I kicked open the large double doors that separated the balcony from the rest of the palace. Now, I want you to guess what was behind them. Let your mind run wild until you’ve come up with something crazy. Got your answer? Good. If you guessed “A room full of glittering treasure and the secret of how to awaken Bravesreign”, I’m sorry to say that you’re wrong. If you guessed “One of the Nestemeds’ bedrooms”, you’d be so right it’s creepy. You could probably make some kinos with skills like that, you know.

It was a fancy (by stone room standards) bedroom with a stone desk, shelves, a couch with woven cushions, a deep bathtub, a canopy bed with a woven mattress, worn rugs, and faded curtains. The walls were covered in murals depicting men and women with long limbs dancing on a beach at sunset. The shelves were all covered in scrolls, small statues, jars full of shells, sand, and dried flowers. At the far end of the room was a tall mirror over which an orange cloth was draped. The whole room looked like it hadn’t been used in forever, as a thick layer of dust covered every surface.

Nestemed, or well one of the Nestemeds, was standing in the center of the room and staring at us without saying anything. This one was wearing a mask made of smooth white bone and holding her hands behind her back sternly.

I pointed at her and said, “This is an ambush! Take us to the others right now, Nestemed!”

Priss leaned in close and said, “I don’t think she’s going to do it just because you tell her to, you imbecile!” I pushed her away and stepped closer to Nestemed, my free hand on Bravesreign’s hilt.

“Why did you escape?” asked Nestemed in a soft monotone.

Her question caught me so off guard that I lowered my finger. Shouldn’t she have asked how we escaped, not why? I shook my head and went back to pointing. “Because we have to go save our friends! Now take us to them before I really get angry!”

Nestemed stared at me so long that I started to lose my nerve. “I have made you aware of Nestemed’s nature, correct?” she said finally.

I tightened my grip on Bravesreign. “Yeah, the wood one told us everything! Now stop stalling and take us to the others like she said you would!”

“I understand,” she said. She raised one of her hands, revealing she was holding a worn manuscript. She flipped through its tattered pages quickly before placing a finger on one of the pages. “However, The Law of Valtameri states as follows. Any those, excluding The Shaper, who desire audience with the yet-preserved must prove themselves by means of three trials. Do you agree to follow Valtameri’s law?”

There was that word again, preserved.

“Trials? What sort of trials?” asked Priss.

Nestemed slammed her book shut. “A test of knowledge. A test of wit. A test of skill.”

I drew Bravesreign and pointed it at Nestemed’s chest. “This better not be some nonsense! If it is, I’m going to make you pay!” I said firmly. I’d already deemed all three of them villains, and villains didn’t get any mercy! Nestemed put her finger on Bravesreign’s tip and lowered it carefully.

“There is no nonsense. The trials are sacred and must not be tampered with,” she said. “All who desire audience are subject, even kings among men. Now please, follow me.” She turned in place and drifted out of the room. I say drifted because she rose a few inches from the ground and floated out at a walking pace.

I put Bravesreign away and crossed my arms. I hate, hate, hated the situation! We made our big escape just to wander around and end up face-to-face with the enemy again! If we tried to resist, she’d probably ice me like the other one did Clance, and cutting her down, which I’d have loved to do, would be destroying our only concrete lead. I sneered at the floor. There was a very real possibility we’d fall over from exhaustion if we went back to stomping around the palace aimlessly.

I grit my teeth and slapped the sides of my face. Follow this Nestemed, find the others, chop all three Nestemeds into pieces, escape, and never look back! That was the new plan! I recrossed my arms and headed out of the room.

Priss stepped in front of the doorway to block my path. “Are you really going along with that woman’s games? What if she’s trying to trick us?” She asked. She turned her nose up. “I thought you wiser than this, Darni Voker.”

Really? After she’d taken the wood-masked one’s hand without a second thought?

“Haven’t you been calling me an idiot all this time though?” I said. She deepened her frown, but didn’t move. I scratched the side of my head in frustration. “Look, I know it’s bogus, but we’re a little strapped for options here! Would you rather run around being lost until we starve!?”

“Maybe I would!” snapped Priss. She stared at me angrily for a few more seconds, then pouted and stepped aside. “Fine. Fine! I’m only doing this to save Tuet and Clance, I’ll have you know!” She looked to the side. “Don’t tell them I said this, but they’re the best guards I could ever hope to have.”

“My lips are sealed,” I said with a slight smile. It might be a little late to say this, but Priss is a lot nicer than she lets on.

“Why are you not following,” said Nestemed from the hallway. We both grimaced and followed her out.

Nestemed led us down a long, bone-lined hallway that spiraled downwards gradually. On either side were the usual empty rooms, though these ones were larger than those in other parts of the palace. I imagine they’d been intended for important people like Nestemed herself. Golems were walking in and out of each room pretending to clean furniture that didn’t exist, and more than once Priss and I had to step aside when one came walking by. They acknowledged Nestemed’s presence, but completely ignored ours.

After a few minutes, Nestemed stopped and turned around. “This pace is sedate,” she said. She held out her hands. “Grab hold of my hands. I will expedite the journey.”

I turned to Priss for her opinion.

She shrugged and said, “Would you rather wander we around until we starve?” in a mocking tone.

She grabbed Nestemed’s unnaturally cold hand, then freaked out as she rose a few inches off the ground. I sighed and grabbed Nestemed’s hand as well with a quick yelp of my own. I’ve got to say, floating is a weird experience. It feels like you’re falling, but constantly and you never hit the ground. Just as I figured out how to stay upright, my arm was tugged like I’d been tied to a charging bull.

Nestemed zoomed through the halls like an arrow. We floated through more bone hallways, across depressingly empty halls, through fields of huge statues, up and down winding staircases, through a lush, overgrown garden, and even over an indoor reflection pool so big I’d have called it a lake. All the while Priss and I “oohed” and “aahed” at the sights. Everything was novel when you were seeing it from above.

Nestemed carried us into a large, circular chamber and came to an instantaneous stop. We both went flying past her, then snapped back like drawn bowstrings as her iron grip bound us to her. Once we’d settled in place, she released us and let us fall to the ground.

“Are you injured?” she asked us both.

“No, I’m fine. Just a little— rattled— is all,” I said as I rose to my feet. My knees buckled beneath me as my head spun from the sudden deceleration and I dropped to a kneel. I grabbed the sides of my skull and squeezed it until I could see straight again and stood up.

I looked and saw we were in front of a huge set of double doors. There was a picture of all three Nestemeds carved into it. One on either side with the hands clasped in prayer, and a third above them with her arms held out at her sides. This higher Nestemed was split straight down the middle by the gap between the doors. I looked around the rest of the chamber and saw six giant statues, each three times the size of the golems, standing in recessed alcoves. Each one was holding a huge stone sword cut from aquamarine in front of itself. Their clothes were carved onto their body, so I assumed that they didn’t move. I hoped they didn’t move.

Oh, and Priss was splayed out on the ground next to me. Her eyes had lost their shine and she was mumbling something about crepes. I jostled her shoulder with my foot and retreated to a safe distance.

“I’m alive!” said Priss as she sat up with a start. “Not to worry, I live! Priscillanna Afinsheer is safe and sound!” She looked around wildly, then gaped at me in bewilderment. The sight of my beautiful face seemed to snap her out of her daze. “Oh, right. We’re still stuck here, aren’t we?”

“Yep,” I said. I extended a hand and helped her up. Once she was on her feet, I turned to Nestemed and motioned to the giant door. “Are Sherri and the others behind there?”

“No. Three more doors lie between. Pass each trial to open them,” she said. She raised her hands. “The trial of knowledge will now commence!” The giant doors slid open just wide enough for a person to slip through. There was darkness beyond them, and the sound of faint breathing. Nestemed turned to us. “Enter and begin the first trial.”

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

I nodded and passed through the door gap, my hand on Bravesreign’s hilt. I still had an inkling that these trials were going to be something stupid and I wanted to be prepared to fight if needed. Priss entered right behind me, axe in hand. I guess she was thinking the same thing. We stepped deep into the darkness until the faint light from the door gap faded away.

SLAM

The doors shut behind us. I stopped and drew Bravesreign. There was a ruffling sound coming from above. Suddenly a light shined from the ceiling. It was soft, blue, and radiated from a humungous cerulean flower growing on the ceiling. It was uncurling as it bloomed and revealed more and more of its glowing core. I looked around and saw we were in the center of another circular chamber, this one crawling with thick green roots that all originated from the ceiling flower. The walls of the chamber were dotted with ports through which thin waterfalls fell into narrow pools on the edges of the room. On the other end of the room was another set of giant doors, these ones with images of mirrors resting on plinths carved into them.

“I will conduct the first trial,” came a voice from above. It was wood-mask Nestemed again. She descended and set down gently in front of us. “Hello again, Visitors. The trial of knowledge is a simple quiz. I will ask questions, and you will answer them. There are five questions total and you must answer three correct to pass. Do you understand?”

A short quiz? I scratched my cheek and cocked my head to the side. Unexpected, but whatever. “Yeah, I get you,” I said. I stowed Bravesreign away and put my hands on my hips.

“Are our scores individual?” said Priss with crossed arms.

My eyebrow twitched. “Why are you asking that, Priss? Think I’m going to drag you down or something? Think I can’t answer a few questions correctly?”

“H-How dare you!” said Priss. “I simply . . .” She pursed her lips and paused like she was trying her best to come up with a lie to save face. “I just believe in individual merit is all!”

“You are such a terrible liar,” I said.

“I am not lying!” she shouted.

Nestemed thrust her arm between us. “Cease your bickering. The trial commences.” She stepped back and held out her arms. “The first question is as follows. During the reign of King Jenret the Third, heir to the legacy of King Ustan the Fifth, our kingdom of Valtameri was at war with several other dominions. List these dominions from highest population to lowest population.”

“King who?” I asked in disbelief. King Jenret? What was she talking about?

“The legacy of whom?” asked Priss, similarly bewildered. We looked at each other and grimaced. If all the questions were going to be like that, we might not even make it through the first round.

“You have provided no valid answers,” said Nestemed. “Your score is—”

DING— DONG— DING— DONG—

She froze as her hair swam around her head. She lowered her arms and vibrated for a moment, then raised them again. “The Shaper has decided. The trial must be adjusted to maintain fairness for its participants. The question bank has been modified as such.” Priss and I both sighed with relief. “Disregard the previous question. New first question. In days past a single intruder escaped from my grasp. What was his name?”

“Oh, that was that was Kastel’s grandfather, wasn’t it?” said Priss. She looked to the side and furrowed her brow. “That injured man in the mirror said his name. Palmar? No. Panman? No . . . Parkarl?”

“It was Parman,” I said. “That’s our final answer, Parman Kastel!”

“Correct,” said Nestemed.

“Excellent work, Darni Voker!” said Priss with a smile. “That’s one of three!”

I blew some hot air through my nose and stuck my chest out triumphantly. Nice of her to finally notice how great I am!

“Second question. What is the average market price of one pound of premium Obranian barospice as of exactly one month ago.”

“One pound of barospice?” I echoed. What kind of question was that supposed to be? Did she think we sat around looking at trade ledgers all day? I don’t think any adventurer braving a mystical sea palace would care about something like—

“Fifty-five kinos assuming it’s by sea, eighty-five assuming it’s by land. The price can be slightly higher or lower depending on the local supply, but those should be conservative estimates based on current market conditions,” said Priss matter-of-factly. She turned to me with a smug grin. “You may praise me now, Darni Voker.”

I clapped quickly and said, “Wooo! Go Priss! you’re the best!” as sarcastically as I could. She didn’t seem to mind though.

“You answer is acceptable,” said Nestemed. “Third question. There are many beastkin tribes residing in Zaftia’s Codrandai Desert. Name one of them.”

Oh, I knew this one! I met a beastkin girl named Valca on our previous adventure, and she’d mentioned what tribe she was from when I made her kneel and apologize after attacking me! But what tribe was it? It started with an M, I remembered that much. I closed my eyes and pictured her there in front of me crushed under a sack of freshly mined rubies. Then it came to me.

“Tribe Melzikad!” I said with a confident smile. I silently thanked Valca Velca, Halberdier Extraordinaire, for her help.

“Incorrect,” said Nestemed. “Tribe Melzikad are nomadic people that travel the grassy plains of central Zaftia. They do not reside in the Codrandai Desert.”

My heart sank like a stone. I clenched my fist and cursed Valca Velca, Red-Eye Raider, silently.

“Good going, Darni Voker!” said Priss. She punched me in the shoulder lightly. “You’re jeopardizing our chances of escape!”

I punched her back in retaliation. “Not like you had an answer in mind!” I shouted.

She sputtered and grumbled, “I-I’d have guessed something better, at least!”

“Please quiet down,” said Nestemed. “Fourth question. Loros, She Who Brought Light, is said to have wielded the mythical sword Bravesreign during her climatic battle with Opposto the Inverted. How long was this blade?”

“Ha! That’s an easy one!” I said. I set Bravesreign on the floor, then lay down and straightened out as much as I could. “I’m a little under four-foot eleven last I checked. How long do you think Bravesreign is, Priss?”

“You’re using yourself as a measuring stick?” said Priss.

“Do you have a real one on you?”

Priss puffed out her cheeks indignantly and crouched down next to me. “Does that height include your hair? If not, remove that gaudy tiara of yours and press it down.” I took my not-at-all gaudy tiara off and did as she said. She held her hands out in front of herself, about a foot apart, and moved them over me in increments. She was mumbling numbers to herself and eventually came to a conclusion. “I’d say it’s about six feet long, give or take an inch or two.”

“Hey Nestemed, how accurate does our answer need to be?” I asked.

“I may render no aid during trials,” she said flatly. She’d been watching us do our thing silently without so much as moving her head. I guess she had to put on a stoic act when doing official business.

“You sure about your measurement?” I asked Priss.

“As sure I’m going to get,” she said.

“Six feet! That’s our answer!” I shouted at Nestemed.

She looked down at us, then crossed her arms in front of herself so they formed an X. “Incorrect! The mythical sword Bravesreign is exactly six feet, two-point-eight inches in length!”

I took a deep, long breath and held it for just a second. “Are you kidding me!” I yelled. “You wanted us to be that specific!?” I jumped to my feet and grabbed Nestemed by the shoulders. I tried to shake her but she was as rigid as stone. I gave up and crossed my arms in a huff before walking a few paces away. What a load of baloney this all was! “Six foot, two-point-eight inches,” I said mockingly under my breath.

“I’m just as aggravated as you are, Darni Voker,” spat Priss. “Let us focus on this final question. It’ll be what determines our victory.” She rose to her feet and stood next to me, but not before shooting Nestemed a glare so sour it could curdle milk.

“Final question,” said Nestemed. She paused and glanced between us like she was gauging an audience. “Who is the most beautiful woman in this room?”

THOCK

I punched her in the face. “Are you a moron!? What kind of stupid question is that!” I shouted. I drew my fist back and wiped it off. Hitting that wood mask of hers felt like punching an old tree.

Nestemed didn’t react at all.

“The question has been asked,” she said as she wiped off her mask. “You must answer.”

I grit my teeth and glanced at Priss sidelong. She was glancing back at me in the same way. What an evil question this was! I bet Nestemed knew neither of us would ever say the other was more attractive, not even if our lives depended on it. It wasn’t just a matter of the animosity between us, but a matter of our pride as women!

“The answer is me, obviously,” said Priss.

“Fat chance it is,” I said. “I’m way prettier than you are!”

Priss sighed and shrugged exasperatedly. “I know we like to joke around, Darni Voker, but this is serious! To say you are my better in terms of look is sheer lunacy! Insanity even! While I acknowledge your favorable looks, mine are in a league all their own! Its simple fact!”

“Yeah? And you know what else is fact? That flat rear-end of yours!” I grumbled.

“Wha— You dare insult my bottom!” growled Priss. She put her hands on her rear and frowned. “At least I have the modesty to cover mine! I wonder how many across Zaftia have seen yours with that skimpy costume you call clothes!”

I took a step back like she’d punched me in the gut. “A-At least I’ve got something to see!” I said. I felt my cheeks turn red with embarrassment as I said that, but I couldn’t back down!

“Hmph! Flaunting your body is a sign of insecurity you know! A refined woman uses her intelligence and wit to be attractive!”

“You’re supposed to be intelligent and witty?” I asked.

“Not supposed to be, I am! Here, look at these legs of mine!” said Priss. She raised her leg and pointed her toes out. “Long like a ballerina’s, are they not? Everyone knows long legs are a clear sign of intelligence!”

I walked up next to her and did the same. Our legs were nearly identical in length. “They look about the same to me. No, wait! You’re taller than me, aren’t you? That means mine are longer compared to the rest of me!” I grinned at Priss smugly. “Guess I’m smarter.”

“Nestemed!” shouted Priss. “Who’s legs are longer, proportionally?”

“I may render no aid during trials,” said Nestemed flatly. “Now please answer the question.”

We lowered our legs and glared at each other. After that, we started a gauntlet of objective, empirical comparisons. We argued about the size and shape of our busts, the contours of our hips, the width of our shoulders, the size of our feet, the proportions of our faces, our hair, our eyelashes, our skin, and even our posture. Eventually we both sat down cross-legged in silence. No accord had been reached.

As I sat there, my arms crossed, I came to a creeping realization. Nestemed had said “in this room”, not “between the two of you”. That meant she was an option as well. I slanted my eyes. The answer had to be her. She wouldn’t have included herself as a possibility otherwise.

“Priss, I’ve got the answer,” I said.

“Oh? Have you finally come to realize that I’m far—” I held out my hand to cut her off.

“It’s Nestemed,” I said. I quickly explained my reasoning to her. “Sound reasonable?”

She frowned and looked to the side. “What an insidious question this was . . . fine, your reasoning is sound and I have no better solution. Go ahead and answer.”

I stood up and put my hands on my hips. “We’ve got our answer, Nestemed! You’re the most beautiful person in the room!”

Nestemed looked at me, then raised her hands to cover her face. “Oh no! I am so embarrassed! Am I really that beautiful?” she said in a shockingly coquettish tone. I jeered at her so hard my cheeks hurt. In response she lowered her hands and returned to holding out her arms. “Correct! Congratulations, you have passed the Trial of Knowledge! Please continue to the next trial.”

The huge set of doors behind her opened up just a crack. The two of us passed through and entered another dark chamber. Hopefully the second trial wouldn’t be so frustrating.