The three passengers of the carriage looked back at me, each one’s faces filled with shock. To the duchess’ right was the bard who woke everyone up. To her left, a woman wearing a servant’s uniform. Clearly the handmaiden to the duchess.

My eyes drifted to the star of the show. The duchess had fair skin and light blue hair that matched her eyes. She had on a tiny tiara that housed a sparkling sapphire in the center. It was like that tiara was made for her. Hell, considering her status, it probably was.

No one responded to my greeting. I decided to tarry on, “I’m Egen Eres. Head of the junior paladins. I’m just coming in to make sure the duchess feels completely safe. I want to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible. Is there anything I could get you while you’re traveling with us? Water? Sand, perhaps?”

Silence. Coupled with insane stares. I thought that joke would put them at ease but they wanted to play the “Who-the-hell-is-speaking-to-me-through-the-window-of-my-moving-carriage?” game. Fine. But don’t be surprised if I play the “I’m-a-totally-normal-guy-and-you-should-consider-me-for-future-missions” game.

“Again, just wanted to ensure you were safe. I’m a paladin. Basically a paladin. I have a pact with Seshat. She’s one of the best. I love her. I am equipped with many skills that will protect you during this journey; Gods forbid something happens.”

“What, pray tell, did you say your name was?” The bard asked. He was a twinkie looking man with flowy blonde curls and a green cape.

“Egen Eres,” I said, “Head of the junior paladins. Again, I’m making sure everyone is “Well, Mr. Eres-” The bard started.

“Call me Doctor E.” I said, then turning to the duchess, I said, “But you can call me Egen. Hi, how the hell ya doin’?”

I balanced my weight on the windowsill while I stretched out my hand for her to shake. She did not receive my handshake, looking at it curiously. The bard shifted his body between her and me.

“Well, Mr. Eres,” he continued, “We appreciate your help along this journey but we really could use the head of paladins to be manning his troupe.”

“That whole thing basically runs itself!” I said, “Because of my strong hand in leadership. Not because the job is unimportant. But, really, duchess, I’d love to align more with your goals. Figure out where I could bring value and potentially craft a worthwhile partnership.” My old brother had taught me a few lessons about starting a business partnership. He did mention I was always too on the nose about what I wanted, though.

“While that’s all well and good,” The bard, once again, answered for her, “What we need from you now is to go back and lead your men.”

I finally turned my head to look at the bard, “Do we have a problem?”

“I don’t know, do we?” The bard asked.

“I don’t know. I’m asking you. Do we?” I repeated.

“Ears! Look, Barth, he has elven ears!” A delicate voice came from the duchess.

I showed her my side profile, flashing the ol’ pointers, “That’s right. I’m half-elf. My mother is from Elfiopia. What do we think?”

“May I touch them?”

I pulled my shaggy red hair back behind my ear. “They’re like human ears but pointy.”

The duchess felt my ear, examining it with her touch, “I’ve never met an elf before,” She said, “What’s it like?”

“It’s awesome. I’m still trying to figure out what my racial bonus is, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got a while before I get any wrinkles.”

She burst out laughing, “You couldn't be more than eight. Why are you worrying about wrinkles?”

“I guess I’m sort of an old soul. Also I’m basically nine. May I ask, how old are you?”

“I’m much older, I'm sorry to say. Basically a grownup. I’m twelve.”

“And I don’t believe I caught your name?”

“You are speaking quite informally to someone of much higher status. Young paladin.” The bard curtly explained.

“I knew we had a problem.”

The duchess reached out and placed her hand on her comrade’s shoulder, “Please, Barth,” Then, turning to me, “I’m sorry, he’s incredibly protective of me. He’s my bardic tutor, and he’s taking me to the bardic college”

“That’s absolutely fascinating, duchess,” I said. Just then, there was a small bump in the road and I was almost flung off the side of the cart.

“Yes,” The duchess said, “Say… your arms must be getting tired hanging out of my window. Would you like to come inside?”

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

“They very much are and I very much would,” I said.

“I’ll stop the cart,” She reached for a string attached to the roof. The string was attached to a bell which would alert Yed that they needed to stop.

“No need!” I said, “I’ve got an entrance right here!” I crawled in through the window and fell on the floor. The duchess burst out laughing. I laughed too and got up, feeling my head for bumps.

“My name is Yajaira.” She bowed slightly in her seat, “This, as mentioned, is my bardic tutor, Barth. This is my maid, Porta.”

I faced the maid, extending my hand for her to shake. She merely bowed instead, much deeper than Yajaira’s bow. I bowed back out of respect and tried to find a seat. The distance between Barth and Yajaira was too small. He had made sure to close the gap so that I couldn’t separate them. Little did Barth know, I was really good at asking the uncomfortable questions.

“Would you mind scooching over just a tad?” I asked as I tapped barth. Forced under the constraints of politeness, Barth made space, “Just a tad more. That’s it. One more tad. Perfect.” I crawled in and made myself at home between the mentor and student.

“Eres,” She said, “Is that an elven name?” She asked.

“It is a half-elven name. For I am half-elf and it is mine.’

“So, pray tell. Can you do magic like an elf?” She asked.

I lit up, she couldn’t have teed me up better, “I absolutely can.”

“Oh, show me, please!” She placed her hand on my shoulder. I looked around the carriage for something to manipulate. I saw a mandolin resting on the opposite bench and grabbed on.

“That’s my mandolin,” Barth muttered. I whispered some Sylvan, trying to get my command just right, then strummed. Instead of the sounds of strings, my voice singing ‘Laaaa’ came out in different tones.

The duchess clapped her hands in amazement. “That is wondrous!” she said, “Barth, isn’t that wondrous?”

“Absolutely wondrous, milady” Barth fumed, “Although aside from mere parlor tricks, those only last for as long as you can hold them, correct? And you have to construct long commands on the fly? We borrow our power from emotions. Our bardic magic allows us for much more versatility in battle and quickness in battle.”

“Maybe I could learn a little bard magic,” I said, then to the duchess asked, “Why don’t you play me something Barth has taught you?”

I handed her the mandolin. As soon as she strummed it felt like her and the instrument melded together. She opened her mouth and a beautiful voice came out. Then, too soon, the song was over.

“Wow!” I said, “And that didn’t have any magic at all? That was just… you playing?!”

She nodded.

“Chills. You gave me chills,” Then, I turned to Barth, “You’re an exceptional teacher.”

Suddenly an ‘aw shucks’ smile appeared on the bard, “You’re too kind. I can’t believe you’re the same abrasive boy that jumped up on our window.”

“I’ve grown a lot since then,” I joked. She and him both laughed. Wow. I was funny in this life!

We chatted for a bit. I asked about what it was like to live as a duchess. She said it was dreadful because there were a lot of balls and galas and within the next few years she would need to get married.

“Already?” I asked, “You’ve hardly lived!”

“We will start looking at potential suitors soon. My parents are hoping for a prince at least but everyone wants to end up with the pharaoh’s son, Khufutri.”

I nodded along as she explained. Fuck. It made me realize exactly what I was up against. These rigid social hierarchies that only breed more rigidity. Just then, we came to a stop. I heard Yed dismount from the coach. Uh-oh. That didn’t sound good.

Yed approached the window. There was another window on the other side of the cabin, Yajaira was sitting in front of it.

“Uhm, excuse me, milady. If you don’t mind, I'd better be going. Could you possibly move out of the way?”

“What’s wrong?” Yajaira asked.

“Now… please.”

“Yes. Do tell,” Barth asked, “What’s wrong, young head of the junior paladins? Is the master of the expedition going to beat you the moment you’re caught?”

Truthfully, though Yed has been kind, I was not sure if he wasn’t the ‘beat you’ type. It was certainly a possibility. I scooched her over as best I could and grabbed the sides of the window.

“Egen?” Yed called. I turned around and looked at him, “Aye?” I said.

“What the Duat? How long have you been here? You just left your troupe alone?”

“Not long, I was just stopping by to check on the duchess,” I stammered, “I’ll be going now.”

Yed turned away, anger on his face, disappointment in his tone, “Son. Please step outside. I’m sorry, Duchess. I have to have a small conversation with the junior paladin.

“Of course,” The duchess said.

I was blushing. This was humiliating. I was about to get chewed out. And for what?! Disobeying orders? Abandoning my post?! Okay. I couldn’t argue with that.

He opened the carriage door and I stepped out. I did not even turn back and say goodbye to the duchess.

“We just stopped to do a small parameter check before entering the valley.”

The duchess thanked him. Then we walked forward so they could not hear us. He looked at me, I could not meet his gaze.

“Please,” he said in a quiet voice, “If you have the decency, go lead your troupe. I suggest you have them fan out in teams and report anything suspicious.”

“I understand. And I’m sorry for abandoning my post.” I said, my head down. He was being surprisingly level-headed for a barbarian class.

He then broke his concentrated grimace into a smile, “Was she worth it at least?”

I looked up at him, and laughed, “Definitely.”

He laughed and patted me on the back, telling me to keep onward.

I walked back toward my troupe. They were waiting for me behind the wagon. I turned back at Yed, he was patting the horse attached to the carriage.

“Yed!”I said.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“I am sorry. I’ll try to be a better leader. Like you.”

A slight whistle came from out of nowhere. I heard a ‘plunk’ sound. Yed was staring at me smiling. Blood started to drip from his mouth and he fell over, an arrow sticking out of his back.

We were under attack.

Is Yed Dead?!