The mist was far thinner than it had been when we battled Daiki, and I was grateful for it. We moved forward, with Ak easily outpacing me and flinging arrows while dashing ahead while Foggy utilized his charge to keep pace with the bound bee. After only a moment we lost sight of both Aeronik and Foggy, but a breath later there came the shrieking scream of someone experiencing something awful.

I moved as fast as my little stem legs would carry me.

The shape of something was visible, an enormous, round, wiggly thing. It sort of looked like a big testicle with squirming pubic hairs. A gross thought, I know, but it’s a way better image than what we actually saw once we got closer.

“What the shit is that…”

Huge, blood red and wet, the oozing glob was easily the size of the world's largest rubber band ball, if you’ve ever seen that thing. All over its body were the squirming, writhing tentacles and the entire thing was covered in the throbbing blue veins that almost seemed to shift and move on its slick, glossy surface. The thing lacked anything close to eyes or a nose, but at the top of it was a gnashing opening that probably would land Aeronik somewhere nasty and terrible.

Ehhhhh. I mean… it’s Aeronik. Wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if he got dropped in it.

“Unhand him, pustule fiend!” Fogwarth shouted, proceeding with a ground stomp earth spike move he had done so many times before.

Unlike fights with smaller, more agile creatures, the big nutsack monster didn’t seem to move all that much, allowing the ability to land in full. A torrent of earth spikes seemed to pierce the thing from below, rewarding us with the wet squelching sounds of stone piercing flesh. Without hesitating, Ak-Lok followed with an imbued arrow as Foggy rushed forward with his sword and shield. I put out my sunflower cannon, concentrating its aim on the tentacle as I prepared my second ability. The beam struck at the same time as Ak’s arrow, only catching it slightly but still enough to prock the stun effect, locking up the tentacle holding the asshole bee and causing him to plummet down.

He landed right in the hole, screams of agony coming instantly, and a notification scrolled by awarding us the experience from his death.

No, I’m kidding. We aren’t that lucky. Instead Aeronik crashed down to the hard ground, his clipped wings snapping at the air instinctually the whole way down. He looked pissed as he sprawled out in the dirt, but that was his problem. I did my part and now he was free; time to get berry serious.

Fogwarth had landed several deep slices on the thing, raising his shield and blocking two lashing tendrils before sweeping back out to sever one in return. It fell to the ground limp like a length of old rope, and the stub that remained exploded with a fountain of blood. Foggy dropped a new ability on the thing, lunging forward with a thrust that summed two earthen replicas of himself doing the exact same thing, and the triad landed all three strikes against the creature's squishy flesh. Immediately after the strike both statues crumbled back into piles of dirt, clearly not sentient Golems like Ak was.

Ak stopped firing arrows and instead threw orbs of frost fire after strapping its great bow on its back. I wanted to question why Ak stopped with the arrows, but when I saw that none were actually poking out of the big blob thing it was obvious Ak was concerned about losing them inside of the creature’s body.

I went to work summoning my own abilities for the fight, when I noticed something odd about the squirmy blood testacle thing; the earlier wounds were gone.

The initial slashes Foggy had landed were gone, along with the punctures from his huge earth spikes. No arrow holes either, and even the severed tendrils had healed and were now slowly getting longer from their nubs again. I looked closely, watching what I feared come true as the triple thrust wound I had only just witnessed began sealing up.

Shit.

“Foggy! It’s healing!” I shouted, casting my rose-hip bush right below the creature. I knew it was already pretty immobile, but any damage right now would be worth it. “The fucker is literally healing!”

“Yes!” Foggy answered, repelling another tendril before chopping it off. “It appears we may need a new strategy here, sir berry!”

“Strategy!?” I shouted back, barely swatting away a tendril that threatened to squeeze the juice out of me. “My only strategy the entire time I’ve been to this place is to not fucking die!”

A stray tendril ripped right by me and snatched Ak by the leg, dropping the Golem and reeling it in like a prize bass. I shouted a curse, then ran after Ak-Lok with the intent to cut it free. Foggy noticed and did the same, literally rolling like a damn pill bug then striking with a downward slash at the tendril. The white shimmer of pearl moved in a flash and cut the squirming appendage in two, releasing Ak from its grip. Our win was momentary at best as a flurry of five or six tendrils fell on us, grabbing me at the risk and Ak around the waist. Foggy managed to fend off the onslaught but was now pinned with no way to help us.

I felt the tug, and suddenly I was off my feet and desperately clutching my sword as I was pulled in. My gross, gray flesh boots lifted off the ground as I was hoisted up, approaching the hole at the top of the blob which could only be described as a pulsating asshole full of needle-like teeth. I needed a plan, otherwise I was about to be blended.

Then I saw it, the small shape hauling ass to chase after us with something easily five times as large as itself in tow.

Scrappy!

The little orchid was dragging Aeronik’s spear behind it with all of its little orchid might. The bee was just getting to his feet and ran to Scrappy’s side to claim his weapon. I didn’t know what the stupid bee could do, but I only hoped it was enough to help Foggy and get us down. I hung, hot sour air blasting upward from the needle-toothed mouth hole like an old car heater on full blast. This was it, they would do it. Scrappy and the fucking bee to the rescue!

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[Your familiar, Scrappy - Level 4 Battle Orchid, has died]

Ah, shit.

Two tendrils had come out of nowhere like speeding subway trains, wrapping the orchid at its head and legs then ripping it in half. Wasn’t great news, let me tell you. Aeronik managed to slap away another tendril, however a spear was a bad weapon to have for this fight since the pole itself was easy to snare. And, as if to prove my point, a tendril wrapped the haft of the spear and was now entangled in a game of tug-o-war with Aeronik.

Well, there goes that plan. With nothing else left up our sleeves I decided to give my new ability a turn and hope for the best. Why? Because fuck it, that’s why.

“Exploding fire berry Dick! Go!”

As if on command, because I literally commanded it, the rotating pillar of exploding fiery fruits erupted from the ground below the wiggling spherical creature. It lifted the giant thing, pushing up on one side and causing the creature to be pushed on its side, just before the fireworks started. I grinned as I heard the start of the popping, the orange berries burst one after another while the thorns themselves carved red lines into its flesh. After only a few bursts, I saw the dancing flicker of fresh flames begin their crawl over it as the chance to catch fire to the enemy finally kicked in. The beast squealed in agony, dropping us to the ground as the limbs tossed and thrashed in a wild attempt to fan the fires.

I hit the ground with a thud. I actually did this time! It was mainly the weight of the sword but shut up, let me have this one.

The spiraling fire berry pillar was even more impressive from the ground view, standing taller than even the tallest of us and berries bursting like rogue firecrackers. My allies were impressed by the pillar, and I felt a brief sense of pride before we dove back in, inflicting as much damage as we could. The ghastly -5s and -6s really boosted the ego as well, with the flurry of numbers buzzing up like angry gnat swarms. Without a hesitation I ran forward, slashing with my blade and carving cross-hatched wounds into the gross monster’s underside.

The sword felt just a bit better in my grip, and my swings were slightly easier as well. Huh. Maybe the expertise points actually were giving me a subtle edge.

Even Aeronik composed himself enough to rejoin the fight, clearly the most damaged one of our bunch. The stupid, shitbag, asshole bee lunges forward with his regained spear and peppering piercing shots at the blood ball thing.

We had the upper hand, and the pillar’s timer was ticking down with each passing moment. We had to inflict as much damage as possible, we had to beat out this thing’s unfair health regeneration advantage. I recast my rosehips as soon as it was off cooldown, which lined up almost exactly with the pillar falling apart and vanishing into nothing. The damage of this ability was half of the pillar at best, but it kept our overall output where we needed it to be.

I hoped, anyway.

I was midway through another slash when something big bowled right by me, the wind and force nearly knocking me down on its way by. The orb was huge, glowing with orange light like a burning sun while asteroids of icicle shards spiraled around it, and it moved with meteoric speed. The air simultaneously burned and froze as it ripped through our ranks, narrowly missing Foggy and I before plunging into the huge, bleeding wart monster; it sort of looked like a wart, so that’s what I’m going with.

The beach ball sized orb of frost fire exploded, sending all of us flailing backwards and even taking off a sliver of my health just from the force of the explosion. I rubbed my head after the fall, feeling a little bit annoyed at Ak for the reckless, but pretty badass, ability, until I the notification pinged.

[Your party has slain a Wraith Tumor - Level 19. You are awarded 312 experience points]

“Fuck yes, Ak!” I shouted, getting to my feet and watching the massive ball of flesh freeze and burn at the same time. “That’s how you cook a tumor!”

“Oh, by the Gods,” Aeronik spat, turning to me in disgust. “Who in this world or the next cooks a tumor?”

“Shut it, bee. It’s a… it’s a figure of speech. People say it. Don’t question it.”

Our party moved forward, watching the flames die down as the remaining pool of meat and blood turned to nothing but blackened goo. It was gross. Like, really gross. It smelled like burnt hair, roasted shit, and, oddly enough, a cool winter morning. Regardless, I wanted out of this place as quickly as possible, just in case there were more of the tumors.

Sentient tumors. Jesus Christ, I hate this place.

“Alright,” I said, raising my sword in triumph and preparing to get the Hell out of there. “Let’s move! Gotta find a…”

That’s when I noticed it. Typical mindless main character syndrome, whatever, but that’s when I noticed it. Five pillars, rising from a hill like ancient totems, cracked and weathered with the passage of time. The pillars varied in width and length, getting smaller and thinner from left to right as they sat atop the oblong mossy hill that towered over us. It was the strangest hill I’d ever seen. It lacked the typical tapered slopes and done shape, and instead it looked… it looked sort of like…

“Is that a fucking foot?!” I screamed, staring up at the pillar-sized toes. It was definitely a foot. An enormous, moss-covered, foot. I wasn’t the kind of guy who thought feet were entirely gross, but like… yeah, gross.

At the heel of the foot, which had been blocked from our vision due to the huge tumor monster, was an entryway that looked like a wide cave mouth. From where we stood it was nothing but darkness inside of the ragged hole, but it was pretty obvious what this thing was when the mist slowly rolled out like a cheap haunted house fog machine.

“His lord, Vacel Juniperscar…” Aeronik said with a gasp, staring up at the big ass foot. “Oh, how you deserved such a better fate than this.”

“That is the dead God?” I asked with a raised berry brow. “That thing is monstrous. How can something that big even exist?!”

“He is no mere something!” Aeronik practically snarled his response. “You ignorant little blueberry! Here lies the one of our fabled Seven Gods! One of the radiant powers that govern the laws of our cherished world!”

I heard two thumps as Ak-Lok strolled over and kicked the base of the giant foot twice. “Governed,” it corrected.

Foggy ignored our back and forth and approached the ragged hole in the giant heel, feeling around the opening and looking inside. He grunted and gave a nod, carefully inspecting the thing as if this was all completely normal.

Was I crazy? Is it me? Am I somehow the only person who doesn’t want to walk straight into a dead giant’s foot hole? Come on. This is insane.

“It appears sound,” Foggy called back, now prodding at parts with the tip of his sword. “This God is very much dead, and it appears his body has decayed into some kind of odd organic structure. Clearly once there had been skin and bone, blood and muscle, yet now it is hard like stone or packed earth, and has been overtaken with plant life. Yes, I believe we will be safe to entire this husk of our deceased Juniperscar and locate my brother.”

“Dude, gross,” I called over, watching in astonishment as Ak followed him into the hole, and even Aeronik jogged over to keep up with the group. “God damn it…”

I took a second to summon Scrappy back and pop him on my head, then I moved to catch up with the team, preparing to have a terrible time poking around inside of the corpse of some dead guy.