Fogwarth threw me up there, then pulled himself up with the help of Ak-Lok pushing from underneath. Ak managed to get up easily, its lanky, stone body already tall enough to see right over the next platform and thin enough to climb up without issue. I didn’t even bother to glance at the Guardian before I let loose on Bellbane for triggering the next battle without us.
“What gives, asshole?!” I shouted at the mist behemoth. I flailed my stem arms out in frustration, waving them like an enraged Italian-American grandmother. “We have to be strategic with this shit!”
“Do not bother,” Ak-Lok grunted. “Bellbane only wishes to assist Lord Fogdahn below. He seeks to hastily move through this ordeal.”
“So sick of this lord Fogdahn crap,” I said, moving my attention to the Guardian. “The guy doesn’t care what happens to either of you, meanwhile you would both charge face-first into battle with a Godzilla worm on a whim for him.”
“It is the way things are, Barry,” Ak-Lok answered, then loaded an arrow. “It is the way it shall always be.”
I wanted to retort back, but it was no use. I could argue with my friend about this all day and it still wouldn’t get where I’m coming from, just as it couldn’t see my anger about it. To Ak it was as if it had to serve Fogdahn on instinct, and I only hoped I could snap the Golem out of it someday. Instead of harboring my frustration with Ak and Fogdahn, I decided to take it out on whatever terrible Guardian this stupid dungeon had for us next.
This one was nearly the same as the pink one we faced on the previous platform. It was pill-shaped with a fatter and stouter body, and it was a pale shade of yellow instead of pink. It also didn’t have hair, as much as it had several long hair-like tendrils that flowed from behind it, dancing around like long, golden hair under water. That brought me to the main difference between the last one and this one…
“It’s flying!” I shouted as the new Guardian hovered over this platform, easily gliding over the surface in circle patterns as if to mock us.
Just before I could speak again the platform began to shake, nearly knocking us off of our feet. Below is the battle raged and, with the battlefield space limited due to the platforms, the worm had smashed against the pillar holding up the platform as it turned to lunge at Fogdahn. I looked over just in time to catch Fogdahn dodge the creatures mouth, only to be caught off guard as the worm used its moment from the initial attack to whip out the end of its body like a swiping tail, smacking Fogdahn out of the air in a fly-meets-swatter scenario.
Fogdahn smashed against the wall, grunting from the pain and nearly falling to the ground. The Eldritch moth caught himself before he fell, but he was barely able to manage his flight. I couldn’t tell what was going on at first, but then I saw it just as he flew back into the fight; Fogdahn had hit the dripping liquid when he hit the wall, and one of his wings was not decayed and folded over.
Shit. We had to hurry. At this rate it was anyone's match to win between the worm and the moth, and for our sake we really needed it to be the moth.
Head back in the game, I turned to find the hovering bacteria coasting in our direction. It was fast, but not nearly as fast as other creatures we had seen. A moment later I noticed who it was targeting as Bellbane met the Guardian head on with his fists raised and ready. The mist golem landed two big swings, knocking the Guardian around before the guardian opened a single hole right at its top and exhaled a cloud of a popping, sparking, electrically-infused gas that zapped Bellbane and momentarily stunned him in place.
Two of the long, yellow hairs swung out and lashed at Bellbane, smacking him with the crackle of more electricity and dropping him down to a knee.
“Bellbane! The cavalry has arrived!” Foggy shouted in triumph, performing his charge and leap combo to carve down at the Guardian.
“Foggy! Look out!”
My voice reached him far too late, and my Companion sliced deeply into the Guardian when his metal gauntlet hit the squishy, charged flesh and instantly conducted the electricity through him. Foggy yelped in a way that reminded me of a dog with a shock collar then he fell to the ground, trying to shake off the temporary stun effect. Bellbane was at the end of his own debuff, leaving Ak and I on defense to ensure the two weren’t attacked further.
A yellow hair whipped out again, this time right at Foggy, but I managed to save my friend’s with a well-timed Bananarang.
The Bananarang spun true, hitting the bacteria Guardian right before the yellow electric hair hit Foggy. The banana exploded, sending it back and covering it in a good that temporarily slowed its movements. Ak-Lok did not miss his window, proceeding to fire an imbued frostfire arrow that struck true, exploding in a dazzling display of ice and fire that seemed to do some heavy damage. I conjured up my abilities and briefly considered the rose-hips, until I remembered how little it had done against the flying zombie head before.
Instead, knowing the stun may not take hold, I summoned my sunflower and let it blast at the Guardian. The stream of light hit true, landing a critical hit for -92 damage but not landing the stun. That was fine, because now Bellbane was back in the fight, landing a massive uppercut that briefly knocked the Guardian back and almost sent it to the ground. Next he flourished another cone of steam at the creature, melting back layers of its globby flesh at a time.
This Guardian, just like the last, didn’t even flinch at the damage it was receiving, instead just staying on the offensive. It opened the hole on its body again for another spray of electricity, catching Bellbane again mid-swing and stunning him. This time instead of following it up with a lash of its strange hair, the floating pill pulled back before plowing headlong into Bellbane, sending him tumbling backward and off of the platform.
“Shit! Bellbane!” I shouted, trying to move to somehow use my tiny blueberry body to stop the mist golem from falling back.
I obviously didn’t make it in time, and Bellbane smashed down into the previous floor with a hard thump. I looked over the side, seeing Bellbane convulse for a moment before slowly recomposing himself as the stun faded.
Foggy was up again, smashing the ground and sending his spikes forward to catch the distracted Guardian. The spikes ripped into it, shredding holes into its soft body that leaked a yellow liquid that hummed with electricity as it fell to the platform in puddles. Ak hurled a ball of frostfire, running low on arrows from his ranged support for Fogdahn earlier, and I cycled my abilities in preparation to use whatever I had to.
My [Pillar of Pyracantha] was nearing the end of its cooldown and would surely get us through this fight, however we would need to survive another minute here without it and it would eat up my strongest skill that could be used on the worm or a higher platform Guardian. My healing might also be a real boon here, seeing as how both of our frontline tanks can’t get near the thing without being stunned or harmed by electricity, but then that too might be needed later; sparing a glance at Fogdahn I felt like he was the one who truly needed it anyway. That left me with my rose-hips, or waiting out the cooldown for the boomerang.
I could really use a projectile weapon. Think this place has handguns? That’d really give me a berry up on the enemies here.
Foggy charged back in, screaming a battlecry as his heavy footsteps pounded against the platform. He slammed his pearl shield into the yellow Guardian, fortifying his strike with his own shoulder and pushing the creature back. Saying fuck it, I ran up beside Foggy for support, immediately seeing a yellow hair whip down at him and slicing it in two with my obsidian blade. I felt the jolt of the live current run through me as a splash of the charged liquid splashed over me, but it went away only a moment later. I lunged forward in a thrust next, taking the best three times with the tip of my blade before I felt the slicing pain of a hair whipping me across the top of my berry head, followed by the shock of massive electric volts racing through my juice, stunning me in place just as it had the others.
I couldn’t move. I felt as though I couldn’t even breathe. It was as if everything was tight and numb, like I had been turned to stone or something. Luckily my vision still worked enough for me to see my surroundings.
Unluckily I saw two more long hairs rise up right above me, ready to whip at me. I didn’t know what would happen should I be double-stunned, but I really didn’t want to find out. And it looked like I didn’t have to.
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“Yes! Yes, Bellbane! What a warrior! What a champion!” Foggy exclaimed, backing off of the Guardian.
Bellbane was a Goddamn animal.
The mist golem had come off of his stun effect, immediately climbing back onto the platform when Foggy and I had started our brief assault. Bellbane used his time to circle around the creature, then gained a running start to hurl itself on top of the floating yellow bacteria monster. From my stunned vantage I could see Bellbane mounting the Guardian, pounding down with rapid-fire fists like a gorilla pounding the hood of a minivan, and spurts of electricity seemed to zap him over and over again. Still, Bellbane fought through it, beating a literal hole into the top of the creature before sticking his hand inside of it, allowing the electricity to course up his arm as he used his massive steam funnel ability and began to cook the thing from the inside out.
It survived only moments more after an attack like that.
[Your party has slain Salmonella - Bacterial Guardian - Level 24. You are awarded 782 experience points]
“Yes, Bellbane! You big bastard! You did it!” I shouted as my body came back under my control. “Way to beat the living Hell out of that thing!”
Bellbane only huffed, as usual, and then slowly dragged itself over to the mechanism at the center of the floor, flopping onto the top of it and laying there like it was a king-sized bed at the Hilton. I once again offered healing, but Bellbane shook his head and proceeded to ignore anything else we said for a while. Realizing the clock was still ticking on us, we thanked Bellbane again for his heroic leap, then we moved to platform number three as it rose higher than our current one. The platform dripped the murky water off of its surface, forcing us to give a brief pause before climbing up.
I took a minute to look below, seeing that the trickling, toxic liquid was now nearly a foot deep. Crap, I thought to myself, thinking about how that first platform with Aeronik on it was only about three feet high. Then I laughed, remembering that I didn’t actually give a shit about Aeronik… Right? Really hope I’m not going soft over here; soft blueberries are the worst ones in the bunch. The deeper water had also added a challenge to Fogdahn, who now had to dodge hits from the worm even more cautiously since they could be dripping with the toxic liquid.
I idly watched the moth in his endless battle against the kaiju worm as we waited for the remaining liquid to drip from our next platform. Fogdahn was haggard to say the least, but the worm had really taken a beating. The once white flesh of the beast was now marred with deep, rotting cuts and burn marks. Fogdahn was not slinging his abilities as rapidly as he once had, clearly low on Mana, however when he did launch one it was massively effective on the worm, eating away at more of its meat and causing it to doubleback in pain. The worm thrashed and hit against the pillars again, shaking the platforms and giving me a near-heart attack; really didn’t want to fall from his height right into toxic, decay-indusing water.
Fogdahn let loose another of his orbs, catching the worm right in its open mouth just as it lunged with eroded huge swaths of teeth on impact.
I turned back, hoping the horror moth could hold out a little longer as we made our way up to the third platform. Once again, Ak-Lok was up in mere moments while Foggy had to toss me up. Our group of three, or what I like to call my ‘Original Homies,’ made it up to the platform and then heard the slam of another guardian dropping from the ceiling. Or should I say Guardians.
There were three slightly different sized balls on the other side of our platform. They were a pale blue color and had a texture similar to popcorn, with ravines and crevices all along their surface. I watched carefully as the three balls circled one another, then two leapt and stacked on top of one another like the world’s ugliest snowman. Before I could even make a comment, or a decent joke, the three balls hopped off of one another and rose high into the air, quickly descending back down to try and squash us.
Ak and I dodged, with the golem sliding to one side and nocking another of his enormous arrows at the same time while I literally jumped and rolled away moments before being smashed. Foggy, not one for a quick dodge, raised his shield up and met the largest of the balls full on. The weight of this foe caused Foggy’s heels to crack the stone floor under him, but he pushed back with all of his might and got the Guardian off of him with a bit more force.
I stood and turned, seeing my ball already rolling after me in an attempt to roll over me and make me into a blueberry pancake. Luckily enough for me this boss didn’t fly, and I quickly conjured up a big old bush of rose-hips for this piece of the Guardian to enjoy. The rose-hip bush had trouble entangling the ball at first and I briefly worried that it wouldn’t catch in time. Then the tangle of thorny stems managed to lodge within the uneven, cragged surface of the pale blue ball and lock it in place.
I exhaled, feeling whatever counted as adrenaline in a blueberry run like an athlete through my veins. I gripped my sword and ran forward, swiping down in a diagonal slash as soon as I was in range. Oddly enough, this thing was not squishy, or fleshy, or even soft. It was like smashing my weapon into a hardened ball of chalk. The blade cut in a bit, releasing a puff of fumes in the process as if I had just smacked two chalkboard erasers together, and then I quickly reset for a thrust; this time my blade didn’t dig in more than a couple inches.
“These things are damn hard,” I said in a pant, backstepping to create some distance between myself and the ball.
“‘Tis like practicing your sword forms against a boulder!” Foggy said, despite leaving long gashes and fissures over the hard surface of his ball enemy. Foggy bashed it again with his shield as it rammed him, letting out a puff of the dust on impact, then he spun and back-slashed the Guardian, sending a rippling crack through it. “They are sizable, dense, well-defended, and fast, however it seems as though they rely on brute force! They wield not the grace nor the cunning to face off against the Flightless Guard of the Mothric Kingdom!”
I laughed at that. “Right, because you are so graceful and so cunning.”
“Why, thank you, sir berry. That is so…” Fogwarth smashed his sword against the hardened ball. “Kind of you to say! You know, some call me-”
“Hold that thought, Foggy!” I shouted as I imitated Indiana Jones for a moment, nearly running right off of the platform in the process.
The spherical titan had torn out of my rose-hips right as the effect wore off, then it was on for the chase. I made it all the way to the edge with the ball only feet away from running me down, then I spun on my heel like a soccer star and took a huge left turn.
Real quick, let’s take a pause. How would you describe my luck so far? I’d say I’m not a very lucky guy, considering I was reincarnated as a blueberry in a kingdom of people who eat blueberries as their main food source while also being totally not prepared for the massive amounts of combat needed to survive this place. However, at that very moment I thought my luck may have just changed.
“Oh… my… God…” I muttered just as the ball, a millisecond after I made my sharp turn, rolled right off the side of the platform and plummeted all the way to the ground below.
The murky water immediately began to work on it, turning its black and sending veins of rot over it entirely. The once pale blue ball now was fading completely black, and I could see chunks of it fall away from the bottom up as if it were dissolving into the water like an old school antacid tablet. I quickly moved to inform my team mates, when I saw Ak’s situation.
The golem was down on a knee. Its one leg had been crushed right under the knee, leaving nothing but ragged, shattered stone for a stump. Ak was out of arrows and out of room, with the ball now circling back to charge at the golem again. I could see Ak hurl a frostfire ball and I watched as it splashed harmlessly over its surface; these bastards must have a high resistance to most basic types of magical damage or something. Ak’s face, which was the solemn expression of a saddened woman’s face smoothly carved into stone, for anyone who forgot, seemed to adjust the expression slightly from sadness, to anger, and now to complete fear.
“Ak-Lok!” I screamed, running to his aide but knowing I would be just a little bit too late.
Then I heard Foggy activate his charge, and soon the massive Warforged Spanworm standing before Ak-Lok, shield raised and legs braced for impact. I turned to find Foggy’s boulder foe, which was nearly carved into rubble at this point, circling around to make another try at Foggy.
“Like fuck you will!” I screamed, conjuring and tossing a bananarang right at the Guardian piece.
The banana exploded to soft banana mush, instantly spreading over the rolling Guardian and massively slowing its progress until it was little more than a slowly rolling stone. I made my move, rushing the boulder and repeatedly hacking at a section that already had deep gashes from Fogwarth’s sword. I did little compared to what he had done, merely serving to piss the ball off, but that was all I really needed to do. The ball turned, its attention fully on me, and I ran from it as the banana goo wore off a moment later.
The chase was on. This piece of the guardian was charging me at full speed despite the damage it had taken from its brief battle with Foggy, and it bucked and bobbed as it moved due to its carved body. Just as before, I ran over to a far edge, allowing the boulder to gain on me a little at a time before I hung a sharp right when I was just a second away from being crushed. The boulder rushed right off of the edge, landing on the thrashing worm in the process and providing Fogdahn with just the opening he needed for another Eldritch spear.
With a loud rumble sounding out right beside me, I turned to find the last charging ball was nowhere to be found, but a stone wall was there in its place. Foggy turned to me, gave me a pudgy, self-satisfying grin, and pointed his sword upward for my eyes to follow. Those same eyes grew wide like two pizza pies as I watched the moon-like boulder soar up into the air before crashing far in the distance into one of the leaking walls. Moments later it too was nothing more than a disintegrating black pile of rubble running down the wall.
Ak grunted, denied healing, and lay across the mechanism just as the others had. It was just down to Foggy and I now, and if the past fights were any indication than that meant things were only getting more difficult and more dangerous the higher we climbed.
[Your party has slain Staphy - Bacterial Guardian - Level 27. You are awarded 1039 experience points]
“Staph? Like a staph infection? So, you’re telling me this God had E-Coli, Salmonella, and now a Staph infection? And they are blaming the king for killing this dude? Stupid ass world…” I said, moving to our fourth platform and preparing to see some new Bacterial Guardian.