I shall accept death only when it comes to me  as a reward for a life well spent.

Under no pretense would I seek it, for nothing good ever comes from a suicide.

Blue Oaks, 2005. Pinky promise to a little girl.

Apathy : Chapter  7 – Destination unknown

I’m not sure why I remembered that.  For the last eleven years I’ve been wearing a ring on my pinky, with just those words engraved on it. A gift from the girls parent’s.  She never woke up after that day.

We had developed a strange ritual over my stay in the same hospital. Every day she would come and pester me about staying alive.  She was terminal.  For the past several years, she fought in blood and sweat for each and every day just to stay alive. With better or worse results. She could not grasp how someone could lack any will to live. Maybe it annoyed her? Seeing as someone who had it all, was trying to cast his life away while she had to struggle in tears and pain for every gained day. She would not leave my room until I swore to her to eat my meals, take my meds and behave. Okay, but just for today. Not a day longer than tomorrow. Was what I usually said, just to get her out of my room. It continued for a while. Months perhaps? It ended on the second day of Christmas.

She sneaked into my room at night, way past the visiting hours. We didn’t talk much that day. She just sat in a corner, sobbing. The fight was over, she lost.

During our last meeting she ordered me to live, to fight with whatever it takes. To survive even if I didn’t want to. To live for her. You’d better have a good story to tell when we’ll meet again. Those were the last words she spoke to me.

With the help of the ring I’ve received, I have kept the promise so far.

Was the lack of this ring playing a trick on me? I took a blade of grass and made a ring from it then slide it over my pinky. Clumsily, it filled the blank space.

It’s been ten days since I broke the water surface. Ten times the sun  have risen above me. Ten days I’ve spend in total silence. For all that time Erta had not spoken to me. Whatever reason for it, she did not utter a word or maybe I just couldn’t hear her anymore. But I did not waste that time away.

Not far from where I’ve surfaced, I have found a small island. Calling it an island was probably an exaggeration.  The place was more of a bunch of tall rocks stack together and overgrown by some moss and shrubs. The biggest plant I have found there was an undersized apple tree, growing at one of the edges. The said tree is currently my main source of food and even though its fruits look like apples, they taste nothing alike. They are sour and disgusting. But at least they’re not poisonous, something I cannot say about the plump berries growing all over the shrubs here. Thankfully I’ve checked.

I took a berry and smeared it along my left arm. The same I did with the strange apple before I ate it.

Within minutes of contact, my whole left arm and two fingers of my right arm, swell to the twice of their size. That was two days ago so hopefully I have not exceeded the lethal dose of whatever was inside those berries. Since the swelling is almost gone, I believe that is the case. I will try to get some sleep. So far I have been unable to do so. At least I will lay down with my eyes closed.

I seems I have finally managed to get some sleep. When I closed my eyes, I could see moon shining above me while now the sun is trying to roast me with its midday heat. I don’t remember any dreams or nightmares, nor did I met with Erta this time. I was simply unconscious for… A sound of passing boat  caught my attention. Hidden behind the tall bush, I watched.  I knew this boat. The patches on its sail formed a colorful mosaic, recognizable from far away. And they were going upstream.

The last time I saw them, the boat was heading upstream. It was about a day before I fell asleep. From what I observed, If the boat was heading downstream, it would take them another four days before coming back. Now if they were going upstream, I would see the boat after three days. So, if I do my math correctly, I was asleep for no less than six days. Not good.

I waited for the boat to clear my little island and when they were no longer visible, I went to get some puke-me-not-I-dare-you-apples.

Munching onto a second one, I did a quick inventory. I could see about fifty semi-ripe fruits left on the tree and some smaller ones that were not edible yet. By the rate I ate those, this would give me about three or four days before I would have to leave this place in search of a better food supply.

Worst case scenario, I could start yelling and get the attention of the boat passing by though, for some reason I just didn’t feel like getting rescued by them. Something in the way the crew looked made the boat repulsive. As irrational as it was, I decided to wait. I wasn’t in any kind of haste and acting without a broader view on the situation never yields good results.

I reached for another fruit.

* …please, stop. I beg of you. No more… *

A faint pleading cry echoed through my mind.

“Erta?”

* No, the voice of your stomach begging for mercy you dolt! *

That sounded about right. Thankfully she was okay.

* What part of this misery are you calling okay you monster?! *

Erta sobbed.

* How can you even  put that abomination into your mouth?! *

Well, it tasted bad but I don’t think it tasted that bad. I put the fruit down and asked.

“How are the things going in there, wherever you are?”

* Good, I’ll live. That is as long as you will abstain from poisoning us or eating more of that, that… *

I am not sure if a soul can get sick. Or if it can experience food poisoning but from the feedback I got through whatever linked our minds, even I got queasy.

Out of the curtsey, I went to the edge of my little island and washed out my mouth then killed off the rest of the remaining aftertaste with several gulps of lake water. From the taste of it, It was much cleaner than the bottled one sold back home.

“Better?”

* Yes, Thank you. *

The feeling of relief I received  was overwhelming. For some reason I imagined Erta lying down, curved into a ball in the middle of nowhere, resting.  It felt odd, knowing she might actually be doing that.  I shook off the water droplets from my hands and sat down, resting my back against sun warmed stone. It was so peaceful in here.  No honking and rumbling cars. No people yelling and swearing at each other. No deadlines to keep. I felt out of place. There was nothing for me to do here. I had no purpose apart from staying alive, fulfilling the promise I made so long ago. Should I try to get back home? How? Is there even anyone who would be willing to help me? Is there even a reason for me to go back? Back to what? I don’t even own a pet, not to mention having a family.

Watching the clouds lazily pass by, I asked.

“Erta, is there anything you would like to do?”

Something akin surprise passed through my mind, followed by the odd stuffy sensation I felt every time she went through my memories. Part of me was trying rebel against this kind of privacy volition but, even if I would somehow managed to do so, what would I gain? Nothing. Also, I am not exactly an interesting person.

* Yet, you cease to amaze me. Are you truly willing to do it? Will you take over the world and claim the rightful  title of the daemon lord in my stead? *

“Rejected. Too bothersome.  Plus you weren’t really serious about that one.”

I felt her chuckle.

* You can tell? Fascinating. Perhaps we have less than a thousand years left… *

She left out a deep sigh.

* Galen, will you help me find my daughter? *

* We have parted in quite a spectacular way… I would like to see her one last time and mend our ways if she allows that. *

Family issues. Those I know too well.

“What are the chances she would like to be found?”

* I… I know not. She have long ago erased her presence but many years have passed since. I can only hope her heart matured enough to accept me for my soul is longing for our reunion. If she still rejects me, then I shall let her go. I wish to at least see her once more. *

The question hung heavy in the air while cycads clicked away their crescendo. I hug my knees and let my head rest against my arm. Finding a lost person. A task worthy of a journey. For a first time since I tried to cast away my life, I felt a strange tingle deep inside of me. A feeling of purpose. Almost an emotion. A direction in which I could push my life.

* Thank you. *  Erta spoke meekly. The rush of feelings her soul radiated suddenly seeped outside, making my eyes leak.

Tears. How odd. I truly cannot recall the last time I cried. Perhaps it was the time my mother joined the ranks of heroes.

I can hardly remember her now. She had flaming red hair, eyes so deep green they shone from afar and a sexy line of freckles through her cheeks. As father used to say, those freckles were one of her bestselling points. Just after her boobs, he often added which most of the time earned him an elbow to the ribs from my mother.  That’s about all I remember of her. The rest is either classified or long forgotten. I don’t even know how she died or if they even recovered her body. We were not allowed to open her coffin. She was buried alongside the other heroes on the fields of Golden Gate National cemetery. I remember I held the flag pressed against my chest while my tears just kept on flowing.

I believe part of my father died with her. After her death he was no longer the man I knew. He started drinking. Heavily. I could tell to which bar he went just by the smell of him. Also, visits from our local officer Johnson became a regular occurrence. He either brought father home or came by to check up on me. Whatever he was expecting, we disappointed him every time. The house was clean, our fridge was full, I wasn’t hungry and father never hit me. My mother’s eyes protected me from him, from his alcohol induced rage.

He would come home, furious, looking like the devil himself, ready to explode, to let loose his daemons. Then he would meet my eyes, the spitting image of her emerald eyes and that was enough to break him down. He would drop on his knees and cry himself to sleep.

It lasted several years. Me watching him spiral down into the bottom. Just before he hit it, something must have awoken deep inside of him. That night father was late. Very late even for him.  When the doorbell finely rung, instead of my father I saw officer Johnson. He wasn’t alone this time. A female deputy arrived with him. They took me to our living room, sat on the sofa and begun recounting a tale as if straight out of one of the horror books I loved to read.

It appears that my father, sober for the first time in many days, signed up for an AA meeting in the next town. While the weather was as louse as his mood had been for the past few weeks, he still went there. About an hour into the drive, he came upon an unguarded railroad crossing. There, in the middle of the tracks, a school bus stood with a dead engine. As if cursed by the cruel fate, neither the doors nor any windows could be open while the train was already visible in the distance.

According to the witnesses, my father rode up to the bus, then using his SUV, he managed to push the bus barely away from the tracks, saving forty-two screaming kids, one terrified teacher and one not exactly sober bus driver.

As for my father… He became a hero too. They rested his body next to my mother. As in her case, his casket was also closed. What the train left of his body was by no means a view for the public. I had not shed a single tear for my father, nor for anything or anyone one else after. I was sad, just my tears refused to flow anymore.

I was left alone. Son of two heroes. Two selfish heroes who choose the life of others over the happiness of their own family. I never understood the concept of the greater good and my current, complete lack of feelings did not help in understanding it either but at least I no longer suffered.

Indifference has its perks.

I rubbed my cheek clean. Shedding tears that were not my own. How peculiar.

“She’s not in any danger is she?”

* In danger? Her? No. *

I could feel Erta’s mood lighting up.

* She may not be able to handle the scarlet witch on her own but there is little else in this world that could harm her.  After all, that knuckle head is a daughter of mine. A true dragon born. She broke six of my ribs before I let her go.  So, no. I don’t believe she’s in danger. If any, she’s the greatest danger to herself. *

Erta let out a sigh.

*  I spend the last nine years looking for her. Combing continent after continent and when I thought I have finely found her… *

“I showed up and we ended up here in this mess together?” I finished her thought.

* Well, yes. *

She confirmed before going completely silent. We sat there with me wiggling my toes while wondering, how do you go about finding a lost person? Obviously dropping by a police station was out of question and for some reason I don’t think we should ask for help from the local equivalent of the police force I knew from back home. Also, asking every person we met along the way, whether they know any half dragon ladies was neither safe nor efficient.

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“Erta, is there any way for you to locate your daughter?”

* It is difficult to say. Before we were bound, I was able to pinpoint her location within the same continent for as long as she wasn’t trying to hide her presence from me. That was possible with my original body. However as of right now… *

I felt something unnatural stir within me. The feeling was akin to a barrel full of water being kicked out of balance. I felt the odd waters sloshing within me, trying to regain balance.

* I am afraid the furthest I can safely reach with your senses is about, four to six miles away from our location and that might change depending on the terrain we are traversing. Perhaps with more mana I would be able to broaden that area but in turn this would likely bring our existence to the attention of individuals I would rather avoid in our condition. *

A six-mile radius. Considering the size of this continent, searching through this place might take anything from a year to several hundred years. If this actually was a continent and not an island. So many unknowns. I just realized how much knowledge of this place I lacked. Looking for a missing person in a state I was right now seemed ludicrous. I, myself, was lost.

* Ah, yes.  That indeed is a complication. Fortunately, I should be able to fill in some of the blanks as you might say. *

Erta chimed in. For some reason I imagined her standing beside a chalkboard, wearing half-spectacles on her nose and a smirk on her lips. Doing her best miss professor impression.

* That, I believe, can be arranged. Close your eyes and relax. *

I did as ordered and suddenly I was back inside the odd inner space she occupied, seated in one of those terribly impractical student’s chair with integrated desk space. In front of me, in her black and white attire, bespectacled Erta stood smirking beside an enormous chalkboard. On the board, the subject read: “Fantasy world survival one-oh-one, how not to die on a daily basis.”

“Sounds familiar. Kind off.”

I scribbled down the subject in an odd black notebook that materialized in front of me. Erta stood calmly under the board, fiddling with a piece of chalk.

“Ready when you are, miss professor.”  I mocked her. She raised an eyebrow at my remark while the bluish will-o’-the-wisp flickered brighter, bobbing up and down between her horns.

* Very well then. Please pay attention and listen carefully for I shall not repeat myself. *

I raised my hand, a question popped up in my mind.

* Yes? *

“What about our body?”

* It is perfectly fine, taking care of itself and seeping in the sunlight. A dose of vitamin D will do you good. Beside if you are comfortable with the concept of a dream within a dream, you should be able to understand that the flow of time in here is detached from the main reality. A heartbeat in the real world can last eons within this place. *

That’s… Convenient. I straightened myself up and focused on the blackboard. With a single swipe of the chalk, Erta made a globe appear on the blackboard. Covered in blue, green, yellow and white, the globe looked familiar yet so different at the same time.

* Lesson one, genesis. I shall not bore you with the lore and mythos found throughout this this world. Every more or less intelligent species here have or had at least a dozen of those, each as colorful as the other. If you ever find yourself inclined, we may return to this subject in depth. For now, it should suffice to say that each and every one them have named this planet one way or another with most of those names meaning ground, earth or home.  Current, most widely used name is Xea and from now on I shall refer to it as such. *

* From what I was able to read in your memories, Xea can be described as roughly similar to your Earth in many aspects and entirely different in some. The existence of mana being one of the main differences. *

* As with Earth, water constitutes the bulk of the planet surface. The rest of Xea is composed of seven large continents. Four main are Myruga, the mostly mountainous continent riddled with all manner of mines and hardy people thriving within numerous valleys. Fassirea, flatlands and forests plagued with all manner of elven offshoots and mana hungry beasts. Issaria, not a continent per se but rather a gathering of myriads of islands of all shapes and sizes constituting a single territory, having as many kings and queens as there are islands. And lastly of the four there is Nefa. *

* Nefa is the largest and most heavily populated continent of the four. Sometimes referred to as middle-land, Nefa can be considered a bridge joining all the four continents. With its varied terrain, the continent is a home to many species with humans currently representing the biggest part of the lot while the lands under their rule constitute of more than a half of the entire continent. *

* Aside from the main four continents, to my knowledge, there exist three more. An ice continent. Gathered around the north pole and consisting entirely of, ice.  Not exactly an exhilarating place and probably the only one outside the zone of interests of any political party. *

* Second is the forgotten continent. I know not who were its inhabitants or what they did to their home but it remains deserted, devoid of any know life. It was such even before I was born and continues up till this day.  As the name implies, it is a land forgotten by everyone. Known maybe by the few who frequent the roads hidden among the clouds. *

* Last but not least is the so called demon continent, taking large portion of the southern hemisphere. It is not a place for the faint hearted neither is it a forgiving one. Whatever can survive or even thrive there, easily surpass the strength of a whole army. I am aware of five different expeditions humans have made to the demon continent and neither have succeeded. Countless men died for naught and but a few returned with tales of terrors and grief. It is a place we should avoid in our current state. *

* We are currently located on the far west end of the Nefa continent, about a day worth of flight from Issaria. As for the current political status of the region, I cannot tell much.  The human politics were never one of my interests and unfortunately the powers that rule over this land, change too often. *

I watched as the outline of Nefa continent was formed on the blackboard then, through the changes of shapes and sizes of the colors filling the outline, Erta simulated the recent power struggle.

* For now I believe this much information about your surroundings should suffice. If you have any questions later, I will answer them gladly. Now we should proceed towards some more practical knowledge. *

Well, I did have a couple questions but, those were the subjects that could wait.

* Xea was originally inhibited by nine dominant races, the archetypes of current species dwelling on this continent. These were Dragons, Ir, Elves, High humans, Hagguru  and… *

Erta paused, trying to remember something.

* There definitely were the inhabitants of the forgotten continent. Most speculate they were an entirely separate species but this is beyond my knowledge. Also there were some speculation about living rock giants. I have never met one so that will remain an assumption.   *

* Lastly there were water based species, currently known as Nymphs. Very rare and powerful. Hopefully we will not run into one of those. *

“ What about the ninth race?”

I asked, studding the silhouettes that appeared before me. Erta considered something for a moment before answering.

* I do not think they ever had a name for themselves. Elves used to call them, daughters of the forest. Dryads if you prefer your own world vocabulary but otherwise they were nameless. * 

* All those mentioned were the ancients, ones that we will most likely never encounter again. Modern Elves and Humans have little in common with their ancestors. And definitely none of the past splendor. Even the Hagguru, a race of proud beastmen devolved to a point where their name lost its original meaning. Now they call themselves Haggu. *

* Third most numerous species we might encounter are Ferru. Relatively young species. A result of what could happen if, colloquially speaking, a Haggu, an Elf and a Human had an orgy. Part human, part elven, part haggu and probably part anything that walked on two legs and couldn’t run fast enough to get away, the Ferru share the characteristics of all the other races. It is difficult to describe a ferru since even two sister can differ in such manner that no logic can explain. Most explicit feature of a ferru is their fur. One that is not seen in any other living creatures and the smell of it. It is, odd. *

Said a  dragon lady. In a high cut dress. With boobs growing ever larger, every time I see her… I had to duck my head as a piece of flaming chalk zoomed past me.

* Please focus on the matter. * Erta tapped on the blackboard, another piece of the deadly chalk was ready in her hand.

* As of yet It has not been explained why it happens but, a healthy ferru smells good. Very good. Although I would highly advise against trying to sniff a ferru out on the street. It is considered quite offensive and may earn you a face full of claws. *

“Erta, why are you telling me that? What does it have to do with our current situation?”

* Quite a bit in light of our long term survival. Altercation with an annoyed ferru is a number one cause of death  in human population so remember, you can stare all you want but don’t sniff! Especially the females don’t like that. *

“Dully noted. Don’t smell the ladies. Anything else that can get us killed?”

* Well, yes. Try not to smile at haggu. Given their appearance and usually bad grasp of human language, they are often made a laughing stock. Another bad idea. Haggu interpret a smile as an act of aggression. Smiling at one or near one can earn you a few new holes in your body, either from their fangs, claws or short daggers they love carrying around. *

“I don’t smile.”

* Then don’t cringe at them. It’s pretty easy to set them off. I heard that once even a twitch of an eyebrow was good enough reason for them to start a war. *

“Fascinating, that sounds just like middle management from back home. We got an hour long speech about bad manners and OSH when our boss found a paperclip on the floor.”

It also made me realize something.

“Erta, one thing been bothering me. How is it possible that we understand each other? Same with the people from before. I could clearly comprehend what they said while I’m sure what I’ve heard was not English. How?”

She made a rather concerned look and carefully choose her words before answering.

* Galen, you remember when I said that a lot of magic has been placed upon your body? The witch has done a lot more than that. Your whole body has been tempered with as well as your mind. A lot has been changed or tweaked to her liking. I believe she was trying to erase your memories  when I attacked. As for the outstanding language skills, I believe it is a blessing. *

“A blessing you say? As in a gift from gods?”

* Yes. There is no such convenient magic that would make you fluent in each and every language of this world. I do not know from who you received it, but a blessing was attached to your soul. Since we were bound together it’s been affecting my soul as well. *

I drummed my fingers against the imaginary desk I’ve been sitting at. Magic, gods, blessings, dragons. Well it could have been much worse than that. I could’ve been summoned to a paper clip hell and day after day forced to give myself papercuts. Wait, no. That was the mailroom at the company back home. The horrors I saw there. Sui from the printer box with her hands marked with eternal bandaids could chop a bamboo stick in half with a piece of unfolded paper… But that is an another story.

“To sum it up. We know where we are. We have means of locating your daughter. We don’t smile and don’t sniff any strangers. What we lack is a direction. It would simplify our search if we could narrow down the search area. Is there any magic we could use for that or maybe an oracle?”

* An oracle. Yes. I have not considered that before but in our current situation it would indeed help us a great deal. I may have heard about a high oracle in the sacred city of Fenira. Given her reputation, she might actually be able to help us. *

“Then off to Fenira it is.”