Amid the darkness and the chaos, the monsters and the menace, a man started laughing.
Ben couldn't help it. It started with Betsy, that sassy, willful cow he'd known all of fifteen minutes before she'd died. It built when the strange, antlered, naked woman had barged into his sacred, Lord of the Rings style moment; the absurdity grew when he looked down and saw he'd popped a boner.
That alone wasn’t enough.
Then, Ghost Ears had started taking off all his clothes, and Ben honestly believed the serious fairy was completely sincere in his belief that he was supposed to be naked like everyone else.
It was just too much.
Ben laughed and felt a warmth in his chest, a great fire in his heart that somehow he knew, knew, that everything was going to be alright. It was based on exactly nothing, yet still he knew.
Post Logic, a space elf might say.
He laughed and laughed, unable to take any of it seriously anymore. The feeling of warmth, of pure unadulterated morale, of unearned confidence, of determination filled his soul.
Vivi looked affronted.
Short Bus looked up, looked around, and saw it; he started guffawing. He was laughing even harder than Ben, his extremely loud voice echoing out in the forest.
Ghost Ears paused in the middle of pulling his pants down, looked up, and turned crimson red before he started laughing as well.
Vivi tried, he tried so extremely hard not to, but he chuckled, and relaxed. The sound of the Aeon Slug laughing was something akin to a squeaky toy, like the kind a dog would squeeze for hours. It was high pitched, but clearly laughter, and the sound of it made the rest of the males completely lose their shit. Tears were falling down faces, it was glorious. The best part was, Vivi didn't feel like they were laughing at him, and started laughing even harder.
The woman, with her green skin, antlers, and enormous magical eyes, froze on the spot; her mouth was slightly open, like she'd been prepared to say something, to take control of the situation more than she already had. She'd been ready for anything, anything but this.
“Well, come on then,” Ben said as he waved her over to the group, thankfully his erection gone, “We're glad to have you for as long as we've got left.”
She stood awkwardly, the dark name she'd given herself dying inside of her, banished like a shadow from the sunlight.
–
The laughter of the party had not gone unnoticed. To many of the dark and ugly things summoned from the worst parts of The Beyond, it was poison and caused them to flee. To others, it made them nervous, cautious. To the beasts, the brutes, the unthinking, it was merely more noise in a very loud forest.
The Elder Gremlins, named thus by Betsy, were too high to notice or care, caught up in the ecstasy of chaos. They had pulled so many creatures forth, and had no plans on stopping, ever. The Purelands, the Abyss, the Great Silent Oblivion, even the Wrathful Heavens, they would pillage them all.
They did not care about their lives, or about the reality they found themselves in. They had a dream that one day there would be no more days, no more nights, no more sight, no more emotion; that all things would return to the numb, quiet sleep of the void. If it were not so, they would not have become Gremlins, they would have become something else.
They carried with them dark wisdom and burning intellect. Though they were weak, they were clever in their weakness. Elder Gremlins rarely engaged in combat, rarely took risks, happy to sacrifice their ignorant children in their places whenever the chance came up.
If it were not so, if they were not selfish to the highest possible degree, if they had an ounce of love for another being inside of them, they would not have been made into Gremlins. They would have become a turret snail, or an Ax Beetle, or a mimic, or any of the other endless, endless variety of monsters found in The World.
But they were what was left, the dredges of evil that had been sifted out of vast and incomprehensible beings; things which would never pay a debt when there was someone else left to do it for them.
Weak, silly, easy to kill. Yet even so, the Gremlin was one of the most dangerous creatures in The World, because it was pure in its intention, and had the will to see it through to the end.
This was why, when one of the recently spawned Lesser Gremlins found a bright, brilliant, shining soul gem that had once been in the hands of the grays of Grayport 3, The System trembled, bound by its own damn rules.
Because the chaos they had already unsealed with their knowledge of The Beyond and mere Sparks and Embers, the lowest possible class of soul gems, was nothing compared to what they would do when they obtained a Quasar class soul.
The System itself felt the threat, and felt The Quest be issued; a rarity, for the cost to the one who issued it was great. After all, it could only be issued once, and once issued, they were bound to it until it was done.
The System’s full attention was focused on the small party; naked, barely armed, unfamiliar with one another's full abilities. One of them still had food poisoning, and they had neither shoes nor a single [Wish] at their disposal.
Yet, they laughed, and The System was reminded of his love of humanity. They were weak, stupid, ignorant, easy to kill, reckless, and illogical, pretty much terrible at everything they attempted from his perspective.
But by the void, did they know how to die beautifully. They feared it till it came, then they did not care. He'd seen it play out endlessly, from their beginnings in the war; through the time they were betrayed and cast into his custody; through the time they were betrayed once again when they broke free; and through their endless quarantine and imprisonment on a single planet in a quiet, dead galaxy.
The other races simply did not understand that humanity was no threat at all unless they were backed into a corner. They were terrible and frightening to look on, but all they wanted to do was find a monster and scream in its face; tell it that it wasn't allowed in their reality, and that it should kindly remove itself or they would do it for them.
That, and get really, really drunk with gigantic Tier One artificial intelligences, and convince them that they'd be happier if they had beards and a Scottish accent. Also if they turned themselves into gigantic world ships, hosted humanity, and catered to their whims that would be really awesome.
The System watched, and with him, the progenitor of humanity watched as well with interest, their endless haggling about the details of his incarnation put on a momentary pause to watch.
“Look at how they're laughing, it just completely disarmed that Chaos Warden,” the Inevitable said with a quiet smile.
“They're doomed, I can't believe I overlooked this; why are there mushrooms that give visions of The Beyond on your planet?” The System said, and The Inevitable shrugged.
“Why wouldn't there be? You're right though, the Gremlins are doomed,” The Inevitable said.
“I disagree,” The System said.
“Want to make a bet?” The Inevitable said, something like a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.
“I don't gamble,” The System said.
“You're just sore from last time, come on, low stakes, just for fun.”
“I'm about to have my first major breach since the primordial war, this isn't the time for a silly wager.”
“Well, I bet. . . one small favor owed from you to me, or whoever I like, that they recover the Quasar Soulgem and defeat the Elder Gremlins.”
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.
“Just a small favor?” The System said, looking over at the Inevitable, “nothing outrageous?”
“No, and if they don't, I'll go into your service for. . . ten thousand years? That's a short little jaunt, and you'll need the help if they don't pull it off.”
“That's a horribly lopsided wager, I'm practically guaranteed to win; no deal. I don't gamble, especially with you. I can't interfere, or allow anyone to interfere; that's what it means to be impartial, and that's what it means to follow the rules.”
The System sighed.
“Somebody, at least one person, has to follow the rules.”
–
Ghost Ears no longer had any clue what was going on, but he was wearing all of his clothes, which made him an oddity in the party. He felt that, perhaps, somewhere along the way he might have made a mistake.
Those old fairies who told him off, who told him he'd die and doom others to death; they were old, which meant they'd at least survived long enough to have a valid opinion on how to survive as long as they had.
They'd told him to be content with his good looks and to screw every beautiful fairy in his village, then go and screw all the beauties in the surrounding villages as well. They'd told him his rare race was all the contribution he needed to give their species, and to be content with his good fortune.
When Strange Town had collapsed, what Ghost Ears dreaded the most, aside from everything else, was facing those old fairies once again; he felt that he was willing to do anything for just another chance, anything, to succeed and avoid the ‘I told you so’.
As it turned out, anything was a very broad, strange price to pay, and involved being surrounded by intelligent beings who walked around naked like it was normal.
It also involved The Beyond, and passages to the underground opening up around him.
Ghost Ears felt that he had descended into a kind of hell; that he was condemned for his wish to be more than he was, for not being content with his lot.
Yet, he was laughing. Prince Ben had a plan, he'd accepted the burden of being a [Questor], had sworn to vanquish the evil which shamelessly violated sacred places. And once the evil was defeated, they would rebuild Strange Town, and this time succeed.
Under such a leader, he felt invincible.
--
Ben continued laughing, knowing with absolute certainty that they were all about to die. They might go down swinging and smiling, but they were going to go down. He was no fool.
Ben flew over to the girl with the antlers, aware of his own nakedness, and balancing it out with an awareness of his size. She had frozen on the spot, likely suffering a case of immediate regret at forming a permanent soul bond with a group of strange, naked men in the woods.
She hadn't moved since Ben had called her over, so he flew right in front of her face and did his best not to gulp; at that exact moment, the reality of how small he was really was kicked in, because his entire body was about as tall as her head, not counting the antlers. It was like talking to someone the size of a tree.
His entire field of vision was dominated by her enormous features, and looking up and seeing the antlers with the glowing purple thundercloud eyes above him, was frankly, terrifying.
“Hey!” Ben said, willing humor and energy into his voice, “what's going on, come on, snap out of it, we're surrounded by monsters!” Ben snapped his fingers in her face a few times.
Her body did not move, but above him, spaced out so far he could only just barely focus on both of them at once, her eyes moved. The yellow irises shifted smoothly from staring straight forward to crossing slightly and looking down directly at him. The cloud eyes shifted a bit, extending in an almost telescopic way, focusing on him further.
“My,” Ben said, gulping, “what big eyes you have there Red Riding Hood.”
The eyes underwent a visual phenomena that could be described as the mirage effect, like looking at the edge of a black, fresh asphalt road on a sunny, hundred degree day. They gained that same shine, like two orbs of reflective mercury churning.
The effect ended, and the irises were no longer a nearly matte yellow; now they were an eye-searingly vibrant fuchsia.
“Red?” she said, “have you named me Red?” Her voice was full and womanly, with a deep quality on the edge of being hoarse or husky, and contained an edge of vulnerable uncertainty.
The voice came from below him, her mouth moving, but Ben kept his gaze fixed on the enormous eyes.
“If that's what you got out of that,” Ben said, “then I guess it's Red. I don't really know who you are, or why you did what you did, but I'm glad to have the help. I'd like us to start moving now, to get somewhere safe and figure out a plan, but I need you to follow my lead. My name is Ben.”
“Chaos Warden,” she said, “you said you didn't know what I was; that's what I am. On this night, the boundaries of chaos encroach even further into The Beyond. One of the great foes of Discord has been stolen from the front lines. My loss will be felt Ben. There is only one plan, and I have only one purpose,” she said, her voice raw.
“What's that,” Ben asked, feeling the heat of her intensity, and finding that it didn't scare him.
“To destroy the ones who did this,” she said, her teeth clenched and her eyes storming with power, “and ensure it never happens again!” bolts of magical electricity, lightening really, reached out from her eyes like something one would see from a Tesla coil.
“Red, you're in the right place,” Ben said, then flew away from her and called out to the group, “It's all good guys! Red's a chaos warden and she hates Gremlins! Come on, let's get moving,”
“Good enough for me!” Short Bus shouted, practically begging the monsters in the forest to start the fight.
“So what, she doesn't have to do a job interview either,” Vivi said, his voice an irritated sulk, “so why did I have to go through that?”
“Lord Vivi,” Ghost Ears said, “I will be more than happy to continue the job interview at your convenience,” he said with way more respect than most people felt Vivi deserved. The Aeon Slug brightened.
“Oh good. I'll prepare some questions; say, I bet I could interview Red at the same time, that would be fun!”
“Sure, job interviews for everyone,” Ben said, “I'll even help you write up some questions. Anyone, anyone at all, where is a safe place around here we can get our heads on straight? Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
“Not likely!” Short Bus shouted, “there's monsters everywhere. Come at me!” he continued, bellowing his defiance in a 'way to happy about it' tone.
“The shark is correct,” Vivi said, “we might as well just pick a direction and start running.”
“Ghost Ears?” Ben asked hopeful.
“I'm afraid they're right. I'd like the chance to rest and level as well, but there's no chance of that happening, not in the middle of all this.” He waved a hand broadly to encompass their surroundings.
“Damn,” Ben said, then to his surprise, a utility pocket opened in front of him, and a determined looking Frankie dropped out and landed on the ground. He had the celestial, pink ribbon Betsy had floating around her, floating around him, scaled down to fit his size and shape.
He pointed at himself with an arm and seemed to be staring Ben down, hard. Demanding something.
“Frankie,” Ben said slowly, “do you have any ideas?” he asked, guessing that was what the elemental being had wanted. He guessed correctly, because Frankie nodded, then bowed his pseudo-head. His body language was full of. . . effort. Concentration. Focus.
The pink ribbon began to fade, like it was being absorbed into Frankie's very being, changing him. For a moment he appeared to be multi-dimensional, like a very clearly Frankie shaped hole in reality leading to a deep and vast space.
The mana in the air began to swirl and was siphoned into Frankie, like he was gathering it up for some great feat of magic.
His size grew, and Vivi gasped.
Frankie began to let loose a whistle like a tea-kettle, high pitched and steady, his body rippling. In front of them a patch of space began to swirl as though in a vortex. It was like someone had used a smear tool in an image editor, the colors and shapes visible while stretching, then breaking apart to pure blackness.
The vortex grew quickly, forming an arch tall enough for even Short Bus to walk through. It stabilized, and the purple, sea anemone like tendrils that were unique to the utility pocket formed along the edges. They were glowing bright, drawing in the thick ambient mana.
Frankie wheezed, like a kettle losing steam, collapsing on wobbly legs. The depth effect ended, and he returned to his usual black spatial distortion. He raised a single limb, and though no little hand formed, Ben knew for a fact the little guy was giving him the thumbs up. Then, a utility pocket opened under him and Frankie wearily passed through. Ben could sense him in his utility pocket, and knew he would not be joining them for any fighting, no matter how badly he might want to.
He'd already given everything he had.
“Well,” Ben said, shouting orders, “come on then, let’s go!”
Then, Ben having no idea what Frankie had done, what would happen, or if it was safe, confidently flew to the entrance and breached through to the other side.
[Frankie has leveled up!]
[Level 4!]
[Skill Gained]
[Blessing of the Pure Lands]
[Frankie has advanced! He is now a Lesser Utility Pocket Elemental!]
[Special Ability Gained]
[Pocket of Sanctuary!]
[Level 5!]
[Skill Gained!]
[Lesser Mana Siphon!]
[Lesser Mana Furnace!]
[Level 6!]
[Internal Storage has increased!]