I didn’t let the alert distract me. The fourth bottle left my hideous, gray flesh glove and burst against an Alpha, bathing it in liquid flame that finally seemed to do some damage. The rolling fire lingered, burning several Veinlings in the process as well as significantly stopping the Alpha. I was far more pleased with the -46s and -52s now that the thing has taken a direct hit, rather than the worthless damage output I had before.

Part of me really wanted the veinlings to vanish after we got the notification that the quota was met, however that didn’t happen at all. We still have about 23 or 24 left out of the 32 that had come down, along with both Alphas. The veinlings had at least kept their distance after the fire bombing had began, so I guess that was a win.

Fifth bomb in hand, I turned a big and tossed it at a cluster of veinlings moving along the left side of the wall. It splashed right before where they were headed, almost perfectly catching them to wipe out the entire group; sadly it only cleared about 4 of the 6, but still kept us alive. I grabbed the sixth bottle just as the flame sparked on the sleeping bag fabric strip and began to plot my next move.

I’d need precision and timing on my side, neither of which I had regularly.

I briefly thought back to the wise words of Barry senior back when I was a child. That wasn’t my dad’s actual name but it works better calling him that.

Anyway, there I was, standing on the pitcher's mound in my little league days all restless and shit. Most of my balls barely made it to the plate, and I had walked far more players than were probably even on the team. I stood there trembling, my palm sweat glazing the ball, my heart rattling in my chest. The sun was baking me alive, and my skin felt hot to the touch. But I knew this was it, it was now or never. I had one shot to save the game and all I had to do was strike out this one kid, Tommy Peppercornelius. The kid had the body of a 1980s sitcom lunch lady, but was a total powerhouse. Our eyes locked, his fat cheeks pulling into a grin as he took a deep drag of his inhaler before taking his stance, bat raised and ready. This was my moment. This was when I showed Tommy Peppercornelius who was boss. I pulled the ball back, ready to let it fly for the fastest fast ball that ever fast balled.

Then, I piss and shit myself. Right on the mound. Right in front of everyone. I shamefully walked to the bleachers surrounded by an orchestra of laughter, wreaking and damp, head held low like Charlie Brown. That’s when my father said it, and I could hear those words echo in the cavity of my mind as I prepared to launch my game winning Molotov cocktail.

“What the fuck was that, Barry? Oh, look at you. Piss and shit? Really? Jesus Christ, Barry! All of our neighbors are here! Come on, let’s go. God damn it. I’ll see if that freckled fuck at the concession stand has a garbage bag for you to sit on or something. Ain’t no way you’re going to get your shit on the seat of my 93’ Malibu!”

Yeah, I should have warned that he didn’t exactly have inspiring words to say, and was kind of an all around bad guy.

Letting my mind go blank and focusing on my target, I let the bottle fly and crossed my berry fingers and toes that it landed true; this was our last one, and now there was only brute force left. The bottle landed true, spinning ass over end until it collided with the farther Alpha, halting it in place as it tried to put out the flames while I brought out phase 2.

A sunflower beam cannon straight to the face of the first alpha.

[Sunflower Beam Cannon] didn’t let me down, the flowering ripping from the ground in a bloom of yellow sunshine and unleashing a torrent of energy right into the face of the charging, burned spider. It struck, hammering off a whopping -94 damage and inflicting the stun effect. While it was stunned I cast rose-hips on the rear Alpha, trapping it among the dying flames just to capture every droplet of damage we could before it entered the fray. With both Alphas temporarily stunned I turned my attention to the swarming veinlings who just got their confidence back apparently.

“Aeronik?!” I called out, checking on Bellbane and noting that he was only just getting to his feet. “The small spiders! Get any that get close to us!”

“Who are you to tell me what to do?” He said, spearing a spider that got close to us just as I had asked.

With mere seconds left before we were overrun, I decided to go with a new spell in the hopes that it would put Bellbane back in the fight. With only a little over 100 mana left in the tank, I decided to cast [Curative Spores] for the first time.

Within a second small orbs of light, only slightly larger than a snowflake, began to gently fall from above us like descending ashes. The tiny orbs touched down, one hitting me and immediately restoring a fraction of the damage I had taken against the spiders minutes prior. Aeronik had also caught some bites while routinely taking out one or two veinlings who leapt into our area. Maybe if the spores seemed to be clustered over Bellbane, falling a bit harder over him than by the rest of us. Bellbane looked up, catching a few light orbs on the face as he closed his eyes and accepted the radiant warmth of healing.

Not gonna lie, being healed was a sensation like no other. It was like every little pain, every sore spot on my body, was momentarily put on pause and replaced with the cozy warmth of the perfect hot chocolate on a winter morning while watching Hamtaro reruns as a 30+ year old man.

What?

The spiders backed away, weary of whatever spell was just cast, as the two Alphas regained mobility. The larger spiders have no shits about the descending spores and immediately crept forward, clearly preparing to pounce once in range. Bellbane wasn’t fully restored, but I had to hope he was at least in good enough shape to help me beat some spider ass; truthfully he would be doing more ass beating than me, but I at least I’m decent moral support.

Bellbane stood up straight, fists raised and hollow eye sockets open wide, mist swirling its body as it restored its health. I was momentarily concerned that he had not been healed enough as he charged forward, meeting the first Alpha with his misty knuckles, scattering out thick fog all around from the force of the blow. Then I saw it, barely larger than Scrappy, clinging on to the mist golem’s back for dear life.

Beige stalk body, dark swirling purple cap, two tiny arms and two tiny legs; it was the [Spore Medic]! The small mushroom guy was swinging back and forth as it tightly grasped whatever the solid mist material that made up Bellbane’s body was. At the same time, the medic seemed to hum and vibrate as smaller orbs of light flung out from all around him, instantly absorbed by Bellbane. The damned little thing was continuing to heal him even as he fought!

Aeronik was still taking on the veinlings, fending off the majority with the reach of his spear while slowly picking them off one at a time. Steady streams of notifications offering some experience trickled in, but I shoved them aside and focused on the job at hand.

There was another Alpha entering the mix, and it was on me to keep it busy.

“Hey! Over here! Let’s do this!” I said, raising my sword and monitoring my cooldowns.

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

Rose-hips were almost ready again, then the healing spores would be next, shortly followed by my pyracantha pillar, then sunflower. Unfortunately those last two would be right at the cut-off of the trial timer. A shiver went through my berry as I briefly thought of what a consequence of failing the timed mission would be; sealed in here forever? A thousand spiders all at once? Endless Christmas music? The horror.

The Alpha was on me in moments, leaping out and missing me with its enormous fangs by a hair as I rolled to the side. The creature had been marred by the alcohol firebombs, but it still had enough fight left in it to give chase as I moved quickly to gain some distance. I watched the seconds tick down on the rose-hip bush as I tried my best to outpace the creature.

Until a rippling pain caught me in the side and sent me hurling into the nearby wall. I rolled down, collapsing and feeling pain throb throughout every section of my fruit body. What the hell was that?

I regained my focus and could see clearly that the spider had swiped me with one of its massive legs, battering me like a ping-pong ball. I rose to shaky stem-legs, watching the Alpha approach with fangs ready to suck me dry; don’t tell Goomba I said that. A quick glance at my health showed that the single hit from its leg took out just under 20%, bringing me back to where I was pre-spore.

Rose-hip was ready, and I sprung into action like the little jerk Tom from Goodreads said I was.

Twirling roses, bulbous rose-hip fruits, and tangling thorny stems shoved out from under the Alpha and completely wrapped its legs. The arachnid pulled at its bindings, ripping up chunks of earth only to be bound and pulled back down again. I leapt and swung a downward slash of razor-edged obsidian at a weakened leg, connecting right at a leg joint and sliding through it like fresh sashimi. The spider squealed, bucking up as half of its leg fell down beside it. With only a moment left of the immobilizing ability, I lunged forward and shot out some haphazard repeating thrusts at the exposed thorax. Most of them barely sunk in an inch, but for me it was nothing but a numbers game at this point. I watched the hovering -12s, -14s, and the two -17s wiggle up from the impact points before jumping back and hauling ass as the rose-hips ended.

Behind me I heard the squeal again, followed by the ragged, sloppy footing of a freshly amputated spider trying to catch up to me. I had little doubt that the thing was somehow slower than me now, but I hoped it was injured enough to lack the coordination necessary to catch me.

That’s when I forget a key part about taking on fantasy spiders; the webs.

I stumbled over a sticky red strand, not seeing it until my ankle was already stuck on it. My momentum carried me forward, sending me as off-balance as the Alpha behind me was, which shifted me into a spin that landed me right on my berry back. And, as these things go, my berry back was now right on a finely crafted blood web that had clearly been set up by one or two of the veinlings at some point. I tossed and turned, both arms still free but my legs and back completely stuck to the wet, crimson web. From my vantage all I could see was the cave’s ceiling, and a glimpse of the massive spider that launched itself to be on top of me.

“Shit!” I screamed as it descended, raising my sword up in preparation.

[Dungeon Alert: One minute remaining to complete the trial. Trial countdown has now timer has now begun]

“Oh double shit! Triple shit!” I screamed as the spider fell, its bottom jaw meeting the tip of my sword while both fangs hovered an inch above my face.

I wrestled the beast, both of us refusing to let up with the knowledge that we were both moments from death. The spider was significantly weakened, its legs seemed limp and it moved sluggishly even as it tussled with me, but I was no better off. Stuck in place, it was a challenge for me to even keep my arms raised at this angle along with the pressure and weight of the spider. Both stem arms trembled as I fought to keep them raised, and I twisted the sword in a failed attempt to wrench the thing off of me. I twisted again, this time widening the wound enough for the sword to dig deeper into the creature; Which allowed it to descend further and catch me on my side with its fang.

The fang cut in deep and I couldn’t hold back an agonizing scream as the sharp tooth began to train my, zapping 1-2% of my health each second it was inside of me. I turned, pulled, and pushed the sword frantically, doing all that I could to inflict as much damage as possible before this thing took me out of the fight. Every move I made seemed to shake off more of its health, but it was as if its total pool was just endless at this point. Meanwhile I hit 50% of my total and watched it fall lower and lower.

“Come on! Die already!” I shouted, fileting its insect insides as if I were mixing up some mashed potatoes upside down.

The pulsating veins that made up its body splashed warm blood down on me, painting me in gore the more I fought to kill the thing. From my peripheral I could make out the silhouettes of my would-be allies in this trail, with Bellbane apparently beating the living shit out of a down-and-out alpha with its own spiked leg, while Aeronik was down on a knee, swatting away the last handful of veinlings that had him surrounded.

[Dungeon Alert: Thirty seconds remaining to complete the trail]

I let out the most monstrous battle cry that any sentient blueberry ever had, as far as I knew anyway, and I wrest the sword away quickly before jamming it right back in, sinking it in even deeper and eliciting one final squeal before the arachnid bucked upward and sloughed off to the size of me; dead as dead could be. My health sat at a whopping 27% remaining, but it was stable for now. I took in a gasping breath like a fish out of water, just happy to no longer be pinned even if I was still stuck to the ground and borderline helpless. Still, I smiled. I smiled a wide, large, maniacal smile.

[Your party has slain a Capillarachnid Artery - Alpha - Level 25. You are awarded 589 experience points]

[Dungeon Alert: Tail End of the Horde, Blind Trust has ended. The Fourth Trial of Juniperscar’s Husk is now complete. Reward: 4,250 experience points, unique item, access to Fifth Trial of Juniperscar’s Husk]

[You have gained a level. You are now Level 12. You are 0 experience points from Level 13]

[You have gained a level. You are now Level 13. You are 3259 experience points from Level 14]

[You have 1 unspent ability point. Please choose an ability from the Angiomancer skill tree. Ability points that are not applied within 24 hours are randomly assigned to an available choice]

The floor shook, the sounds of grinding earth and stone echoing throughout our wide corridor as the walls finally came down. The remaining spiders collapsed in a chorus of wet squelches as they melted into puddles of blood and mounds of viscera. Yet even as the blood webs went away and the sounds of battle died, I just could not help but laugh as I read the notifications.

We did it. We did it! How the Hell we managed to survive that is beyond me, but our little engine that could really chugged is fucking ass up that mountain. I sat up, letting my laughter settle and pushing myself up to my feet, using my sword as a cane. Aeronik was doing the same with his spear, small puncture wounds spread out over his carapace and armor, and Bellbane slowly made his way toward us. Over the ass crack ledge I saw Fogdahn approach, looking absolutely no worse for wear other than being drenched in blood, and behind him limped Ak-Lok, who had apparently had a much rougher go than his creator had judging by the holes and chipped stone that littered his body.

I smiled as we all moved to approach one another, climbing out of our individual cheeks, and thought I saw Ak give the smallest sliver of a smile right back at me. At that moment, magical random ass pouches dropped out of thin air and landed in front of each of us with a gentle thump, indicating that these must have been the prizes we won for completing that trial. I bent down, scooped mine up, noticed everyone else did the same, then took a look around.

Wait…

“Foggy?! Foggy! Where are you!”

“Sir berry!” Foggy said from up high, his cheeks clearly full and lips smacking together.

I bent back, following the sound of the voice upward until I saw a scene I never expected to see; well, I guess most of this I didn’t expect to see so take that as you will. It was Foggy, soaked in blood and guts, sitting atop a literal mound of mushy spider corpses, while gingerly eating what looked like some kind of beagle-sized loaf cake out of his hand with a dainty little fork. He raised the fork, waving at me and offering the widest pudgy smile.

My jaw dropped. How? How in the name of whatever Gods weren’t dead in this world did he single-handedly fight off that many spiders? Clearly I wasn’t the only one who thought so, because before I could say anything another voice came up.

“My word…” Fogdahn said, his single wide eye… well, wide as he stared up at the hill of slimy spider corpses. “Impossible…”

“Sir berry! We have done it! We have beaten the trial of the fallen Juniperscar!” He shouted, swallowing his mouthful before plunging back into the loaf with the tiny silver fork. “And look here! ‘Tis a fruit cake! My prize for slicing a slough of savage spiders it would seem! What a marvelous day this has become.”