[What? BARRY is evolving!]

Nah, I’m just kidding. Could you imagine if that’s what the notification said? I think someone at the Nintendo corporate offices would have a stem to pick with little old Barry over here.

Instead what happened was far less enthusiastic and much grosser.

I felt my skin strain and rip at the pressure of my insides expanding outward. It was painful, incredibly painful, and I could see folds of thin blue sheets fall off of me in dead heaps like discarded drapes. New thicker skin was revealed underneath, a richer shade of dark blue and a matte finish, and I could feel the old peel pull around my eye sockets and mouth until I feared they would also rip apart. My heart, or my imaginary heart, thudded against my imaginary berry rib cage and threatened to break free. Finally the skin around my eyes and mouth also fell away without taking any part of those with it.

Just when I had thought I was done I felt the rumble come at my sides and berry bottom. It was a sharp pain as if something was bursting through my skin all over again but this time it aches like daggers ripping me apart from the inside. I unclenched my jaw from the sword handle and fell to the ground, landing and rolling away from the skull without control. I wailed and howled, my voice coming out of my mouth like a banshee scream from the terrible feeling of whatever it was cutting through me.

In a burst of blue juice there came four wooden stems, a combination of berry juice and crimson blood dripping from each of the new limbs.

My stem arms had full fledged hands with root-like fingers that tapered down at the tip. My feet were not exactly feet, looking like two uprooted tiny tree stumps.

If my mind wasn’t so warped from the immense waves of pain and the grotesque sight of my changing gross body then I’d be pretty amped for the arms and legs. Maybe a bit less amped that I still had a big round body with a face on it, making it so that my arms and legs grew pretty much right out of my head. For now I couldn’t worry about any of that, I just had to shake off the 9 seconds of pure horrible agony and then get back in the battle.

I decided to briefly check my status page as I grabbed the obsidian sword and worked to forget what had just happened.

[Name: Barry.

Title: None.

Race: Calypso Blueberry, Evolved: Tier 1 - Calypso Brawler

Mutagen: Pantherathropy, tigris-strain.

Level: 5.

Class: Angiomancer.

Rarity: Error.

Equipment Level: 187]

Huh. So I got a new category called mutagen but with no drop down or anything I could poke through. My rarity section was just an error so not sure if that’s good or bad. Then there was my equipment level. Was the sword alone worth all of those points? I couldn’t imagine that even with thicker berry skin I’d have any real natural defense. The sword did seem pretty sweet, even if I had no fucking clue how to use a sword.

I spread my rooty stemy fingers and grasped the sword’s grip, not loving the sensation of using wooden hands but fucking loving the idea of even having hands at all.

The blade felt strange as I held it, but then again so would anything right now I guess. It wasn’t too heavy, which I was grateful for when I had held it with my teeth, and the grip itself actually felt good in my splintery hand. It didn’t slide around and the leather didn’t come undone, instead it just remained firm as I clenched it. I had a practice swing, then looked toward the armored body.

It was pressing its advance on Toki. She began fighting defensively, aiming to dodge and sidestep most strikes as she tried to work her blade between the plates of the armor. Without a head it would be tough to figure out where the central mass would be, and I could already see that she had tried most places that she could get to.

Ah damn it. What was I thinking? I was going to use my sword against that thing? I’ve never held a sword, I’m a fucking blueberry, and I’m weak as Hell. What was this, some kind of ‘chosen one’ fantasy? I am going to straight up die.

However, both abilities had their cooldown timers reset after the evolution… or maybe the level. I don’t really know which but it happened and that’s all that mattered. Seeing my moves there ready for use finally sparked another idea, albeit a stupid one, and I made the trip on my new legs over to where Toki and the corpse of Daiki’s body were waging war on one another.

Stupid. Stupid.

I slowed as I approached, getting into a low defensive stance and gripping the sword tightly in one hand. I wanted to use two hands on the sword, but I realized instantly that both of my arms couldn’t fit around my bulbous berry body. I crept around behind the armor, doing my best to not make a sound while I got into position. The armored body swung the axe around wildly and not in the same exacting fashion it had done earlier. These were huge sweeping strikes that moved like a pendulum, laying out five or six chops at a time before resetting to regain its position.

I realized it must have been the death of the head that changed its tactics. Maybe they were linked and now the body couldn’t think on its own, or maybe it was enraged over the head’s death. Maybe the body just wanted to get this all over with. I guess it didn’t really matter all that much, because I only cared about two things.

Getting the body in a prone state so Toki could rip into it.

Getting to Fogwarth and saving his damn life.

I got behind the target, waiting for his series of shops to stop and then prepping myself.

“Hey, shit stain!” I yelled out, hoping this world knew what a shit stain was. “Behind you, baby dick!”

Baby dick? I really needed to work on my snack talk.

Still, baby dick turned around and as it spun I cast my [Entangling Rose-Hips]. The stems wrapped its legs as it turned, causing its own shifting weight to set it off balance. I wasted no time and immediately triggered the sunflower, letting loose a blast of Light energy into its chest and fully taking it down. The stun effect might not work, but I saw what a well-timed blast could do from the flying skull and I just had to try it out. As soon as the body fell to its back I saw Toki move, disappearing and reappearing right where its neck once connected to the decaying flesh of its shoulders and chest.

That’s when I caught a glimpse of them. Shining and glistening even amongst the mist. Falling like an afternoon’s rain,

Toki had been crying.

The swordswoman wasted no time and shoved her blade inside of the neck hole, slashing and stabbing the body’s insides and leaving a pool of blood and shredded mushrooms all around her. Her screams and cries were bone-chilling, and it ached me just to see what she was going through. Toki had no choice but to brutalize her own ally, her own captain or potentially even her love. The pain she must feel was most likely indescribable.

Still, I had to be selfish. I rushed by her and the armor, knowing it would be prying itself up within moments if it survived, and stomped up to Fogwarth. I placed a wooden hand to his chest, feeling the shallow rise and fall of his rhythmic breathing. It was faint but I could even feel the flutter of his inch worm heart beating on my palm. All over his body I could see the deep wounds and the streams of blood that coated his armor. I searched over him, looking for anything I could possibly use to stop the bleeding.

Then I saw the small pouch at his side and recalled what our Companion agreement had said. I’d have access to his soulbound items… did that include the pouch? If it did then surely he would have some shit like a healing potion or at least medical supplies.

Without wasting another millisecond contemplating things, I reached down, snatched it up, and dug around inside. To my surprise a menu opened just like how other notifications did on the interface and I could see a list of his items.

A lot of it, and I do mean a lot, were berries. Like a fuck ton of berries. Mostly blueberries ranging from dozens of calypso blueberries, like myself, to something called sunshine blueberries that looked smaller but came in clusters. Aside from those there was food, food, and more food. The picnic set was listed, along with a [Pearlescent Lord’s Broadsword] that I was super tempted to pull out, and the shriveled mushroom Aspenoc gave us. But no health potions or medical supplies.

“God damn it, Fogwarth,” I grunted and continued to rummage through the pack. “Why the Hell did you pack so much food?!”

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Finally, finally, after what felt like an eternity, I found it. I didn’t know if it would work but I’d give it a shot.

[Minor Health Regeneration Tonic. Type: Potion. Rank: Minor. Process: Alchemical. Effect: Restore 2 health per second (HPS) over 15 seconds]

“That’s it? That’s all you brought?” I said as I pulled out the small vial and uncorked the top. “Packed all those fucking berries and one minor ass potion…” The silken red liquid jiggled as I pulled up his helmet, struggling to get it past his pearl horns, before slowly tilting the potion into his mouth. He coughed and choked as it first hit his throat, but I jostled his thick neck and jolly chins until he finally accepted the contents.

Through the rents in his armor I could see wounds visibly start to close. They didn’t appear to seal up completely, but they became at least survivable as long as he didn’t already lose too much blood. Next I pulled out the stupid picnic blanket thing and proceeded to cut it apart with the black blade. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get his armor off but I could at least apply pressure to the deeper gashes that still trickled a bit of blood. I began crumpling the blanket shreds into wads then stuffing those wads into the armor cuts. I moved at a frantic pace, sure that the armor was already up again from my weak rose-hip stun effect.

Then a notification came through, and I felt the weight of the world melt from my round berry shoulders.

[Your party has slain the body of Saito Daiki - Captain of the Wandering City Scout Sect; Flesh Cursed - Level 24. You are awarded 119 experience points]

The experience was incredibly low compared to the head, but then again I wasn’t the one who killed the thing and, to be honest, I did very little. It had all been Foggy and Toki, but I made a decent cheerleader. I couldn’t be too upset since I most likely only received anything from Foggy’s contribution. I turned to the bloodied worm and gave a nod in appreciation as he lay unconscious. The big bastard did good.

The last thing I did was grab my useless shriveled mushroom from his pouch. The dried little fungi sat in the palm of my new hand and I examined it closely.

No prompt. Not special.

Aspenoc mentioned husk blood or something like that, and it had to be more than coincidence that Toki and her captain were doing something involving the husk as well, and now mushrooms were growing out of animals and bugs. Circle of life and all of that jazz. With the mushroom in my hand, I turned and stepped over to Toki.

She knelt over the corpse of her captain, her hands lay on his chest covered in gore and mushroom chunks. It was quiet, but I could still hear it; Toki had been crying. Heavily.

“Hey…” I said, kneeling on my two stems beside her.

She looked at me for only a moment then turned back, maintaining her silence. I felt genuinely sorry for her in that instant. She didn’t deserve this, and neither had he. The more I began to kick away the idea that this was a dream the more I wish I didn’t. If these people were real and this world was real then I’d have to accept their horrible suffering.

“I just wanted to say thank you. Ya know?” I started, rubbing the back of my berry nervously. “If you hadn’t helped us we would be dead. You saved all of us, Toki. I’m… I’m sorry about your captain.”

“Yeah… I suppose so…” She answered before wiping her eyes and standing to her feet. “There is little we can do against what the Gods deem as fate. For Daiki, this may have just been what curiosity has wrought. Fool…” She peered down at the gore-splattered armor. “He always sought out far too much power. Much more than he could handle. To be honest, blueberry, it is far more likely that Daiki partook in the fallen God’s flesh for personal gain than if he was infected by any of these creatures. Still, my dear friend deserved a better death than this…”

We stood in silence for a second more, watching the wind carry the white mist around us like a December snowfall.

“So, what now?” I asked, presenting her black sword back to her.

She peered at it for a long beat before shaking her head. “No. No, you keep it. Your team fought bravely today, and I would also be dead if it had not been for your lot. Please, accept it as a token of gratitude. As for me, I will head back to the Wandering City, although this time I may not venture back through the Dead God’s Husk. It seems to be the source of the Canaan Mist phenomenon here and I do not wish to be turned around deep in the bowels of a corpse.”

“Thank you,” I answered, feeling relieved to have the weapon still. “Will you be okay traveling on your own?”

She smiled. “That is rather sweet coming from such a sour little thing. But yes, I shall be fine. Listen, Barry…” She crouched down, meeting me at eye level and lowering her voice. “Should you be in the Wandering City please do not hesitate to find me. I have a manor in the heights of Hawthorne in the eastern section of the city. Do you understand?”

I nodded, not at all understanding. “Absolutely. Definitely. But… how do I find a wandering city?”

Toki laughed as she stood back up and began to wander into the mist, short knife drawn and ready to defend herself if need be. “The Wandering City does not be found, it finds you. Farewell, Barry.”

“Take care, Tok-” I said, then I cut myself off. Hold on. Hold on just a damn minute. Again with this shit? I thought back to her first conversation with us and felt my berry mouth fall into a sour frown.

“...it is not inherently brand new…”

“...I am under oath…”

“...every isle and glacier…”

“...continue to pierce the veil…”

Son of a bitch… God damn it!

“Hey! Toki! Did you say your manor is in Hawthorne Heights? Seriously? Get back here!”

Unfortunately I had been yelling into nothing but a wall of mist as her silhouette faded away, just the faint echo of laughter ringing out to mark her disappearance. My berry brain throbbed as if it were being pulverized into tasty juice. Another asshole dropping band names in the middle of my horrible, possibly real, nightmare world? Someone had to be screwing with me, and I vowed to bring this up to the King the moment we got back to the castle. I spent another second dwelling on it, nearly squeezing the shriveled mushroom to powder in my left hand while I applied equal pressure to the black sword in my right. I let out a long exhale, trying to focus on how to get us out of here and back to the castle, when a cold, stone hand rested on my berry head.

“Berry…” A gravel voice said, practically grunting. I could almost hear the sorrow in its voice. I turned to find Ak-Lok hovering over me, its face of expressionless, emotionless stone looking down as it spoke. “My… Ix-Lok would… Ix-Lok said you may owe a favor. Ix-Lok would like to request it now…”

“Oh,” I said. “Okay, Ak. No problem. Do me a favor and watch over Foggy? He should be alright but he isn’t out of the woods yet.”

Ak-Lok nodded. “Not in woods, but I understand the meaning.”

I sighed, lowering my shoulders and Charlie Brown walking over to the other Golem while Ak moved over to kneel beside Foggy. Ix-Lok was laying on its back, red mushrooms in full bloom from its wounds and even more beginning to sprout from the eye corners than before. It pained me to see it in such a condition. It fought so bravely, even using the last of its strength to assist me with my plan. Without it… Without Ix, we would never have won. Once I was closer and saw how much the Golem had been suffering I briefly thought the one thing that any sensible person would during such a situation.

It should have been me.

“Hey Ix,” I said, kneeling beside it. I put my hand under its head to cradle it a bit more and turned its head to face me. “I’m here… But I…”

“You… must…” It answered without hesitation. “Please… Do not make my sibling carry such a weight…”

“Ix, I don’t think I can do this.” My voice trembled as it came out, wiggling from my throat like a garden worm. My limbs suddenly felt heavy as the invisible weight settled back upon me. “I’m not strong enough for this, man. I’m not capable of this.”

“You… promised…” Ix-Lok said. It slowly moved its hand, covering my own that rested on its chest, sword still firmly in my grip. “It will be fast… We Unbound Golems… We believe our memories… all that we are… return to our maker… I will be reunited with lord Fogdahn…”

“P-Please…” My eyes welled, my hands shook. Everything was so cold, so bitter. I fought every urge to break down in front of Ix-Lok. The bastard just kept its expressionless face on me as if to urge me to be stronger. “Don’t make me do this, Ix…”

Then I closed my eyes, not allowing any tears to tumble down my blue cheeks Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. In the darkness of my eyelids I briefly found comfort and I just spent a moment floating there in the sea of the void. An image came up, at first lifeless and still like a cave painting before illuminating into full color and changing shape to a girl, kneeling over a dead warrior in a suit of armor with her hands covered in blood. I peered at her and watched her back rise and fall, and the tears drip down and coat the warriors armor.

Toki, weeping over what she had to do to free her captain and friend from his horrible fate.

Again, fuck.

Ix-Lok pat my sword hand on time, and I felt it go a little more limp in my arms. With the last of its strength it moved its hand up under its neck, its fingers prodding a thin opening where the neck met the head. “Here… Enter your blade here, Barry… and… thank you…”

I exhaled a long shaky breath. I can do this. I have to do this. For Ak… For Ix… I moved the sword upward, the point grazing the thing opening Ix had pointed out. Its hand fell away limply to the dirt, clearing my sword’s path entirely. Then, there was the rain Fogwarth had spoke of. I watched it fall in gentle, steady drops on Ix’s chest, falling from my cheeks and leaving small dark circles on its stone body. If this was a dream, or some kind of nightmare, then… why did I feel so much?

“Goodbye, Ix… I’m so sorry…”

With a final thrust I slid the obsidian sword through the opening and pushed it deep. The blade skid against the stone until it met soft, wet flesh. Perhaps it was a brain, or most likely the infestation of mushrooms beginning to take root, but it sliced into the mass with a wet gush just before the last remaining signs of life in Ix fled sway.

For a moment I just held it in my stem arms. The cold stone was pressed against my body, and I slid the sword out so that I could cradle Ix’s body for just a moment. It was a moment of regret. I thought of our meeting, at the annoyance of the sibling Golems and their manner of speaking, of how frustrated I felt when they killed unseen tigers in the forest for our protection. I could have been so much fucking better to both of them. God damn it, Ix.

Slowly the fluid that had been inside of Ix’s head began to leak out into my palm as I still held its head up. The slow stream of droplets splattered as the fluid dropped around my hand and fell to the ground. It was slightly thinner than blood but still the perfect shade. Perhaps the Golems could actually bleed, maybe it was just the mushrooms, but I didn’t bother looking down at it for too long. Regardless, it was only a reminder of what I had done.

[Your party has slain Ix-Lok - Unbound Golem; Flesh Cursed - Level 15. You are awarded 189 experience points]