APRIL FOOLS' CHAPTER (NOT CANNON)

Resistance Training (Meant to take place after Chapter 62)

Eating poisonous mushrooms. That is what I am doing, well it is what my Simulacrum is doing, eating poisonous mushrooms that can make you go blind, and laughing about it. Granted the real me doesn’t have to worry about going blind, seeing as I already am blind, but my Simulacrum has sight, I can clearly see through her eyes, and I can if I focus, experience her emotions. Through our connection, I still feel a bit of control. I can still cause her to disappear at a moment’s notice, this is important to note as it means that my Simulacrum has not taken any damage from what she is doing, nor has she somehow gained control in our relationship, both factors seem important to me at the current moment. Especially, as I don’t know how I would feel about suddenly losing control of my own consciousness to my Simulacrum.

“What are you doing?” I mentally scold both my familiar and my Simulacrum.

With a start, both my Simulacrum and familiar who had up until a moment ago been giggling wildly like a couple of school children, suddenly sit up straight, in that way people do when they try to appear extra sober when an authority figure catches them red handed.

“Ohh, you were caught being bad.” Zero says after a moment.

“As were you.” My Simulacrum responds.

“What are you two doing?” I ask, as I mentally find their position and Teleport to them.

Poof.

The farthest I can go is to the spot just outside of the Mayor’s office, the one that leads to the possible underground dungeon entrance. Once there, I pause for a moment, before deciding to scan the area. Seeing that no one is around, I reluctantly put on my Thieves’ Guild mask and hope it will protect me from possible fungal infections.

“We are doing this for you, silly.” My Simulacrum says after a moment.

“Doing what for me?” I respond back, now that I am getting closer, I can feel both of their minds, they are wide open. I know for a fact that my Simulacrum has the same level of mental defenses as I do, meaning she should be much more guarded against leaving her mind so open to my Telepathic probes. Yet, here she is, wide open and seemingly not even aware of the consequences of being in such a state.

“We are building up your resistances.” Zero responds back over our mental link.

“Resistances to what, stupidity?” I ask.

“What, no, resistances to Disease, Poison, and Necromancy.” My Simulacrum states.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, as I mentally go through my logs and wonder what they are even trying to imply here.

“Each time we eat the fungi, we have a chance of increasing our resistances to one of those three categories.” Zero states.

At this, I am intrigued, as the ability to increase resistances is amazing, particularly as you get higher in levels. Right now I don’t really need resistances as many things that are on different spectrums of the resistance scales would kill me regardless of any resistances I might or might not have. Yet, this almost sounds too good to be true.

“Tell me, what is the last new skill you got from me?” I ask.

There is a slight pause before my Simulacrum states, “Comedic Timing, why?”

I pause at that, as I realize that there might be more to this than meets the eye. “Well if you have been getting Resistances, should I have also gotten them?” I respond, as I near the two.

Now that I am in the caverns, finding both Zero and my Simulacrum are a lot easier now, as their energy signatures call out to me. Yet, there is something wrong with their silhouettes. Normally I would just see them along with any spells or effects they might have active at the time. Normally for Zero this means that there is some form of silver tether to me, my Simulacrum also has one, which is how I am easily able to latch onto them with my Telepathy, but in this case there is something inherently wrong.

There is a glowing green mass of malevolent energy that is spreading out from the very core of both Zero and my Familiar.

“Hahahaha.”

Worse, both are laughing uncontrollably. Seeing them in such a state, I pause, as this isn’t like them. Well, it isn’t like me, which means it shouldn’t be like my Simulacrum. Seeing them I pause, as I try to process what is happening.

“Oh, the boss has come.” Zero says in an overly loud stage whisper.

“Quiet, she might hear us, and end our fun.” My Simulacrum says.

Seeing them, I shake my head as I get closer to the two of them. The closer I get, the more the signs of foreign magic being worked against their body are easy to notice.

“Maybe if we offer her some of our stash she will mellow out.” My Simulacrum says, while giggling hysterically and rolling about on the floor.

“Here, take this boss. Guaranteed to improve your resistances.” Zero says, holding up a piece of bright green fungus.

The fungus glows and pulses with a dark malevolence that causes me to shiver slightly. At this point, I realize my worst fear, no it isn’t the fact that my familiar and my Simulacrum both are being poisoned. Worse, it isn’t the fact that they are both tripping like annoying teenagers and I now have to be the rational parent that says drugs are bad. No, what makes this exceptionally terrible is that I now realize that in order to complete this quest, a quest that has been plaguing me since I arrived to this city, I will have to become an after school special.

Oh my gods, this is so lame. I think to myself as I roll my eyes up in the back of my head.

Snap!

With the snap of my fingers, my glowing green simulacrum that had been offering me a bit of mind controlling mushroom was gone.

There is a slight pause, as Zero flips his little snout first to me, then to where my missing Simulacrum was resting, then back to me. “What did you do that for?”

Sigh.

Inwardly I feel myself die a little at the obvious line. “Drugs are bad, can’t you see they are killing you?” I say in as deadpan of a voice as I can manage, while still trying to get credit for completing this stupid quest.

A pause.

There is a long moment that seems to pass, as Zero completely pauses in place. No doubt the AI is wondering if I have completed the quest to a satisfactory level. I can almost see the moment it tried to push the plot a little further, but then finally seemed to think better of it, as I was granted the quest update I had been missing for a while.

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

Quest Complete: The Toxic Nature of Crossroads: You have found that the guards of crossroads have an open contract with the Apothecary Guild to create Detox potions. These potions were needed due to a rare debilitating form of fungus living under the city. Going under the city, you have found the source of the toxin spores. Reward: experience.

Experience Gained: 250

Yeah, that was the bare minimum for a quest I could have gotten. Granted the system seemed really intent on making me complete that quest, seeing as they all but hand delivered me here, even going so far as to seemingly make my Simulacrum and Familiar come down here for no real reason. I know I just got the clue about the Blinding Toxin Spores, and I would have come to investigate eventually, but not during an active audit. Honestly, this whole thing just seemed so forced.

I knew I wasn’t quite done, as I would likely have to remove the signs of poison from both my familiar and my Simulacrum, but that would be fairly easy to accomplish, especially once the effects of the fungus were gone.

Well, the system got its soundbite of me chastising myself for doing drugs. The outside world got a stark reminder of how far a celebrity could fall due to the temptation of drugs, and I completed a stupid quest. I guess the next forced quest would be to fight the fungus, trying to cut it apart. Of course, having dealt with mushrooms and other fungi in my previous life, I know that cutting them apart will likely only cause them to release more spores. Spores that will make people go blind and give the mushroom a chance to spread. If I want to truly end this curse, then I will need to go one step further.

Grabbing Zero, I pick him up, and realize that either he is still small, or my human Doppelganger is very large. Regardless of the fact, I pick up Zero and cradle him to my chest as if he was little more than a large puppy. Once he is secure in my arms, I Teleport out to the base of the cave. Then I put down Zero for a second, as I remove the mask from my face, no point in letting people know that I am part of the thieves guild, especially not in my Mage Guild Master form. With my Thieves mask stowed, I once again pick up Zero and begin walking out.

“Open wide.” Zero says, cackling wildly as clawed fingers scrape past my lips and all but force a strange substance into my mouth.

Chomp.

I bite down hard on the taloned fingers. First that is just gross, second, I do not want this to become a habit of the game trying to push forward a stupid plot twist.

“AHHH!” Zero cries out as he frantically claws at me trying to get me to release my hold over him.

After a second, I drop him to the ground, while also trying to spit out the foreign substance that I just know will be a bit of highly concentrated poisonous mushroom.

I am bleeding from the claw wounds of Zero, they had been done at close range, and with little wind up, but he still has sharp claws that can cut deeply. Fortunately, a quick application of Omni-Healing to me and Zero both fix our wounds. Then the next thing I do is enter into a state of meditation, as I try to fight off the effects of the toxin spores that are going wild within my body, releasing a strange magical energy within my body that is clearly meant to have a direct effect on my mind. Of course, since this is my body, and my mind I have the home field advantage, as I can generate the magic from anywhere and just disperse the magical properties of the magical toxins that are trying to be released. The whole process is rather easy to keep up with, almost too easy.

“You bit me! You freaking bit me!” Zero screams out, clutching his rapidly healing paw, a paw that is right now stitching itself back together, and one that he shoved into my mouth mind you. But I see this for what it is, still more melo drama against drugs. Fortunately, I am able to deal with this a lot easier than I can the battle for magical spore extract being released within my mouth.

Mentally, I reach out to Zero, then with a quick application of Telekinesis, I lift him into the air. He is crazy, the type of roid filled crazy you would expect from a pro athlete seeing their spouse with another member of their team.

“I’ll kill you! I’ll freaking kill you!” Zero says, as I can see the spore extract in his mind going wild, taking control of his brain and all but forcing this reaction.

Oh my gods, they are going to make me do it again, I think to myself as I realize this skit is not done. Apparently, they are really pushing this anti-drug narrative. While I don’t mind the message, I mind how heavy handed it is being forced on me. Still, if I want this to end any time soon, I need to find a way to end it.

“Oh no Zero, this isn’t you. This is the drugs. Can’t you see, they are destroying you.” I say, again all deadpan and without any real emphasis on the words. Yes, I could easily add a bit of acting to this, and likely complete this quest in a second. But I refuse, I utterly refuse to be part of this type of forced narrative. Forcing drugs on my Simulacrum and my familiar just to generate drama and a sound bit, that is beyond reproach. So, this is my last time of me playing nicely with the system.

During this time, my words as emotionless as they were seemed to have the desired effect on Zero, as he immediately stopped squirming. This gave me the chance to first end the toxic magic from entering my body, then I began doing the same thing to Zero. Though in his case, it was a bit tougher as most of the magic had already taken root and had begun to spread out. Still, I just focus on breaking up the roots, and then over time feel the spores break apart. I pause, wondering if there are any more dormant parts of the mushroom still hiding in Zero.

After a moment, when no sickly green energy came to life, I assumed he was safe.

“Oh wow, thank you. I don’t know what came over me.” Zero says, a note of confusion filling their voice.

“That was the reefer madness, let this be a lesson to all of us, to always be vigilant.” I say, again, making sure these lines are spoken as dryly and sarcastically as possible.

Hidden Quest Complete: The Toxic Nature of Crossroads (II): You managed to cure your familiar of severe toxins. Rewards: Experience.

Experience Gained: 10

Yep, the system was not happy with my lack of effort on that quest, and showed it to me by giving me what I assume is the bare minimum for completing a quest. Still, I couldn’t care less, as I think this quest is stupid, do drugs, don’t do drugs, whatever. Just don’t make me push a social agenda.

“If you don’t like my effort, then give me a quest I would actually want to complete.” I say, under my breath.

RUMBLE!!

With that the entire ground starts to vibrate wildly.

“What is happening?” Zero asks, as he suddenly shakes himself to full consciousness and is floating in the air above me.

“I opened my big mouth.” I say.

“You what?” Zero asks.

“Nothing, come on, lets get back to the Guild hall.” I say, as I reach out for Zero.

Of course, the ground chooses that moment to open up underneath Zero and swallow him whole. He falls down, and then reaches out, claws digging into the ground.

“Help.” Zero says, a note of desperation to his voice.

“Come on, you are a flying dragon. Get up here.” I say, this is ridiculous.

“Oh right.” Zero says, as he lets go of the ground and then floats up to me. Then we share a moment as we both look at each other.

Rumble.

The ground shakes again, and I begin to run off, but I pause, as this almost seems like too much. Almost as if the system was breaking its own rules of immersion. I know the game will try to push an agenda at times, but I realize that this might even be too much for the system.

Mentally, I kick myself.

“What? What are you doing?” Zero asks, trying to distract me.

Shaking my head, I realize my mistake. I thought that my thieves guild mask would protect me from the spores, that my only true exposure to the spores would have been when Zero forced that chunk of fungus into my mouth. While I have no doubt that Zero did try to get me to eat some of the fungus. I was wrong to assume that the only time I was exposed to the toxic spores was when I was force fed some.

Letting out a laugh, I say “you got me.”

Then focusing inward, I begin spiraling my magic around wildly, enough to cause damage within me. Even going so far as to cause lesions within my mind. I know my Regeneration will take care of the damage done to me, but hopefully my Regeneration will not heal any fungal invaders that have worked their way into my blood stream.

Flash.

There is a blinding flash, for a moment, as I cut close to my optical nerve endings. Fortunately, there is only a bit of a give as I am too busy focusing on sending wild and untamed damage to my mind and body.

Rumble.

The ground once again shakes, as I lose my footing and fall to the ground.

Oof.

That is enough of a wake up, as the external physical pain is so jarring that for a moment I see the spike of magical energy on my mind. Focusing on the spot where the energy signature appeared, I focus and send a spike of mana right towards it.

Burning hot pain.

There is a spike of pain in my mind, as I feel my mind actually break free of the illusion that had filled my senses.

There is a moment of silence, as I feel like I am spinning around in my own brain for a moment.

Smack!

“Cass. Cass are you there?” Zero says, as he smacks me hard with the back side of his paw.

“What? What?” I say, suddenly going from nearly asleep to totally awake in a matter of seconds. Then I realized with a start that I had awoken to find myself still inside the caves.

“You dismissed your Simulacrum right at the time when she was going to heal you.” Zero said.

“What?” I say, then realized what Zero was talking about.

My head is swimming, but fortunately I am starting to come out of it, even though I am still feeling highly woozy from everything.

“You had me worried there for a moment, you were casting spells wildly about. What happened?” Zero asked, clear concern in his voice.

Shaking my head, I think I realize what happened, but I almost feel too embarrassed to truly say what happened.

“I might have gone under the control of the mushroom for a moment.” I admit.

“These psilocybin mushrooms are no joke.” Zero says, “can I ask what you were thinking?”

At that I realize something, “man I am so lame. I got high on toxic mushroom spores, and rather than having something fun happen, I dreamt I was filming anti-drug commercials.”

“You what?” Zero said.

“Nothing.” I say, as I shake my head and get up from the ground. Judging by the state of the ground and level of magic toxic spores clinging to my clothes I had been here for a while. “Let’s just not talk about this ever.” I say.

That’s when I am met with the real system message.

Hidden Quest Complete: The Toxic Nature of Crossroads (II): You managed to free yourself from the poisonous effects of the rare mushroom. Rewards: Experience, resistances.

Experience Gained: 250.

Resistance to Disease increased by 5%.

Resistance to Poison increased by 5%.

Resistance to Necromancy increased by 5%.

Seeing the message, my heart beats a little faster.

“So you finally got the resistances?” Zero asks, incredulously.

At this I feel like a complete jerk, as I thought both my Simulacrum and familiar were just thinking they got the benefits from this. Though I now had so many questions running through my mind. While it seemed that skills could transfer from me to my Simulacrum, could they transfer the other way, from the Simulacrum to me? Also, were resistances something else entirely? There were so many questions running through my mind, which was why I almost missed the moment Zero asked the question.

“So, uh, what do you want to do about this giant mushroom, do you still want to destroy it, to protect the citizens?” Zero asks.

That is one thing we could do, and logically it would be the most moral thing we could do. Destroying this mushroom would likely end a string of disappearances from town. It would also cut down on the number of people who were going blind from taking too many poor-quality detoxification potions. That is why I decided to take the morally responsible approach.

“Yes, but only after we finish increasing our resistances.” I say, then before Zero can protest, I reach out, grabbing a large chunk of the fungus covered wall and eat. I’ll show this game what it means to attempt to make me part of an afterschool special. With the new portion of fungus in my mouth, I can feel the intense burning sensation in my mouth as the fungus that tastes like cardboard attempts to kill every tastebud I have. With my cheeks filled with fungus, I decide to give a real afterschool safety message.

“Remember kids, drugs are bad, until they are good for you. Then they are okay, so long as it is in moderation.”

Nom.