“Wish you had some food?” Namey said, and Ben continued ignoring him, “Wish you were out of here? Wish you had some water?” Namey was baiting Ben, attempting him to get to say 'I wish' pretty much anything. He’d been ignoring the voided bastard by making another shitty crown out of twigs and moss. The moment he’d put it on his head, he knew he had a problem, because the shitty crown was not cutting it anymore.
“Have you even gotten a single person to fall for this scam yet?” Ben asked irritably.
“No,” Namey said, “Wish I had?”
“No,” Ben said, “not even a single person? Wait, why am I even asking you, of course you'll lie.”
“Obviously,” Namey said, nodding his head and immediately changing gears.
“Obviously,” Ben said, knowing he'd just been baited, and falling for the bait.
“Obviously! Ben, you, me, we,” he said, immediately making a gesture with his hand to encompass both of them, “are in a hostile, dangerous world filled with hostile, dangerous aliens who don't think much of humans like you and me,” Namey said, and Ben immediately bit back with;
“Please don't group us together, we aren't the same.”
“Oh, but we are, at least to them,” Namey said, standing up and pacing around the surprisingly large jail cell, “They can't tell the difference between us two; but that's besides the point. Ben, we should obviously be lying,” he said, pausing briefly, “about everything,” another pause, “all the time. We should be lying, telling them exactly what they want to hear and getting as much information and material assistance as possible out of every exchange. Solas eats newcomers like us alive, so we need to approach the city as invaders, not beggars.”
“Mmmm,” Ben said, not looking at the voided psycho in front of him.
“We don't owe this city anything, and that's a fact. We don't owe this world anything, and that's a fact too. This city? It was designed for the exclusive purpose of Sunlet dominence, and everyone in it is just a tool to that end. This entire world? It was designed for the exclusive purpose of serving the needs of The System, whatever those needs are. We're just tools, replaceable parts in a grand meatgrinder made of meat!” Namey jumped up, his empty eyes wide, his emotionless body feigning emotion with wild gestures of his arms and wild expressions on his face. “Don't you get it! This is a place designed for demons, so make a wish! You won't regret it! Fucking burn this entire city to ash and make them fucking kneel! Don't you get it? Don't you understand! We aren't at peace with this place, we are at war!”
Namey was breathing hard, and as much as Ben would never admit it, his [Prince] class was both listening and taking notes. 'We are at war with this place', it seemed to say in the quiet, wordless way that classes spoke and thought. And then, proving to Ben once and for all that the class was made from parts of himself, it started quoting the bible.
'I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.'
“Yeah,” Ben said, shaking loose from his inward focus, “see, that's fucked up. Also, you're the single worst liar I've ever come across. Like, what you're saying is good and all, but it's so obvious you're just trying to get something out of me.” Namey paused mid-breath, literally froze mid movement, and remained still for about two seconds.
“I'm a bad liar?” he said, and Ben realized he'd made a mistake, “Oh, of course!” Namey said, hitting his forehead with his palm, “Doy! I've been lying wrong! I've been coming up to people like this,” he said, making a manic, insane person smile, “when I should have been doing this,” he said, then transformed his face into a vision of sympathetic expression, so through that even Ben was sold, until he remembered who he was looking at.
“That's fucking freaky,” Ben said, and Namey went back to normal.
“Nailed it. Man, am I glad I came across you, Jameson. Listen,” he said, getting close to Ben, “most people don't know this,” he said, looking really human and honest, “but the Worm Enclosure allows me to give out. . . a few regular wishes. No cost, I promise,” he said, sounding extremely honest, “and you deserve one. I know you don't trust me, and I don't blame you, but please, accept my gratitude. You've just saved my life. Wish for anything, and it will be yours.”
“I've created a monster,” Ben said, putting his face in his hands while Namey watched Ben with his sympathetic, human expression for a bit longer. When it was clear that Ben wasn't going to fall for it, Namey transformed back to normal and started laughing.
“Man! You're too good at this! How was it though, I know it was better, I can tell from how you reacted. It's all so obvious thanks to you my good friend Jameson! I'll lie my way out of jail, and don't worry, I'll lie to get you out of jail too, and then I'll get everyone in Solas to make wishes and turn them into my slaves! Wahoo, this is going to be great!”
Ben briefly considered murdering Namey right there, but then considered that he might not win the fight, and also that committing a murder while in jail was probably the worst idea. He was saved from more Void Soul garbage by a guard, who happened to be a large lizard-person. Like, the reptilian lizard person from conspiracy theories, which once again validated Ben's early life conspiracy craze, and once again put another crack in Ben's perception of what sanity was and how he should go about doing it.
“Which one of you is Ben,” he said, and Namey's head snapped towards Ben with a shocked, hurt expression on his face. He mouthed, 'you liar!' with mock outrage, then winked at Ben.
“It's me,” Ben said, unhappy that Namey now knew his real name.
“You're out of here, feel lucky that you have friends in high places. All your illegal shit stays here though, not that you'd want that ratty robe or that shitty crown anyways.”
“I'm a fucking [Prince], and you'll watch your tongue or I'll have it cut from your head,” Ben snapped, and for a brief moment, his royal aura flared, making the Sunlet guard flinch. His class, which had been so well behaved lately, was clearly fucking incensed at no longer having the three things it needed to be happy, which were a crown, a royal outfit of any kind, and a scepter.
“Oh, uh, of course, your majesty,” he said, giving an awkward bow.
“Burn the robe and crown, of course,” Ben said, “they're trash and I intend to replace them with proper attire,” he sniffed, walking out of the now open cell, completely naked I might add, with an imperious expression on his face. As he was leaving, he heard Namey start to talk to the guard.
“Hey, listen. I've really thought about what I was doing, and I realize now that I need to pay for my actions-”
Ben stopped listening, because honestly, he didn't need to hear Namey's lies. As he walked, escorted by the guard, he found himself thinking about the Void Soul's words, despite his best efforts.
Why even bother trying to be a good person here? Ben thought the answer should be obvious, but it eluded him. Why even try and. . . what, be honest? Obey the rules? Who's rules! Ben didn't even know who was in charge here, he didn't even know what kind of government had just arrested him.
He decided to fall back on old reliable, a proverb that served him well. Do to others what he'd like others to do to him. A simple expression that cut to the heart of pretty much every moral quandry, even if it took a little work to make it happen.
Right now, Ben decided that he'd wait and see. Who knows, Solas could be great! The guard took him through a maze of hallways and stairs, and while they walked, Ben couldn't help but ask a couple of questions.
“So are you from outside The World?” Ben asked, looking at the lizard alien and doing his best to keep his cool.
“My ancestors were,” he said, “you are a human. Recently arrived.” The large reptile didn't ask questions so much as make rhetorical statements of fact.
If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
“Recently arrived,” Ben confirmed, “I got here just a week ago.”
“You'll die quickly then,” the guard said, “if you've already made so much trouble in just a week. The first of your kind arrived approximately three months ago, and they were trouble as well. Your kind has a propensity for extreme action, which I do not appreciate as a guard. Please live out the remainder of your life in silence.”
“Oh. . .” Ben said, a little put back by the blunt hostility of the guard, “ok, you too,” he said awkwardly. A few moments passed. “So, did you guys come from the Orion Nebula, and was it called the Draco Empire?”
“I don't know what any of those words mean,” the guard responded, turning a corner sharply and not looking at Ben.
“Ok, cool. Is your species divided into casts of different colored lizards? With your royals as white scaled dragons with vestigial wings and rainbow colored eyes?”
“That is a strangely specific question, and of course. Everyone knows this.”
“Fucking everyone knows this,” Ben repeated, feeling validated, “of course they do. Oh, do you guys eat suffering and sin, and if so, do you call it loosh?”
Ben's really stupid question was met only with silence from the now thoroughly disturbed guard. Ben sensed that he'd gone a little far with the conspiracy stuff and kept his mouth shut, relishing that somehow schitzophrenics on the internet had nailed the caste system thing, and also that reptilians were real.
“Wait, are you guys shapeshifters, and follow up question, do you shapeshift and infiltrate governments?”
“Please stop talking.”
–
Ben had been deposited in a large lobby type room, and immediately after his guard had made a loud request to Chief Cragg that he 'should like to never have to escort another human again, and he will work the southern patrol as compensation for his request', which was immediately granted. Moments later, Short Bus and Ghost Ears joined him in the lobby, leaving both Red and Vivi absent.
“Where's the rest of my party,” Ben immediately asked, stepping forward and looking way up at the enormous rock elemental in a green police outfit.
“The honorable slug's staying in jail, and the Beyonder is being evaluated by the High Summoners of Solas,” he said. The dude was bigger than Short Bus, and to Ben's finely tuned city employee senses, had the heavy scent of corruption about him. It was in the way he stood, in the way he smiled, in the casual disregard for the institution around him. . . everything said 'I'm a cop for the money, and if the money's good for a moment, for a moment, I'm not a cop.' Ben had literally heard those words spoken to him by a cop in his city, word for confusing word, and had spent like an hour parsing it out to make sure he understood it correctly.
“Are they safe?” Ben asked.
“The slug's safe as can be, here,” Chief Cragg said with a lazy wave of a gravelly, bouldery hand, “the Beyonder's probably going to get vaporized with the way she keeps trying to murder the High Summoners familiars. Say, you know anything about that? She won't say where she's from, or who she is.”
“She told me she was a Chaos Warden,” Ben said.
“Huh. Is that like a cop?”
“I think so, but it's more like a battlefield cop? I'm not entirely sure myself, it's been a really long week. Say, you look like a guy who knows how to get stuff done,” Ben said, immediately slipping into his old 'city ways'.
“You'd be right, and I'm listening,” Chief Cragg said, looking around really quick to make sure nobody important was around. You could be corrupt in front of certain people, but not others. A lesson you learned quick, or got fired over.
“The Beyonder? Her name is Red, and look, I need her back. She's fucking crazy, she's fucking scary, but she's a decent sort. You have a way to get her out of there before someone blows her up?” Chief Cragg rubbed his chin, the sound surprisingly smooth considering it was rock rubbing on rock.
“Possibly,” he said, “very possibly. Now, I heard from Miss Anna, a good friend to have, and from Master Dryst, a bad enemy to have, and from Lord Thirty-One, a good kid, that you all cleared a Citadel. Congratulations.”
“Thank you, it wasn't easy,” Ben said.
“No, I imagine it wasn't. Now, I imagine you've got quite a bit of treasure stashed away somewhere,” he said and then immediately got fake defensive, putting his hands up, “no don't worry, I'm not searching you. I imagine you're one of those Dimensionalist humans with the fancy Utility Pocket, and there's no way I can get nothing out of that. But, say you needed to unload some of that loot. A guy like you? Please,” he said, poo-pooing the idea away, “you'll get eaten alive in a city like this. You'd be lucky if you didn't get robbed, even if you got a decent price.”
“Terrible,” Ben said, keeping his tone light, keeping it from being an interruption.
“Terrible,” Chief Cragg said, “but my boy, lucky for you, I happen to know a guy who's got a shop. In fact, you might say that I'm something of a partial owner in said shop, so consider my endorsement biased. But if you were to go to said shop and sell your citadel treasure in bulk, accepting a reasonable loss, of course, then I can get your Beyonder friend out of hot water. In fact, I'll trust that you're heading over there right now, and I'll head over to deliver some intercession on her behalf right now, should you decide to give my little shop some patronage.”
“I'd love to see your little shop,” Ben said, putting a big smile on his face, “but we're new to the city. Do you mind letting Anna's group lead us around?”
“Hmm. Miss Anna's gonna have to stay, her parents are on their way, and I'd hate to have them ruin my day. Tell you what, I'll see if Lord Thirty-One is amniable. Either way, I'll send one of my boys with you, keep you from finding any trouble, and keep any trouble from finding you.” Chief Cragg's smile could not be more corrupt, and his ploy could not be more transparent. The entire thing had the feeling of procedure, of something that had been perpetrated many times in the past, and would be perpetrated many times in the future. Ben felt he could trust that kind of stable, long term corruption.
“Chief Cragg, I think you and I are speaking the same language,” Ben said, and extended out a hand. The large rock elemental reached out an enormous mitt and gently shook Ben's.
“I think we are, and be sure to sell a lot at my shop, your majesty.” Chief Cragg, standing at seven foot eight, weighing in the thousands of pounds of what looked like dark blue gravel, grinned. His teeth were nicely shaped, but clearly rocks. His breath was like the smell of stone during the rain, and his eyes were perfectly carved green jade, which matched his uniforms.
Ghost Ears flew up to him and waved a tiny hand to get his attention. Chief Cragg's eyes crossed to look at the True-Elf Fairy, and his lips twitched down for a moment before his expression was schooled into 'standard cop'.
“Don't cause any trouble,” Cragg said extremely slowly, like he expected to be misunderstood, and Ghost Ears nodded.
“I wouldn't dream of it,” he said, and Chief Cragg's eyes widened.
“Oh, you can talk. Or, er, you will talk.”
“No, I understand the surprise. My kind are not often predisposed to conversation with larger creatures such as yourself, nor are they inclined to converse in any such manner as could be considered polite or appropriate.”
“Uh, yeah,” Chief Cragg said, looking like his brain just crossed a wire for a second to parse what Ghost Ears had just said. Short Bus leaned down and 'whispered' to Ben. He even did the thing where you cover your mouth with a hand, but that was hilariously ineffective, due to the enormous size of Short Bus's mouth.
“Ben, I think I'm about to go berserk and start eating people,” the man-shark said extremely calmly. Ben calmly whispered back.
“Yeah, don't do that,” Ben said, and Ghost Ears laughed politely.
“Yes, what a good segue. Before we head to your lovely shop, as you can plainly see, my companions are starving, dirty and naked. I myself am merely starving and dirty. Additionally, when the day concludes itself, we will obviously have nowhere to sleep. Even further than that, we will have no means by which to contact either you, or anyone tangentially related to our captive companions. By the forest,” Ghost Ears said, laughing politely once again, “I don't even know what this building is called, or the names of the buildings where Vivi and Red are being held are.”
“That's a lot,” Chief Cragg said, then gently waved the fairy out of his face, “look, I'll. . . I'll just make sure the cyborg finds yous all and he'll show you around. My guy at the shop will be able to get a hold of me if you need me. I gotta run if you want me to get your Beyonder friend out of trouble.”
Then, without waiting for a response, Chief Cragg practically ran away from Ghost Ears, who looked a little smug about it all.
“What was that?” Ben asked, looking from Ghost Ears to the police chief, who was busily excusing himself from the room and practically running away.
“My newest skill from the [Royal Vizier] class,” Ghost Ears said, “[Voice of Authority]. It allows me to, while executing my duties as a royal servant, issue commands to those of lower rank. He's likely running away because he's a public servant, one of the lowest technical ranks in the class authority hierarchy. I also got a skill called [Power Structures], which gives me an intuitive understanding of power hierarchies.”
“Good job,” Ben said, and then realized that because Chief Cragg was gone and they hadn't been dismissed, now they were just standing awkwardly in the middle of a Solas Police Station waiting for instructions. Luckily, they didn't have to wait long, as just a few long minutes later, Thirty-One floated out of a hallway and approached them.
“It's good to see you all alive,” the cyborg said, “let's get out of here.”
Before they left the building, however, a straggler ran out from the same hallway Ben had just come from.
“Hey!” Namey shouted, “Good news, I sweet talked my way out of jail! I told them you were responsible for me, and they let me out! Isn't that great!”
Their adventure in Solas had finally begun.