“Congratulations again Vivi,” The System Custodian said in his pleasant, in-human, intelligent voice, “you have truly set a record which I dare say none will ever beat.”
Vivi laughed politely, the way a cornered mouse would if a lion were chatting it up. The System Custodians, I might note, all constantly exude a skill called [Pleasant Aura]. Its effects are rather obvious.
“There's already speculation you will reach your second maturity before you are five hundred! Imagine that, you could be the most famous Aeon Slug in your species history.”
Vivi politely laughed again and eyed the box which The System Custodian had yet to hand over, then looked at the party hat. Then he looked at Ben and got a sly look on his face.
“Could you make it mandatory that everybody needs to wear one of those?”
While that was going on, Ben was looking at two naked women with a sense of resignation that no, nobody in this world was ever going to put on any clothes. Red and Anna were sizing each-other up like a leopard and a jaguar crossing paths might, and then granting a catty kind of disregard; which was as close to respect as cats got.
Then he looked down, saw that he'd been running uh, at attention for a while, and politely excused himself to go find something to wrap around his waist. Like, anything, so he rushed over to the now upgraded Dungeon Crystal floating in the back and started fiddling around with its complicated menu system.
Frankie was delighting everyone, jumping through portals from one group to the next. He was considerably faster and more energetic since his advancement from Minor Elemental, to Lesser. Currently, he was making Anna shriek in delight as he plopped right into her arms and “Looked” at her with his eyeless, faceless, face.
Little dude still managed to make it cute.
Short Bus was carrying on an absolutely fascinating psychic conversation with BRX-031, who went by Thirty-One.
“So, which came first, the chicken or the egg?” Short Bus asked telepathically.
“An interesting way to frame it,” Thirty-One said, projecting feelings of enjoying himself, “in this case, the 'Egg' was a robotic AI shell, and the chicken was created by the egg, and the chicken is my specially grown organic brain. We're all followers of the Dwarven religion, and as such have merged with biological life to the greatest extent practical.”
“So you grew your brain last?”
“It, or I, the distinction is subtle and debatable, was specially grown to interact with my particular robotic configuration.”
“That's wild,” Short Bus said, his eyes glazing over as he thought about it for a little bit.
“Isn't it? Say, if we get back to Solas, would you like to get a drink? I know a great bar.”
“Would I!” Short Bus practically shouted, and he gently and awkwardly slapped Thirty-One on his. Short Bus wasn't sure if the cyborg actually had a back. Thirty-One laughed and slapped Short Bus gently on the back with one of his sick-ass machine tentacles.
A little bit away Ghost Ears and Dryst-la-la-la, who went by Dryst, were conversing in a more serious manner.
“How do you stand it? Nobody is wearing anything!” Dryst asked.
“I'm honestly having trouble figuring out how I got myself in this situation,” Ghost Ears said, his face suggesting that it was really just now hitting him that he had no clue what was going on anymore.
“Also, just exactly what are we inside of right now? I have the uncomfortable sensation of being in another elemental's domain, but the only one I see around is that little, um, lesser. . . I'm not familiar with exactly what that is.”
“Oh, that's Frankie,” Ghost Ears said, completely dodging the question, or misunderstanding it. Give the guy a break, he's had a really, really long week. Frankie looked up from squirming around in Anna's arms, who was absolutely loving it by the way, and locked 'eye-contact' with Dryst.
By all rights and powers, Dryst should have been able to utilize his considerably higher position in the elemental hierarchy to cow Frankie into submission. That's not what happened.
Instead, Frankie made an 'I'm watching you' gesture with his little stubby arms, Dryst felt the shadow of death brush over him as the Pocket of Sanctuary evaluated him as a threat, and then Frankie went back to wiggling his little legs at Anna.
Frankie was just loving the attention. Red, for her part, kept mumbling to herself about how she didn't know what was going on, and her hands kept twitching towards Frankie, like she didn't know that she really wanted to cuddle the smooshy little dude. Anna, though self-absorbed and teen-aged, was female, and graciously shared the cuteness. Frankie plopped into Red's arms, her energetic eyes dilated a little bit, and she started hugging the little guy, saying things that, for her sense of dignity, I won't repeat.
She did squeal a little bit, that was funny.
The System Custodian had finished making little party hats for everyone and was passing them out with Vivi.
Ben was still frantically trying to find out where he could buy a pair of pants in the Pocket of Sanctuary's store, and was seriously considering blowing a huge chunk of their points to buy a trivial wish, so he could wish for some boxers and jeans. And socks. And shoes. And a shirt.
It was as Ben was considering spending the points, that he realized they had the points to spend. Ben's eyes went wide and he realized the Pocket of Sanctuary was bringing in the money!
“Holy shit,” Ben whispered, looking at the number and then looking at their guests, and suppressing an urge to kick them out. They were close, very close, to being able to afford their Map of Wish. Ben frowned, then looked over at the entrance, which was suspiciously clouded over.
Ben started digging through the menu and looking at the upgrades that had already been bought.
[Shield V]; [Segregated Kill Zone V]; [Mana Efficiency X]; [Mana Processing X]; [Custom Modification]; [Custom Modification]
Ben noted with some suspicion, but no desire to know more, that the actual shop history had been set to hidden. What had Frankie been buying? Ben had no idea, but he trusted the little guy, so why worry--
Ben felt something seize up in his chest, when he saw a store tab labeled 'Crowns', and did something he both hated and was proud of himself for.
Ben shouted, 'I need an adult,' and then Short Bus and Ghost Ears came over to drag him away from the Dungeon Crystal, lest he be overcome by Royal Madness and spend all their money. He was later somewhat mollified by the System Custodian giving him a cool little party hat that had a crown printed on its paper surface.
Everybody got a custom party hat actually. Ghost Ear's hat had fake ears, which he and everybody else just thought was super funny. Short Bus had shark print; Red's had a bunch of eyes on it.
Anna's said 'Bad Bitch', and she was wearing it proudly. Dryst's hat fit exactly over his cone shaped top and had music notes on it. Thirty-One's hat had a picture of a party hat on it, which had a picture of a party hat on it, which had a picture of a party hat on it, ect ect. Very recursive, and the cyborg liked it.
Everybody was having a good time, and pointedly nobody was willing to derail the good time until the System Custodian had completed his task and left.
“Vivi,” The custodian said, and everybody was assembled to watch, “in honor of your record breaking achievement, The System has determined that a gift was in order. Feel honored and know that your accomplishment has been recorded and will be remembered for as long as The System endures.”
Then, The System Custodian opened the little white box and a blinding flash of light shone out, like a huge amount of energy had been released.
“Pardon that, those were the ward deactivating. Please, wear this ribbon of accomplishment with pride.”
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
The System Custodian pulled out a small red ribbon, like the kind given out at a county fair for 'Best Hog' or 'Prettiest Cow', stuck it to Vivi's side, said congratulations, and left the room.
The ribbon said, 'Good Job', no exclamation point.
Ben saw it all happen. He was there, in that moment, and in that moment, he reached his limit.
“This shit is so surreal,” he said, and sank to his knees, clutching his head and realizing he was covered in blood. He also realized he'd been in The World for like three days now, and suddenly some part of his brain that hadn't been convinced woke up and realized none of this was a fucking dream.
Everyone else, similarly, also underwent an emotional shift. Now that the System Custodian and his [Pleasant Aura] were gone, mental reality reasserted itself.
Ghost Ears was the first to throw off his party hat, but he was also the only one to stomp on his; apparently the fake ears weren't so funny when he wasn't being mind controlled.
Ben kept his hat on, but only because it didn't obstruct his crown. Of all of them, Ben felt the least bothered by having his mind influenced in such a way, mostly because he was already used to the oftentimes clumsy, yet always present presence of his class on his brain.
“Right,” he said, clapping his now toddler sized hands with adult sized force, “we're breaking out of here. Ideas? Frankie, please show us a view of the situation.”
Frankie, much to the displeasure of Anna, portaled right out of her arms and in front of Ben and gave him a salute with one of his legs.
“Yo what the fuck I wasn't done,” Anna muttered, then kicked the ground a little.
The exit, which had previously been clouded over, unclouded, and the party was greeted by the sight of multiple gremlins being stuffed through the entrance. Frankie apparently also interpreted 'show us a view of the situation' to include audio, because he unmuted the unmistakable sounds of monsters being repeatedly launched at a hard surface until dead.
Anna's party, who had been fairly relaxed, suddenly tightened up. Anna's eyes were moving back and forth, like she was reading something, and then her eyes widened. She coughed and looked around.
“Which one of you is, uh, Ben? Prince- oh that one,” she said, looking at Ben and seeing the crown, “obvious. Hello,” she said, her voice suddenly all kinds of fake polite, “your majesty, but you are the owner of this Trick Dungeon, right?”
“No, wow holy shit,” Ben said, not really paying attention to them so much as the now unobstructed view of monstrous insects being grabbed. The utility pocket was clinging perpendicular to a tree trunk, just straight out horizontal, with its mechanical legs. It was currently demolishing a swarm of giant mantis creatures two or three at a time by simply grabbing them and stuffing them into a bottomless stomach.
“He is,” Ben said, pointing his thumb to Frankie, who was sitting at his side also watching the carnage while occasionally looking at Ben to check his reaction.
“Ok,” Anna said, her voice still high and fake sweet, “I'm sorry, did you say your,” she shifted conversational targets without pause or interruption, “Dryst, what is he?”
“Minor,” Dryst, the Higher Music Elemental, said.
“Yes,” she said, then immediately shifted back to Ben, “your minor elemental is the owner of this dungeon? Where did you find him?”
“Oh, didn't find him,” Ben said, reaching into his own utility pocket and eating a handful of room temperature fish meat raw. Ben was doing it like how people ate popcorn, and he just kept doing it. It was both disgusting and impolite, which was what Ben wanted to project to the naked, orange, crystal female interloper and her group.
“What?” Anna asked, her already paper thin facade of deference cracking.
“No I used one of those fucking wands, what were they called,” Ben said quickly, snapping his fingers. Frankie spat a wand of Create Lesser Elemental at Ben, who caught it.
“Hey! Yeah, one of these. Nice work buddy,” Ben said, then tossed the wand like a stick. Frankie waited till it was about to hit the ground, then caught it with a utility pocket of his own. He then 'retrieved' it and made it sit on his not-face like he was holding it in his mouth.
“Nice catch,” Ben said and ruffled Frankie's head.
Anna's face literally could not be more disbelieving, like all the character creation sliders were maxed out, could not be any more calling bullshit than what it looked like.
First of all, her orange crystal body would seem, from its description, like it should have major contrast problems, right? Like if you were trying to read her face, it would be like reading light gray font on a white sheet of paper. Possible, but caused eye-strain.
Not so. Her facial expressions were plain and clearly broadcasted. It had something to do with her various layers of translucency, and the variation of colors from light to dark, but Ben didn't know enough about color theory to explain it, even to himself. It just worked.
Her eyes were wide open, wider than a human would be able to. Her eyebrows were up, but one was up a little farther than the other. Her nostrils were flared and her nose was a little scrunched. Her mouth was a just slightly open frown. Her head was tilted forward just a little bit.
“From a wand of create lesser elemental?” she said, and didn't even bother to capitalize the name in her speech.
“Yeah, those things are crazy overpowered,” Ben said, eyes still on the action.
“No they're not,” Anna said, blinking and realizing 'holy fucking stars, he really thinks he got that elemental from a wand', then continuing, “they're for parties, like, social parties. They're a children's toy.”
That got Ben's attention.
“Excuse me?”
“Yeah, like you point it at a cake and make a lesser cake elemental and it flies around for a bit being silly.”
“Cake elemental? How on earth would you keep something like that alive? You need a significant source of its element, that would be what, a house sized cake-”
“You don't Ben. You don't keep it alive, it just fades away after the party like a really long lived firework.”
“I don't think this is the appropriate time for this,” Thirty-One said, tapping Anna on the shoulder with a metal tipped tentacle, the sound a clinky-tink.
But it was too late. Ben had already dropped his handful of raw fish on the ground, it landed with a splat. He looked at Anna, really looked at her and blinked several times.
Ben's face underwent a transformation. His mouth opened slightly, then his eyebrows started to climb, quickly followed by his eyes widening. Then, his brow furrowed just slightly, and his eyes displayed pure outrage, his nose scrunched, his mouth half-way to being wide open. Then quick as a flash, he reset to calm. He turned away and continued to watch the entrance of the Pocket of Sanctuary, half-heartedly pretending things were still normal.
“Oh, I see,” he said. Frankie was not so good at hiding the emotions he felt through his soul-link with Ben, the same soul link which would be created between anyone who used a Wand of Create Lesser Elemental and what was created.
Frankie also felt some outrage of his own. The top of his back began to ripple and spike, like ferrofluid under the effect of a magnetic field. The long blunt spikes were closely clustered together and rushed from his front to his back, vanishing from the back and being created in the front.
Frankie hissed at them, and they felt the shadow of the reaper as just for a moment, the Pocket of Sanctuary considered if they were allies or not.
“Smooth,” Dryst hissed at Anna, who gulped and wisely kept her mouth shut.
“Any ideas, anyone?” Ben asked, tearing his eyes away from the view of monsters being destroyed and looking at his team.
“How long until the Pocket expires?” Vivi inquired, “because I vote we sit in here until it runs out, and then run as far and as fast as we possibly can away from whatever's left.”
Ben checked the timer.
“A little under nine hours left,” Ben said then sagged a little when he realized it had only been three hours since this all started.
“Perfect,” Vivi said, “let's bunker down.”
Ben thought he would feel something like indignation, or even a sense of cowardice. Instead, he shrugged his shoulders, looked around, then shrugged them again.
“All in favor?” he asked, loud enough to be talking to everyone.
Everyone raised their hands. Ben also raised his hand.
His crown noticeably cooled. Apparently Princes didn't often put things to a vote.
“All right, we sit down and wait. Frankie, is there any way to make this place a little more comfortable?”
Frankie looked at Ben, and Ben got the oddest sense Frankie was using their soul-bond to rifle through his memories. Because that was exactly what Frankie was doing.
Ben got a notification that points had been spent from the Dungeon Crystal, and suddenly a bunch of furniture he never thought he was going to see again rose from the floor. His old couch. His old dining room table, with his old chairs. His old computer desk, with the computer. His old rugs, but not the carpet his old apartment had.
“Oh my God,” Ben said, walking towards the dresser that contained his photo album, the one that had all the pictures of his family.
He walked right past the dresser, and right up to his dirty clothes hamper. It was full of actual clothes, jeans, shirts, socks, boxers; everything.
Ben fell to his knees and hugged it. He grabbed an old pair of jeans, one that didn't smell too bad, and hugged them.
Then, going commando, Ben tried to put them on. He succeeded, but the full length of the pants was about as long as his entire body, and just ended up looking fucking ridiculous.
“Dammit!” Ben shouted and started kicking his old clothes and scattering them everywhere, “dammit dammit dammit! Fucking bullshit goddamn Leap-rechaun piece of shit you fucking asshole of a System!”
Ben was punching a pile of work shirts, which were bright construction orange with silver retro-reflective strips across them for safety reasons.
Ghost Ears came over and patted Ben on the shoulder. He gave Ben a wise, sympathetic expression.
“You want to talk about it buddy?”
“Fuck off!”