Hosu blushed. She hid her cheery expression behind her available hand. She was holding Dale’s hand with her other. I stared right down at where their hands intersected. He admitted it. Hosu and Dale stepped away from Ynec, both of them two entranced in the others’ eyes to notice. Ynec shot up and pulled out his bow.

“So,” Ynec said, “You mate with women.”

Dale gave Ynec a cocky look, “Oh yeah. One time even twice in one day.”

They leaned in and kissed. Hosu’s stretched mouth lifted and spread like an anemone waking up. Dale puckered his lips as Hosu’s undulating lips hoovered Dale’s.

I swallowed my bile, “Wow, marriage. That’s amazing. My favorite part of this whole thing is that you’re two consenting adults and no one else is involved. You two are not bothering anyone by getting married. Nobody is getting hurt. I think that’s beautiful.”

Dale broke his kiss and his head jostled around nervously, as if he was looking for someone. He sheepishly said, “Y-yeah. There’s one commitment I have to deal with but right after that, we’ll be married.”

Ah, so he hadn’t forgotten about her. Bastard. I attempted to remain calm by clenching my jaw over and over. My friend and goddess Anubis, had one flaw. Her awful taste. In both dog puns and partners. Here was the result of that. Dale was on to the next dopamine rush. A shrieking water spirit who didn’t know any better. Probably a spurned lover turned vengeful spirit, thinking she found happiness in the next life. What about when he gets bored of you, Hosu? What then? I realized I was flaring my jaw and stopped. I forced a face of unearnest curiousity and said, “Do tell. What teeny tiny thing could be dogging you both?”

Dale and Hosu did not notice Ynec behind them. Ynec slowly manuevered his his bow into his hand and notched an arrow. I had to think. We could not harm Dale. He was a god. Our weapons could not work on Hosu effectively. She was a ghost. I felt it. A spell that could help stuck in my throat. Forcing itself like the automatic mechanism a body has to gasp for air. My superconcious knowledge of a spell was at play. But I could not use it yet.

“I just have this.. .thing,” He kept glancing at Hosu. She awkwardly stood there, her mouth slackjawed. He couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“What’s this thing that’s so important, you’re keeping the greatest love story ever from being told? Tell me?” I said, goading him into it.

“It’s between Hosu and I.”

“And someone else?” I asked, quivering but keeping a faux innocence in my voice. Dale looked down, unable to meet my gaze.

“There is someone else,” I said.

“There is.” Dale mumbled.

“Why haven’t you broken up with them?” I asked.

Dale said nothing.

“Are you planning on telling her?” I asked.

“Eventually,” Dale said, “Well, we just love being engaged right now. Don’t we, babe?”

To this, Hosu said nothing.

“What did this person do that you can’t see yourself being with her?” I asked

“Honestly?” Dale said, “She’s too fucking clingy. Ugh. It’s like, everywhere I turned, there she was. Hosu’s not like that. She knows to give me my space. Don’t you babe?”

Hosu nodded her head, but did not look at Dale.

I let out a depressed sigh.

“Don’t judge me,” Dale said, “You’re just a kid. What do you know?”

I shook my head, “i’m not judging you. Honestly? It is what it is. If you want to be with this water spirit… then so be it. But not telling this other person? That’s not fair to the person you loved… and the person you love now.”

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

Dale winced. He knew I was correct. At this point, Ynec had successfully notched his arrow and pointed it at Hosu’s head. I kept my hand at my side but subtly held it flat to the ground, communicating ‘pause’ to him. Dale was not being unreasonable. Selfish, sure, but there was a chance we could use this bond to convince him to let us go. Convince him that we could help get the book back if we were on his side.

“You’re right.” Dale said, “You’re absolutely right.” he looked at Hosu, “Hosu, I’ve been unfair to you, baby. You make me want to be a better man. I’ll do it. I’ll tell her tomorrow.”

I let out a sigh of relief. Her relationship would be over, but at least there would be closure. And I wouldn’t be involved.

“Fuck, man,” Dale said, “She’s not going to take it well.”

I gave him a soft smile, “I think she’ll take it better than you think. I’m sure she’s a strong girl.”

“No, man. You don’t get it. She’s going to lose it. I can tell she suspects me. Fuck! Once she finds out, she’s going to lose it. Ugh, I hate it when she cries. She looks so ugly.”

My heart stopped. My smile disappeared, “What did you just say?”

“She has the ugliest cry. I mean it, man. You should see her. Her eyes get all puffy and she gets this one huge snot bubble that just gets bigger everytime she wails.”

“Snot bubbles can be endearing,” I said.

“And her voice gets so squeaky. It’s like…” He made his voice shrill and breathy, “Please… let… me… wuv… youuuuu.”

“It’s brave to be squeaky.” I felt my vitriol well inside of me, “despite how strongly she’s feeling her emotions, she’s still trying to communicate her needs.”

“Bro you do not know how squeaky this chick gets. I’m TELLING you!”

I snapped, “Who the fuck are you!? You’re just some asshole!”

“What the fuck?” Dale cried out, “Who the fuck are you!? You’re insulting me?! Why the fuck did you even want to know that stuff?! And to think I was going to let you go and call the book a loss.”

“Oh, were you, DALE? Sorry, DALE. I hate to think I dissapointed you, DALE. You live in a fantasy world, numbnuts! You could have had any name and you’re just some guy named DALE!”

“Yeah?” He said, his face turning menacing, “Well I might just be some guy named Dale, but she’s not.” He pointed at his lover. She glared at me. Her stretched mouth raised and she started shrieking again. I covered my ears but it did little good. I fell to my knees and so did my sword. Ynec, however, had his bow trained on her. He was able to release another arrow just before he buckled. The arrow whizzed went right into her throat, blocking her vocal chords. She stopped yelling and looked at him. Eyes grew red and larger and she let out a whinny as she pulled the arrow out from her throat.

“We don’t want to hurt you!” I said, “We just want to hurt him!” I said.

Her arms went from a solid sickly green to translucent. She slapped me with her engorged palm and I fell backwards. She made her way over to Ynec. Hosu smacked him with a water fist as well. I ran to them, but Dale got in my way. I slid between his cow legs, leapt up, and cried out, “Righteous blade!” before stabbing Hosu. It dug into her. She shrieked in pain. The light from the weapon shinging through the other side of her. Just as I thought. My Rightous Blade didn’t just increase my sword’s thrust, it caused radiant damage too. The stuff of gods. Normal blades and arrows did very little to this apparition, but I had a way to hurt her.

She clawed me in the face and let out a single piercing wale. The energy from the attack knocked me against the cave floor. Ynec leapt on her, clawing her with his claws but it did little good. Every slash caused her skin to quickly become water as she remained unharmed.

She grabbed him and chucked him against the wall. He let out a soft yap and scurried on all fours to gain some distance.

“Egen!” Ynec cried, “Can’t hit her.”

“I know,” I said, “You might have to sit this one out,”

Aas I tried to get up, she caused her fists to expand, drawingwater from her body. It gave her body a rail thin appearance but added mass to her fists as they hovered above me. Hosu let her fists drop on me. Water buried me further into the earth, collapsing on me and invading my lungs. I was concussed and confused. I turned to spit some water out but before I could, she punched me again. I was feeling weak, not just from the fighting, but from the magic I had been using. Rightous Blade was a second level spell and I couldn’t keep using it. Before her huge fists could punch me again, Ynec launched two arrows right through her thinned bicep. Her arm to be severed from her body and acted like normal water, merely showering me in a heavy splash.

Since she had redistributed herself into her arms, Hosu was a lot smaller. She turned to Ynec angrily, who yelped in surprise. She turned into a puddle and slid through the cave floor. Ynec jumped up on the cave wall as she went past him, She headed toward the entrance of the cave. The small pool that led to the rest of the lake.

“She’s trying to get her water back!” I yelled. Ynec launched some arrows through her but it did no good. I ran as quickly as I could and slashed at her but Dale tripped me. I rolled as she entered the water and regained her arm.

I ran toward her, ready to use everything. She punched me again with her newly regained fist and blood gushed from my nose as I attempted to recover.

“It’s no use,” Dale said, “She’s a ghost, idiot. You don’t have enough mana to keep fighting with radiant damage.”

That was when my head cranked back. I could feel it. Another one of Anubis’ spells on my lips. But I couldn’t… She would know. She would know I interacted with Dale. It didn’t matter. I could not keep using Rightous Blade and Ynec could not yet do any damage. I would need to use this spell.

I rolled out of the way of Hosu’s large fist and spoke.

“All Dogs Go To Heaven.”