around its shaft and snapped it in two. I released the broken stick and jumped right as another weedy vine swept at my legs.

“Agreed! Stay as central as you can and don’t stop for any reason!” she said. She sliced another two tendrils and dove to the side as ten more flew at her in retaliation.

We both ran down the path the screw-tower jumping, ducking, dodging, and diving through the relentless barrage of blows. Priss grabbed me and used my aura as a shield a couple of times, but I honestly can’t blame her. I’d have done the same to her if she had a defensive aura. What I can blame her for though is the fact that she was only worrying about herself! We may not have been partners like Sherri and I are, but she could at least show some concern for my well-being!

Just a few steps from the screw-tower’s door I felt something brush in front of my ankle and wrap around it at lightning speed.

“Wah! Put me down! Put me down!” I shouted as a thick tendril raised me up into the air by my foot. I grabbed hold of my skirt and pressed it down to preserve my dignity, but with my hands busy I had no means to fight back! “Priss! Priss! Help me out here!” I waved my arm around wildly, then immediately went back to propping up my skirt.

“I’m a little busy, if you haven’t noticed!” she barked. She chopped away another thick vine and narrowly avoided getting her own ankle grabbed.

“Let me go! I said let me go! Geez, if I had Bravesreign you’d be done for!” I yelled. I kicked at the tendril over and over, each strike leaving a hole where my heel dug into its waxy flesh, and struggled as much as I could. I could already feel the blood rushing to my head.

“Hold on just a little longer, Darni Voker!” said Priss. She danced past a few more lashing tendrils until she was close enough to free me then screamed and shot into the air foot-first. They’d gotten her too. “Blast it all!” She swung herself side to side, then threw her axe at my foot as hard as she could.

SPLAT

The axe’s blade cleaved through my tendril and sent a spray of watery slime flying through the air. I landed against the ground head-first and lay there for a second as my blood got back into place, then grabbed the axe from the ground and ran at Priss.

“Thanks for the save!” I said happily. “Now to return the favor!”

SCHWING

I spun around and severed the vine binding Priss and narrowly caught her as she fell. Without missing a beat, I grabbed hold of the screw-tower’s door slab and heaved it open, then dove inside right as it slammed back shut.

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

The vines and tendrils beat against the doors furiously, but its stony exterior held fast against their blows. We were home free! I dropped Priss and the axe, then fell to my knees to catch my breath. I won’t lie, that whole debacle was my fault for flippantly swinging my spear around when Priss had warned me to be careful. I’m just glad we made it out unscathed.

“You ignoramus!” shouted Priss. She punched me on the side of the head and huffed like a storm. “Next time I give you a warning, it’d do you well to follow it!”

I punched her back just as hard. “Yeah, my bad!” I said. “I can tell when I messed up, Priss! I don’t need you to tell me!”

Priss squinted at me and frowned. “As long as you understand . . .” she grumbled. She looked away quickly. “I suppose I could have been clearer about the threat as well.”

We stayed there frowning for a while, then brushed ourselves off and looked around, though there wasn’t much to see. There were rows and rows of empty shelves, weapon racks with no weapons to hold, and chests hanging open so they could show their emptiness to the whole world. The place was dim, lit only by a few windows high on the walls, but I could see that we wouldn’t find anything interesting. I guess there’s not much to store when you only have two prisoners. I wandered around the place opening and closing containers, checking on top of shelves, and coughing from all the particulate I was kicking up. I reached the very back of the chamber and pushed aside one last stack of crates. What greeted me was a familiar white shine.

“Bravesreign spotted!” I announced.

I ran towards Bravesreign like you would a long-lost lover and grabbed hold of its hilt like my life depended on it. It was shoved in a narrow barrel with some other junk like Priss’ axe, but one kick toppled the whole thing and freed them both. I swung Bravesreign around a couple of times to make sure it was all right, then set it on my back where it belonged. It was like a part of my soul had been returned to me, like I’d lost a limb and had it magically replaced. I let out a long, relieved sigh, then picked Priss’ axe up off the ground.

“Hey Priss! I found your axe!” I shouted.

There was a clatter and a burst of action from the other side of the chamber. A huge plume of dust shot into the air, and a moment later I heard an excited grunt as Priss plowed her way through every obstacle in her path. Shelves went flying, crates exploded into splinters, and barrels came rolling past faster than any cart or wagon’s wheels. I raised the axe defensively just in case she’d turned into a monster or something, but before I knew it she’d snatched it from my grip and clutched it to her chest.

“Ah! I’m happy to see you Klazmaxe! I was so worried something had happened to you! They didn’t scrape your head, did they?” She inspected her axe’s oversized head, then slung it over her shoulder enthusiastically. “Now that we’re armed, nothing can stand in our path! Oh ho ho ho ho!”

I covered my mouth to stifle a laugh. “You named it Klazmaxe?” I said. “That’s so lame!”

Priss staggered backwards like I’d kicked her in the stomach. “A-And Bravesreign isn’t?” she stammered.

I pointed at her, a confident grin on my face. “It is not!” I declared. “Loros named this blade, so it’s the best name any blade could ever hope to have!”

She put her hand on her hip and raised her eyebrows. “You mean to tell me that’s the Bravesreign, not just some replica you’ve stumbled across? Shouldn’t it be sealed away somewhere?”

I scratched my chin and glanced to the side. “Well, it was . . . before I took it,” I said. I hadn’t mentioned that part to her before. “Trust me, I’m putting it to much better use out here than they were keeping it locked up!”

“Why am I not surprised,” she said. “And let me guess, you’re trying to awaken its true power?”

My eyes lit up with dazzling stars. “You know about the legend!?” I said. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “I didn’t think anyone down south knew anything about it!”

“Of course I know about it!” she said. “What do you take me for? A simpleton? I’ve read my fair share of classical literature, I’ll have you know!” She then smiled at me, but this smile was a little different from the others. It felt warmer somehow. “Tell me, is that what drives you? Your desire to awaken it?”

“Yep!” I said. “I haven’t made much progress yet, but I’m working on it!”

She turned away and laughed under her breath. “Trying to realize a naught forgotten myth . . . you’re a real piece of work, Darni Voker!” she said. “Though, I suppose I am as well . . .”

I leaned in close to her, a little smirk just barely showing on my lips. “What was that last part?” I asked. I covered my mouth and let out a nefarious snicker.

She pushed me away and pouted. “It’s nothing of your concern!” she snapped. “Let us be off. I’m sure our companions are growing tired of waiting!”

I stood up straight and puffed out my chest. “Right! Let’s get out of here!”