- 5 -

Lilith pressed her head into her knees and felt the teardrops roll down the inside of her legs. All she wanted was love. Instead, love was the only emotion she didn't feel. Fear, anger, pity, self-loathing? Sure, all there, mixing together until the colors blurred into a murky brown agony. But love? No one loved her; no one ever would.

In that moment, Lilith's thoughts turned to her father. Her body trembled. It was unfair. When he found out, his love for her would evaporate, but she couldn't do the same. She would have to carry her love, all while it dug in and cut. Losing Victoria had sliced her open. Losing Joshua spread the wound. Losing Fennel and her father would tear everything out and leave her hollow. And she could already feel the tugging. She wanted to see them one last time, even if it killed her. So she sat in her prison cell and wept, even though the door was wide open.

"Lilith?" The word struck her with her father's voice. A hallucination no doubt. He was still on the hunt after all. But then footsteps drew closer and the room lit up. Lilith looked toward the voice. A blurred figure stood holding a flickering candle. Her vision filtered through tears, but she still recognized the outline as her father. He set the candle holder on the table and moved towards her.

"Dad, I'm sorry." She had to choke the words out between sobs. Her chin quivered until her jaw ached, but she couldn't hold it still now that he had arrived; now that he would see what she was. But then arms wrapped around her in a delicate but unmistakable hug.

"No baby, I'm the one who's sorry."

Lilith squeezed her arms around her father with all the strength her new body had to give. He tensed against the force, then tightened his grip as well.

"I don't know what I did. What I..." A hand rested atop her head and gently stroked it. Her body fell loose and she whispered, "Dad, what am I?"

Gregor took her under the chin and lifted until her eyes met his. She snorted, trying in vain to draw snot back up into her head. It had long since run down her face, over her lips, and dripped off onto her chest, mixing with tears the whole way down. He wiped her with the sleeve of his shirt, to little effect.

"I have a lot to tell you, a lot to explain, but before any of it, I need you to know that you are my daughter and I love you no matter what. Nothing you can do will ever change that."

Lilith leaned back into her father's chest where the tears returned in force. He wouldn't abandon her the way Joshua had. The wound at her heart started to close, just a bit.

Gregor stood, pulling Lilith to her feet as he went. "Come with me. I need to pack, but I promise I'll explain everything." Lilith took her father's hand and followed him into his bedroom, though it hardly looked the part. More like a library with a bed shoved in the corner. Bookshelves lined the walls, each one filled to the brim with descriptions of youkai and the tactics needed to kill them.

"The truth is you were 6, maybe 7 years old when I first met you."

"But how? Did you and Mom separate before she gave birth?"

"Not exactly." Her father's voice faltered, his words seemed unsure. He set his satchel down on the bed and flipped the bag open. "I've been hunting for a long time, Lilith. I spent years hunting in Lunden before I ever moved out here; rose up the ranks."

He pulled a small wooden box from one of the bookshelves, flipping it open to reveal small vials filled with red liquid. He lifted an identical box from the satchel, combined their contents, then returned it. "I think that's why they asked for me by name. They wanted someone from the inside. Someone they could trust to keep a secret."

Gregor moved to his desk and unlocked a metal box sitting on top. He pulled an ornate handgun from inside and examined it. He added the gun to his bag, then rained loose ammunition down after it. "One of the deacons slept with a succubus. At first, they assumed it was against his will, maybe even without his knowledge. Interrogation eventually showed he welcomed her. After his death, they hired me to hunt down the youkai."

"What does this have to do with Mom sending me to live with you?"

Gregor slipped his bag back over his shoulder, then took Lilith's hand. "Because she never did. I never knew your mother." He pulled Lilith toward her bedroom. Her feet stammered after him without her input.

What did he mean he didn't know Mom? He's told me so many stories about her.

Gregor burst into the bedroom and started pulling dresses from the wardrobe, then tossing them to the bed. After gathering a large pile, he lifted them one by one, feeling the fabric, then tossing them aside. "Did I really never get you anything warm to wear?" he asked.

Lilith stood in the doorway watching Gregor fold a dress into a neat square. Watched him tuck it into his satchel. Questions hammered into her head like nails.

"You're not my father are you?"

Gregor shrunk, the question cutting him down to size. "Lilith, I'll always be your father. Even if it can never be by blood."

"What..." She paused and her voice fell low. "What happened?"

"They chose four of us to hunt the succubus, but they're deadly creatures. Youkai with human-level intelligence are exceedingly rare, but also exceedingly dangerous. Only I survived. No, that's not quite true. There was one other survivor. A young girl around 6 years old."

"Me?"

Gregor knelt down and ran a thumb under Lilith's eyes, wiping away the tears that had once again formed. "I love you as much as if you were my own. No, even more than that."

Lilith fell back against the wall, then slid down until she couldn't go any lower. Then her heart kept falling. Her father... Gregor crouched down beside her. She couldn't look at him.

"By the laws of the church I was supposed to kill you, but I couldn't. Instead, I took you with me. Because... I don't know why. I just didn't want you to die. Hell, I figured you'd die anyway; starve to death. But you didn't need to feed. You grew weak, but weak is still alive."

"Then all those stories of my mother?" Her voice came out as small as she felt. When he gave no response she looked at him and found his eyes had drifted away. That told her everything. They had all been lies.

"Hey, isn't that book your favorite?" Gregor shuffled over and picked up her novel. He attempted to flatten the pages as he shut the book and held it up. "What's it doing on the floor like that?" He forced out a laugh.

"Why do I remember her?"

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Gregor sighed and slipped the book into his leather satchel. The small bag bulged at the sides like it would vomit out its contents at any moment. Lilith felt the same.

"It took over two years before you believed me over your own memories, but eventually you did."

"But why? Why trick me into loving a woman that never existed?" Lilith asked. But she didn't wait for an answer. She jumped to her feet, then ran from the room. The question came easy enough but she feared the answer.

Because I can't trust you. Because you're not worth telling. Because I don't love you.

The horrible answers Lilith imagined swirled in her head, making her dizzy. Gregor shouted after her, "Because children tell the truth! I lied to you so we wouldn't be found out." And he was right, but she had grown up. If he couldn't tell a child, fine. But what excuse did he have for a woman? The person she trusted most had lied to her every day of her life.

Gregor wrapped his arms around her and whispered into her ear, "Lilith, I'm sorry. I've done something horrible to you, something I can never take back. You're right to be angry, but we have to leave now. It's the only chance that you'll get to live to hate me."

"Dad, I don't—" She stopped herself.

Dad, I don't hate you. It came tumbling from her mouth before she had time to think about it. But that's how she knew it was true. He would always be her father.

"I'm sorry, Dad. Let's go." She held her hand out and as Gregor moved to take it a pounding echoed through the small home. Both of them turned to the front door. The wooden door frame shook with each percussive strike.

"Fuck!" Gregor said. "We're out of time." He turned to Lilith, slipping the bag from his shoulder and placing it over his daughter's.

"Dad, what are—"

"These are tickets for a boat heading to a huge city in the middle of the world. It's called Eden. I wanted us to start a new life there." Gregor pulled the envelope from his pocket and slipped it into the satchel. "The ship leaves in three days from the port in Lunden to the east. That's the same direction as from here to the chapel. Promise me that no matter what happens to me you'll go there and—"

"No, Dad, what are you saying?"

The pounding grew louder.

"Promise me you'll get on that ship."

Lilith looked at her father, trying desperately to protest but the tears stole her voice. He stared down at her with pleading eyes. Helpless before them, she simply nodded.

"Good." Gregor kissed her on the forehead then moved to the corner where he lifted a section of the floorboards. "This cellar is meant to store produce. Being a hunter, I've never needed to use it. You probably didn't even know it existed. If we're lucky, they don't either."

Lilith walked to the edge and looked inside. Calling it a cellar was generous. It was little more than a dirt hole beneath the house. But another problem presented itself.

"Dad, there isn't enough room. We won't both fit."

"No... We won't." Lilith's feet came up from under her as Gregor scooped her up into his arms. He took a step down into the root cellar and dropped her inside. Lilith turned and watched him climb out.

"Dad, you can't—"

Gregor brought a finger to his lips. "Shhh."

"No!"

How could she accept this? She couldn't leave him to face the church alone. Gregor reached out and took her hand, enveloping it in his own. "It's going to be okay, Lilith. Now sit."

Lilith looked down, not wanting to meet her father's eyes or let go of his hand. How could he expect her to abandon him? But then he said the one thing that always turned disagreements in his favor.

"Please."

The cellar was shallow enough that sitting turned to laying before she could fit below the floorboards. It felt like a coffin. A drop of water splashed against her leg drawing her attention up. She found her father crying. Lilith had never seen him cry before, but now his misery dripped down his face in twin lines. She couldn't bear watching him come apart, so she turned away. But silent tears turned to loud sobs. Through heavy gasps, he managed to say, "I'll always love you, Lilith."

Something inside her unraveled. She tried to sit up, to crawl out and be with her father but the floorboards were already sliding back into place. Her world went dark. The boards didn't budge even as she pushed against them with all her strength. She pounded her fist into their underside; a polyrhythm to the strikes still battering the front door. Why wouldn't the boards move? But she knew. Gregor stood on top, making sure she couldn't escape.

Lilith stopped fighting and wept. With a cracked voice, she said, "I'll always love you too, Dad." Only then did footsteps move away from her. A scraping shook the floor above; the drawing of a chair across wood. A dull thud sent dust floating down, lit by razor-thin beams of light filtering through the floorboards.

The continued pounding at the door culminated in a loud crack; the door finally giving out. Heavy footsteps stormed in, stopping right above Lilith. They brought more dust with them. Lilith held her breath against the contaminated air, struggling not to cough.

"Gregor, how did it come to this?" said a voice from above. Lilith knew it well. Knew it from all the nights her father had spent with the other hunters. She never did like Andor.

"Sorry, old friend, I don't really know myself."

"Where is she, Gregor?"

"With luck, halfway to Sheaffield by now."

From her father's position, she heard a faint click, followed by the winding sound a watch makes.

"Seems it's Twelve o'clock exactly," Gregor said. "She'll have at least 6 more hours of darkness."

From above Lilith came a ratcheting sound.

A click.

Then, a clap of thunder shook the house and sent her ears ringing. Her hands trembled as she held herself. She felt fingernails biting into soft flesh, then everything went numb.

If Lilith made any noise she would be caught, and if caught she would be killed. But there was no danger of it happening. She wanted nothing more than to cry out; release all her agony onto the world with a scream. But when she tried nothing came out. Her consciousness floated loose in her body, unable to move it. A prisoner locked in a cage of flesh.

She was alone with her thoughts. Alone. Truly alone.

A month ago she had Victoria, but she died on the hunt. Yesterday she had Joshua, but he discovered the truth about her. At midnight she had her father, but he was murdered by his best friend. Now she had no one.

Doors slammed overhead with enough force to shake the house to its foundation. Dirt and dust rained down on Lilith's body, but she still couldn't feel it. Couldn't feel anything. Mumbled expletives preceded the stomp of heavy footsteps. Their sound retreated off into the distance and the house fell quiet. The silence smothered Lilith.

She lay motionless for a long time unable... no, too cowardly to leave her hiding place. He would be there, and she would see him. As long as she stayed in her hole she could lie to herself. Convince herself that he was still alive. But the second she saw him she would be unable to hide from the truth. Her father was gone forever.

Time passed, but Lilith didn't know how long, only that it felt like days. Something cold splashed against her leg. Then again. Drip, drip, drip. It returned her willpower and she found herself able to move again. She ran a finger across the spot coating its tip, then rubbed at it with her thumb. Cold and slick.

Lilith pretended she couldn't identify it.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she pushed against the floor above her and the planks gave way. A loud crash rang out as she broke free. For a moment she thought Andor had returned, but the house regained its silence... Almost. Drip, drip, drip.

Lilith groped at the ground in front of her. She crawled forward out of the hole and continued until she found the wall. She climbed to her feet and pressed herself against its surface, careful to keep her eyes shut. Feeling ahead with her fingers she followed the contour of the room to the corner. Halfway there.

She turned and shimmied along the wall until she felt a gap. Her bedroom doorway. She stretched across until she could grab at the wall once again, then followed it to the next gap. Her father's door lay ahead, and past it, the wall ran straight to the front door.

She leapt across and began to sprint, barely holding her fingers to the plaster for guidance. But then her foot caught and came out from under her. Her eyes shot open as she landed. She looked down to find the front door laying inside the house. Once the air returned to her lungs she stood and peered out at the town. She had made it out, she was free to go. Yet, she couldn't pull herself through the threshold.

Gregor had raised her for years as his own child. Even without blood, he was her father. She loved him. Could she leave without seeing him one last time? If she kept pretending, kept lying, she would miss her only chance to say goodbye.

Lilith took a deep breath, giving herself a little more time to change her mind. But she didn't. She gripped the strap of her father's satchel until her knuckles glowed white. Then she turned around to find exactly what she didn't want to see, but felt she needed to.

Most of Gregor slumped over the table, though a good portion of his head rest across the room. A pool of blood formed across the floor and ran down to the root cellar, falling in rhythmic drips. Lilith looked down to find her hand stained red. Her senses returned to her and she began to wail.

That moment stole time from everything around it; stretching her hell into eternity. The rest smeared into a blur. She called out to him, then she ran, then she passed the church, then she traversed the woods. Her lungs burned and her side tightened until she was nearly doubled over, but she didn't stop. She ran as straight as she could manage. She would board that ship to Eden. She had to. It was her father's final gift; a chance to live.