“You dead?” I felt a finger press on my stomach and water spurted out of my mouth like a fountain. My eyes shot open and I sucked air into my lungs. I flipped over, my hands pressed against the cave floor as I found more water to spit out.

“Where… am I…?” I asked.

“A better question is why are you here?” I heard a froggy voice say to me.

I kept staring at the cave floor when the same hairy hand with the dark palm entered my field of vision. They wagged their long-nailed finger at me.

“You should not be spying.”

The arm retracted back to its host body. I stared up at the thing that snatched me. He had a monkey’s body with the head of a gazelle; his arms were stretched all around him, constantly expanding and contracting based on his whim. The most distracting thing, though, was his little goatee. It looked like he had dyed it blonde. He looked so tall from his standing position, but thenI stood up, and realized he wasn’t that much taller than me. Or rather… not that much taller than a monkey.

“Who- who are you?” I asked, “What are you?”

He crossed his arms, but did not stop once they were crossed. His palms extended and curved behind his back in two large loops before connecting at his waist. He was both crossing his arms and had his hands on his waist. And the hands created the frame of butterfly wings on his sides. He caused them to flap for dramatic effect.

“Behold. A god.” His arms shot back from their path like a measuring tape rushing for cover. They slammed together and, because he had his arms crossed, they had accidentally tangled.

“Woah!” He yelled, “A little help?”

I held one of the floppy arms as he lightened the knot and then slipped his arm through. Once untangled, he turned his back to me and sat on a log.

“I’m Kuro.” he said, “I am the god of this lake.”

“The co-god, right?” I asked.

He glared back at me, “Yes. The co-god. I see you’ve met Dale. What were you doing, snooping over there anyway?”

“I was just exploring,” I said, “My parents have taken camp nearby. I should really be going or they might start to wonder where I am.”

“I don’t buy it,” Kuro said, “I saw you since you entered the river. You left a sword and shield on the beach.”

“For my protection,” I said, “But I decided to take a bath.”

His arm stretched around his body and then wagged at me again, “You saw Dale wander in and you followed him. Didn’t you?” His head turned back to look at me, “You were spying.”

“I… merely saw an interesting man with horns and thought I’d take a gander,” I grabbed at the fabric of my skivvies and rang out some water from it. No doubt I’d be wet very soon but it was more out of nervous compulsion.

“If you don’t tell me why, I’m sure Dale would looove to know why you were spying on him.” His fully black gazelle eyes did not showcase any emotion but the way his horns curled on his head gave the impression of a a devil’s smile.

Stolen novel; please report.

Uh oh. I thought to myself, this is not good. Anubis did not want Dale to know I was spying for her.

“You’re a paladin right?” He asked, “A little small, but… that’s right? You’re a paladin?”

I looked around, “Uhm,” I said, “I can’t really tell you that. I’m kind of on a covert mission.”

“So you aaarrrre,” Kuro elongated the last word as he handled the blonde hairs on his chinny chin chin, “I think I know what god you’re working for.”

Oh fuck. Things were sliding from not good to really not good, bordering on totally fucked, “I don’t think so,” I said, “My gods’ really obscure. You’ve probably never even heard of them.”

“Obscure?” The god repeated, his eyes rolling, “Everyone’s heard of your god.”

Later on, I would be grateful that the sweat could not be seen on my still fully wet body.

“You’re a Sun-Thrower right? You work for Ra?”

My eyes lit back up, “Ra…,” I let the name fall out of my mouth like an absent-minded strand of drool, “Ra,” Then, I composed myself. I stuck my hands and shoulders like I’d just been caught and said, “Look,” I said, “I can neither confirm nor deny,”

“That means ‘yes!’” Kuro said, pointing at me, “That means ‘yes,’ that always means ‘yes!’”

I shrugged my boyish shoulders, “I can neither confirm nor deny.”

“This god…. Are they hot? Like… the sun?”

“Oh, they’re hot.” I said, winking past Kuro.

Kuro got off of his log and bounded toward me, “You gotta put in a good word for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… we could team up! Him and I! Have you spoken to Ra?’

“Uh,” I said, “Not directly. He doesn’t talk to everyone.”

“Ha!” Kuro said, “Try ‘anyone.’” The guy just gives his paladins a guideline. I heard his most devout followers haven’t even heard from him in decades. I’m pretty sure none of the gods have.”

“Ahh, yes.” I said, “No, but my master, Sepki, is the most devout of the followers and he has communed with Ra.”

Kuro’s eyes lit up, “really? Your master has talked to Ra?”

I nodded, “What is it you’d like to say to him?”

Kuro said, “We can team up. I can raise my status by being part of his entourage. you’re trying to get rid of Dale, right?”

“Hmmm,” I feigned a thought bubble, “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything. I’m an open book.”

“Has he been seeing that water spirit long?” I asked.

“Hosu?” Kuro asked blankly, “Yes, since the gods moved in to co-own this lake. It’s a huge lake and we’re small enough gods that we couldn’t defend it ourselves. As we amass more followers though, we’ll get stronger. That’s why I want to help. If I can be seen as one of Ra’s godly vassals, he can preach my name to other his followers. That could give me more power.”

“Ahh,” I said, “I see. So they’re like… together together?”

“What?” Kuro asked.

“Just asking. None of it matters. I just saw them hanging out.”

Kuro scratched his chin again, “Yes. They’re together.”

“So you’ve seen them, like hook up? Or at least kiss and stuff?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Nothing. Sorry. That was a weird question.” Was my job done? Had I gotten confirmation that Dale was cheating? Cheating for as long as he’d been here. That was all I needed, right? Mission over. Only… here was another person, a demi-god, big emphasis on demi, that was now telling me he could help me get what I wanted. And he didn’t know I was here on behalf of Anubis. He thought I was here on behalf of someone else… so…. As long as I kept that hidden, I could get that lockbox. The one that Ra wanted. Having him, or at least a follower of his in my pocket would be invaluable. And… I could get more evidence for Anubis.

There was a version of this where I could consult with her and see if this was okay. Try to talk her into letting me go back for the lockbox. But I couldn’t. I stared up at Kuro. I could not consult Anubis. I could not summon her here and have him realize that she was actually my god. I had to make a decision. I had already made the decision. The hard part… was following through

Somehow, through a well of strength, I pushed past my shakiness and said, “Kuro, help me with this Dale dilemma, and I’ll see what I can do.”

Kuro raised his fists in the air. They extended as he said, “Yipeeee!” Kuro asked me what the next steps were. And with that, I had my accomplice.