His call pushed me back into reality. Back onto the roof where my bare pillows still gazed at the cloudless sky. Fancy that, I got myself an approval of the king. And unpacked another can of worms. Nope. I am not gonna think of it right now. My ability to handle issues suck already as it is. This whole thing will have to wait its turn.

At least this gift I got, made me feel refreshed. Calm. My headache went away as if it never been there. I cannot recall when was the last time my mind felt so clear and my life so easy. Um, that is if I ignore the sudden urge to cover myself and my squishy bits.

Playing it cool and using my awesome stealth skills of an elephant trying to hide among grassy plains, I sneaked into the nearest bath. All the servants and guards I passed on the way made it a point of their honor to ignore me. How kind of them.

Ho-hum. I don’t think this place can classify as a bath. A posh bathhouse? Maybe. A bath? Not so much. My entire apartment complex from back home would fit in here. Not the place I had in mind when I asked my compass to guide me to a bath.

“Be praised moon of the empire!”

I almost felt the physical pain of an imaginary ‘your sneak attempt failed’ screen forming in my head. Okay, no such thing happened but still, having sixty maids welcome me while my bare ass shined at them is an unsettling experience. Even for me.

Sixty nude maids sporting nothing more but a collar around their necks. The bath attendants.

And then there were hands. Many, many hands making sure I was clean and... and I had to vacate the place in a rushed manner since my damn charms set off a chain reaction that soon spun out of control. To the lengthy list of my outstanding achievements, as of today, I can add ‘dolt caused an orgy.’

One I wished no part in so wrapped in a towel I made my exit through the nearest window and once more found myself on the roof. I’m developing an affinity towards wandering through weird places, aren’t I?

You sure are, my perverted master.

Huh? My head turned towards the source of that thought only to find my trusty twiggy staring at me from one of the windows above and opposite the roof I was standing at. Thanks to my dotty luck, she was not the only one. Others were pointing at me from the same direction. Eh.

What are you doing out there?

These are princess Carmina’s chambers. Should I inform her you’ll be joining us?

Does she mind?

No, she does not.

It took a moment, but the confirmation came with the dryad opening the window where she stood.

Holding onto my towel and still dripping wet from the bath, I made a running jump over the plaza separating us. Then I send some mana thanking the Wind for once more fixing my aim.

“I welcome the moon of the empire and I beg forgiveness...”

The girl groveled before me, a faint trace of fear surrounding her body. Oh, right. The whole me being an angry dragon thingy. It’s been what, yesterday? Yeah, something like that. And now everyone in the palace calls me that moon thing.

“And I would welcome you never calling me that again. There is nothing between me and your father. Nor do I wish to be associated with this empire.”

The girl did not move from her spot. Twiggy used that time to appropriate my towel and began drying my hairs with it.

“Rise child. I am no royalty. Neither do I care for such gestures. Also, it is I who should apologize for the intrusion.”

Unsure of herself, Carmina did lift herself up to stand before me. Slow as if this was to be the last thing she would do in her life. When she finally did straighten up, I could see her eyes were still red. She’s been crying recently. Also, the halo around her body that my beastly eyes saw was that of anger mixed with fear. Eh, what do you do with a child which you have to take care for that has nothing in common with you? Not that I would ever imply to know what a parent should act like.

Her eyes that not so long ago were so curious of me and my body now were darting away in fear. Though she did try to steal occasional glances.

“Is Cora treating you well?”

I asked hoping for some small talk. In response I got a cold stare from a twiggy manhandling my squishy bits under the guise of drying out my body.

“She is the most helpful. Thank you, m-mother.”

Okay. I am not sure what the idiot emperor been bumbling about me or my presence here but, mother? Eh, that sound put bad taste even in my mouth.

“Don’t force yourself. We are nothing but strangers. Vera or Karin will suffice. As for your idiot father, there is nothing but paper marriage between us. Forced paper marriage.”

It sparked her interest, so I chose to indulge her.

“Your father is in possession of something I need while I can provide you with the protection he craves. In truth, Cora here is more suited for the task. She shall be your guard and your servant until our contract expires. Her strength is roughly the same as my own.”

Well, her strength is the same as mine since I am her glorified battery. On a second though, with those daughters of hers and her ability to multiply her fake bodies she might be much more powerful than I am. And as long as I’m away from any harm, she’s pretty much immortal.

As the realization struck, I had to stare at my annoying, grinning twiggy. A perfect bodyguard.

Why, thank you for the compliment, my reckless master. Although I am not as indestructible as you consider me. Each death of my doll body puts a considerable strain on my mind and consumes enormous chunks of your mana. While I would do my best it is still possible to overwhelm me.

I’ll keep that in mind. Now, take your fingers out of there if you want to keep them. Wait. Scrap that. I got just the thing I could use you for. There’s this business venture your abilities are perfect for. There would be plenty of wiling clients if you can’t behave.

The dryad ears turned red as she read my mind.

Master, if you ever think of that again I shall dedicate my entire existence to making your life as miserable as possible. Even if it were to kill me.

Mutually assured destruction. Nice. I do hope you keep your side of our bargain this time.

Cora bowed in response and moved away folding my towel. It brought my attention back to the girl. She appeared calmer and now openly stared at me.

Well, your turn now royal squirt. If you want something, say it. Ignoring the princess gaze, I closed my eyes and let my consciousness sink into my earth ring where Earth’s daughters welcomed me. I exchanged some pleasantries with them, letting them sip on my mana and went between the endless shelves. I wonder if it’s her influence. Earth spirits were always so courteous around me.

Huh? I had no idea we bought so much stuff last time. The place was packed with all manner of random junk. Some of which I have never even seen before. Why, it looked no different than an oversized department store. Eh? What are those...

“Twiggy, why the hell did you buy that?”

Five feet long wobbly rod with slime like surface sat among hundreds of similar implements. Some shapes puzzled even my mind.

Master, I do not understand. Why...

I’ve sent her a mental image depicting the purpose and use of a stack of polished, metal eggs. With nubs.

Oh.

The feeling I got in response felt as if all my blood rushed into my face.

My mistake master. I thought they were...”

“Cora. Stop. I don’t care what you though it was or what you’ll do with it. Just don’t waste my gold on this kind of junk in the future.”

I still had some coins left from what Earth gave me, but I sure don’t want to ask her for more. Hmm, that reminds me. The darn wolf had yet to pay me anything.

I bypassed the joy section of my meager stash and went over to where I could see stacks of underwear. Now the question is, do I get thongs, or do I risk it with something more refined? Given what happened yesterday? Eh, ass floss it is.

I grabbed the nearest pair, and a matching corset then went to the next shelf for a pair of cotton pants. I don’t have a whole lot of those, but I’m done with dresses for a while. What else? Hmm, those over the knee riding boots look like I won’t miss them. Nor their heels. Haa, I forgot to pay back Li for all those boots. Turns out she was the one picking those.

Okay, what else? A blouse? A sweater? Or a jacket? Better not. If my wings decide to appear, I may end up flashing my pillows. Again.

A leather crop top it is then. One with open back. Oh, I saw a nice one on the way. One with a breastplate riveted to it. Not much of an armor it was. Showier in design rather than practical but it fit the bill. It had open back and the plate was molded to accommodate my pillows.

This should be enough. Besides I can’t stay in here for too long. Outside the time still flowed. Albeit at a different pace but still the princess would notice.

I opened my eyes and a stack of cloths appeared in my hands along a tiny ‘eep’ that escaped the mouth of the girl. Was she a scared squirrel or something?

On the other hand, even in this world things appearing out of nowhere was no common sight.

I slipped on the thongs and let the dryad dress me. All the while the girl stared at me. Eh, I can’t leave her like this. I’m sure I will regret this but, a part of me whispered this was what should be done.

“Princess Carmina.”

She straightened out when I spoke her name.

“I thought we would have more time together, but unforeseen events cut our time short. I intend to leave as soon as I get what I need from the emperor. Cora will stay with you and protect you while I’m gone. Also,”

I walked up to her and put my palm atop her head. She shivered under my touch.

“By the names bound to my soul, may you be blessed by Water, Fire, Earth and Wind.”

A third of my mana went puff as those words left my lips. The four perverts appeared, no less surprised than the girl. Their bodies glowing and drawn towards her.

“I don’t know why but I get the feeling you will end up drawn to each other. One way or another. I must caution you though. Don’t get swayed by their sweet words. They are the worst perverts I ever met.”

“H-Hey!”

Fire tried to protest but I silenced her with a stare.

“Goodbye princess.”

Propelled by a force I did not understand, I walked out of her room. Was it smart leaving her with those troublemakers? I don’t know. Something told me I shouldn’t worry about the trivial details. They would meet with or without my help.

The same mysterious pull that made me bless her, guided me through the maze of palace corridors. Where? I don’t know. Why? Because that’s the place I should be. How did I know? I have no idea. I just knew and it terrified me.

Left. Right. Up. Left. Doors behind the gobelin. Left. Take stairs to the bottom. Wait. Left. Left. Through the garden. Jump over the locked gate. Right. Up. Left. Stop.

My nimble feet did stop but, why? Or, where even am I? Hmm, let’s see, packed sand floor, racks upon racks of wooden weapons, straw dummies? I ain’t a dolt if this is not some sort of training ground. Or a colosseum.

Just why of the countless possibilities did I end up here? Why do I have this nagging feeling that I should be here? Why in this deserted place?

I craned my head up and gazed at the puffy clouds lazing above me. It made no sense for me to be here.

Until I turned.

Pushed by a reflex I didn’t know I had, I turned so suddenly the shockwave caused by my body kicked away my would-be assassin. A little bit of Rage’s own aura escaped me as well since she soiled herself where she fell. Her trembling body collapsed into a heap, refusing to obey her. Eh. Here’s to me being naive enough for hoping I won’t see that girl ever again. How long ago was that even? Weeks? Months? With all the weird stuff happening around me I might start some sort of a journal to keep tabs on everything. Been a while since I did that.

Either way, I poked the twitching elf with my foot.

“Have you nothing better to do than bother me?”

Instead of answering, the eyes of my failed assassin rolled up into her head and I watched her body convulse on the sand. Don’t tell me she bit into that vial? How bothersome.

I bent over her twitching body and removed the black mantle she had wrapped around her head. Her liberated elven ears used that chance to go boing-flap-flap-flap.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven? Oh boy. Her ears flapped seven times. She must’ve kept them bound for days or weeks to get it to this point. Mine never went beyond three flaps when I held them bound for too long.

Anyway, I forced my finger into her mouth and like before found there the vial with some vile liquid hidden underneath her tongue. Huh? She didn’t use that? So that twitching and frothing must’ve been my dolty charm. Eh. I made a mess again.

That you did, my charming master.

Har, har, not laughing. How come you missed her?

She is a skilled one. That I acknowledge. Even from this close I can only just tell her presence from our surroundings. As if a candlelight hiding amid a bonfire. Although now that I can sense her master, she amounts to nothing much but an inconvenience.

Well, I can’t detect her even if I hold her hand. Though that may be because I suck at sensing people that hide their presence.

Regardless, what do I do with an elven assassin inside a human capital? Do I care? Should I just toss her in a corner and go my merry way? Is she even alive? Hmm, well she does have a pulse. A weak one but yeah, it’s there. So, is that good or bad?

She’s an assassin. Armed. Deep within enemy’s territory. Ok, I think I’ll let the guards handle that... they can handle her, can they? Eh.

Using my nails I cut her robe, exposing a scale armor to which she had attached a wide assortment of tools of her trade. Knives, thin wire, needless, caltrops. Even something that looked like smoke bombs straight out of some ninja fantasy. Okay, enough ogling.

“Cora, get your ass in here.”

She mumbled a complain, perceiving her presence unneeded but still, mana leave me and her new body materialized beside me and got to work. One by one she plucked away the elf’s armor and cloths until only the assassin’s bare bum left in the sand. And that’s when my dolty luck struck again.

“A friend of yours?”

Certain cheesy voice decided he had enough staring from the sideline and joined us. Just in time to witness Cora checking the assassin’s personal pocket for concealed weapons.

“Why would she be?”

I answered not looking at the one who spoke. Before me, thin tendrils sprouted out of the dryad’s hand and entered the incapacitated girl. Huh? Her body stirred when the maid extracted an oblong shape out of her. She’s been prancing around with that thing inside her? That cannot be comfortable.

“Well, for once, she is still breathing, is she not?”

Once more the annoying voice brought me back to the present. What did he mean? She is still breathing. An odd way of putting it. Ah... I suppose it’s expected given what they think I am.

More wines grew out of the dryad’s body and restrained the elf while Cora unscrewed the slippery metal container. It held a set of lockpicks, several needles covered in black sap, a blowtube, a foldable knife and one more glass capsule wrapped in cotton. How odd, such familiar set. Where have I seen it? Maybe in a movie? Eh, who knows.

I turned to face the grinning man standing next to me. An obnoxious presence radiated out of his chest. Bearable but not something I would wish to endure for any length of time.

“Someone I have met before, yes. You may ask your empire’s favorite seer how that meeting went.”

“Ah, so cruel of you, my moon. To think you would withhold such juicy tidbits from me.”

My left eyebrow twitched. I’m sure of it! It moved! How? This man...

Deep breath in, deep breath out. It took all the willpower I could muster to stop myself from doing what I think Rage would do to this man. Can’t say I wasn’t tempted.

“Gideon, do not make me regret my choice more than I already do. As for this uninvited guest, I believe the grand magister would like a word with her.”

I added before the emperor could cast another weird comment.

“That he might want. He does have a way of asking questions to get all the answers he wants. Annoying at times but useful. Non the less”

Gideon laughed at a joke only he understood while Cora slung the bound elf over her shoulder and quite gladly left me alone with his imperial annoyance. Her feelings toward the emperor reflected my thoughts.

A good moment to sigh, isn’t it? One, two, three, here it comes, siiiiigh.

“Thank you.”

The emperor’s eyes focused on my face. His words, for unknown reason, caused odd heat to gather at the ends of my ears. What is going on with this accursed body?

“Whatever for? I did not and cannot save your life. I just made a mess and maybe gave you some time. Not that much by the look of it. Gods, you stink. Whatever the hell that thing inside your body is, it spits out corruption at an astronomical rate.”

The disgusting presence I sensed spreading inside his veins made standing so close to him unpleasant. Difficult even. Worse yet, covering my nose did nothing to lessen the stench. Now that he extinguished his original strength during the recent attack, my entire body felt his curse through some undescribed sixth sense.

“It is already more than I hoped for.”

He stretched out his arms and flexed his fingers.

“My body have not felt this light in years. Perhaps we could give it another shot? Maybe this time we would be rid of this curse?”

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

“That will not work.”

While my lips rushed to deny his idea for all the wrong reasons, I knew that I spoke nothing but truth. Even the lantern with all its power could not remove that putrid splinter from his heart without killing him. Nothing short of a god’s intervention could save him.

“This was a one-time deal. A miracle it even succeeded. I could have killed you and burned half the castle at the same time. The power to banish a shade is not one I control.”

His face did not betray any disappointment. Did he expect that much?

“Still, you have saved the life of my daughter and gave me a chance to spend more time with her. For that you have my gratitude.”

The tips of my ears burned once more when the emperor put his right palm over his heart and bowed before me.

“A life you have almost lost again. Does the presence of an assassin not trouble you at all?”

He straightened up and smiled.

“Sometimes it is best to let a beast roam unobstructed while steering it away from where it should not be. Faithful servants are hard to come by. I hate to waste them over such a trivial matter. I had my fill of hunters going after my head and yet I am still here while they are not.”

“Fancy words given what happened not that long ago.”

Gideon snorted and waved me off.

“Her presence was known for a while. We had her contained where she could pose no harm to anyone. There were other issues on my mind, so I let her idle here without a hope for escape. Although had I known she would turn to be such a fine guest I would have captured her earlier.”

Something creepy in his smile told me that Carmina might soon have a sibling born with elven blood. All because of me.

My imagination shown me with vivid details what will become of that failed assassin. They’ll turn her into a mindless slave. An animal to bread or kill. A toy. I’ve sealed the fate of that girl. Well, maybe at least it will be a fate gentler than the one she was meant to follow? Who knows? It’s not my place to judge the life and sins of an assassin.

Yet still, deep within me Guilt sobbed as one more name etched itself onto her skin. Okay, it’s not the best way to live but it does sound better than ending up dead in a ditch in bumfuck nowhere.

Guilt’s heavy gaze drilled me from inside. Her lips moved. I could not hear her voice, yet it still sent goosebumps down my back. I focused my attention on the man standing beside me to escape her gaze.

“What am I to you then? All that talk about beasts and yet here you are, acting as if you have known me for ages. Is that also part of that steering you mentioned? Know your place human.”

That made his face sour a bit.

“My moon, make no mistake,”

Out of nowhere he did something I did not expect. He took off his right glove and grabbed my hand, entwining our fingers. Such a bold move, Did my bluff fail?

“I harbor no fear against your arrogant kin. A dying man has nothing to fear. I treat you the way I do because of who or rather, because of what you are. A slave akin to myself. A comrade in suffering.”

Where our skin touched, I felt warmth. I felt calm seeping into my body. It was calling, wooing me into accepting his words. Mind control? No. This was different. This was something deeper. Mortals could do no such thing.

As I realized the source of his confidence in his odd behavior, a faint glow began spreading out of his hand while an identical mark on my forehead responded in kind and shined bright enough for me to see its glow reflect in Gideon’s eyes.

“You may roar and puff out your chest for all you want oh mighty lizard, but we both know that nothing aside words will come out of it. When I saw you, I knew that I won’t be able to raise my sword against you regardless of what you choose. I knew that I could trust you with my daughter’s life. I knew you’d protect us. I knew because our mutual friend has vouched for you and your conviction. That is a guarantee one cannot break.”

Mutual friend? Hah. Did I bump my head somewhere along the way or am I hallucinating? Well, it does not seem like a hallucination. I could sense the power drown into the mark etched onto my skull. It felt the same as when she put it on me.

“A friend I would not call that thing.”

Me calling the odd one a thing forced a chuckle out of him. Friend, that’s going too far even in a sarcastic manner. A scourge or a plague is more accurate.

“True. At times the owner of this crest can be most,”

He searched for a fitting word, but his face told me his honor forbade him from using in front of a ‘lady’ one of the words he found.

“Peculiar?”

I offered and pulled my palm out of his grasp. A second more and I think I would have torn his entire arm away. What an icky feeling his touch gave me. That and the smell made me put some distance between us.

“Peculiar.”

Gideon smiled tasting the word.

“Yes indeed. Peculiar. No less peculiar than a dragon bearing the mark of our friend. It pushed my entire plan out of tracks. Though, it makes me ponder. What kind of lunacy could this mighty dragon commit to get herself caught up in our friend’s scheming?”

It made the corners of my lips twitch. I let them fold into one of my fake smiles.

“I failed to keep my big mouth shut when it was prudent to do so.”

“Ah, indeed a lesson worth learning.”

His eyes told me he expected more but he did not press for details.

“Is that so? Then what kind of lesson did the mighty sun of the empire got out of his mark?”

He clenched his fists. Did I stir a memory that should have been long forgotten? Regardless, he still humored me.

“To check if the bountiful, honey dale I desire won’t turn into a rotten dump after I acquire it. Oh, and to think twice before I shove my dick into someone. That second part being the more valuable lesson of the two.”

An interesting choice of words. One I did not expect.

“Before Carmina was born, I took a fancy to a girl outside of the usual crowd of candidates. She matched everything I ever wanted from a woman. Charming. Intelligent. Beautiful. Eloquent. An exquisite prey inciting an exciting hunt with a promise of stellar reward. She satisfied all the standards the palace put forth at the same time being a pure bliss to be around. Just her origins did not check out. Try as we might, there were troubles with confirming her lineage. Households from which she was supposed to hail, gave conflicting testimony depending on whom we asked. But it did not deter a young and arrogant future emperor.”

He smiled looking at the sky above us.

“One night I found my way into her chambers. What a night it had been. We continued throughout the next day then, I woke up on an altar inside a god forsaken dungeon with my love still straddling my hips to the hum of cloaked figures gathered around us, chanting blasphemies in a tongue that made my soul crawl. With a dagger raised above her head, she rode the waves of pleasure that were to be my last. It distracted her. That and the slopy way they treated their captive, not bothering to bind my limbs saved my life. Drunk with pleasure, she missed my heart on her first try and I made sure there would be no second chance.”

A disturbing and a familiar description. Note to self, you see a creepy altar? Run and don’t look back. Although, at that point it might be too late. Eh.

“The rest played out much like bards sing in their songs. The brave yet stupid and mortally wounded hero kills off all his captors before succumbing to his wounds. Then as he lies on the cold stone floor in a puddle of his own blood ready to take the breath that’ll be his last, our mutual friend arrives with a bargain.”

Yep. That sounds like something that plague personification would do. Gideon’s eyes studied my face in in search of an emotion. He frowned since he found none.

“Are you not curious my moon?”

Eh. I am oh, so overwhelmed with curiosity. Hah. This is I think a moment for me to roll my eyes. Since I did not practice that, I abstained.

“Not at all but, do tell. What did that creep bargain for?”

“My life in exchange for my promise to marry the one of her choosing.”

My left eyebrow twitched this time and for some reason I felt an unexplained urge to smash something. Like, me dolt, me smash. Smash.

As tempting as it felt, best not do that. I don’t think I could come up with good enough excuse if I blow up this city by accident.

“The deal spoke only of marriage. Nothing more. I would not dare. Well, not unless you’re willing and want me to give you a child.”

The assassin’s knife I’ve been holding for a while now, snapped in my grasp.

“That is one of the few things in this world I will never agree to.”

I’ve seethed through my teeth before I could stop my lips. I’m fucked up enough to begin with and this miserable bloodline of mine, shall end with me. No more. Fake memories or not, no child should suffer through even a fraction of what I remember.

Nor do I wish to ever go through this whole giving birth experience. Nope. Nuh-uh. I’m a coward. Not gonna pretend otherwise. Besides, why would I? There supposed to be love involved in those kinds of things. Best not to talk more of it.

“Queen of flames told me you have found the sword I asked for?”

“We did. Thus, I came to rid this place of its unwelcome occupant but you my moon, had beaten me to it.”

He appeared keen to change the subject.

“Although I would not call it a sword.”

Eh?

“Perhaps it will be best if you see it for yourself.”

His arm pointed at something underneath the wall, opposite the place we stood.

A sword, eh? I had to close my eyes, rub my face and look again. Nope. That didn’t help. Neither did going over and checking it out from up close.

“Is this some sort of a joke I did not understand?”

“No, my moon. That is the sword of Quan you requested.”

A seven-foot-long stone pillar lay flat on the ground with its top polished to a shine by the uncountable legions of butts that used it as a resting place. Here and there even the shape seemed to have been imparted onto the stone by the buttocks that rubbed against it. I could see the curves.

“It does have a handle.”

Gideon pointed out a four-foot-long metal rod half buried into the sand. At the end, engraved on a freshly uncovered pommel were two familiar looking symbols. I saw many such symbols before. I was taught to read them. I did not need my blessing to understand their meaning. A name. Li Quan.

“So, it seems.”

My hand sunk into the packed soil as if it wasn’t there and my fingers locked around the metal bar that bore a name born out of this world. If I had any doubts before, after seeing that name I knew I have found the correct item.

I crouched there for a moment with my hand grasping the ancient sword, almost expecting something might happen.

Nothing did.

Letting the dragon’s flame roar within my puny limbs I rose lifting the thing out of the sand. Aside from causing a grin on the emperor’s face, nothing happened. Well, what was I supposed to do now? Hold it above my head and chant some cosmic Chūnibyō spell? I may be a dolt. I may be borked in the head. I may even have been isekaied. Not sure about that last part. This whole thing might still be a grandiose hallucination. But I am not going to play Don Quixote just because some demonic entity forced me to recover this hunk of junk. Off to the dump you go. I closed my eyes and tossed the offending item into the arms of two earth spirits awaiting behind a counter.

“My moon, if I may ask, what have you done with it? Did you destroy it?”

“No.”

Whatever the odd one’s intentions were, I did what she asked. I got the sword. I am not going to do anything else with it. I hope so.

“I put it somewhere it won’t bother anyone.”

That made him look somewhat disappointed. Not my trouble though. I did what she wanted, now I was free to do my own bidding. And, given the outrageous rumble that escaped my belly, I was hungry. How odd. That never happened before.

“A certain alcoholic that’s been plundering my winery for a while now, told me this morning that you were planning to leave as soon as you get that sword. Is that true? What of your promise? You swore to protect my daughter.”

“I had some prior arrangements I must honor. If all goes well, I shall be soon to uphold the rest of our deal.”

Not a lie. Technically. Although it may not be me who will babysit the princess for the remaining time.

“As for princess Carmina, Pellicora alone is enough to ensure her safety. She’s much more suited for the task than I am. Babysitting is not something I am fond of.”

One more earth shuttering roar escaped my insides. Even though my body could live off mana alone, for some inexplicable reason unimaginable pain squeezed my insides. It even made my pale face go two shades up on the ghastly scale. Jokes aside, it did feel like I could eat a cow right now. Or two.

“Then before you go, would you be kind enough to suffer my company for a while more and join me for a meal?”

My answered came as a thunder from within me while sudden cramp made me crouch and huddle my aching stomach. At the same time the voice that brough me to this secluded arena, once more whispered in my mind.

Eat.

“I insist, for the wellbeing of my people.”

I could see concern twist his face.

Eat.

Tears were starting to well up in my eyes as the voice hit me again. What was going on with this body?

Eat. You need strength.

“I suppose I’ll take you up on that offer.”

I spoke. Can’t say for sure. I don’t remember how we found our way into the kitchens. Did he carry me? Or did I run there pulled by my own nose? I have no idea. My mind cleared up around the eight bowl of meat they gave me. Raw meat.

For gods know how long, I’ve been stuffing my face with whatever kitchen servants brought me. Skin, bones and all that. Buns, sups, smoked stuff. Whatever had meat in it went down my throat. Somebody tossed a freshly slain goose in front of me, the body still felt warm, and I chomped it up like an apple. What was worse, I had no control over my limbs, and I still hungered for more.

So more they brought me.

That feeding frenzy held me well into the night when I finished cleaning up a round from the bone and tossed it away instead of gnawing at the bone. Then, at that moment, hunger made way for thirst. Thirst I could not describe. To sate it, I clambered over to the nearest barrel and sucked it dry of its contents.

How on earth did my anorectic belly managed to hold over fifty gallons of fermented mead, gods only know. Not to mention whatever else I ate before. Thankfully, before my innards could explode, a lengthy burp followed by a puff of smoke, put an end to my unusual feast.

Good. Now rest.

Huh? Buh, why? How? And my lights went off again, cutting away any chance I had to protest the alien will guiding me.

I saw Fire taking hold of my body before it could hit the ground but that was that. Blissful darkness came and wrapped me in her cloak, letting me rest undisturbed in her arms. But rest I did not. A dream came and with it a memory. A memory both alien and fake. How can I remember things I have not yet done?

The cloak of darkness binding me unfolded and became my wings that spread behind me, shielding my body from the blazing sun as I draw shapes in the sand with a stick. One by one ancient runes whose meaning I was to never learn, lit up in the sand as my arm stroke the perfect lines. When I finished drawing the intricate constellation, I extended my nails then rammed my hand into my heart. Watching my blood gush out of my chest, I fell onto the sand and felt the ancient spell activate.

Then the alien memory ended abruptly.

And then I awoke among the sea of endless flames.

“Sigh. Siiiiiigh. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.”

That last one wasn’t that bad. I think. Almost felt real. Let’s give it one more try. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

I practiced as my body boobed up and down within a pool of lava. As much as I never thought of taking a dip inside a volcano, it felt a bit, I dunno, underwhelming? Sure, It was warm and all but the gooey, syrup like sensation surrounding my body took away a lot from the experience. Well, it sure beats being cooked alive or melted on the spot but, yuck. Yuckity-yuck. My body held a strong dislike towards my current predicament. Also, I’m sure getting molten rock out of my hair and… other places shall not be a fun experience.

Okay, survival 101, how do I get out of a lava pool? Hmm, I don’t think they teach that one. Where am I anyway? A cavern filled with lava. Lava hot enough that it lit up the entire place. Not to mention the constant bubbling and splashing. This is ridiculous. Now, if only I could laugh it off.

With no other way around it, I called to my spirits. First Earth, then Water but when even Wind refused to answer me, I called the name of the culprit that brough me here. Then, when silence answered me, I called again but this time I added several adjectives from the dragon tongue Erta liked to abuse.

“yam‘ehre ya may shut yer...”

And she collapsed, face first into the glowing syrup that would melt everything. Well, everything aside the queen of flames and one unlucky dolt. We weren’t on the melty list.

“You okay there?”

I poked her floating butt however all I got in response was some incoherent gurgle. I am no expert on spirits or how much their projected body reflected their actual state but right now Fire looked as if somebody wrung her through a rock crusher. Repeatedly. Eh, another one of her antics? But then why did others also ignore my calls?

I looped my arm around her and flopped her over like a pancake. A bruised pancake. Perhaps I shouldn’t have done so. With her face on the surface, the incoherent gurgle turned out to be her sobs. She was crying. The queen of everlasting flames, the incarnation of ethereal flame that one day shall consume all creation, sobbed quietly in my embrace. She even tried to cover her face with her arm so I wouldn’t see her swollen eyes.

“So, mind telling me what this is all about?”

She cast me one long painful look and cried even harder. Can’t even talk about it? Eh.

“Hmm, let me guess. You lot are ignoring my calls. I’m either beyond your reach, which is not the case here or, you have found a loophole to avoid my command. As in thinking that following my wish may bring harm to your favorite snack.”

No reaction. She ignored the bait I tossed her. On the other hand, what could beat this drunkard to a pulp? If I were to believe her boasting, nothing short of a god could. The thought silenced all my voices. After my last run in with... whatever that was, I don’t think we want to know what happened.

Floating atop the lake of boiling rocks, I pulled her into a hug and let her head rest between my pillows. One of the few things these overgrown meat bags were good for.

And she wept. Come on life, give me some slack. It’s difficult enough for me to interact with humans. What am I supposed to do with a spirit? Perversion began explaining her idea how to benefit from my current predicament when Prudence smothered her with a rock. Thank you. I thought at her then focused on the sniffling crybaby rubbing her cheek against my pillow. Eh.

“I don’t know what you got yourself into to end up like this, but I imagine you did it for my sake. So as awkward as it is, thank you. This is enough You don’t need to push yourself any further for my sake. That’s an order.”

And she stopped weeping only to start wailing. Her cries sending tremors through the entire place. Her tears adding more lava to the already overflowing basin. Eh.

“Stop it or I’ll won’t ever again think of you as my favorite one.”

“Lies...”

She whispered while her cries changed into muffled sobs.

“You never liked me.”

“That’s not true. You know I’m too shallow for such a petty thing. Plus, you’re good at blowing stuff up. What’s not to like about that?”

“Liar.”

She placed her burning palm over my arm.

“You hate us all.”

“I do not hate anyone. Not sure if I’m even capable of that. Besides, I haven’t seen or heard from Hate in a long while. Dunno where she went.”

“Liar. You never call us.”

“Never? Ha, then how did I just summon you?”

“That doesn’t count! You are not like others. They cling to our power. Desire it even at the cost of their life. You my love are different. You find us repulsive. You call when there is no other way. “

“Well, true. I try not to abuse your power but that doesn’t mean I don’t like you. I think. Look, Earth’s blessings saved my butt more times than I can count. Without Water I would long ago leave this world. Even that Wind. Her blessings remain one among my most useful powers.”

My “I shall regret this” sense began tingling.

“But none of that would matter without the strength you’ve given me. Without you and the flame running in my veins these puny arms would do me no good. That and, how often can a mortal take a dip inside a volcano and live to tell the tale?”

Magma of brilliant brightness bubbled all around us. It made me realize something. Seems like not only humans, elves and hobbits dealt with their issues by throwing stuff into a volcano.

What a thought. Almost worth a chuckle.

“Let the lizard sleep. She would not care.”

Greedy. How greedy her voice sounded in my head. Greedy and desperate.

“I gave my word. You ask me to break it?”

“Then break it! Mortals are not bound by law!”

Anger mixed with pain in her eyes.

“I do not want to. Not this time. If this is possible, I wish to take that chance. Please do not hinder me. “

It felt as if the invincible spirit just shrunk in my arms.

“But if you fail… you have been lied to. If you fail that spell, yours and her death will not be the end of it. That which hides behind the mist may escape.”

“As long as I live, that much can happen at any moment. This is a chance for you too. If I fail, it shall be weakened enough for you to destroy it. One way or another, that is what I must do. “

The memories Gideon gave me, showed both possibilities. One with the snoring lizard rousing from her slumber. The other with, something that took my semblance perishing within everlasting flames. Either way, my fate is sealed. I am bound to preform that ritual. With or without my consent.

“Kiss me.”

I whispered into Fire’s ear. It dammed her sobs and made her crane her head up. Her blazing eyes searched for mine.

“One day. For one day I’ll do whatever you want. If possible, I’ll fulfil all your desires. In exchange you will not hinder me anymore.”

Silent. So silent and unmoving she became.

“Anything?”

Her voice challenged my resolve after a while that seemed like ages.

“Anything.”

Her power flickered and I found myself naked and pinned to a bed by no longer a queen but a king of flames. His imposing body hovering above me. His majestic banana pointing at me.

“Anything?”

The king of flames mocked me with a smile while I felt nothing. Not a thing. I did not know what to expect from this accursed body but the reaction I got or rather the lack of a reaction was beyond any of my speculations.

“The word I’ve spoken. Anything.”

I closed my eyes and spread my legs apart. Never in my whacky life did I think I would end up at this end of the stick.

And then, nothing happened.

I waited. Waited. And waited. Then I risked seeing the unimaginable and opened my left eye to take a peek only to find her back in her female body, staring blankly at me.

And then she slapped me.

Slapped me so hard I saw the entire milky way dance before my eyes.

“My love, who do you take me for?! I am not some fickle wind! That is not what I desire!”

She lay her bare body atop me, resting her head over my heart.

“As pleasant as it can be, that indeed is not my desire. Far from it.”

Her sigh left me in awe. So simple. So human. So natural.

“Then what is your wish my queen?”

“I know of no mortal language fit to convey my want. Neither you born of flesh can fathom what torments my heart. Besides whom are you mortal to offer me wishes you may grant? That is meant to be the other way round.”

Pain. Pain stabbed my chest as her burning tears dripped onto my skin. True, I could not hazard a guess what she felt. Heck, I have no idea what I felt, let alone what other humans or spirits might feel.

“My wish,”

Fire broke our silence.

“Promise me you’ll fulfill my wish after you wake up that damn lizard. Give me your word that you’ll do whatever it takes to fulfill my wish! Swear it!”

“I do.”

My lips spoke against my will. Fire sobbed for a while more then pushed me away.

What an odd experience. One moment I’ve been resting on a comfy bed, pinned under a hot spirit, I’ve blinked and here I am falling to my doom from the starry sky. Tumbling and spinning in a freefall.

Well, all right. Even if I hit the ground, I won’t break a nail. Not with those four keeping their eyes on me. Then there was this coursed lantern thingy stuck around my wrist.

Letting my training kick in I spread my limbs and stop my roll. It felt so familiar. Pleasant even. There was something enjoyable in this freefall.

With my body still glowing hot from my dip in a volcano, I must look like a falling star. I wonder if anyone is looking.

Seconds trickled by as I pondered it, watching the endless ocean approach me. I could see the individual waves pass beneath me. It was about time I should pull the cord and my arm moved to grasp one only to realize there wasn’t any. No. There be no parachute for this dolt. Not anymore.

“Do your thing. I am ready.”

I thought about flicking the lantern with my finger but the moment I thought of it, my body went into auto pilot as an alien will pushed me to a back seat. At the same time, my wings opened and spread out.

Circling around within a rising current, I gained altitude like a bird would and sailed into the rising sun. To my left and right I had no less than ten feet of magnificent black wings swaying up and down without any input on my side.

Huh? How fascinating. I felt mana leave me as my wings grew even larger to compensate for the thinning air.

I am flying.

How ridiculous that is. Flying under my own wings. Who said life cannot get any weirder. Am I still living? Or is this a dream of a departed soul? No. I know what this is.

A gift.

A goodbye gift. An apology for all that happened to me.

“Thank you.”

I spoke not certain to whom did I address my thanks. There were countless of ways I could arrive at the site of the ritual, most not even requiring my consciousness. Yet someone choose to gift me this one final experience. A way to look at this beautiful world from above and under my own power. Even my broken mind could appreciate this gesture. I smiled, letting my left eye leak as much as it wanted. Majestic green and blue globe spun under my spread wings.

What a magnificent world.