- 35 -

"When she left, I tried to chase after her, but that's when you threw your jacket around me."

"You were naked."

Lilith dragged her gaze up from the tile floor of the cramped medical room to regard Allister. After Pandora left, he had stepped in to take care of her. It was his authority that shooed away all the onlookers. It was his shoulder that had helped her to the ship's medical room. And before they dressed her in the blue paper gown, it was his coat that keep her modesty.

"It's not that I didn't appreciate it."

"But...?"

Lilith gripped tight to the hem of the paper dress. "There is no but. It's just... I wish I could have stopped her."

"That counts as a but," Allister pointed out.

"Not helpful." Lilith let out a loud sigh and returned to staring at nothing in particular. "I probably shouldn't care, right? But it was important to me that she was there. That it was her. It made me happy. But then she left."

Lilith fell silent, content to wallow in her pity. A light scratching pulled her attention away from her heartache. Allister sat on the small padded stool in the corner, scribbling something in his notebook. It wasn't the first time; he had occupied the spot for hours, taking notes all along. She had figured it was related to his hunt, though she was still grateful for the company, especially in Pandora's absence. He had documented her examination and he had documented her recount of the attack. But now, the doctor was long gone and her story was over.

"What are you writing down?"

"Just a reminder to give that woman a piece of my mind."

The idea sent a wave of nausea coursing through Lilith. If Allister wanted her to regret opening up to him, that was the way.

"Don't you dare! I don't want her finding out I said that. You can't tell her."

Allister crossed his leg over his knee, then leaned forward. The room was small enough that the motion covered most of the distance to the examination table where she sat. The proximity made her uncomfortable, and when he spoke her nerves were justified.

"I'm not going to tell her; you are."

"What? No the hell I'm not!"

"Yes, you are. The whole reason you left your room was to look for Pandora."

"And I found her, but she left. She's done with me."

Allister leaned back, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look, I've known a lot of difficult people in my life. On God, that woman must be their queen. She's the type of person to see something she wants, then tie her shoes together before she chases it. It's self sabotage of the highest order. I don't understand it at all, but she climbed 100 feet without a harness to make sure you were safe. It doesn't seem to me like she's done with you."

Lilith bit her lower lip and tried to form a response, but she came away empty handed. It was hard to argue with someone when you thought they were right. Yet, the hurt was still fresh in her heart. She wasn't ready to try again yet, so invented a reason not to.

"Even if you're right, she's still pushing me away. If I go to her now she'll keep trying to avoid me."

"I don't think that's the case. I bet she knows she screwed up. Give her enough time, she may even seek you out, but chances are we'd be in Eden by then."

Lilith took her time to respond. "You really think that's true?"

"Yes. But if you need an excuse..." Allister picked up a pointed leather hat, dyed a deep purple, and with a black chain for a band. He set it atop Lilith's head, then leaned back in his seat. "I'll put you in charge of returning her property."

Lilith rushed to pull that hat off. "That's Pandora's. It's rude for someone else to wear it."

Allister laughed. "I've never heard that before. But you're in charge of it now, so handle it however you see fit. And the gun of course."

Lilith dropped Pandora's hat to her lap and her gaze followed. She pinched the brim between her thumb and forefinger, rubbing against the texture as she considered Allister's idea. She had to admit it was a strong excuse to see Pandora again, but the interaction was the part she dreaded, not the excuse. Imagining it made her feel like she had swallowed static.

"At least consider it," Allister said as he stood, then he offered his hand. "In the meantime, I'll walk you back to your room."

Lilith took his hand. At the very least, she was ready to leave the examination room. Then, he pulled her to her feet. As soon as she stood under her own power her body tried to rip itself apart. Her head went light and tried to float away while her body turned to stone and threatened to collapse under her weight. Her vision shifted to gray scale, then black.

When her sight returned, Allister's face filled her view. "Whoa there. Are you okay?" His voice sounded muffled and distant, like she was under water. She felt a light pressure under the pits of her arms, and then she was dragged back to her feet, this time leaning against Allister for support.

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"That incompetent doctor. He said their wasn't a scratch on you."

Lilith blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "I'll be fine. My muscles are just sore from hanging for so long."

A plausible enough reason, but a lie. She didn't want Allister asking too many questions she couldn't answer. The truth was the weakness she was feeling was more than simple muscle fatigue. It was something she knew well. Something she had lived with most of her life.

Lilith should have expected as much. Should have known as soon as the doctor said he hadn't found any injuries; only old scars. Allister had thought it good fortune. Assumed she was covered in the blood of the birds prior meal. But Lilith knew better. When that bird attacked, it dug its claws into her back. She felt the talons tear flesh and muscle. Felt the warm trickle of blood flow down her back. When the doctor had wiped her down and found nothing she was surprised, but not confused. She was a monster after all. She didn't understand the conditions of her youkai physiology, but she knew she didn't imagine the pain, so she must have healed. But even knowing that much, she still ignored the obvious.

Nothing comes free.

Her body had healed. It may have been faster than a human could imagine recovering, but fundamentally it was the same. And same as a human, the process required energy. There was a reason it was so important to make sure the sick an injured were well fed. But Lilith was a succubus. She didn't feed on wheat and potatoes, and she knew full well how it felt to go hungry.

"I should be fine after a little sleep. Would you help me back to my room?"

Allister guided her arm around his waist and held her far shoulder firm in his grasp. The walk back to the room was silent, which could have been awkward, but her mind was too busy to notice. She was too worried by the prospect of feeding herself. Would she really have to kill to keep her strength? Could she even bring herself to do it? Joshua had been an accident.

Lilith pulled the hat and gun tight against her chest as she walked. Maybe telling Pandora was the right decision, after all. She would never be able to survive without help unless she fed, and she didn't think she could do it. Then they would be right; she would be a monster. But if she came clean, Pandora could choose what was best. Either kill her before she was forced to kill someone else, or help her to live in a weakened state. The tightness in her chest had come back. All of this was too much to think about. Lilith wished she could be anywhere else. No, anyone else.

"Here we are."

"Huh?" Allister's voice drew Lilith from her thoughts and she found herself in front of her cabin. She had hardly noticed. "Oh. Thank you, Allister."

"No problem," he said with a soft pat on her shoulder. He made his way down the hall, pausing a few steps in to turn back and say, "I have a few things to take care of tonight, but when I see Pandora tomorrow she better be wearing that hat or I'm coming after you."

Lilith smiled. "I'll keep the door locked then."

It was a joke, but there might be some truth to it. Lilith didn't know if she had the strength to find Pandora tonight. Not emotionally, though maybe not physically either. She wasn't as weak as she had been in Brittania, at least not yet, but she didn't know where Pandora was staying. It would be like finding a witch in a haystack. Her body might struggle to search.

Upon opening the cabin door, Lilith was greeted with something out of place. Clothes sat in a neat pile on the bed, in line with the entry way. She stepped closer to find a handwritten note sitting on top.

╔═══━━━─── 🌸 ───━━━═══╗

> I knew you didn't have anything else to wear, so I tried to find an outfit that would be your size. It's cobbled together donations from a few female crew members, so I don't know how stylish it is. But I'm sure it will look cute on you.

>

> - Pandora

╚═══━━━─── 🌸 ───━━━═══╝

The last sentence had been scribbled out, then rewritten word for word as if Pandora debated leaving it in or not. Lilith found that adorable. The whole gesture itself was adorable. Maybe Allister was right. Maybe Pandora wasn't done with her. "Give her enough time she may even seek you out," he had said. Was this Pandora's attempt to reach out?

Lilith looked over to the coat hanging from the back of the chair. She was wrong; Pandora had been reaching out from the very beginning. She didn't waste her time by changing into the clothes on the bed. All she needed was the coat. As she slipped it on, orange and cinnamon mixed with tobacco smoke filled her lungs. The scent washed a sense of comfort over her. A blessing that made what came next a bit easier.

Lilith was going to tell Pandora the truth.

Pandora was a hunter, sure. But that signaled a difference in skill not intention. Everyone hated youkai. Everyone wanted them dead. Would want her dead. If there was a single person in the world that might forgive Lilith for what she was, it was Pandora. And if she didn't, no one else would either.

Lilith left the cabin. Her movements were slow, but steady. Any muscle fatigue she experienced had faded, leaving only the general weakness of hunger. For now, it was tolerable, and much to her fortune, there were no obstacles this time. She wasn't strong enough to survive another encounter with that bird.

When Lilith found Pandora, she was sleeping beneath the stars. She should have expected as much. The sun was already long set before she even left the medical room. By now it must have been well past midnight. Pandora had curled up on one of the metal chairs along the first-class observation deck. It was the same spot they had stargazed together, before Lilith ruined everything. But that didn't matter, she had come to fix things, not dwell on how she broke them.

Lilith hobbled forward, intent to wake Pandora. A glimpse at the hunter's face stopped her. Sure, the skin around her eye looked red and a bit puffy, like she had been crying, but now that sleep had taken her, Pandora's expression was calm and peaceful. Lilith was losing her nerve. Did she really mean to rend her from her dreams to drop such a heavy topic on her? To force her to process that secret while still half-asleep? Surely, she could wait till morning.

It would have to.

Her courage gone, Lilith stumbled past Pandora and stopped at the next chair in the line. The metal legs scraped across the wood as she slid the chair up against the one Pandora slept in. Lilith didn't have the willpower to wake her, but she had even less to leave her side. Removing her coat, she lay it over Pandora like a blanket, then took her place beside her.

Lilith curled up tight against Pandora, arm around the hunter's waist and head resting against her shoulder. The warmth of her body was a welcome relief from the cold night air and that familiar scent was heavy in her hair. Lilith savored the moment until her consciousness finally slipped away.

It was the trickle of light seeping past her eyelids that woke her. Lilith pushed her self into a sitting position and scanned the area through squinted, light sensitive eyes. The world took a few moments to focus, but when her eyes adjusted she found herself staring at the large wardrobe and the small writing desk in her cabin. The sun poured in through the porthole to illuminate the bed. Lilith lay alone beneath the covers and her coat hung from the back of the chair.

I guess I have Pandora's answer.

Lilith's teeth rattled against the quiver in her jaw. Allister had been wrong. She had been wrong. Pandora was done with her, and it hurt so much more than she could have imagined. The ache in her chest was so all consuming that she failed to hear the click of the door.

"I brought some food. Are you hungry?"

Lilith whipped around to find Pandora stood at the entrance, a stacked plate of food in each hand. The relief was so powerful that it struck her like a crashing wave. Moving against the current was impossible. It picked her body up and swept it away until she washed up at her final destination, arms wrapped around Pandora in a tight embrace.