> Ellie PoV <

We pull our cart up to the line.

There’s a city here, but it’s a lot smaller than Runetap.

Judging from the outside, maybe about half the size?

It's surrounded by walls and I can see a stone castle overlooking the city.

Also it’s right in the middle of a forest.

Don’t monsters come out of the forest?

Well, it’s not my problem though.

Nano says the second box is in this city.

So we’re queueing at the gate.

The other people in line are giving us difficult looks.

The golem and cart combo stands out as expected.

Kelly says to just sit put and not cause trouble.

It’s not like we cause trouble on purpose you know.

A chance to sleep in a real bed after two weeks has showed up!

So we’re going to stay the night.

Ah, it’s almost our turn.

Kelly insisted on doing the talking, said she used to live here.

Something about dealing with the guards.

I wonder why that would be a problem, though.

We get along great with the guards in Runetap you know.

Despite how they look, they’re real pros.

Still, Kelly has travelled a lot more.

So I shall trust in that experience.

“Next!”

The guard yells at us while the wagon in front pulls away.

Kelly moves our carriage up to the guard.

“Oh for… what in the tits is THAT thing?”

Wow, that was rude.

It was even out loud!

I guess this is what Kelly meant.

If it were me or Kira, that guard would have broken an arm by now.

“Ah come on, mate. Don’t rub it in. You think I like driving this bloody thing around?”

Kelly is acting a bit different than usual.

“Yeah, my bad. I’m guessing by that golem you’re from Hardvark?”

“Good guess, but no, we’re from… haaaah…  from Runetap.”

“Shoulda fuckin’ known. Nothing but weirdos and crazies in that place.”

Don’t tell me all guards are supposed to be this rude?

Even Old Boisterous Uncle wasn’t this bad!

Actually my training with him has shown good results.

Even miss Secretary was surprised, she even baked me cookies as thanks.

“Hey mate, keep it down would ya? The girls with me get easily offended.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So when they get rowdy, raise a fuss and then your guys show up and we do the whole song-and-dance the only possible outcome is me not being drunk.”

That’s your biggest problem?

No, that might actually be a good thing.

If Kelly gets drunk, the people here won’t survive it.

They’re not werewolves you know?

“Whatever, woman! Just tell me why you’re here and hand over your identification.”

“We’re just passing through, we’ll be leaving in the morning. Here’s my mercenary license.”

Kelly hands over a stone slate.

It’s slightly bigger than the cards and it’s dark gray.

Mercenary license?

I guess it’s like an Adventurer’s Card?

The guard takes it and inspect it.

“Let’s see... Oh a Darkhand! We got a few of your kin somewhere in here.”

“Of course you do. We’re all over the bloody place.”

Kelly responds with a dejected face and a long sigh.

I hope her whole family isn’t full of rampaging drunks.

That’s a scary thought, but it’s possible.

“Good enough.”

The guard hands Kelly her slate back.

His eyes look at Kira.

This is bad.

This guy has a plan, but I shouldn't interfere.

It'll cause trouble for everyone behind us and Kira will scold me.

For now, let's activate countermeasures immediately.

Close my eyes and focus...

“Next! You there with the giant tits.”

Ooooooooohm.

“Yeah you, don’t look at me with that stupid face.”

Ooooooooohm.

“Adventurer? *Phtoo* What a joke. Too afraid to get a real job?”

Ooooooooohm!

“Not like you could do any job but being a who-”

*Slam*

“GYAAAAAA!”

Ooooooooo… Hm?

Okay, all done.

No no no, that wasn’t me, okay?

It was a *Slam* so it wasn't me, okay?

It wasn't Kira or Kelly either.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

I open my eyes back up.

There’s an armored guy there, another guard.

He looks like a pretty boy - blonde hair, blue eyes, the works.

The face is okay, it’s a lot better than average.

You can see some grace and elegance in it.

The guard from earlier is on the ground, clutching his head.

“The FUCK are you doing, moron? You think you can just abuse tourists?”

The pretty boy yelled at the guard on the ground.

Any semblance of grace and elegance disappeared like mist.

“You think you got the right to insult people who are better off than you? Little SHIT!”

*Thud*

“Urgh!”

The guy on the ground got kicked and made a noise.

“You two! Drag this sorry sack of piss back to the barracks, I’ll deal with him later.”

““Sir!””

Two of the nearby guards came up.

They carried off the writhing guard like a sack of potatoes.

“Right, terribly sorry about that shameful display. I’m Guard Captain Ritter. I will take full responsibility for my subordinate’s rude behavior.”

He turns to us and says some nice things, but unfortunately-

How’s that, did you witness my gallant defense of your honor? Surely you’ve fallen for me right? I have to thank my squadmates for playing along later.

-he’s just saying them.

The whole thing was a sham.

Unfortunately for him, I'm always using [Telepathy].

I've gotten better at it ever since Kira got kidnapped.

The majority of thoughts just wash over me like white noise.

Since it's just people thinking about themselves.

But when people's thoughts turn rude towards us, I pick them out.

That guard from earlier was the same.

I knew he didn't really mean those things.

And that his accomplice would show up and 'stop' him.

That's why I was able to stay calm for so long.

Otherwise he'd be unconscious before he opened his mouth.

But in the end, he still said them.

He won’t be forgiven until either his mouth or his bones apologize.

Regardless the reason, he still insulted Kira out loud.

This is something I can't overlook.

Since I'm the wife.

“Ah, thanks for that mate! You really saved me there. I almost put a fist through his face!”

Kelly seems to be talking to him in an awfully cheery manner.

Even though she was completely ignored by him.

The hell do you want shorty!? Go away! Me and those giant tits have a date to go on!

This Playboy clearly doesn’t understand a maiden’s heart.

Well, Kira technically isn’t a maiden, but that’s besides the point.

He’s just doing vague, shady things to pick up women.

Therefore, he’s now Playboy.

“I’ll buy you a pint later, so come on and get this check over with, okay? The lads in line are getting upset!”

Kelly, keeps being awfully friendly, was she deceived?

No, on closer inspection her face is smiling, but her eyes aren't.

I see, I see, Kelly wasn’t deceived at all.

She immediately realized this guy's fishy.

What frightening insight!

No, perhaps this is just the weapon known as experience?

“Ah, of course. Will the two lovely ladies show me their identification?”

This guy is still going at it, he’s uselessly persistent huh?

Me and Kira hold out our Adventurer Cards.

Playboy takes them from us and the normally white cards turn blood-red.

I still think that feature is a bit creepy.

Rank B huh? A scout and a… [Red Sage]? Uwah, if she’s anything like that [Black Sage] in town then she’s probably bad in the head. I dodged a bullet on that one.

Putting his incredibly rude thoughts aside, [Black Sage]?

I’ll tell Kira about it later.

“Yes, thank you. You’re free to go.”

Playboy hands us our cards back and signals to his colleagues with a wave.

Kelly is already pulling the carriage through the gate.

Playboy shouts at us as we’re entering the city.

“Please enjoy your stay in Hell.”