Galen Vesa
Emperor this, emperor that. Oh, the capital city, the majestic palace, the splendor…
Garla droned on and on about something of no importance to me as I sat and stirred my tea. Five hundred seventy-two. Five hundred seventy-three. Five hundred seventy-four. Five hundred seventy-five. I think I have given her enough time.
I put down my spoon and drank the cold tea. It had lost all its flavor. Just like me.
As fascinated as she was about advertising her wares on this perverted coat hanger I claim as my body, I could not care less for what I would be wearing. Where we will be going, they won’t look at my dress but stare at my ears or, if luck would favor me, they would stare at my pillows. An elf in the capital, meeting the emperor. Something tells me these assets of mine may not be big enough to shield me from disdain of all those noblemen.
“Garla,”
I raised my hand to stop her tale.
“As fascinating as your explanations are, you have lost me somewhere around the farthingale. I have no sense of fashion and I do not know what may be considered fashionable among humans, much less in the capital.”
Nor could I understand half the words she’s been using.
“However, since guild master assured me of your skills, may I relay on you to select proper attire for me for the occasion? You are my only hope to make this work.”
I think that’s enough sugarcoating even for that foxy.
“I will make sure your dress stuns everyone, Including the emperor.”
Was that a threat she made with such a gentle smile?
“I would not dare think less of it.”
What truly preoccupied me were the words of the odd one and the repercussions they may have. Up to this very moment I tried to convince myself that none of that happened. Now, I was certain. I was certain nothing good will come out of this trip. An elf attending the emperor’s birthday party. Lonely elf among the hundreds of nobles. I had to look at my arm to see if I were sweating or trembling already. Well, nope. Not even goosebumps. At least not yet. Well, consider me troubled. At the very least that’s what common sense told me. I should worry.
Perhaps to agree with me, my corset announced surrender as several of its seams failed with a familiar pop of tearing fabric. What would it be? About fifty to one. I still miss the bra those elves made me. The only one that served its purpose without failing. I do wonder what became of it.
Garla’s eyes traveled below my neck. Even though her ears were human in nature her hearing must have come from her ferru heritage.
“It tends to happen. “
The corset did not fail completely. It still held some weight but its days, well, minutes were numbered.
“So I’ve been told. Allow me to fix that. It would be a shame if something were to happen to the blouse you are wearing.”
Ah yes, buttons going boink did plague me ever since I got my hands on clothing. Leaving my cold tea behind, I got up and followed her off to the lingerie stands.
“Indeed, there is little choice in the items we brought today. Once again I must apologize for my oversight.”
Her tail began swishing back and forth like that of an annoyed cat.
“However, this one should work until I can procure the items we spoke of.”
She presented me another over bust corset, made of thin, creamy white leather and embossed with a floral pattern. A long one at that, reaching beyond my hips where leather gave way to large feathers that formed a mermaid dress. How should I put it, not exactly my style? Neither did it seem big enough to hold my entire volume. Still, it beats wobbling around all day so I followed her behind the partition and let them dress me. That included a maid bracing her foot against my back to lace the damn thing.
“Yes, yes, this will do, also…Arrgh!”
Thus, the score became fifty-one to one as my newest attire ended Its short life with a magnificent, explosive thwomp, splitting the leather right through the middle of my chest. Whatever left of it, plopped onto the floor and rested in a mass of torn fabric around my ankles. Oh, well. Back for the bedsheet we go. Thankfully, it still hanged where I left it.
Unable to accept defeat, the fox went hunting among the chests yet to be opened while I found my dryad preoccupied by a display of egg shaped, jade stones and a wide assortment of mushroom inspired implements. Even this world had its share of peculiar gadgets.
“I see you discovered yet another curiosity.”
She gave me and my bedsheet a quick glance then went back to staring at the odd shapes gathered on the table. There were several like the ones I knew and have used back on earth and a few too alien to guess their purpose.
“These are puzzling. I tried asking but all the maids avoided this subject. Mayhap you my useless master are aware of their intended use?”
How could I not? Dating Natasha was a crash course in using all manner of inanimate objects to achieve blissful pleasure. Most of the time they weren’t meant for the task, although she didn’t seem to care. But that’s another can of worms I don’t want to reopen or remember. Thankfully, she got bored of me and jumped ships before I could get involved in something horrible. I think they arrested her for whatever reason later that year. My memory’s kind of foggy of that.
“Well, my dear twiggy, as a proud owner of several meat bags, I believe you should know. Those impressive stones to your left are made to help strengthen your pelvic muscles, among many of the miraculous properties people ascribe them while those,”
I picked up a beginner’s grade, jade shaft and put it into the dryad’s palm.
“fancy renderings of manliness, are meant for the lonely times.”
Her look did not betray any understanding so to help her connect the dots, I whispered into her ear the where and how of the toys she’s been looking at and watched her cheeks become bathed in reddish hue. I could tell she’s been torn between tossing away what she held in her hand and keeping it. Cute. For a monster plant, Cora can sometimes be quite cute.
“But, as I said before, that is your cookie and not my business. Anyway, get whatever you think you may need. Shoes, coats, uniforms, anything useful. The wolf is paying so grab whatever fits you. if possible, take at least ten of each.”
Since our build was almost identical, well her body is a copy of mine with minor tweaks, whatever fit her would probably fit me. And she was much more conservative when it came to choosing her own attire compared to when she was choosing something for me. So, a win-win. Although that may result in her filling my wardrobe with nothing but maid uniforms. Well, no such thing as flawless victory in real world. Wait a minute. How on earth does she manage those bumpers? I’m sure we are a close fit in that department.
Practice, my useless master. Practice.
How does that have to do anything with supporting those?
I poked the offending weight occupying my chest.
You wouldn’t know, my useless master, you are not one of my kin.
Like a little child, she stuck her tongue at me and vanished among the rows of hanging garments. Well, that’s that. Something to do with how much control she has over her own body. She was the one that made it, using me as a template. What a cheat. Speaking of cheaters, I recalled the Water’s name and instantly I could feel her presence.
Yes my love?
She remained invisible yet at the same time I could feel her weight leaning against me and the pleasant aroma of an ocean spread around me.
I grew weary of my wardrobe exploding every time I try to breath and I think your ring has been constantly fixing my spine as of late. Might you do something about this dead weight?
At this point, that is no longer possible my love. Must I remind you I have sworn to never harm you? That pledge I cannot take back.
Harm me? I don’t want you to harm me. I want you to adjust a specific proportion of my body.
You may think so but, to do what you ask of me, I would need to rip apart the charm that holds your body together which became a part of your soul when your body has been remade. You are asking me to destroy your very own soul.
Oh, that does sound painful and, fatal. Perhaps it is better that their law leaves some room for interpretations. Yup.
Very much so. Very much so. However, how strange… There is nothing wrong with your back and my gift does not try to fix anything, as you called it. It does not push your power in there. On the contrary, it is siphoning mana away from this place...
She poked a tender spot between my shoulder blades. I can’t say it hurt but for once I felt something there.
Regardless, the ring is still a part of me and my power. It cannot bring you harm whether you will it or not. If you are so bothered by the shape you possess, we may try to add one more form to those already ascribed to your body. There should be enough space to bind one more, two if Earth would lend us her help.
Huh? Another form? There is a limit? What about shape shifters then? I thought with magic one could transform into whatever they wish.
There are limits to everything, my love. The magic you speak of, indeed can grant mortals whatever shape they desire but that is a flawed power. It requires enormous focus to maintain the change and it can be dispelled with relative ease. Now, a true form cannot be dispelled or changed without a conscious effort. It is percived as a natural part of your body. If you desire I can…
No. You already gave me one form I did not ask for. If there is a limit to how many of those so-called true forms I can have, I need to think it through first.
No point wasting it over something half baked.
As you wish my love.
She embraced me from behind, pressing her body against mine, her arms…
Say aren’t you too clingy?
Indeed, my love.
She whispered into my ear, her embrace becoming ever so slightly tighter.
You have not called me in such a long time. I have been lonely. Restless. Afraid you may not summon me ever again since I gave you my ring. It is torture, awaiting your lips to say my name. All this waiting almost made me do something… unreasonable.
Translation, me mighty spirit, mortal no give attention, me make sure mortal suffer. Warning received.
Fine, fine. Every third full moon, I’ll call one of you and keep you with me the entire day. You can make one wish out of me. If it’s nothing bothersome, I will fulfill it.
A wish… you will fulfill our wish?
Her embrace became so tight her fingers dug into my flesh.
I have not heard of a mortal offering to grant a spirit’s wish. I will take my leave now, my love. I must discuss this with my sisters.
And poof, she vanished leaving me with a sad, hollow, cramp in my guts, signaling me the dolt did it again.
Anyway, where did the fox go? Should I even call her that? Aside from beastly eyes and her tail, her features were entirely human. Fascinating phenomena the ferru are. One so different from the other. As if the name covered a state of being rather than a separate race.
Frustrated by not finding what she looked for, Grala mumbled an excuse and delegating my care to some maids, run out of the hall, possibly to search among the chests that were still waiting outside on several carts. I used that brief respite to rummage once more among the racks of clothing.
“Is there anything to your liking miss?”
A girl about the age of Li and spreading the aura of quality like the one Beatrice had, approach me with a greeting. Black hairs pinned into a neat bun, sharp grey eyes and pillows in size approaching about three fourths of mine were her most eye poking features. Her voice felt no less pleasant than her smile. Her uniform, adorned by a crest of a leaf and a sparrow, attached her to the foxy merchant.
“Karin will suffice. There is as much noble blood in me as in water under a bridge.”
Invoking my isekai knowledge, that is, all servants should be bribed, I put a big, fat, golden coin into her palm. Ignoring the fact that a golden coin just appeared in my hand out of nowhere, I took it out of the ring to be precise, the girl’s eyes traveled between the gold and my ears. Gold, ears. Gold, ears… Gold won after a brief hesitation and she pocketed the coin while a smile appeared on her face. So simple. I should spoil Earth a bit more in thanks for both the gold and the ring. As they say it, money is the best.
“I am Melody, thank you for your patronage. Please ask me anything If there is something you require.”
She awarded me with a small curtsy while further away, several other maids watched in terror as if I were to attack and devour the poor girl. Woe the horrifying elf that may slaughter them.
“Well, you may start by telling your friends that I’m a ferru and not an elf.”
So many interlopers have twiddled with my sorry self that I no longer have any idea what on earth am I and as far as this world is concerned, that counts as ferru. Besides, my overall curvature does not agree with that of an elf.
“Ah, apologies. I have no excuse for their behavior. I will reprimand them immediately.”
She bowed again then went to educate her companions. A moment later Melody returned with a friend in tow. Still pale but reasonably calmer, her companion offered me a greeting bow but otherwise said nothing. That brought my focus back to Melody.
“So, how does it work? Should I bring the items I want somewhere to be added up?”
“There is no needed. Please, enjoy your time and tell us whichever item caught your eye. We will put it aside for you.”
How convenient. Alright, let the splurge begin.
I kicked off my shopping spree with fur, taking any fur coat that fit me and then asking for seconds. Why? There is nothing more versatile than fur. At the very least it can keep me warm if for whatever reason magic may become unavailable. If its high quality, it can be sold. Piled up it creates a comfortable bed to sleep on. It can be given as a gift and the crafting potential is enormous. Hence, I grabbed any fur they had, including rugs and blankets. Well, almost every fur bit. Some scraps were just too small for anything meaningful.
Heading my advice, Cora piled up several stacks of maid uniforms and some other bits and bobs. Some were interesting choice for her to make, like a set jewelry she brought. Her other choices seemed bizarre like the nine, porcelain tea sets she took, including the silver trays they were displayed on. Or silver cutlery she dumped along with the cups. What use would we have of that? Well, I stopped caring about her collection when she started gathering tall boots, straight from some fetish dungeon. Was she planning to parade in those sixteen-inch, spiked monstrosities of studded snakeskin? Nah, can’t be. I think she took those just to mess with me. Or like in case of the peculiar scarf she nonchalantly wrapped around her neck, sometimes she just lacked specific knowledge.
“This tail, it is quite warm and comfortable. I wish I had one last winter. It would have made all that sea voyage more bearable. Although, I do not understand what is the purpose behind this bulbous protrusion at one end. It does not seem to have any meaningful function.”
The maids following us suddenly became preoccupied with something else, not willing to offer any explanation. Confused, Cora looked at me and at their reaction. Thankfully, I can’t get any more socially awkward than I already am so I offered her what I knew.
“Oh, it does have a function. It’s meant for a tail socket.”
“Tail socket? What nonsense are you spewing now, useless master?”
“Well, while it’s technically possible to use it as a scarf with this length, people don’t usually wear them around their necks.”
Sending her way one of my memories, I watched her face grow few shades darker when she connected my words with their meaning. A monster tomato plant. I begin to understand why people like her. She has her cute moments.
Silent, Cora went away, tips of her ears glowing with a shy reddish hue. A certain dragon might have used this opportunity to drive the nail even deeper, but I abstained. I had my own share of similar moments.
My next stop brough me near the gloves display. Aligned with the current fashion, as Melody made me aware, it was mostly opera length gloves. Mainly made of leather but here and there I could spot cotton, silk or sheer. I grabbed a handful of each type, just in case, then after taking few more, I went to again browse through undies.
Knowing what to expect, I just took whatever I put my hands on, discarding anything that looked as if it would turn into a dental floss for my nether regions. The see-through ones I currently wore, did a remarkable job of staying where they should be even after me sitting, walking and bending. No readjustments needed so I asked for fifty more. Would be nice if they offered something more than mental comfort but, one cannot have everything. Something about the way they formed this fabric made it very sturdy, comfortable, difficult to stain and quite susceptible to mana. As one of the maids shown me, its color and opacity changed depending on the amount of mana expanded by the wearer. Since my body had no passive mana output, the material remained blank and transparent. Spewing out my mana at a constant rate just to add some color to my clothing? Nah, not my level of lunacy. Best I move on.
Since bras would take time to manufacture, I ventured into the dreadful dresses territory. Nope. For the love of me, I wouldn’t know what to take. Skirts I can manage. Office look I’m familiar with. Dresses or gowns? I’m lost. Next?
Ah yes, nightgowns and pajamas. Past were the times when I could sleep just in my boxers. Come to think of it, when was the last time I wore anything to sleep? Funny thing. I can’t remember. I grabbed a few of each type they had and moved on.
Capes, shirts, blouses, and sweaters seemed like a good place to stop next. The choice which to take turned out easy enough too. If it fits, me takes.
As for my lower half, I checked again but as before I couldn’t find any pants brave enough to negotiate my hips. Though, one pair almost made it. I gave up on them after a telling rrrip sound came from my behind.
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
“If there is any particular pair you like, please let me know. Our tailors are happy to make any necessary adjustments.”
Or they probably can remake the item to perfect fit. I wish she had told me that earlier. Well, I picked a few that looked comfortable and hoped for the best. Melody assured me they would be ready within a week.
In the meantime, I added several skirts of varying length to the ever-growing pile. This left me with tights, socks and stockings. As it turned out, socks weren’t that popular among nobility and I ended up getting a chockful of stockings and panty hose, along with complimentary garters, garter belts and other stuff to keep everything in place. Hopefully, none of that would be needed.
I also got several plain looking, somewhat military uniforms for my banana form. Just when was the last time I used it? Was it half a year ago already? Hmm, perhaps? Might be even more. My timekeeping ability kind of sucks. Either way I should get something ready in case poor lady Karin becomes persona non grata. I had something in mind ever since the island incident but first I will need to deal with a snoring dragon. Then we will see. If fate allows it. In the meantime, I packed a few butler uniforms as well as some day-to-day clothing. I was guessing at my male proportions, so I kept everything on the larger side.
My wandering among the wares took me the better part of the morning. Or rather, until Altina returned and started howling obscenities at the sight of the mountain of boxes we amassed. The prospering maids took each item I selected and after neatly folding it, packed it up in a luxurious paper box. Sometimes they took a single box to house a single item, sometimes they shoved an entire stack of things into a box. Whatever logic guided their actions, the boxes created an awe inducing pyramid, reaching near the ceiling of the hall. Such impact it had on the wolf, she required two full glasses of brandy to calm down.
I should spare her the knowledge of the other items I ordered. Like tents, blankets, mattress, towels, robes, soap. Lots of soap. Some oils and juices used here instead of shampoo. And pots and pans and portable stoves. Of magical variety. Yeah. Those were pricey so... Yeh, I will spare her that knowledge.
“I do not like that stare you have there, young lady. Spit it out, on what else did you waste my gold?”
Busted. Hey, how come she can tell? I am sure my face is as blank and bored as ever.
“Some custom-made pants and a few other items.”
“Few other items? Merciful Shamuu… Garla will bleed me dry. Where is that airhead anyway and why are you wearing a bedsheet again?”
“My corset gave up and she tried to rectify it by making me wear a different dress. Not much success there.”
“That I see. I am paying for the broken ones too, I assume. Just how many did you destroy?”
“Only that dress and a corset. Oh, and a pair of pants.”
“Sah… “
Resting her elbows against the table, she massaged her temples, her ears hanging low. Something she often did while deep in thoughts. I sat beside her and watched guild maids serve fresh tea. Li in particular couldn’t take her eyes off a certain dress and spilt some of my tea over the table. I moved my saucer to cover up her mishap before either of them could notice.
“All this gold...”
The wolf moped over her cup.
“I’ll talk with our investors to reimburse you for my expenses. Also, Li, could you go and tell the girls that our guild master prepared a gift for them to commemorate the opening of a new guild. All of you can take anything that would fit into a box this size. “
I pointed at one of the mid-size boxes holding some of the things I got.
“Melody, would that be a trouble to prepare such boxes?”
“Not at all.”
“I’ll... I’ll go tell everyone!”
With her eyes sparkling, Li made her best effort not to run out of the hall while at the same time Altina looked as if she would choke and strangle me any second.
“That also includes you, guild master. I’m sure they will have a nice dress that would match your fur.”
Her cheek tufts puffed out. So the girls were right about her. I tried to give her one of my most sincere smiles, all it achieved amounted to Altina changing the subject.
“Tell me, the emperor, this whole affair. Is it something connected with your last adventure or is the serpent once more involved? Why would they call us? I may be a noble by blood, but my house has never been close to imperial affairs. Why would they be? At the time I was born, people like me were considered a disgrace by those in power. The only reason I remained alive is because my parents were not important enough for anyone to bother.”
“I don’t know. I thought we were done with it when you submitted my report. No further questions came so,”
I shrug my arms. The odd one did not mention her. Why would they drag her into whatever this was? I do not know. Perhaps that man had something to do with it? Perhaps I should let Rage have his way with him. Or maybe not. Too many unknowns.
“At the same time, I doubt it is a coincidence. I...”
I had a hallucination, or whatever the heck she is, told me I will go to the capital and do things. Oh, and I’m supposed to get some-whateveritsname-sword, at the same time. Or at any other time my fate deems the most inappropriate. Just the story to tell my wolf.
“I have a bad feeling about this whole affair. Best if you would not go. No point getting the guild involved.”
“Sah, and let you, some forest bumpkin, commit who knows what atrocity against the emperor? No. I made my choice. We will go together. Besides, I planned on opening a guild branch in the capital. We may snatch both hares in the same snare. Now, where is that airhead? How could she run out on her customer?!”
“Who are you calling an airhead, senior?”
Returning like a proud lion, boasting of his kill by a mighty roar, Garla stormed into the hall with a procession of servants in tow, each holding a stack of clothes.
“I am not paying for any of that! You can dress her whatever you want but if it blows it’s on you!”
“I see you have not changed senior, not an ounce of confidence in me. I feel hurt.”
“Confidence?! Sah, you and your ideas! Do I need to remind you of your brilliant plan for selling hair oils?”
“That... that was an accident! How should I have known they mixed up herbs!”
“Accident?! We spent an entire year regrowing our hair! The laughingstock of the entire guild! You don’t remember that too, do you?”
“I... Fine! I will not charge you for anything she may destroy but if it fits, you shall pay me double for the dress!”
“Sah, I’ll triple it if not a single thing breaks!”
“Deal!”
“Karin, do your worst.”
The wolf had quite the confidence in my assets, it seems. On the other hand, I have not seen her act like that before. Even Beatrice who came with fresh tea, cookies and stripes of dried meat, wore a content smile. Pretending to be a lady I never was, cleaned my lips a napkin and followed the fox once more to settle their bet.
“No. We’ll do it here. No cheating.”
The wolf’s voice stopped us before we reached the partition. On the wolf’s order, Beatrice kicked out everyone non-essential from the hall, especially those with dangly bits between their legs, and made me strip in the middle of the hall where those that remained could see and hear if anything went amiss with my clothing. First though, they witnessed the splendor of my pillows. Just when did I agree to any of this? Eh, I need to cut down on flashing my butt at strangers or start selling tickets. Either way I can’t go as it is. By now even logic began to complain at the ease with which my outfits were disappearing.
“I’ll be glad if we could keep this brief. I’m sure there is nothing between my legs all of you haven’t seen before but that is still my body, and I grew weary of others staring at it.”
The elven plaything just said she don’t want people staring at her. Now, let them digest it however they want.
“Forgive me, this has become tactless.”
Altina’s fur stood up as if she just awoken from a bad dream. In few swift steps she found herself beside me and covered me with my trusty bed sheet. Not a reaction I would expect.
“I do not know what you’ve been made do before but it is not how I conduct my guild. Always, always tell me if something bothers you. Do not bottle up your discomfort, whatever it may be. You have right to respect, and we have showed you none. I am deeply ashamed of myself.”
“Please accept my apologies as well.”
Garla joined the troubled wolf.
As an apology, I hope this this outfit will be to your liking.”
“Thank you. Cora, will you help me?”
With a silent nod, she gathered all the presented items and we moved behind the partition while others gave us a wide berth of privacy.
Master, what you said. Did you mean it?
Cora’s thought rung in my mind like a silent whisper, her confusion seeping out of her core. I don’t think anyone was listening on us but still, I refrained from speaking.
Well, some of it, I think. I don’t find it repulsive or unnerving. Just my common sense tells me I should cover myself since prudence is an expected quality. Last I checked you don’t see people walking around butt naked in the streets. Alright, you have the red-light districts but that has its own purpose, one I don’t want to be associated with.
Even if it would bring you gold?
Cora, it is nice to have gold and all but there are things you cannot buy with gold, things gold cannot replace. Every person has its own sacrum, a realm they perceive as the most private and precious part of their being, meant only for themselves. From what I learned myself and from what others told me, the moment that sacred place gets violated, is the moment you die. You die inside. Then the physical death becomes a matter of time. Sometimes, if you put enough effort and time, you might be able to save such person, but the scars remain and no amount of gold can erase them.
Is using one’s own body in... certain way is really that harmful? Then why do they agree to it?
Well, you may consider your body as nothing but a tool but, are you sure all people that sell their body do it because the want to? Some don’t have a choice. You’re not sticking around me because I’m so cool and all, do you? You’re staying with me because I don’t want you walking around murdering people. To that point, your situation is similar, you have no choice.
Should I sell my body then? I can make as many of them as you want. We could make plenty of gold without that spirit’s help.
Eh, just think how wrong it sounds when a, I’m citing a professional opinion here, a socially inept numnum must teach you about common sense twiggy.
Indeed, that does put some doubt into your teachings, useless master.
Again with your attitude? Look, I’m not going to moralize you or dump some religious babble at you. I’ll tell you what I know for certain, exchanging yourself for gold leaves a mark on you. A mark that will affect you whether you realize it or not. But I digressed, if you want to flash your butt at random strangers, that is your choice. I’d rather not follow that path... willingly. I’m broken enough as it is.
Nor do I want a repeat of what went with the Wind.
“Done.”
“Hmm?”
“You are dressed, my useless master. You can now bask in your beauty in that mirror.”
“You know twiggy, when you say it like that, it sounds disgusting.”
“Only disgusting? I will do better next time my useless master.”
Why do I care? Wait. I don’t. It’s strange how easy I fall into weird habits. Repeating the same stuff all over again. What’s the point? Who knows? Why do I care, has been used so much around me I picked it up without realizing.
“You know what twiggy? This does look good.”
I’ve turned, bend over, pretended to sit and made a few circles around the space shielded off by the partition. It fit good and looked good. Unconventional but good. And it didn’t explode. A win-win by all measures. Even the ankle boots Garla brough gave me no reason to complain.
“Interesting material, master what is this? I can sense remnants of wood in it.”
Cora pulled at the side of my grey, wide legged pants. Whatever it was, it resembled cotton with some synthetic mixed in to improve elasticity. The fabric felt soft and stretched nicely, almost like rubber. I tried to crease it but the moment I let go of it, it returned to its original shape, leaving no sign.
“I have no idea.”
Spandex came to my mind as the closest thing to what it could be but, from what Cora said, this was natural fiber. Either way, I am getting a supply of this. My hips agreed with that. Even the white blouse they gave me, made from the same thing, easily conformed to my torso. Well, it gave me no support whatsoever but the mere fact it could stretch this much seemed impressive.
To remedy its only flaw, atop of the blouse, I wore an ornate chest plate, hammered into an exaggerated representation of female bosom. What can I say? It fit. It also made a distinguished metallic booooink sound whenever I knocked on it. Well, no wobbling or bouncing? Me takes.
With my pillows secured and the heavy-duty leather straps still holding my new armor in place even after several minutes of jumping jacks, we rejoined the others.
“I knew it would fit! So, how do you like it?”
Garla broke the silence when I took my seat behind the table.
“Not something I would consider wearing,”
I boinked my chest plate.
“But it does the job. Tell me, those pants and the blouse, can I have more of those?”
“Ah... No, I’m afraid not. It’s... It’s a rare fabric. Takes a lot of time to produce... I... I don’t think I can convince the... manufacturer, yes the manufacturer to make more of it... it’s rather expe...”
Altina’s claw were digging into the table but she said nothing. Just smiled, sipped her tea and smiled. Well, now I know why she don’t smile that much. It’s a tad difficult to say whether she is happy or just wants to bite off your head.
My kin made this.
Huh?
I wasn’t sure about this, but her reaction awoke a trace in her left by one of my people.
Cora stood behind my chair and stared at the fox.
Peculiar. Her blood is full of spores, yet they do not harm her. She has made a deal with the dryad that made this. Intriguing. And here I thought I was the only deviant among my people. Let alone, the only one left.
Deviant huh?
It is what they called me. One who mingles with outsiders. We live to protect our tree. Our tree is our life. We do not bother ourselves with trespassers. We kill them. I had the bad luck of wandering too far away from my tree and meeting a certain serpent.
Should I dig deeper?
No. Let her be. You have a bad influence on others, my useless master. I do not want to cause trouble to my people.
“How unfortunate, it is an amazing fabric.”
With nothing else to say, I stuffed my mouth with cake the maids brought and let them haggle between themselves. As they tackled each item on the list of junk I bought, all the girls from the guild just flooded the hall and the shopping spree continued. To say they picked all the shelves clean would be an understatement. If they could, I’m sure someone would take the shelves as well.
“Merciful Shamuu... I’m done. You ruined me.”
“I just love doing business with you senior. You should invite me more often. Am I not your favorite junior?”
“Rot you... pestilence and rot... Why did I ever agree to mentor you?”
“Because you love me so much, senior. Now, do not despair, this is all gold well spent. Besides, I have a little homecoming gift for you. I thought you may like it.”
Saying that, Garla waved the fat scroll of purchase contract in the air, summoning Melody with an ornate, red mahogany box. Sealed with dozens of wax seals hanging on a leather strap, the box spread a pleasant aroma. Perhaps that scent hid behind the reason why nobody cared to lacquer this box.
“Merciful Shamuu, child where did you get that?! How?!”
“Do you not remember senior, the first thing you taught me? To uphold my word and protect my honor? This is my honor. This is my word. Please, accept it. Before I die, allow me to pay off at least a fraction of what I own... “
“Enough. Poor teacher must I’ve been not to weed out your stupidity before you brough that calamity upon yourself. As such I deserve no... “
“Oh, shut up you damn furball! I did not go through all that trouble for you not to take it. Take it or I’ll shove it up your ass! I don’t remember you caring about any rules when you crawled through a mile of dung flooded sewers, broke into imperial dungeon and escaped the same way, while dragging my half dead carcass with you. Not to mention smashing a chair over the imperial’s prince head. Twice.”
Suddenly all the eyes in the room, including my own, fell on the wolf. Altina’s cheek tufts puffed out. I just had to ask.
“You clonked the future emperor? With a chair? In the head? The future Emperor? And we are going to capital to celebrate his birthday? And I thought my luck was bad.”
“Sah, compared with that airhead, you are a lucky one. Ragard was a first-born child of the old emperor and a scourge of the empire. The court tolerated his existence because the emperor had no other child. They say he raped half the maids in the palace and killed twice as many. Words of rebellion were spoken, would he come to rule. My junior thought it would be a clever idea to try and do business with such a man.”
“His own father bashed in the bastard’s head with an iron poker when one of his concubines got pregnant with a new heir. They say the entire continent let out a breath of relief when that happened. You can learn much about a man when they dump his body into a pit without a proper burial.”
“The current emperor is the son of that concubine and has nothing to do with me.”
“You should’ve seen her! Wham, bam, blam! Then again sha-bam over his back when the creep tried to stand up! I’ve no idea how he managed to survive that.”
“Enough already. I’ll take it. How did you manage to buy the Summer Garden? Last time I’ve checked the asking price was horrendous.”
“I’ve heard you were searching for an estate in the capital and since I knew you liked that place, I got it for you. Lately, house of Revolem seems to be pressed for gold. Rumors spread about them trying to swindle out some witch and that it did not end well for them. I’m not sure whether that’s true or not but they were selling so I snatched it. They were in such a rush I got it for third of the price.”
Sudden shivers went down my spine. Revolem, where did I hear that? Just the sound of it stirred something within me.
“A third of the price? That’s... still excessive. You’ve been quite successful over the past decade, from what I heard but even so, that kind of gift is not something you can give lightly. What are you scheming?”
Garla leaned back in her chair and smiled. Her smile no less impressive than that of my wolf. Well, I can see who taught who.
“I want in.”
Her words confirmed my guess.
“Whatever crazy plan are you scheming, I knew I want in the moment I learned you told Raesh to go lick his own balls. Oh gods, that was one of the better days in my life. The pig almost exploded and choked when the empire annulled the guild’s tax exemptions since you were no longer a part of it. I got so drunk in euphory I don’t remember the next five days. Anyway, I heard you were searching for a place to settle your new guild hall. The Gardens were up for bid, so I took it. Consider it my initial investment into your enterprise. If you want a bigger price for my shares, name it. I’m sure we can work out whatever is necessary.”
“It is generous, but that kind of decision is beyond me. My investores...”
We want her!
Altina winced wen the combined power of four drooling spirits hit her mind. She gazed at me, checking if I heard the same thing.
“Guild master, I’m sure they’ll be delighted to have the help of such renowned trader.”
We like her!
Altina cussed, clamping down her ears.
“Merciful Shamuu, so noisy... Are they always like that?”
“Not that I know if they ever were any different.”
I’d say it was more difficult to make them shut up than, for example, move a mountain.
“And whom you may be referring too?”
Garla looked at us without any understanding.
“You will see in your due time. Now, since you already have a foot in this affair, let us get all the documents sorted out before I introduce you to our investors.”
They excused themself and headed for the wolf’s office, the foxy clinging to her senior’s arm like a maiden in love, her tail swishing with untold happiness. I have no idea why someone would willingly step into such mess but, who am I to judge other people.
I finished my cake and another cup of tea then stripped again for a very troubled tailor that requested to take my measurements. We had to stop a dozen times before she managed to complete her job. Even though I tried as hard as I could to suppress my enchants, my body still managed to knock out the poor girl at least five times. It seems I should avoid coming in contact with virgins as they get to experience much stronger side effects. Maybe Melody could procure something to put a damper on this damn charm. I called her and asked after cupping her palm in my hands.
“As I’m sure you can feel, I have an issue with a rouge charm placed upon my body that I have no control over. I will be endlessly grateful if you can suggest something that would help. “
“I...”
She courteously removed herself from my reach, her cheeks flushed.
“I will inquire.”
And she trotted away on slightly wobbly legs, leaving me alone with my tea and a plate full of cupcakes. I should stop stuffing myself with those. Is what I thought but at the same time, my hands placed another cupcake on my plate. This body does seem to have developed a sweet tooth. Well not that I have anything else to do. With the shopping done, the wolf gone, and the maids busy cleaning up, nobody showed me any interest. More so, people made a subconscious effort to avoid me. Even Cora and her many bodies, wandered off and mingled with other maids, laughing and chatting with others. There were at least four of her helping clean up the hall and however she did it, nobody noticed.
Well, it’s been years since I learn I could never be someone like her, someone fitting with the rest of the society. It would have made my life easier. Spare me from much of what I’ve been through. But that never happened.
My fork boinked against an empty plate. Where did that cupcake gone? Why are there no more? Well, enough is enough. I may not get fat thanks to magic but, what goes in must goes out and I already ate way too much that my puny stomach could manage. Also, some maids were hovering nearby, getting ready to clean up my table but my antisocial bubble kept them away. I may as well go somewhere I won’t bother anyone.
Popular vote, where should an unpopular elf go? The guild had entered a sort of transition period where people had nothing particular to do. Some strolled around the city. Some trained in the courtyard like the guards did. Some snored away in their rooms trying to catch up with rest after the past weeks of frenzied activity. Some packed their things and said their goodbyes as the newest guild owners marked them undesirable and let them go. Aside from a single maid Beatrice sacked for stealing, from what I heard, all those leaving were doing so of their own accord. And the spirits were scheming. Plenty of those that tried to leave, came back, lured by a promise of better payment, less work and benefits. What benefits? I don’t know. Whatever the guild offered must’ve been quite substantial. Anyway, where should I go? I can’t think of any place I won’t be bothering others aside from my usual spot on the roof.
A horrified shriek came from the floor above. Seems like a curious fox got to meet the investors. Eh, I want no part in that. I finished my tea and sneaked out the back door onto the deserted back passage.
Haphazardly tight corridors zigzagged through the entire building. Originally meant for servants, these claustrophobic spaces were repurposed as a means for handling clients that required more privacy when Altina bought the place. Bare and dusty corridors were cleaned and floored with expensive ash tiles while plaster and subtle tapestry covered the walls. Here and there, tiny mana stones would come to life, illuminating the passage for whoever would need to use this space. That is if someone had mana radiating out of them. For me, the darkness of the guild’s underbelly remained complete and undisturbed. A place so natural for my eyes I sometimes came here just for that reason. To stare into the unbroken darkness.
When was the last time I did that? Somewhere before all this mess with that blasted wedding? Yeh, that should be about right. I left a cushion on the third floor, near the end of the corridor there where the walls and roof created a small space used for storage. I can’t remember why I came there in the first place, something to do with the training Erta been putting me through. Yes, we were looking for a quiet place I could use to sink within and train without other people bothering us.
Now that I had a purpose, my legs moved on their own to carry me to my destination and sure enough, I found my forgotten cushion, layered in a carpet of dust, hiding behind a stack of boxes nobody touched in years. I may as well do some practice since I am here.
From all the things Rooth made me do, dusting gave me the most trouble. With my hands tight behind my back, I had to clear his entire cottage. No broom allowed. Just mana. I remember staring at a fireplace for what felt like several months before I made the biggest log twitch among the ash. Then everything exploded and I was set flying through the roof to land headfirst into a nearby swamp. I spent few days stuck upside-down in a swamp with no way to dislodge myself before that sadist came and unpluck me. I had to constantly twiddle my toes and waddle my feet or otherwise wild animals would come and try to snack on my claves sticking out of the mud. Yeah, even though he was a capable teacher, as a person, Rooth... What person? He was a monster. Efficient? Yes. Cruel? Trice so.
I think I got it on my twentieth try. How to find and gather all those tiny dust particles covering the area. The trick to that was remarkably easy. Spread some ‘sticky’ mana all around the area and wait for the dust to clump up. Then, suck the mana back in, condensing it and voilà, you get a nice shiny bead of gunk. A little bit more elaborate technique than the one dung beetles use but the result was similar. That is as long as I did not set myself or the house on fire.
Asking my mana if it wish to stretch its legs, I let it spread around me then after a while, I pulled it back in and got myself a nice, pea sized dust pearl for all this effort. I also managed to rip the paint off the walls and sand the floor down to the bare wood. Oopsie. The fact that I could do it, didn’t mean I was proficient at it. Well, I may not have a lightning shaped scar on my forehead and my know it all fried is snoring within me but still, I think I did a rather good job. Nothing blew up this time. Maybe I should not be practicing this within the guild grounds? Yeah. Maybe. I did clean up my spot though.
Master, before you blow us up, I need to speak with you. Meet me Inside.
Sure. I’ve been meaning to get there anyway.
Closing my eyes, I laid my head on my freshly cleaned although slightly discolored cushion and let myself fall in. Pellicora awaited me underneath the life tree, her arms crossed, her back resting against the tree’s trunk.
“So?”
I asked her. Her replay did not come at once but only after a moment of deep consideration.
“I’ve decided to fulfil the Earth’s wish.”
“Okay. So?”
She gave out a theatrical sigh and shook her head.
“Sometimes master, I wish you weren’t so daft and useless. To fulfill her request, we... we will have to germinate our daughter.”