“This shit is so boring,” I said to Kaavi as our troop walked behind the horses.

The plan was that we would help deliver the Duchess of Skorwind to Memphis, she was off to attend some magical college. We were inarguably the least important part of the security detail. The battlemasters were heading the vanguard and positioned on the sides, protecting from any roving bandits or possibly enemy armies. The cavalry was manning the rear of the carriage, in case a threat broke through the battlemasters. We were behind the horses. Our only job was to keep a lookout and occasionally be the go-between in case one of the troupes needed to communicate something. As I swatted the flies that inevitably followed the horses, Kaavi said to me, “Maybe we’ll still get to meet the dutchess!”

“You think we’ll get to meet her from back here?! Besides, even if we do meet her, what should I say? I’m the guy behind the horse’s ass?!!” I snapped. Kaavi and I were in the center of a square formation. I’d made him my deputy. Good for the resume I guess. We had only seen a hint of the duchess so far. When she first entered the carriage, she was wearing all blue and her face was covered by a parasol. She had gone on about all the fuss for merely three days' travel. By her height and voice I could tell she was around our age group.

I agreed with her. Would something really go wrong? We were armored up the wazoo. It was not like any person was stupid enough to mess with us. We spent most of the first day just walking. Taking a break when the horses wanted water. And then… more walking. All the junior paladins were incredibly tired. Leaving the city was nice, though. It was the first time I’d done that. We gradually left the jungle surrounding Skorwind. As we entered the shrublands, the sun had skirted against the horizon and it was time to set up camp. I made Ghala set up my tent. He mumbled the whole time but that little turd did as ordered.

We set up our tents and had some lentil soup as well as some scraps of wild caught rabbit that the head of the battlemasters, ‘Yed,’ was nice enough to share with us.

“I remember trying out for the Junior Paladins. I chose a different path in the end but when I was in it, it was good learning!” Yed said.

“What made you quit? Do you still have your temporary pact with Seshat?” I asked.

“It went away when I stopped learning to be a paladin. I didn’t want to get my power from a god. What if I was called to do their bidding and I disagreed? That was no path for me. I found peace in the violent path.” Yed shook the battle ax holstered to his back.

“What is a battlemaster anyway? I mean… what does it fall under?” I asked.

“Battlemasters don’t get our powers from a god. We get our powers from ourselves. The mind…” He reached over and poked me right in the forehead, “The same mind that can cast magic, and create worlds that only you have ever seen, it can trick you. You can play a trick on yourself and go mad. Put yourself into a frenzy. Convince yourself to push harder, more strength, more durability. The drawback is that it makes you a little feral. It’s not a class for the faint of heart, but if you love combat, it’s perfect!”

Yed took a big slurp of his soup.

“And you love combat?” I asked.

“Nah. Combat can kill you! I was just too dumb to do any other class. Remember to sleep in shifts, kids. I have to go. My team needs me to tuck them in.”

I looked at him confused but the twinkle in his eye said he was kidding. He let out a hearty laugh and I chuckled. Yed left me to my squad as we tended to our fire.

“Whelp,” I said, “This hasn’t exactly been the most productive day. We didn’t get to save any duchesses and all that. But don’t worry lads, there’s always tomorrow.”

“I want to mess something up!” Said Tuf.

“Me too, Tuf,” I said, “Unfortunately, I think we’re safe. This is a lot of protection for one little duchess, isn’t it? It’s a little excessive for three days’ journey.”

“Could be that we’re not defending from humans,” Ghala’s face was awash with the fire’s glow. “Could be we’re defending from monsters.”

I nodded, “Monsters. Right. Gentlemen, what kind of monsters may we see on our rotten path?”

One of the smaller boys, Ruglio stepped in and spoke up, “Could be a tarantulagon! It’s a big spider that builds death traps! Complete with spikes at the bottom. Right before it sucks your blood!”

“A tarantulagon is nothing for us junior paladins! We’ll chop off every leg they have off. What else?”

“A cyclops,” Kaavi said, “A giant, the size of a hill. He’ll have his big club and could smash two or three of us at a time.”

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“That one’s easy!” I said, “We’ll poke his one eye out!”

“Could be Chacali.” Ghala spoke up.

“Chacali?” I asked.

“Your mom never warned you about Chacali? Jackal folk? They hunt in packs. Rumor is they eat humans. They string us up like animals and filet the meat off of us while we’re still alive and eat babies. They’re not like tarantulagon or cyclops. They’re smart. Methodical. We fight with them around these parts.”

“Hmmm… Chacali,” I repeated.

“How’d we fight something like that?” One of the boys asked.

“Yeah, leader,” Ghala mocked, “How about it?”

I thought for a moment, “In which case, I’ll command everyone to soil our pants so that the Chacali won’t want to eat us!”

The whole troupe laughed.

“Alright, Kaavi’s in charge while you all finish setting up the tents. I’m going to take a leak.”

I left and walked up a hill. I was at the edge of our campsite. Right when the campfire’s light gave way to the dark desert. I stared at the chilling landscape while relieving myself into a bush. Two glowing red gems shined from some bushes about fifty feet away. Some creature was peering at me, and I, at it. I watched as the piss shot from my dick.

I finished up and turned my back to it. Everyone had their own tents set up. The duchess was stationed in the center for maximum protection. It was a big flowing canopy that, no doubt, she did not lay a hand to assemble. A duchess of Skorwind. Wow, not even the highest up and she got the luxe treatment. One day.

Her light was on, and I could make out the faint silhouette of her as she got ready to go to bed. I, then, scanned for the battlemasters. Where I spotted Yed leading as his men set up camp.

“Yed!” I yelled, “Yed come look at this!”

Yed saw me, gave me the ‘one minute’ finger and soon after jogged up the mountain, “What do you need, kiddo?” He asked.

“What is that thing?” I pointed at the same bush with the glowing red dots.

Yed grabbed a rock then chucked it right at the bush. It hit it dead on. The meek thing whimpered and ran off on four legs.

“Just a jackal.” Yed said, “They’re ravenous around these parts. Not much food for a few more hours of journey. Probably wondering if we might leave some meat behind. Get to bed young one. There’s going to be a lot of traveling tomorrow.”

“You’re not worried about Chacali?” I asked

Yed gave me a confident grin and in his gruff voice said, “I’m worried for them if that’s what you’re asking.”

I laughed. I liked Yed. I thumbed at the duchess’ big tent, “Can you believe we’re doing all the hard work and she gets to be in that big thing? You ever wish you were in a tent that big?”

Yed let out a hoarse laugh, “I wouldn’t know what to do with all that tent. I only need enough space to lie down. Besides, I’m too dumb for all the politics or magic. Just give me something to slice. I’m getting to bed. Like I said, you should too.”

“Understood, thank you, Yed.”

He and I both walked back to our respective campsites. Before I did, I looked over at the duchess’ camp one more time. Her silhouette showed she was in her sleeping mat, she reached over and extinguished the light, leaving an afterimage on the canvas of my mind. I would not squander this trip. Even if I was on gopher duty, I’d need to make an impression on the duchess.

We awoke to the sound of the bard’s trumpet. The notes were lively and loud and told the tale of an early bird getting the worm. My eyes shot open, my body processing a restless night.

“Could we tell him to keep it down or would that be rude?” I croaked to Kaavi, who was already up.

I was never a fan of camping in my last life, one of the things I’d done with my limited budget was spend money on a good bed. I spent about 11 hours of my day there after all. Everyone got up just fine. The party packed away our tent and we started our journey again. The duchess was already in her carriage by the time I was ready to go. I didn’t get to catch sight of her, but I heard from other junior paladins that she was quite the beauty.

We walked for hours but any break we took, she would not leave her carriage. I had to do something. The cavalry’s horses clopped at an even pace between me and the carriage. Yed had relieved one of his battlemasters and manned the reins on the duchess’ carriage. It was not ideal… but fuck it. I didn't necessarily have a plan, I just turned to Kaavi and said, “Watch the troops”

When he asked where I was going, I said something like, “to place destiny in my own hands,” or whatever. He thought it was awesome and cheered me on.

I dipped between the horses, their long legs stomping beside me. If my tiny frame misstepped it could mean death. I ignored all the cavalry people asking me what the hell I was doing. With a slight jog, I managed to catch up to the back of the carriage. Yed was sitting at the reins. Just as I sidled up to the side, he turned to look behind him. I ducked behind the carriage. Was I really about to do this? What if I got caught? What if I offended the duchess? I thought about my last life, how it was filled with a mountain of what ifs. There was no question. Make yourself look like a fool. I didn’t in the last lifetime and it haunted me. I peeked, Yed was staring forward, then ran and jumped up on the side of the carriage, my hands grabbing the open window and my feet gripping the bevels at the bottom of the door. I poked my head in and said:

“Hiya!”

What will she be like?!