- 10 -
Pandora lit a cigarette and stared out over the ocean, asking questions to someone who couldn't answer. "Who even am I anymore?"
She slid down until her chin rested against the guard rail and watched the ocean waves crash on the horizon. The ship left port hours ago and she had spent the whole time since thinking about Lilith. She couldn't make any sense of it. She was used to chasing after women, sure, but usually it was because she was trying to sleep with them. This felt different. She wanted to protect Lilith; be the hero that rushes in and saves the day.
"More like you than me."
Her mind replayed the morning's events again. How many times did that make now? She had lost count. The original plan was to board the ship early. It wasn't like there was much to do in the city anyway, at least not before the ship's scheduled departure at noon. The idea was to lounge around on deck watching the sea. She could even try to slide a few mils to one of the cooks in the galley to get herself some alcohol. It had worked for her on the trip over. Even without booze, it would still be a better way to spend the morning than milling about a large city, if only to escape the stench.
Instead, Pandora spent her whole morning watching some beggar on the docks. A ratty looking woman she noticed in the corner of her eye while heading to the boarding ramp. Small and thin, wearing a filthy summer dress six months past it being appropriate. Her long blond hair matted to the side of her head.
"Not that I looked much better when we first met."
Pandora stared down at her boarding ticket. Not the one that had set a struggling girl 1500 mils richer, but the one she had purchased the night before. Replacement for the one the hunters had lost; the ticket she hadn't used.
"Just what compelled me to do it?" Pandora asked. "I know it's what you would have done, but is it something I would do?"
It wasn't; she was sure of it.
Lilith was stopping anyone who dared come near trying to scalp her ticket. Of course, Pandora had no reason to buy it, and less reason to sit around and watch, but she still found her gaze fixed on the sight. Scores of people passed by ignoring Lilith but Pandora was unable to do the same. Why though? Empathy? No. It was true that she had been that down on her luck girl once, but this wasn't empathy. Pandora had rid herself of that years ago.
Yet for some reason, Pandora found herself leaned against a lamp post watching each passing person, hoping they would buy the girl's ticket. Two hours she watched in secret before that thief strolled up; before he put that blade to her throat. This was the point where her memory had gotten stuck each time. The point where her sense of self shattered. Each time she replayed that moment in her mind, even though she knew damn well she had done it, it wasn't her hand extended to Lilith, but Renna's.
"It's like the time we first met."
Pandora's mind drifted back to her childhood. She didn't like to think of her life before Renna, but she let the memories flood in; anything to take her mind off Lilith. That was the goal at least, but it didn't work. The scenes were too similar. The image of her sitting in front of the fountain in the city center. The moist air it created was a poor match for the cold winter air, but high foot traffic made it the ideal place to beg. Instead of bread, her daily attempt at thievery had been used to steal cosmetics. A decision she was paying the price for.
It wasn't that she had forgone food for something less essential and ended up hungry. She was hungry. The pain ripping through her stomach wouldn't let her forget that, but that would have been the case either way. The bakers had grown wise to tricks and most of her attempts ended in a beating rather than a meal. No, her regret came from who she had managed to steal from.
The previous night, Pandora had overheard the conversation of a pair of passing women. They both appeared to be on society's lower end. Not at the very bottom like Pandora, of course, but near it. Poor, but sheltered. Yet, one of the women was noticeably cleaner than the other. She stood taller than her dirty companion through confidence alone.
"It's a waste," the dirty woman said. "Even if it wasn't that much, that's food you can't buy now. All for something so unimportant."
"Unimportant? No, calculated. I wouldn't expect you to have heard but there's a merchant in town from a big trading company in the east. He wants to bring new products to the city."
"Who cares? Think he's going to see a peasant on the streets and fall in love because her ass is washed? Rush her to the capital and marry her for running a brush through her hair?"
The clean woman stuck her tongue out. "I'm not looking to seduce some fat old man. He's looking for an apprentice. I'm getting that job and the first step is looking good when we meet."
The dirty woman laughed and returned some kind of witty remark, but Pandora had stopped listening. Instead, her thoughts rippled around the prospect of getting that job. It was a naive fantasy, but being naive at twelve years old was only natural. She was too young to have lost her hope; to accept that her life was miserable and always would be.
"Or maybe it's me now who's naive. I escaped that misery when I met you."
Sure that she would get the job if she tried, Pandora set about making her dream into reality. The seasoned hunter she had grown into would have started by gathering information. Find out who this merchant was and where to find him. A name at least. But with the innocence of a child, Pandora figured those things would work themselves out. Instead, she took the lead of the clean peasant woman. Her first step was to improve her hygiene. First impressions mattered after all.
First thing in the morning, Pandora crossed the city to the area she designated for thieving. She found it best to limit the places she worked so that the little money she did earn could still be spent. After all, what baker would hand a loaf to the thief they caught the day before? Of course, she wasn't headed to any bakery that morning. Her target was a small general store by the name of Dockson's.
Before she made her attempt, Pandora watched the entrance for anything that could cause a problem. A wooden cart sat out front. At regular intervals, a heavy-set man would venture out to the cart and carry a box back inside. It was best not to be noticed by anyone if you planned to steal; she would need to wait for him to be inside to enter. Besides the man, another person had caught her eye, and avoiding them would be more difficult.
Not far from the cart, a young girl leaned against the storefront. Possibly, she was being paid to watch over the goods while the man moved them inside. If so she didn't seem to be doing a great job. She wore a large pointed hat with the brim pulled down covering her eyes. She almost looked to be sleeping, but Pandora didn't want to take that chance. She had been caught enough to know the person whose attention seemed elsewhere was often watching the closest.
Customers came and went regularly and might offer her a good way inside, slipping in as part of a larger group. Then, even if the hat girl or the heavy-set man saw her they might not take notice. Now she just needed to wait. It took a few minutes for everything to line up perfectly but Pandora was able to catch a large group entering the store and follow them inside. Best she could tell, it had gone well. If anyone noticed her they didn't say anything. As long as she was fast she had a decent chance at success.
A large open floor was all that stood between the doorway and the counter, allowing the clerk to greet the customers as they entered. Pandora dropped her gaze to the floor as he called out to the group she had followed inside. To the sides of the room, rows of shelving lined the walls. Once his attention faded, she darted into the aisles they formed and began to search through the products on display.
Her first priority was soap, preferably with a nice scent, but she needed to be quick so anything would do. Her nose led her easily to her target. A stack of floral bars individually wrapped in printed wax paper. Pandora checked for any prying eyes, and finding none, pocketed the bar.
Next, she considered makeup but knew she wouldn't find any there. Cosmetics were sold in separate specialty stores. She considered if she should try to find such a shop nearby. Shoplifting from a second location added unnecessary danger, but Pandora had never worn makeup before and was eager to try it. She always envied the women traveling the town square with their stained lips and darkened eyes. Her heart beat faster whenever she watched them pass.
Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.
Pandora would hold off on deciding until she was finished with her current heist. Slipping into another aisle she found a product she had never heard of before. It labeled itself as liquid shampoo. She had heard of bar shampoo, even used it a few times before the orphanage closed. Long hair made it a pain in the ass to use. Was premixing the water in meant to fix that? She slipped the bottle into her pocket; she would find out for herself.
With what she had already taken, Pandora would have been able to clean up rather well. It would have been best to quit there, but something gleamed at the back of the store. Sunlight reflecting off the polished silver of an ornate hairbrush. It was displayed on the main counter, only a few feet from the register. Trying to steal it would have been idiotic. There were no shelves to block the clerk's sight. Moreover, it was unnecessary. It wouldn't be perfect, but she could untangle her hair well enough with her fingers. There was no reason to take the extra risk.
"But I wanted it."
There was no thought beyond that; beyond the pure desire. It wouldn't keep her warm at night or fill her stomach, but Pandora just wanted, for once in her life, to own something nice. To feel like a person and not an inconvenience. So she decided to steal it, no matter how stupid the idea was.
The whole idea of impressing some merchant was ill-considered anyway. The hairbrush was only the culmination of her thoughtlessness. And was that so wrong? Pandora was a child. It was unfair to expect her to fully consider everything. As if such a thing was even possible. The consequences of taking that hairbrush seem blatant, yet no one would have guessed its theft would be the thing to save Pandora's life.
She leaned out from behind the shelving and watched the clerk carefully, waiting for an opportunity. It came in the form of a older woman and her basket full of goods. The clerk would need to tally the prices and collect his payment. It didn't leave much distance between where he would be working and the brush, but Pandora hoped it would occupy his attention enough for her to escape notice.
Keeping an eye on him, she crept over to the display where the brush stole her attention. Intricate swirls were embossed onto the silver head, spiraling in towards a deep purple gemstone. Several less impressive brushes sat to either side, but her vision was locked in place. A small sign displayed a price that almost seemed absurd. Her stomach twisted knowing there were people able to spend enough to feed her for a year on something as simple as a hairbrush. The gap between them and her was immeasurable.
Pandora glanced back to the clerk. He turned his head to the side and she took her chance. The opportunity would only give her seconds, but it was more than enough time. She had fast hands. A requirement if she hoped to eat each day. She was confident she could get away with it.
"Hey!"
Her heart leapt into her throat as a voice called out to her from behind. She had watched the clerk carefully, but not the other people in the store. She swung her head around to find the heavy-set man scowling at her. He must have seen her slip the brush into her sleeve. No amount of talking would convince him she intended to buy it, and she didn't have the money to pay anyway. She had been caught. But what was done was done; her only chance was to hope that she was faster than he was. She turned on her heel and bolted toward the door.
"What the hell do you think you're doing," he shouted as she rushed past. It was luck that he had been carrying a box inside. Had his hands been empty he could have reached out and grabbed her without fail. Instead, he hesitated, not willing to drop the goods to the ground and risk ruining the product. Pandora continued to the door, bursting through a group of women entering the building.
Once she was out on the street, her nerves eased. She knew the area well. She had lost her fair share of pursuers in the back alleys and side streets. As long as she stayed calm, she could get away. Taking a deep breath, she turned and rushed along the side of the building. As she ran by, the girl in the pointed hat looked up and met her gaze. For a moment, Pandora feared she would reach out and try to stop her, but the girl didn't move. She only watched, her head turning to follow as Pandora slipped into an alleyway and made her escape.
Paranoia followed her far longer than anyone from the shop. She spent over an hour weaving through different streets, doubling back on herself, and hiding before she headed for the river. The fear she carried washed away once she waded into the water to try her new soaps. After a vigorous scrub, she emerged onto the shore a new girl. She redressed, then grabbed the hairbrush, taking a moment to stare at it. A smile crossed her face and didn't leave until her hair was fully untangled.
Pandora ran her fingers through her hair. It was smooth and straight with a brilliant shine she had never seen before. Her heart swelled. There was something joyful about being clean. She clung tight to the hairbrush and let herself daydream. She imagined meeting with the merchant and becoming his apprentice. She would travel the country shipping goods and meeting new people. Each night would end with a warm meal and a warm bed roll.
The dream crashed into reality as Pandora smashed into the ground. The air fled her lungs and her senses followed suit. Slowly, she regained her breath and the daze faded. She had been knocked to the ground and now a weight pressed down on her back. A substantial weight.
"Finally found you, girl."
Her blood ran cold. The voice was familiar. The heavy-set man that caught her in the shop. She had spent hours making sure she wasn't followed, but somehow he had found her.
"I spent weeks hauling those goods here from the capital. They don't come cheap, and they certainly don't come free."
The magnitude of those words were lost on her. Later she would realize that the merchant she meant to impress was the same one she had stolen from, but in that moment she only knew fear. Fear of the beating he would give her, fear that he may even kill her, but most of all, fear that he would take the brush back. She didn't know why. It was irrational. But her grip tightened on the handle regardless.
"Hand me my knife," he demanded.
A second voice, feminine and light, answered from behind. "For what? You payed me to track her, not to help you kill a child."
"I'm not going to kill her, only teach her a lesson. Now give me the damn knife."
"No."
"Stupid bitch," the man grumbled as his weight pulled from Pandora's back. He had gotten up, likely to get the knife himself. The reason didn't matter to Pandora, she only knew she needed to get away while she still could. She pushed herself to her feet and burst forward.
She only gained six feet of distance before she slammed into the ground once again. This time the loss of air was accompanied by the taste of dirt in her mouth. The man's weight dug even deeper into her back. Was he being gentle before? If he had been, that time had come to an end. The man took a fist-full of her hair and yanked. Her neck craned back with the force. For a moment, she was sure he meant to slit her throat, but instead the shearing sound of the blade emanated from behind.
The tension on her scalp disappeared and her face dropped back to the ground. Beside her, long black strands billowed down into the dirt. A fist-full of hair, cut off and cast away. Another tug pulled at the back of her head and the process started again. She begged him to stop, but her pleas were met only with laughter. By the time he was done, tears had turned the dirt below her to mud. With its purpose lost, Pandora's grip on the hairbrush faded. The heavy-set man ripped it free of her hand, then rolled her over to face him.
"I'll be taking this back now." He held the brush up as he spoke. When he was finished, he brought it down and struck her across the face with it. With his goal complete, the man stood and turned away. Pandora watched his blurred form leave through drenched eyes. The woman he had come with did not follow his lead. She stayed and watched for a long time, a look of deep sorrow on her face. Eventually, she left too, and Pandora was alone to watch the blue sky fade away as night took hold. She didn't bother to go back to her usual area, to the place she slept each night. She just laid still by the river side all night and cried.
In the morning she managed to drag herself to the town square. She took her normal place in front of the fountain, but she didn't bother to ask for money. It might have bought her some bread, but why? She had gone days without food, but she didn't want to eat. She didn't want to beg.
She didn't want to live.
As she sat there, knees pulled to her chest and tears flowing in spirit but long since dried up, a visitor approached. A young girl with a pointed hat. She squatted down in front of Pandora and waited until their eyes met.
"I brought you something. A gift."
The girl held her hands out, an ornate silver hairbrush resting in her palms.
Pandora looked down at it, then back to the girl. "Why? So he can come take it again? Swell my other eye shut?"
"That won't happen again. It's been paid for. I bought it for you."
Pandora gritted her teeth. "Well, I don't need it. I have nothing left to brush."
The girl's eyes dropped away and sorrow seeped into her voice. "It'll grow back. Give it a few months and—"
"If I even last a few months! I'm trying... but I can't take care of myself. I only took that stuff because I heard there was a merchant in town looking for an apprentice. I thought if I cleaned up maybe I could get a job. It was my last chance and now it's gone."
The girl stood and brushed the dirt from her knees. "Well, I'm no merchant. The job I do is quite a bit harder, or at the very least, more dangerous. But, I happen to be to be looking for an apprentice too. It doesn't make up for what I let happen to you, but..." She lowered her hand to Pandora. "How would you like to become a hunter?"
Pandora would never forget that image. Renna reaching out to her when she needed it most. Then, over a decade later, without thinking she found her arm outstretched the same way. Without thinking she took Lilith by the hand and led her off. Without thinking she spent most of the money she had just made on a ticket she didn't need.
"Without thinking," Pandora said to herself, holding her room key up to her eye. She tossed it gently in the air and caught it.
"Why am I dreading this so much?"
Pandora stood up and sighed. She slung her bag over her shoulder, then did the same for her shotgun.
"You're right. I just need to get it over with."
But she didn't move. Slowly she slipped the straps back off setting her things on the ground. She retrieved a metal case from her suitcase and flipped it open to rows of hand-rolled cigarettes. She pulled one free and placed it between her lips before returning the case to her bag.
"I'll have a quick smoke first," she convinced herself, failing to do the same to her memory of Renna.
She struck a match and lit up. Pandora pulled in a large breath and held it as long as she could stand before blowing the smoke out through her nose.
"I'll wait for the nicotine to take the edge off."
She ran through the morning in her head again from the beginning. Once she finished her cigarette she looked down at the key in her hand; stared at it for a long time.
"What should I do, Renna? I want to be like you, but I'm not."
Pandora smoked 2 more cigarettes before heading to her room.