Chapter 275
The (Not So) Perfect Wedding (Part II)
(Three Hours Ago)
There are some days that you know are going to be bad. Like the first time after a separation where you take the kids to meet their deadbeat chromosome donor, only for them to not show while you wait patiently at a terrible fast-food place that fortunately has a playpen where the two younger kids can play. The older kids of course just stay at the table and stare at you like you are the reason their donor isn’t coming, and not the fact that they are a deadbeat who prioritize themselves over their kids’ emotions, but I digress.
This was not one of those days where the chromosome donor didn’t show.
No, today was going to be far, far, worse.
Why?
Well, to put simply I was tracking no less than three major quests from taking place on today. Added to that, was the fact that my Simulacrums and I wore stupid birthday crowns on our heads, crowns that appeared regardless of the avatar we wore.
It was about this time, that I realize I might be a bit of a control freak.
See, up until this point, I had been under the impression that I could easily fill in for one or more of the different characters, if the main actor was unable to. Currently we had two such roles that would need to be filled, Gwen, my daughter for the King. Though she was not going to last long, if that protruding belly was anything to go on. Then Jhonny was playing the part of Princess Octavia.
With me out, there were no alternates, and worse with the birthday crown, something that looks nothing like an actual crown, on my head, I was pretty obvious to spot if I did try to fill in for the roles.
This meant we were going to be down at least one cast member shortly after the play started, and worse it was the lead male role. Everything looked bleak, until I got a save from seemingly out of nowhere.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take over the role of King Galuminous De’Arcaneri,” Penelope stated reassuringly.
“But how? You don’t even have a costume?” I asked.
“Who do you think made them in the first place?” Penelope replied, before continuing, “besides, what do you think I was working on since your crown appeared and you were trying to teach Mallory to be a more focused killer. Also, I didn’t think she needed more help on being able to kill better, but good job. You proved that just when you think there is a limit, just keep pushing past and boom, next level murder hobo.” Penelope said.
At that I paused, and realized she was correct.
“I don’t know, again, you don’t see the waste levels of that Killing Intent, but it isn’t as powerful as you think it would be for how much energy it consumes.” I reply, making sure that I still think Killing Intent is lame and a waste, but who am I? Not like I have a degree in the stuff, or can see the way the energies flow together in a really lackluster way.
“Again, you aren’t really helping your whole image when you explain to people how there are much more efficient ways to kill people,” Penelope quipped.
“It’s not like I am teaching people those methods. I’m just teaching the less violent and more energy inefficient methods,” I protest. I don’t even bring up the point that others were likely already trying to learn this very method, but Mallory was just the first to be able to do so.
“You know, I am almost tempted to ask what these methods would be, but a more rational part of me realizes that once you state it as a hypothetical, within a month it will likely come to fruition.”
“Hey, it wouldn’t take a month, well not if I tried. Maybe three weeks at the most.” I state, trying to calculate how long it would take me to come up with a new way to kill, but more efficiently. If I put my mind to it, I’m pretty sure I could do it in three weeks. Though, I’m pretty sure that would be mostly boring and time consuming. “No wait, maybe you are right, a month is likely better. I’d probably get distracted for a week or so.”
Penelope just paused and flexed her jaw forward as if to grind her teeth, but then stopped. Instead, she just seemed to lock up her jaw for a split second, long enough for her to take a breath, before resetting her jaw and apparently going with her second thought. Interesting tactic to try to be diplomatic, I might have to try that here, as it looks effective, well seems better than just stating whatever comes to mind. I should try to do that, or at least something similar here, as I realize regardless of whatever she says next, it will come across as it being better than anything she would have said at first. Regardless of whether it was the same exact thought she had at first or not, brilliant.
Seeing her, I move in slightly, though this is completely unnecessary, as I can see everything she is doing. But this way, it comes across as Penelope has my full attention. Seeing this shift, she slightly corrects her posture and almost has an ‘oh?’ moment.
“The fact that you are contemplating these tactics is mildly concerning, and I can’t help but think that I will somehow be implicated in the next wave of death magic you create, however inadvertent the creation might be.” Penelope finally stated.
Oh bravo, hearing her, and seeing the intent, I can’t help but feel that this was a more cultured response than the original response she gave. Maybe that half twitch, half jaw grinding motion does work.
I try it, but Penelope just looks at me like I’ve grown three heads. Likely because I did an over exaggerated version of it, where my teeth showed. Yep, too much, got to work on that if I am ever going to play the role of Penelope.
No wait, I don’t want to play the role of Penelope as that would likely mean she passed on, and that would be sad. Nope, going to change the subject, smoothly. That’s when I realized there is a way to help placate her.
“Don’t worry, even if I did create the next murder attack, it would likely be called something stupid like, Murder Bang, or something else that others might not be prone to using in combat. Or in general out of having standards, even as a murder.” I reply, pausing to see if that sounded more cultured after the jaw thing, then realized it likely didn’t work for me. Nope, that would be Penelope’s schtick, and I would just have to not come up with murder spells, where my only hope for people not using was a terrible naming convention and pride in the types of attack powers they used.
The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.
At that, Penelope’s eyebrows were raised high on her forehead, as she just replied, “uh-huh.”
Yeah, I likely didn’t sound as cultured as I meant to with that, oh well, next task.
There was a semi-awkward pause that filled the room. Fortunately, Penelope was there to help with my scheduling.
“Don’t we have your meeting with Mallory and the others?” Penelope asked.
“Oh right, I knew there was something we had to do soonish.,” I replied.
“Like the wedding?”
“Yeah, like that,” I confirmed, and then before Penelope could say more, I opened a Portal from our self-cleaning pup cave and went with Penelope to just outside of Mallory’s office.
Once there Vickard and Melkin were both present and blocking entry to the door. Fortunately, once they saw us, they both bowed their heads slightly, as Vickard opened the door and let us in.
This was nice, and part of the protocol we had established so I didn’t keep jumping straight into Mallory’s office. Fortunately, unlike the last few times, this time when I entered my daughter and Mallory both were fully clothed. Yep, this new method is already paying off.
Not that I couldn’t see them from the other side of the wall, but everyone got all spooked out when a Pixie randomly appeared in their room telling of grave dangers. Which was odd, because if it was grave danger, then I could go directly in, as I had been, but for most mundane practices, I was to use the front door.
Though I do think most of my thoughts are muted by the apparent child sensors that are in place. As all I often see are blurred markings that if I wanted to, I could look past, but no, I have opted to keep those in place, there are some things that could ruin a childhood, and I’m okay with that being one part that is still there to protect me.
“There she is, the pixie of the hour,” Mallory exclaimed in her warmest voice. Just hearing her be happy to see me filled me with a sense of dread, as I realized she likely had other tasks for me.
“Why hello Mallory, leader of the guild, and future queen of these lands. How are you?” I reply in an equally posh tone.
At that Mallory pauses for a moment, before composing herself.
“I seem to have a bit of a favor to ask of you,” Mallory pressed.
“Oh?” I reply.
“Yes, I will need you to do double duty during the wedding. As I will need you to be both the flower girl and the ring bearer.” Mallory stated, her voice almost pleading, but not quite there. It was clear that if I pushed back, she would plead, but she really preferred not to.
At the idea of being the flower girl, I paused at the obvious trope. Just because I was small, I would be the flower girl? But then, pausing I realized this might work out, as I could do a lot with flower petals, especially if I add in ephemeral energy to the petals and add in a time delay. No wait, a command delay, I need a command that I could do to set off all of the petals at once.
My mind was going through different permutations on how to properly implement pixie imbued petals at a party, and I almost missed the most important part.
“Well?” Mallory asked, her tone hopeful.
Hearing her, I shake my head away from the new use of ephemeral energy and instead turn back to Mallory. I was about to ask what, but then remembered the topic that started my mind going off with ways to implement ephemeral energy. So far, all I could really think of for ephemeral energy was a variant of Time Stasis, but then again, I had only really learned this yesterday and hadn’t had much time to fully experiment with the process. That said, for this, I would likely need a form of Time Stasis, as that would hopefully give me time to move pieces in and out of the wedding as needed.
Realizing that aspect, I couldn’t help but be fine with the whole process.
“Yeah, that seems fine.” I answer, trying to keep back the fact that I am already planning on ways to use this obvious conspiracy to typecast short people to different wedding roles a secret. That said, this is perfect for who would expect anything from the pixie flower girl? Nothing to see right? Hehehe.
I am mentally laughing to myself as I go through the formula for how to coat rose petals with ephemeral magic, when I feel a half-worn thread of intertwined magic coming towards me.
Pausing for a moment, I stopped and realize that it is Belton, the pompous mage that I defeated and told he could never talk to me.
For a moment, I wonder why the connection between was so frayed, but then realize part of the fraying came from the fact that I was now a different species. Meaning the initial bindings from winning the wizarding duel between us had been frayed by my own actions.
This meant that Belton could not only look at me, but he likely felt he could talk to me too.
I wanted to keep it so he couldn’t talk to me, but then realized that part of my golden threads. No not Qi, but the ones associated with fate were going from me, and planning to link up with Belton, where they would turn dark and bind him back to the original agreement we had after the duel.
Seeing that this would cost me, and likely cost me in the fact that I would tie negative karma or at least tainted energy to me and Belton I paused. Then realized with the fraying of the energy between us, I could just claim the remaining strands of energy that existed between us, and use that as a good karma infusion.
Realizing how stressful today was going to be, and how much luck, especially good luck I would need on my side, I decided to completely dissolve the strands of energy tying Belton and me to our binding oaths.
The good part about this was, the fact that I gained a shiny new skill.
New Skill Gained: Karma Weaving has reached level 1. Karma Weaving is a Personality, Sociability, Attractiveness, Perception X2, Intelligence, and Willpower based skill.
Just seeing the new skill, I could almost feel drool forming in my mouth, as this seemed like a juicy skill to have and try to master. I had no clue how to practice this skill, but ideas were coming.
Then almost immediately upon doing this, I instantly regretted my actions, despite having a new shiny skill for my efforts. For right on cue, as if waiting for just such an action as for me to dissolve our binding oaths between us, that is when Belton chose to speak directly to me.
“I have to ask, were you party to Lady Valhalla when she achieved her world first notification?” Belton asked slimily.
His words were so pompous that I almost expected him to begin laughing at his own bad punchline before it was delivered. And it was clear that he had an end destination for this conversation.
I of course answered, which he then continued to pound out more and more about killing. An odd topic as this was the second time in this very hour that I spoke about that very subject. Odd how the world works, but this time I was more prepared.
Penelope and Belton were both right, well Penelope was more correct as she wasn’t slimy about it, but they were right.
Why did I kill? Or at least sanction the killing of others indiscriminately?
Then after thinking about the same subject twice, I realized the reason why these monsters didn’t bother me when they died.
“Those that are infected with the first stage of the Blight only have a partial chance of fully regaining their souls…” I state, and then let my mind and mouth go wild. Apparently, this was a bit of an issue as everyone in the room was now staring at me and Belton. Realizing the situation, I pause, but then realize this might need to be said, as I am still not quite certain how this all works. But after stating it, the reason I was able to remain mentally detached from the whole situation, I couldn’t help but feel better. Not because I helped in the killing of soulless creatures. But the fact that these creatures were soulless somehow made the process easier to stomach.
To put this in perspective, even plants have souls in this world. With that in mind, the idea of killing husks of meat that can be used to feed many staving, soul-infused, creatures made a big difference. Thus, helping Mallory seemed to be only mandatory.
With these thoughts going on in my mind, I continued having these thoughts, and the ways to infuse ephemeral energy into rose petals. Petals that I would then have to get into contact with everyone. For a moment, I thought that might be too much, but then realized there were multiple delivery methods for pixie dust infused rose petals, particularly when everyone would be sitting. That’s when I came up with just making the direct delivery part of the show.
Unfortunately, I almost missed the trap when Penelope started talking. Someone who I had a lot of respect for, and therefore had ties to karma with.
“Look at you waxing all poetic about souls,” Penelope stated.
Then like a moron not using her newly learned jaw clenching technique, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
“Oh, I don’t wax, not much need to currently. Hopefully now that I’m fifteen puberty will kick in and I might grow some leg hairs. No wait, never mind, I am good as is.” I replied off handedly.
Then almost as if being summoned from the depths of instant karma hell, I saw dark strands of karma reach out and try to attach themselves to my legs.
Badump, badump, badump.
Seeing the strands come to life, I instantly realized what I had done wrong.
This was terrible, an off handed comment meant mostly as a joke, was now going to be an instant karma attack, forcing me to get leg hairs.
I paused, spun, not that such an act was necessary as I could see and worse, feel the slimy tendrils of dark karma covering my legs.
I wanted an out, but then out of the side, I saw an oddly silver silhouette in the shape of a desk. Seeing the structure, I Teleported over, and began knocking on the silver structure.
Knock, knock, knock.
Rather than a metallic sound, as I expected, there was a wooden sound that echoed in the room. Better still, at the act of knocking on the silver structure, which I am pretty sure is Mallory’s desk, the dark threads of Karma splooshed away.
Yes, splooshed, they were solid jelly strands of dark karma one second, then the next, they were reverberating masses of liquid plasma that burst away into nothingness.
With that, I let out a long breath, and then seeing everyone stare at me like I was crazy, I answered the only way I knew how.
“Phew, I think I stopped that one just in time.”
Yep, this was a sign of good things to come, I could all but feel it. Fortunately, Mallory who was well used to my eccentricities by now just took it all in and directed us to the next course of action.
“Well, I think we all know our roles. Everyone head out to your assigned locations and let’s be on the lookout for anything strange…” Mallory began, and like that a strand of dark karma began to appear on her, as if all but waiting for her to make a misstatement.
Seeing that even Karma had it in for us, I had the feeling that today would be a long day.