- 49 -

After everything Lilith had been through, why wasn't she numb to the pain? The need to survive had toughened her up; callused her heart. So why did it hurt so much? Why, when she looked down at what she had done to Gamal, did her eyes sting?

A torrent of past mistakes and future regrets swirled around her, and she only now realized she had been drowning in them the whole time. Since boarding the Colossal, survival was all she had time to focus on; every thought consumed with keeping her mask on. But hiding from her other problems didn't make them go away. Her head had been below the surface the whole time, and then she killed Gamal. For the first time since her father died, she felt safe. She finally had a moment to breathe, so her lungs filled with water.

As the currents batted her around, a horse voice cut through riptide. "Don't cry over him. He's not worth it."

Her eyes turned to meet Pandora. She was leaning against the wall, chest rising and falling in labored gasps. Her arm clutched to the wound at her side, A red stain slowly spreading across the carpet beneath her.

Lilith bit down on her lip, desperate to stop its trembling. It didn't work, but it did provide the snot running from her nostrils a path into her mouth. She dragged her face across the sleeve of her blouse, leaving a slimy trail. Tears erased the fresh dryness of her cheeks almost instantly, but some sniffling managed to keep the leak in her nose at bay.

"I'm just tired of all the killing. I know he deserved it, but Joshua didn't. You didn't," she said, then her mind added, And those are only the ones I killed myself.

"Do I look dead to you?" Pandora asked with a wet laugh turned into a coughing fit. "Don't answer that."

Pandora attempted to stand under her own power. Her legs trembled like a newborn fawn before ultimately giving out. The hunter collapsed back, sliding down the wall and leaving a bloody smear in her wake.

At the sight, Lilith leapt from atop Gamal and rushed over. Trembling, she traced her fingertips along Pandora's shoulder, then down her arm. The vibrant energy she was used to seeing was gone, and it was all her fault. Lilith stroked Pandora's skin with her thumb; an attempt to comfort her. Or maybe it was to comfort herself, because there was so much she wanted... needed to say to her, but all of it was locked away behind the tears. Her sides ached with each sob, but she couldn't stop. It was all she could manage to gasp out, "I'm sorry."

"Lily, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"But... It's my fault. You're like this because we slept together."

Pandora brushed a strand of hair behind Lilith's ear. "Do you regret sleeping with me? Because I don't."

The hand slid down Lilith's neck, then over her collar bone where she snatched it and dragged it to her chest. It was bone cold, a sign that time was running out fast. Lilith pressed it tight against her heart, wishing the heat she poured into it might somehow translate to more life.

"How could I not? You're all I have left and I killed you."

"If it could kill me, I wouldn't have let you do it. I wouldn't put you through that."

"But I'm a succub—"

"I Know. I've known for days."

The words pressed against her chest, stealing her breath. So, Pandora had found her name somewhere in that journal. She knew that was a possibility, but had discounted it. After all, Pandora had kissed her; asked to be her girlfriend. But if she knew...

"Then why did you—"

"Because I love you!"

Piercing blue cut through Lilith like a razor, forcing her to face those words. Love? She wanted to believe it, wanted to believe the passion that flared in that stare, but then Pandora's gaze fell away. She looked almost guilty as she added, "I just thought showing you would be easier than saying it out loud."

"What does that even mean?"

The question fumbled out of her mouth without regard, each word already spoken before the next was conceived. She was being unreasonable, right? It wasn't as if she had laid all her secrets bare either. But still, all she could think about was the kiss under the stars, or the stories about Renna, or Gamal's attempted frame job. So many opportunities for Pandora to tell the truth, all passed by in silence.

Even if she claims my youkai heritage doesn't bother her, she's still a hunter, isn't she?

"If you knew for so long, why hide that from me?"

"Because I didn't want to scare you away. I was worried you would run."

Lilith's stomach coiled into a dense ball. Run? Who is she to care if I run? Her gaze flicked to the cage. Gamal meant to stop her from running as well. He wanted to sell her away to the highest bidder. Then a dark thought coiled around Lilith's heart. What if Pandora was just more subtle about it?

"Is that what this is? Are you trying to hold me hostage too? What happens to me once we reach Eden?"

The light drained from Pandora's eye, turning the brilliant blue a dull gray. A look of defeat that felt uncanny on her face. Yet it told Lilith everything; she had figured out her game. One more betrayal in an endless procession.

Pandora bit her lip, a trickle of blood running down from where her fang pierced through. She took a shuttering breath and asked, "Is that... Is that really what you think?"

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"Don't try to push it on to me. Why not deny it? Look me in the eyes and tell me I'm wrong!"

The tears had vanished, replaced by a paranoid anger. She didn't want to believe what she was saying. Didn't want to believe the woman she had fallen for could hurt her like that. All she needed was a denial. Even if it was a lie, she would happily believe it until she was locked away, if only Pandora would tell her otherwise.

"I'm not going to do that, Lily."

Bile rose in her throat. Why did she have to be right? Why did she have to be beaten down and trampled on? She knew the books she read weren't real life, but she had hoped that maybe, after all she had been through, she could have a happy ending. Was that too much to ask?

Lilith pressed her eyes closed and focused on the tips of her fingers. The familiar buzz ran up their length as she shaped her nails into points. But then a thumb ran across her cheek.

"No matter what I say, it'll still be up to you to believe it or not. So I'm not going to tell you, you're going to tell me." Pandora took Lilith's chin in hand and raised it until their eyes met. With a sorrow-laden voice, she asked, "Am I here to hurt you?"

Locked in Pandora's gaze, Lilith found herself almost mesmerized. Her piercing blue eye and soft red lips. Suspicion had done nothing to stop the physical attraction she still felt. How she wished she could forget all this and kiss her under the stars again. How she longed for another chance to hold her in the aftermath of an orgasm. It wasn't as if Pandora had hurt her when they shared those moments. Across all their time together, Lilith wasn't sure she had ever even tried. Fending off the thief, sleeping in each other's arms, teaching her to fire a gun... Pandora only ever seemed worried about her wellbeing. Sure, It could be a trick. The natural consequence of protecting your product. But it could just as easily be genuine.

Lilith's jaw quivered. "I... I don't know."

"That's okay, Lily. If your mind doesn't know, ask your heart. Do you love me?"

"I don't know that either." Lilith drew her nails back until they were flush to her fingertips, the buzz of the transformation replaced by a stinging at the corners of her eyes. Before she knew it, both her tears and her thoughts were streaming uncontrollably out of her.

"I don't know, but I want to try. Otherwise, I'll never be happy. God hates me. The world hates me. I lost my home and my family. I want to live with you in Eden, want to sleep in your arms each night. To love you and have you love me. And I'm scared because I don't know if any of that will actually happen, but I want to try. I have to. So please—"

Pandora ran a hand through her hair, then pulled her into her chest. "Shhh. It's okay. We'll try together."

Lilith's tears broke into sobs. She buried her head into Pandora's cleavage and said, "So I can be your girlfriend?" directly into the skin.

Perhaps Pandora felt the question echo through her bones, because despite how muffled it came, she responded, "You already are."

"And you're sure I won't kill you?"

Pandora sucked in air as Lilith's grip tightened around her. "Yeah, but these wounds might. Help me back to our cabin so I can take something."

Lilith shot bolt upright, her eyes darting around the room. "No. Not while you're like this. What if the kotengu comes back?" She just needed to find what she needed here, where it was safe. Gamal was a hunter too; surely he would keep the same medical supplies on hand.

"It's dead, Lily. The hunt's over."

Her search ended with the discovery of a small table pushed into the far corner of the room. A writing desk. Unlike the rest of the furniture, it didn't represent a more opulent version of the amenities in their cabin. Instead, it appeared to be identical. If not the same craftsman, certainly the same style. And, much like Pandora, Gamal had taken to storing his equipment atop it. Great minds think alike, but since there was nothing great about Gamal it must have been a coincidence.

"The hunt's not over until you're better," she said, rushing across the room. She swept aside a few books and knocked over a stack of coins before finding what she needed. A wooden clamshell box filled with glass vials. She snatched it up and presented the contents to Pandora.

"Are any of these for healing?"

Pandora glanced across the labels before resting her finger on one near the center. "This one."

Lilith held the vial up the the fire, letting light stream through the red liquid inside. "What now?"

"Take the cork off. Press it to your lips, then tilt it back. Once you're holding the blood in your mouth, kiss me."

"What?

"Hold it in your mouth, then kiss me. It's the only way."

The vial slapped against Pandora's lips with a hollow thud. She gasped as Lilith used her free hand to pinch her nose shut. With a tilt, the contents poured into her mouth and she swallowed, coughing as it went down.

"Well, you're no fun."

Lilith rolled her eyes. "I'm not wasting a drop of this in my mouth while you're hurt. Besides..." She fell to her knees in front of Pandora and crawled forward, pressing their lips together. "If you want a kiss you can just ask for one."

The reply was instant. "I want a kiss."

Warmth washed over Lilith's cheeks. Time may well prove her wrong, but right now she was sure that her choice was right. That she can be happy. Brushing aside a stray lock of hair from Pandora's face, she leaned into another kiss.

"I want another."

"So needy," Lilith joked, but she wanted another too. Her heart was hammering in her chest, pumping desire through her whole body. She wanted to hold her tight and taste her lips; her tongue. And with her secret finally shared between them, nothing was holding her back anymore, so she took her girlfriend by the chin and did just that.

Pandora offered no resistance, instead mumbling, "Another," into her mouth before their lips had even parted. Not that Lilith planned to part. She would have been happy to stay there, connected forever. To run her fingers across Pandora's skin. To take in the scent of cinnamon, orange, and tobacco heavy in her hair.

"I... I'm sorry!"

The sudden unfamiliar voice snapped Lilith's eyes open. She pulled away from Pandora's kiss and turned toward the door. Stanley stood at the entrance, feigning interest in a painting hung on the wall opposite them, his face redder than apple skin.

"We heard gunshots but... I see you've, um, taken care of everything here. I'll be on patrol. Come find me after you've, uh, finished up."

He rushed out the door, pushing aside a few men waiting outside. One of them said, "It must be bad in there, boss. You look like you've seen a ghost."

"No, she handled everything. We're going to clean up the body on the deck."

There were a few muffled complaints before the voices disappeared into the distance. Lilith's gaze drifted back to her girlfriend, slowly taking in the scene they had presented to the poor man. Pandora topless, lying in a pool of blood, while Lilith straddled on top doing her best to swallow her tongue.

The two women stared at each other, completely lost for words. The silence lingered between them for a few minutes before Pandora sighed and said, "Great, now he's going to think blood turns me on."

Another round of silence took hold, but then Lilith began to laugh. It started as a giggle but built up until tears pooled at the corners of her eyes. She dabbed the moister away with a finger, then said, "Well, I happen to remember..."

Pandora's lips furled into a frown. "No fair. Your blood doesn't count."

Lilith's eyes narrowed, an idea forming in her mind. An opportunity she couldn't bring herself to pass up. She slapped her hand on top of Pandora's head and rustled her hair. "Sure, sure. Whatever you say."

She expected Pandora to pull away, but instead found her head pushing further into her palm, so she continued stroking. "Are you almost ready to head back to the room, Pandora?"

"Yeah," she said, continuing to nuzzle into Lilith's palm. "There's just one thing I want first."

"Let me guess, another kiss?"

"You know me so well."

Pressure bristled at the back of Lilith's neck, Pandora trying to pull her down into her lips. As weak as she was, overpowering her would been impossible. But then, Lilith wouldn't dream of fighting it.