“You can't have it back,” Ben said, adjusting his crown and making sure the cell phone was sitting exactly centered with his forehead.

“I paid for it, and it wasn't cheap,” Anna countered, her eyes wide as she realized she really might not get the phone back.

“Well, it's a part of my crown now,” Ben countered back, and if he weren't such a [Prince], he would have seen that that wasn't really a compelling argument.

“You've got to give it back when we get out of this,” Anna said, looking like she was ready to brawl over it immediately.

“We will negotiate,” Ben said, and then used a bit of his power to end the conversation. He wasn't sure if he was using mind control or something, but he really liked the ability to just boss people around and force them to listen.

That shit was clutch.

Anna scowled, opened and closed her mouth like a guppy a couple of times, then scowled harder and silently cursed royalty everywhere.

Ben's party watched the exchange and coordinated behind his back to quietly knock Ben out and return the absurdly expensive cell phone while he was unconscious, should the need arise.

Anna's party quietly agreed to let Ben have the phone if he got them out of this mess alive.

Currently, the Pocket of Sanctuary was being escorted by a growing army of terrifying, gigantic humanoid insects. The main foot-soldier was some sort of gigantic cockroach brute with really thick, shiny biological armor. They communicated by hissing, which was both extremely loud and unsettling.

They weren't paying attention to that. Call it dumb luck or genius planning, but the group had collectively and silently decided to not stress too much about what was coming up. Ben had probably led the charge, since the technique they were using was a human classic, the old 'Ignore it till it goes away or solves itself' play.

Weird noise in your car? Turn up the volume on the radio! People giving you funny looks at work? Pfft, give it a month. Wife or husband coming home suspiciously late and giving evasive answers? Ignore it!

In the above situations this is a terrible technique. However, as a survival mechanism it does have its virtues. Say you're a primitive humanoid, about a tenth of the size of modern humans, living in the ohhh. . . Carboniferous period when the Earth was ruled by giant insects, look it up. You're hiding in some big prehistoric fern, and a big boy roach comes out of nowhere looking for a snack. You can't run, you can't do anything but sit there and wait and ignore the roach, because big and nasty has you dead to rights.

So, you ignore it. You just ignore the shit out of it and do your own thing till either it leaves, finds something else to eat, or finds you.

Ben was thinking about this from the safety of the Pocket of Sanctuary, which had only three hours left before it expired, ignore that shit too, and realized it was actually a sub-optimal plan. What he needed was something a little more. . . active.

Ben went over to his computer and sat down. It was such a familiar thing for him to do, that he immediately clicked on the Brave browser, because he valued privacy and speed from an internet browser, and then tried to fix his Wifi. Then Ben remembered, uh, everything that was going on and scowled.

Then he brightened, because he had a cell phone glued to his head; well not because of that, but because-

“Anna, do you have the password for the System8 internet?” Ben asked, and then he added that question paired with this situation to his 'surreal shit that's happened to me today' list.

“It won't work,” Anna said, “I'm out of money, my plan's expired. That's why I took this stupid job in the first place, that phone is so worth it, but it's so expensive.”

“Oh, I've got some money,” Ben said, and Anna brightened, “how much is it?”

Anna dropped a number and everybody with a sense of money, read that as Ben, Ghost Ears and Vivi, gagged a little bit.

“Are you out of your mind!” Vivi said, his voice incredulous.

“Per week,” Anna added, completely shameless, “and you sound just like my mom right now, slug, not my dad, my mom.”

“No, wait, this is perfect,” Ben said, drumming his fingers on the fake wooden surface of his computer desk, “this is actually perfect. Does anyone have any money on them? Come on, cough it up people, you can't take it with you.”

There was grumbling and grouching, but Dryst had a little bit of money. Thirty-One had considerably more money. Vivi was, compared to the rest of the group, loaded.

“I'm not paying for that ridiculous scam of a contract!” Vivi shouted, his voice defiant; it's worth noting that as far as Ben was concerned once he told the group how much money he had, the fight to get it out of his tightfisted grip was merely a formality.

“Is there a word for Aeon Slugs being tightfisted? They don't have fists,” Ben said, looking to his group of natives.

“They typically call them slimeballs,” Thirty-One said, having absolutely no pity on Vivi after giving up his money.

“Or shell hoarders,” Dryst said, still feeling the lack of his pocket change.

“I am not!” Vivi declared, his entire body circled protectively around the small pocket dimension that he carried things around in. Ben could see it was nicer than Anna's, but it was still like comparing a paper bag with a silk purse when comparing it to his own Utility Pocket. Actually, when Ben started comparing the Utility Pocket to what appeared to be a regular inventory, he started to notice the differences, he started to notice features he hadn't been aware of-

“Oh yes you are,” Ben said, cutting off his own train of thought, “you're a fucking scrooge shell-hoarder who's going to die with a bunch of money in his pocket.”

“Vivi, money is a trick,” Red said, walking over to the Aeon Slug and putting a hand on his back, “played on those without real power. You possess real power, therefore money is meaningless to you.”

Vivi looked at Red, then turned to his ally of last resort, Ghost Ears.

“It. . .” Ghost Ears coughed uncomfortably and then looked away, unable to finish his statement.

“Noooooo!” Vivi moaned, but he did fetch out a small pile of silver and gold coins. Everybody knew he didn't give them everything he had, but what he'd given was enough, so they didn't push the issue. Vivi cried, his eye-stalks drooped and everybody knew it was an act, because Vivi wasn't a good actor.

As it turned out, money worked way differently in The World than it did pretty much anywhere else. There were as many denominations of coins as there were ranks of adventurers, a relationship which was based solely on how much an adventurer could be expected to be paid for a job, and in what kind of currency. Iron ranks got iron coins, bronze to bronze, copper to copper, and so on and so forth.

Why, an inquisitive and completely right-minded person will ask, would these advanced fantasy races with magic and wishes, give even the smallest shit about little disks of basic non-magical metals?

Because they weren't basic non-magical metal. They were, in a technical sense, wishes. No, no, no, no, not Wish wishes, more like little fragments of power of a wish that had been smashed and ground up. In an even more technical sense, they were refined and concentrated Possibility, which could be further refined and concentrated into a wish.

They just looked and behaved exactly like basic non-magical metals for some reason only The System understood. As different as apples and anti-matter, but they looked the same.

The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

“Look,” Anna said, derailing Ben's question asking session, “this is basic shit that everybody knows, and I'll explain it later. Just put the money in the phone so we can get on the internet and you can do whatever your plan is.”

“Oh yeah, right,” Ben said, and got back on task. His [Crown Craft] skill, which had survived his recent evolution, was truly magic because it allowed him to remove The Smartest Phone from its position of glued on prominence freely.

Side note, as it turned out the little crystals Ben found in the Lair of the Aeon Slug was a specific kind of currency which was only useful in the dungeon it was found in. Ben rolled his eyes and didn't give a shit, because he didn't have any of that money left anyways.

He held The Smartest Phone in his left hand, and a silver coin in his right hand. When he brought the coin to the side of the phone a coin slot formed, like a vending machine or a payphone. Ben inserted the money and the screen flashed, showing him how much more he needed to put in before it unlocked.

It was everything they had, including Vivi's secret stash of money he really didn't want to give up. All they were left with were a few pitiful scratched up iron coins, which Vivi took back, still crying his miser tears.

The phone's screen turned white, then started its bootup sequence, which was. . . cinematic to say the least. Ben squinted his eyes and had to look away because of how bright and flashy it was; unfortunately his ears didn't have the same ability and were forced to endure the loudest heavenly choir he'd ever heard. It culminated in a voice that whispered in awe, 'The System', and then the home screen appeared.

Ben nodded his head and waited for all the inevitable beeps and notifications to sound. When the Smartest Phone was done booting Ben started swiping through menus and settings.

“Hey. Hey! How are you doing that, what are you doing,” Anna said, her orange crystal face suddenly hovering over Ben's shoulder, “woah, woah! You know how to use this thing? Tell me, tell me! Oh my god, I'm going to be so popular!” In response, Ben rolled his eyes and set the phone up to be a mobile hotspot, then hooked his computer up to the internet.

“Oh my God,” Ben whispered to himself as he reattached the phone to his crown, which shouldn't have been possible due to the physical properties of everything involved, but it still happened. [Crown Lore], Ben's new skill, synergized extremely well with [Crown Craft], giving him a level of control he hadn't known before.

He felt relief when his home page opened up and he was able to get to Google, like a guy with 'a problem' getting his fix after an extended period of abstinence. It was probably exactly like that, physiologically speaking, and modern society had a major fucking problem, but that wasn't relevant anymore.

Look at that, humanity 'ignored away' the problem of internet addiction! It worked! Woohoo!

Ben basked in the glory of the internet for exactly two and a half seconds, then closed google and went to Youtube. From there, he searched his liked videos and scrolled down the list.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Ben said, a no leaving his lip every time he saw something that wouldn't work. Anna was over his shoulder, her eyes drinking in Ben's behavior, starting to understand how the internet actually worked, rather than how the youth of the signatory races thought it worked.

“So that's what that little button is for,” she said, a frown of concentration on her face. Actually I'm being unfair because Dryst and Thirty-One were also over Ben's shoulder watching with a similar level of interest. Thirty-One was actually recording everything for future review.

And, to be fair to them, Ben's whole group was also over his shoulder watching, albeit with less understanding but with similar levels of interest. Then, Ben found the video he was looking for and suppressed an urge to think what he was about to do was really, really fucking dumb.

Ironically, being completely naked and wearing a crown with a smartphone glued to it, really helped Ben feel less stupid about his idea. It was like, man, how much dumber can I look, honestly?

“So, I'm a little confused,” Ben said while browsing, talking to Anna without looking at her, “because humanity has only been here for about three days, and you guys are already really on top of this internet stuff. What gives?”

“The first human arrived here three months ago,” Anna said absently, her crystal eyes drinking in Ben's advanced knowledge of using YouTube. ‘Yep,’ Ben thought, ‘this is really happening.’

Ghost Ears and Vivi both shared a look, and Ghost Ears mouthed 'three days', shock and disbelief written on his face.

“You work fast,” Dryst said, sounding impressed, “you must be a genius of some kind among your people to have accomplished as much as you have in such a short amount of time.” Anna was the only one who picked up on the note of sarcasm in Dryst’s voice.

Ben paused, caught off guard.

“Three months?” he said, then moved on, “no, not a genius. I'm like, barely above average for a human.” Then, before anyone could process that statement, Ben continued talking. “So, I think we're all freaked out by meeting this Citadel King, right?” Ben said, making up a term for the monster they were being herded towards. Everybody gave some measure of agreement, including Short Bus, who was man enough to admit it.

“On Earth, humans had to do shit like this all the time. Like, all the time. Not so much during my time, but in the past before civilization, we were basically prey animals; smaller and weaker than everything else around us. Worse, we even preyed on each-other and roving bands of warriors would go around and slaughter villages and steal all their stuff.

“We were always scared of pretty much everything. We didn't trust one another, or like one another, and we were always getting eaten. So, one of the things we figured out was. . .” this was the part that sounded stupid to Ben, but it'd worked for the Gremlins, “well, was singing. This is a war song.”

Then, Ben started playing a song. It was called Wolf Totem, by the Hu, and it was Mongolian throat singing. Ben felt himself growing hot with embarrassment as the opening credits played, then quickly right clicked on the screen and set the video to loop.

On the screen a wolf howled, and a scene of a vast empty plane was displayed. A horse whinnied, a bird of prey sounded its cry, and distant motorcycles idled.

Then, the music started. Dryst gasped, then was silent. Everybody was silent, and Ben realized this was a terrible idea, but he'd learned in his life to never turn the video off when sharing, better to let it play till the end, rather than look insecure.

The lyrics were harsh, brutal and lacked the kind of melody and harmony modern music required. It was a chant turned to melody, a song meant to be sung in a group.

The group was silent until the singers started to chant 'HU HU HU HU HU HU', and then Ben heard it. A deep voice, coming from an enormous body. Short Bus, caught up in the music, quietly singing along.

Ben saw each member of the group when he turned his head, each one of them absolutely sucked into the song. Red had her eyes closed, her ever open eyes of energy lidded and shut. Ben looked at her and saw that the tiniest stubble of hair was growing on her scalp, but he couldn't tell what color it would be yet.

Vivi's eyes were bobbing. Ghost Ears was standing on Short Bus's shoulder, tapping his foot. Dryst was pulsing with light in time to the music. Thirty-One's mechanical tentacles were swaying in time. Anna hadn't blinked once, her eyes glued on the scene.

The video finished, then looped. It played again, and this time, Short Bus sang along a little better, a little louder. It finished, and played again.

Ghost Ears joined in, singing along to the parts he could, and Red joined in with confidence about halfway through that play-through.

On the fourth repetition, they were all standing and shouting and singing along. Ben showed them how to properly bob their heads along, how to really use their whole bodies and just throw their heads around in time to the music with confidence!

Then, surprising the shit out of everyone but his group, Dryst started to glow brilliantly, and summoned some magical floating instruments. They were, much to Ben's total delight, even cooler copies of the already fucking awesome instruments in the music video. The instruments started playing on their own, and Ben's group started to sing along perfectly to the song in Mongolian.

That's when things really started to go crazy.

Frankie, aware of everything happening in his skill, quietly assessed the situation, then, without the knowledge of the people inside of it, let everybody around them hear what was going on inside.

At first, it was quiet, drowned out by the hissing and the buzzing and the clicking. Then, the insect noises both started to die down and be drowned out as Frankie cranked up the volume. Soon, the entire army of bugs was quiet, and the aural tempo of the entire scene had been stolen away.

The bugs, numerically superior, physically superior; magically superior. Superior in combat experience, in murderous intentions, in ability to cause destruction. . .

The bugs started to get nervous.

Fifteen minutes later The Pocket of Sanctuary stood outside the massive double doors which sealed the Citadel of Horror away from the rest of The World. The Pocket's legs were extended up as high as they went, and a ramp of translucent purple light slowly extended out from the entrance.

Ben adjusted his crown and took several steadying breaths. He looked at Short Bus who nodded, a smile on his face; at Vivi, who's spherical eyes sat determined atop their stalks; at Ghost Ears, who was sitting on Red's shoulder, whispering in her ear; at Red, who's unnecessary eyebrows would occasionally raise, and who's head would occasionally nod as she listened to Ghost Ears.

Ben glanced at Anna, who nodded, her brows set, her body language showing how ready she was.

Uh, Dryst and Thirty-One didn't have any outward tells, but I assure you they were filled with determination.

They were ready for this.

“We're ready for this,” Ben said, and led the way by walking down the purple ramp.

–

Ben sat in his jail cell, completely naked and without his crown, Ghost Ears standing in front of him, still in all his clothes. The height difference between the two was that of adult and child, rather than adult and insect. Ben's head hung low, and his body was covered in sweat. He was also glowing, hyper vivid in an almost CGI-like way, and a little bit transparent. He gave off a light that seemed to pass through solid matter instead of bouncing off it. Somehow it illuminated everything in a faintly rainbow glow.

“Fuck,” Ben said, then kicked the ground. “At least now I know what [Magical] does.”