> To my Fluffy-Puff,

> I present you: This book. Made of the moon bleached pages of the fines sort, bound by a skin of a hardicorn. A quill, plucked from the tail of a rainbow goose by the Empress herself. And a bottle of never fading ink from the depths of the darkest sea.

> Let this gift guard your fondest memories.

> Your always truly loving,

> Pa.

> Ps: Ma helped too so go give her a kiss.

> Pps: Oh, and remember. Two kisses for Pa.

~~~

[Mother Tree]

We went to far , far place. Pa carried me all the way up oh so many steps! And then there was this big, big, big, big, big tree! Like very big! Pa said the top goes so up and up and up and up that sister moon jumps over it’s tip every time she goes round and round. And when she hoops moon boonies sometimes fall off the sister's moon dress!

But that is silly. I know they really come to hear as the tree sings! It hummed in my ear!

[Dance of the wind]

I will dance! I will dance at the spring festival! Fori, Mera and Foik went with me to the temple. We went for the choosing so we could dance. That stuck-up Lafirra came too but they choose me! The head priestess complimented me even! Only me!

I will dance at the festival and I will get my very own crystals shoes!

And l get to keep 'em!

[Sisters]

Mom is swelling up like a pear. She says I will get two sisters come next spring. Not one but two! Everyone will be so jealous!

[Screaming terrors]

Pink screaming smelly terrors. Two of them. Mom says I was just the same. Somehow I just can’t remember that.

[Mana]

Lately I’ve been getting glorious nosebleeds. Supposedly that is because of overflowing mana. I am to begin my training tomorrow. Magic here I come!

[Lair the crooked nosed witch]

I do not see what purpose may my ability to do splits have while casting spells or why are we supposed to hold buckets of ice water on our heads. Why? There is nothing more to magic than learning how to breath and how to sense one’s own mana. Perhaps she finds pleasure in watching us do all that ridiculous stuff. There can be no other explanation!

[Flower ceremony]

Today’s night marks the end of winter and the beginning of spring. Today is my final day of childhood. For all the thirty winters I have built some mystical quality around this day, yet I can feel nothing of such. As of tomorrow, I will be officially recognized as an adult in the light of law and I will renew my vows, the ones my parents made in my stead when I was born. I have my robe and my flower ready for tomorrows offering.

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Mother appears to be suffering more excitement than I am. Her skin turned pale and I can see the shadows growing under her eyes, which she tried to cover with her makeup.

[Maids of garden]

Due to my diligence I have been chosen to become a maid of a blossom garden. Whatever that is. On the behest of thee Empress herself, our town will be sending twenty young maidens (myself included) and eleven men. Whatever it is we are being send there remains a mystery.

[Duty]

Elves are no longer born. We are being farmed.

Recent wars and dwindling birth rates may someday render our species extinct. As it is now, for every born elven child, about sixty human and eighty ferru children are born! Such a staggering difference! Most families over their life raise one child if any. Me and my sisters are an exception. There was no case of twins born in four thousand years!

More and more girls are born sterile while those that are not, often miscarriage due to their strong mana pressure. Because of this, “Garden” laws were passed. All young people of the breading age are gathered together and obliged to “produce” offspring with whoever they can and as many as they can. With the support of the state we are to fuck like rabbits.

[Sex]

One winter. That is the most any one has ever made it without going mad.

The lucky ones got pregnant within a week and were moved to the nurseries. As for the rest, wine, music, herbs and sex. Sex, sex and sex. The herbs help. Some. The act of constant coitus quickly begins to eat on one’s psyche. We began eager, as most new buds do. Tasting, learning, discovering and experimenting. Soon the experience begins to fade and the pleasure gives way to a waning sense of duty.

I have lost count of how many partners I already had. Neither do I remember when was the last time I wore anything more than a collar to block my magic. Wine and herbs blend nights and days into a stream of… I will puke if I see one more cock today. No more. Please o goddess, no more.

[Blood]

Today I had my tenth or maybe a twenty miscarriage. I reek of blood, wine, piss and semen. Enough is enough. I went to the head priestess and said I will hang myself like the boy that did it yesterday if they won’t let me go. She took away my collar and wrote me down as barren without even looking at me.

I spend the entire day in a bath scrubbing myself, but the stench won’t go away. My tears won’t stop.

It is odd to wear cloths again.

[Home]

The shrimps welcomed me gladly. So much they grown over those three winters. Noca as shy as ever eyed me from afar. Mother knew. She cast herself around me and held me until I melted in her arms and cried. And cried.

[A place of my own]

I have moved away from our house in the town center. There are just too many people there. Father found me a quiet place near the old abandoned town. Supposedly, several hundred years ago when he was a boy, a dragon came and torched down the place.

It is old and lonely.

And I like it.

[A guest]

Lafirra payed me an unexpected visit. Her eyes were as sunken as mine. We talked until the morning. She stayed in my arms.

We will need a larger bed.

I ran out of wine. No matter.

Her kisses are sweeter than wine.