I scribbled the note in elvish to soften the blow. My mother always loved me speaking elvish. It was a bond we shared. Our special language. I explained to her that I had to go on my mission to become a full paladin and that I would be returning in two weeks max. I wanted to let her know that I would be okay but there was no guaranteeing that. Instead I just wrote, “I’m sure I’ll be okay,” and left it at that.

I said goodbye to Hestiana and gave her a hug. She asked me where I was going and I told her that my goddess was calling me. Hesti brought me in for a hug, “I’ll have to tell Miss Nala that I tried to stop you.”

I broke from the hug and amended my note to insist she did. Hesti placed her hand on my cheek and said, “My Artemis Guide Your Arrow.” She told me it was an elven blessing.

I thanked her and was off. I was about to go through the front door but it started to open. Hestiana and I both exchanged scared glances. I jumped into my room and climbed out my window. I dropped out of the window and landed on my back onto a chicken. It bawked in surprise. I had given away my position. I heard the muffled sounds of Hestiana telling my mother that “The little master left a note before heading outside without saying a word.” I respected Hesti for throwing me under the bus in the most polite way possible. My mother threw a large fit, the front door swung open and she stormed outside. I climbed up the wall of our house, jumped on the clay fence of the house behind us and scurried away. My first stop was to the Junior Paladin’s barracks. I needed to pick up Ynec.

I strutted over to the barracks, munching on some light snacks from my rucksack. I got to the courtyard where the paladins practiced and poked my head in. There they were. All my old chums were swinging their swords in uniform while Bhufo watched them from his chair. Bhufo. While Bhufo was probably on my side, he would probably still tell my mother that I was here. Maybe even try to keep me there until she came. I hid behind a large palm while they continued their drills. The sun had gone down, so they were due to break for night soon. Once they finally did, I waved over Kaavi. He didn’t notice. For some reason, I didn’t see Ynec.

They finished their drills and Bhufo went into his tent, I snuck over to Kaavi, Huy, Tuf, and Apep were drinking water at the well.

“Hey!” I hissed.

“Egen!” They all cried out of sync. They rushed over and gave me hugs. I hugged them all back. “How are you guys?”

“It’s been forever! We haven't seen you since we got to Skorwind!” Kaavi said.

“Yeah, my mom tried taking me out of the Junior Paladins. But I’m on a mission right now for my god. I can’t make too much of a scene because I don’t want my mom to find out.”

Kaavi’s dull eyes bulged from his head, “You’re on a mission for your god!? Which one? What is it?!”

I bounced my gaze between them as they stared with absolute aww. I leaned in and said, “Dig this. Anubis? You guys know how I know Anubis? We’re like, insanely tight. She’s agreed to be my goddess. She’s given me a contract and powers and a mission to fulfill. I’ve got to find her ex-boyfriend Dale in a mountain town and determine if he’s a cheater or not. And if he is… I tell her.”

There was sort of a muted response. Some soft ‘oohs,’ Before Tuf said in his consistently loud tone, “So you don’t gotta fight anything?” He asked.

“Well… that’s probably good!” I said, “If I don’t have to fight anything, then I’m basically getting these powers for free, no?”

“How do you know the powers are any good if your only mission is to spy on her boyfriend?” Apep asked.

“Look,” I said, “I haven’t tried the powers but I’m sure they’re good. Besides, this is easy work for easy pay! Imagine what kind of stuff I’d have to do if I was like… Ra’s paladin? What kind of stuff do they have to do?”

Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

“My brother Sepki’s a paladin of Ra,” Ghala spoke up behind me, “Ra asks you personally to join. Then you get a tattoo of his symbol somewhere on your body. They’re called the Sun Throwers and the last mission he went on was to obliterate a Drakon from an active volcano.”

THAT made all the boys go ‘Woooo,’ and ‘Oooh!’ Those cheers should have been for me.

“Okay. Slay a dragon. A little cliche,” I said.

“A Drakon is a lot bigger than a dragon, idiot,” Ghala said.

“How am I supposed to know that, idiot!?”

“Whatever. I bet Anubis is cool,” Ghala said, “What does she have you doing?”

“Nobody tell him!”

“She wants him to spy on a guy named Dale.” Tuf spoke.

“Tuf, what the fuck?”

“Dale, huh?” Ghala asked, “Who is this guy?”

“He’s a bad guy.” I said.

“Her boyfriend.” Tuf replied.

“A really bad boyfriend. Like the worst.”

“Does he hit her and stuff?” Ghala asked

“It might someday get to that point but no, mostly he just, like…. Doesn’t communicate well.”

“Hmm. Sounds lame,” Ghala flippantly remarked, “I think Ra’s going to choose me to be a Sun Thrower. They get these awesome powers and my brother said he’ll put in a good word. He also said he’ll let me go with him to the next monster he has to defeat. Sun-Throwers do a lot of monster-hunting.”

“Cool man,” I said, “Has anybody seen Ynec?”

Ghala scoffed.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re still mad?” he asked, “You’re still mad I tried to cut you? That was months ago.”

All the kids got uncomfortable. They looked away or drifted a little. I sighed and looked around for Ynec, facing away from Ghala.

“Ghala,” I started, “I don’t hate you. I don’t think about you. I don’t care that you’re a racist. More than anything… I’m just kind of unimpressed by you.”

“What?” He asked. I turned around and faced him, “You’re going to get the whole world handed to you. More than Kaavi. More than me. More than anyone in this troupe. Your uncle is the princep. The ruler of the city-state of Skorwind. Your brother is a Sun-Thrower and you’re bragging about how you’re going to get a recommendation. The truth is, you’re mediocre.”

“Mediocre?” Ghala asked.

“You’re not the best fighter on the team but you were made head cadet. You were given your powers earlier because you paid for a tutor, yet, you’re still not level three. All the other people caught up to you. You’re going to have the whole world handed to you and you know what you’re going to do? You’re going to drop it a couple of times. Brush the dirt off and pretend there isn’t a dent. And you’ll be fine. You get the privilege. But that doesn’t impress me. It’s not compelling that some guy with a rich uncle fails upward. So no, I don’t hate you. I don’t think about you. Even if you are a racist prick.”

“What does that mean?” Ghala asked.

Then, I took a step closer to him. I looked him in the eye, my expression turning grave. I reached over and grabbed his human ears and pulled at them. He winced in pain and buckled his knees, so even though I was shorter than him, I was staring down at him, “But you know what? When I think about how you tried to cut the tips of my ears off… I think about how my mama gave me these ears.”

I pulled them apart farther and he whinnied, “And when I start to think about that, I think about how you don’t like my mama. And you know, that does piss me off. Because a racist prick like you thinks they can get away with something like that and just brush it off, and have the nerve to ask me why I feel some type of way when you've cleaned your hands of it.”

“What’s a racist prick?!” Ghala asked.

“What’s a racist?!” I said in a mocking tone, “I’m looking at it! You want to cut my ears off? You want to take away the thing that makes me like my mama? And the whole time you want to be an absolute writhing ball of mediocrity? I want you to go back to your uncle. Go to his friends. Go to the Sun Throwers. Tell anyone that’s someone. I want you to tell him that the new pharaoh’s coming. The new pharaoh’s coming for the throne and the new pharoah’s a mama’s boy.”

I let go of his ears after pulling them, he fell to the ground. Instead of whimpering, from his spot on the floor he looked up at me, his scared expression breaking into a grin. He started to laugh. He pointed at me, “You? You think you are going to be the pharaoh?!” Ghala asked.

“Why not me?” I asked huffing.

“How about because the pharaoh’s got two sons and a daughter? He’s got Khufutri, Re’neb, and oh, yeah, his only daughter Nefertitia would NEVER marry that low! How about the countless other family that would take the throne, you idiot! Or friends? Or rival emperors who might invade? How about, that aside from all of that, you’re a stinkin’ half elf and a half elf would never sit on the pharaoh’s throne. You fricking…”

Before he could get the word out, I took my foot back and kicked his face with all my might.