“So he wants my ears.” I huffed as Kaavi and I walked through the forest.

Kaavi wore a worried smile, “We’ll beat them.”

“I’m not too worried about those freaks,” I said, “Besides! It’s two on two!”

“Yeah… but Ghala and Tuf are both great fighters and Ghala’s got magic now. He’s probably worth two kids.”

“Yeah, well… I’d say we’re both about one and a half. That puts us at three on three,” I said. I looked down at the river where I saw my reflection. My ears had gotten a lot pointier since I first felt them as a baby. I instinctively touched the tips, something I did when I was nervous.

“Sergeant Bhufo’s not going to let him do that,” Kaavi said to me as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

“It’s not really up to Bhufo. Besides, if Ghala did something like that, we probably wouldn’t even hear about it. His uncle would shut Bhufo up. Would shut us up too,” I shrugged Kaavi’s hand off of my shoulder, “look, we don’t have to worry about this. We’re going to beat him.”

“Going to beat who?” a voice carried a set of snickers in the shadows. Kaavi and I placed our backs to each other, and circled around. We tried to find the direction Ghala’s voice came from.”

“Just take down Tuf, Kaavi,” I whispered, “I’ll handle Ghala.”

“Can you?” Kaavi asked, “Without me, I mean?”

“Three on three, remember?”

“Is it?” Ghala rushed out, his speed clearly affected by the Stride spell. He burst forward in a quick movement, and I placed my blade in front of me, to parry him.

“True Strike!” He smashed through my parry, my wooden sword breaking. His sword slammed my chest and I faltered backward, trying to collect my breath. Kaavi came in to defend me, but Ghala lashed at Kaavi’s grip. Kaavi screamed as his sword dropped. We were suddenly defenseless. I leapt at Ghala but he slammed his his sword broadside against my neck. Kaavi approached Ghala cautiously, keeping his hands up. I watched as Tuf came up from behind Kaavi.

“Behind!” I yelled. Kaavi turned around and was bear-hugged by Tuf, where Ghala whacked Kaavi in the head. When that didn’t knock him out, Ghala did it again.

“Stop!” I screamed, “You’re hurting him!”

“That’s the point! His thick head is too big! I need to give him a few. More. WHACKS!”

Thunk, Thunk THUNK! Kaavi was not going down but I was splashed in the face with blood from Kaavi’s ear.

“I’m not going down, Egen,” Kaavi cried to me, “I’m big for something. I’m not breaking my promise!”

“Just go down, Kaavi!” I yelled, “Play dead if you have to!”

I crawled forward as they were distracted with Kaavi and reached for Kaavi’s wooden sword. I suddenly felt a sharp sting on my back. Ghala was stabbing his blade into the point between my shoulders. I arched my back, compressed against the floor.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going, pointer?” He asked, “Where’s Huy?”

“We tied him up and knocked out!”

“Figures. Send a fucking baboon to do a human’s job. Tuf, how’s it looking?”

I attempted to look behind me but Ghala put his foot on my back, and the point of his sword on my cheek. I could not see the whole image but could tell that Kaavi was being choked out in a triangle-hold. I looked up at Kaavi’s sword, it was within grabbing distance but could I risk a thwack to the head? The only spell that might get me out of this was True Strike. But that only worked on a weapon and I had none. Right? That was when I wondered… how did Paladin magic work?

“Just go down, Kaavi!” Screamed Tuf.

“Not… on your… li-” That was, presumably, the sound of Kaavi finally ceasing consciousness.

To use a programmatic expression, Sylvan was a language, but Paladin magic was a framework. It called upon the server, the god, to deliver a set of magical expressions.

“Alright, we knocked him,” Ghala told Tuf. “Tie him up, and with that same rope, tie up the fucking pointer.”

But when I used Soccorro, the magic focused on me. A little diamond appeared and Kaavi was able to see me. When I used Stride, it also affected me. When I used True Strike, it fixed it on my sword, or more specifically, the spell fixed on a weapon in my possession… What I was realizing was… Paladin magic was an object-oriented framework. True Strike wouldn’t work without a weapon. What if it read a weapon anyway?

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“Alright, bring that rope over.” Ghala, “Drag this freak to the tree so we can tie him.

Which meant that I if I whispered in Sylvan: “Ghele da mako” or “My hands are considered my weapons,” I could merely place my hands against the ground and say, “TRUE STRIKE!”

I pushed off the ground and launched myself up about three feet from my lying position, knocking Ghala back over. I adjusted mid air and landed on my feet, stumbling a little. I stared at my hands, breaking the concentration on the elvish spell. I smiled.

When I turned around, however, I was greeted by a winding dagger who’s point faced me. Ghala was on the other end of it.

“That’s enough, freak,” Ghala said to me, “Tie yourself up. That’s right, move slowly.”

I stuck my hands up. Kaavi’s wooden sword was behind me… but what the hell was I supposed to do? Ghala got closer with the dagger and with one swift move he could pierce me. I walked over and placed my back against the same tree as Kaavi and let Tuf tie me up. Kaavi slowly faded back into consciousness.

“What happened?” He asked, sleepily.

“We lost,” I said.

“No, impossible,” Kaavi said, “Maybe we just haven’t won yet.”

I huffed. Tuf made sure the rope was on nice and tight. I could feel myself pinned against the tree, watching Ghala give me an angry smile, like the corners of his mouth had been pulled and pinned to the cheeks of his face. He approached me slowly, the dagger in his hand. He waved it around.

“You know what this is going to be used for, pointer?” He asked me.

“You’re going to cut off my ears,” I said.

“That’s right. Did Huy tell you? That little monkey man hated my idea. You didn’t hate it, did you, Tuf?”

He turned to look at Tuf, who was sweating profusely, “I- uh. No, Ghala. I just think…”

“That’s right, he didn’t hate it either. You know why? Because I hate the way you stare at me with those pointy fucking ears all the time. Once they’re gone, maybe you’ll thank me for making you normal.”

He waggled the dagger in my face even more. I dipped my head back the times he swung the dagger too close. Ghala was amused by my caution and kept waving it, getting closer and closer to my eye until my head ran out of space to escape. Eventually my head pulled back so far that I could only look up into the trees.

“So you hate elves because, what? Your daddy hates elves? Your important uncle?” I asked.

“I don’t hate elves,” He said, “I just hate your stupid face.”

I noticed, strewn in the trees, were the sheddings of a snake skin. It reminded me of the deadly Hfabu. How it attacked me. That seemed more like a fair fight than this. It didn’t seem fair that this little punk kid was about to do more damage than that majestic beast.

“Oh and don’t get me started on the fucking magic.’

“You guys live forever. You might as well have just stay in your home.”

“This is my home.” I said, “Unless you mean LA.”

“Elay?” Ghala asked.

I took my sandals off and placed my bare feet on the ground. The tree was next to a river, so the ground was nice and muddy.

“Yeah, home of the La Brea Tar Pits.”

Ghala grabbed my ear and pulled my head. He placed the tip of his dagger on the tip of my ear. The liquid of my own blood dripped into my ear canal.

I was just about out of mana. I could feel the thumping in my chest from a mana drain, but I would only need to hold this spell for a few seconds. I mumbled in Sylvan the very same spell that saved me from the Hfabu.

Ghala dropped into the pool of mud that was now as thin as water. The dagger dropped down and cut me. We hovered above the pool because Kaavi and I had been tied to the tree. I looked at the ropes. Even if I could say something in Sylvan to untie us, I was completely crapped out.

Ghala sloshed in water, trying to get out, “Hey!” He screamed, “No fair! You can’t use stinkin’ elf magic!” Ghala’s face popped out of the surface of the mud and I merely took my foot and planted it on his face to push him back down.

“No fair!” He screamed again.

Tuf crawled his way out of the other side of the newly created moat. I broke the spell. The mud hardened with Ghala’s hands still sticking out of the ground. Kaavi breathed out all the air to make a gap in the rope. I did the same. He wiggled his way out and that gave me enough room to free myself. Kaavi reached for his wooden sword.

“Well, Kaavi? You think you can take down Tuf for me?” I asked.

“Him? Yeah, he’s only the second biggest guy in class.”

Tuf stuck his hands up and started crying, begging us not to bury him underground. Kaavi knocked Tuf’s lights out.

I could hear Ghala’s muffling from under the dirt. He was waving his arms, desperately trying to crawl out. Kaavi and I tied his arms together, and pulled on the rope, dragging him to safety.

Ghala was absolutely furious. He had tears streaking from his eyes as he kept crying out about how all that magic was ‘cheating’ and how if I had fought him with god-fearing paladin magic then he would have won. I noticed the dagger was no longer in his hand.

“Once I learn more paladin spells… Stupid Seshat, giving me the worst spells. Once I get… I’m going to get you for this!”

On and on he blathered. I looked at Kaavi and asked him to hand over his wooden sword, “This one’s mine.”

Kaavi happily obliged, I pulled the wooden blade back and smashed him. I had to admit he was much more pleasant unconscious. That was how I was assigned to lead my first mission.

If only the escort mission had gone as smoothly as this fight.

The escort mission spells danger?!